ask again later.

no one made me. i made me.

[e1ght8all]

i realize i just revamped this blog, but i'll go ahead and put jules on @slashaer. thanks for understanding <3

[frightesa]

she should have expected hostility. there was a bubbling resentment that stewed between the two. sometimes andy wonders if it was better to leave - or to be the one who was left. despite her attempts to look kai in the eye, their gazes never seem to meet. andy can remember the person that kai used to be but there's a desert between them now. she doesn't know the terrain, or how she could even begin to cross it. andy ran a hand through her hair, a deep exhale.

"i'm not at his beck and call." she clarified. while abel was the one to call, kai was the one she showed up for. perhaps it had been the months of therapy - or the years of reflection - but there's a want for closeness between the two. "i thought you two could be in trouble and i tried to call you but -" the number had been dead. as was any other trace of them. " - the address was a last resort."

it's hard to see in the low light but the home looked sort of bare in this light. new perhaps. "i get it kai you're angry." that was fair. the anger could go both ways between them but andy had no interest in dissolving into a fight. after a moment andy shrugged her shoulders, there was a sense of hesitancy before she asked. "are you two okay?"

@unbelong

[e1ght8all]

at the mention of their old name, memories wash over julian like a bucket of ice water. it drenches their nerves and causes a rage to squeeze tightly around their insides. julian wonders how andy remembers the last day they saw each other. it must be so different from their own perception of what had happened. even now, jules didn't know where andy or their mother had gone, just that they had left jules with the responsibility of taking care of abel. barely 18, wth so much weight on their shoulders, that they didn't even know where to put i down. and they had tried, for a few years. putting off college to help their father get better, but that's the thing - he never did. even still, he rots away in his new apartment, eating his breakfast cereal with whiskey. but andy wouldn't know that. she wouldn't know anything. she could have the perfect memory of their mother, and jules was damn sure her life had turned out better than theirs.

'don't - call me that,' the warning in their tone was severe. despite being detached from that entire identity, it was dangerous for both of them to use it in any capacity. even in a house that's supposed to be safe ( no where is safe ). burning stare lands on andy, then, julian's breath quiet but shallow as they heave in air, trying to calm themself down. hands remain in fists, now, nails digging into the soft flesh of their palms ( surly, when they unfurled their grip, there would be blood ). the question is a stupid one - of course they're not okay. abel is drinking himself to death, and julian is smuggling drugs for the cartel. andy didn't needed to know that second part - for her own safety, and theirs. 'you think you can just come back here, track us down, and think i'll answer any've your fuckin' questions?' voice is raised a bit now, eyes never leaving andy's. 'fuck that, andy. fuck you. you need to leave. now,'

[frightesa]

@e1ght8all drew the strength card

eleanor is adjusting to their little life. they had been cooped up in their house long enough that it felt normal to nell. there were paint samples strewn about the home and she had decided that nesting was the proper way to handle this crisis. it kept her mind busy, and for that, she was eternally grateful. being in such close proximity to jules should have been joyful, but all she could feel was the stagnant weight of stress in the air.

soft hands cup jules face, pressing a kiss to their cheek, a thumbprint of blue seemed to stain the other. "we have a couple of options. i was thinking this yellow accent for the kitchen though, and maybe the blue in the dining room." head tilted to make sure the vision was aligned before she turned the smile toward jules. paint, in the grand scheme of things, was a small gesture. but it was everything nell wanted to say ; i'm here. i'm staying. i won't go even if you ask me to because we are in this together. turning their house into a home was the only way she knew how to do it.

[e1ght8all]

nell was settling in much better than julian was. or, at least it seemed that way. the ex criminal was now paranoid, spending morning and night looking over their shoulder, unable to sleep, afraid that being unalert would put themself and eleanor in danger. they'd already done that enough. they weren't thinking about furniture or the color of the walls. they were thinking about the gun in their bedside table, and the eyes that linger on them just a moment too long. worrying about what their home looked like seemed like the last thing julian would ever want to think, or care about. but it obviously meant something to nell. she was coping in her way - healthier than anything jules had been doing the last few months. julian should be lucky eleanor hadn't run the first chance she got.

allowing the woman to kiss their cheek, julian gives a quiet sigh and forces themself to look at the swatches nell was trying to show them. despite having no opinion on the vision the woman now described to them, jules listened and tried to look as thoughtful as they could. 'sounds nice,' jules glances over the small squares of color. they could picture the yellow in the kitchen, the blue in the dining room. the thing they couldn't imagine was ever having a home again. as close as they could get with nell, no place would ever feel safe. arm wraps around nell's waist, returning the kiss to her cheek before jules turned back to the mail they had been sifting through. 'whatever you want, we'll do,'

[frightesa]

@e1ght8all drew the lovers

"can't you just admit that we're good together?" all this back and forth really wasn't billie's style. and she could hold a grudge when nursing a broken heart. perhaps it was because she was never truly the one on the receiving end of a breakup. both of her husband's deaths had been her doing, and her divorce from her ex-wife had been amicable for their son. the thing with jules was new but there was a growing sense of fondness from billie. some might call it obsession but she called it love. whether jules was at the same spot as her was up for debate and billie didn't want to push. "we have fun together at least." she said, "at the very least you could admit that."

[e1ght8all]

delusional. that's the first word that comes to mind when billie speaks. there is no universe in which they were good together. in fact, julian had began this relationship ( if they could call it that ), because they were looking for someone who was bad for them. call it an unfortunate habit - so far, they'd gotten themself deep into the crime world, smuggling drugs, participating in severely illegal activity. by their logic, it made sense for them to gravitate toward someone like billie. secrets laced each of their lives, neither trusting the other enough to give a full story of who they are and where they've been. glancing briefly at the woman, jules is well aware of how much more invested billie is in jules, than they are in billie. 'don't gotta admit shit, b,' julian murmurs, counting the last few bills in their hand before they tied them off with a rubberband. 'we both know we're fucked up. dunno if fun really has anything t'do with it,'

[e1ght8all]

i spent the rest of my night making a new icon border, but i'll be here for a bit tomorrow <3

[e1ght8all]

ELIOT SPENCER: MY LIFE'S PRETTY... ROUTINE. 'bullshit,' no one can fight like that and live a normal life. julian had seen enough men beaten to death, enough men fight until they were too bloodied to see, to know that eliot was some sort of hitter. they didn't know who he worked for - if he worked for anyone. the last thing they remembered was eliot leaving to enlist in the military straight out of high school ( leaving them just like their mother and sister had left them ; julian's last line of support, gone ). the severity at which jules stares at eliot now portrays just how much they believed what eliot was trying to tell them. and though julian is well aware he might not be able to tell them the full truth, he needed to tell them something. 'you want me t'be honest with you, right? so - you first,' jules sniffs, leaning their elbows on their knees, interlocking their fingers. 'you better not be a fuckin' cop,' if eliot was undercover, right now, he wasn't doing a very good job of keeping eyes off of himself. @ephemaera.

[e1ght8all]

SEBASTIAN MORAN: OH, DON'T TOUCH IT. THAT'S MINE! people continued to surprise them. sebastian continued to surprise them. the deeper they dug, the more julian realized that he was not exactly what he seemed. dangerous, that - understanding there was more to him than meets the eye meant jules needed to be more cautious. rule number one was to trust no one - they had begun breaking their own rule with the man that now scolded them, and they had to remind themself that no one was safe. 'didn't take you as a gun kinda guy,' julian murmurs under breath, retracting their hand from the pistol that they'd found hidden away. not very well, if they had been able to spot it. or, they realized, they were just becoming too good at knowing when there was a gun in the room. eyes move up to sebastian as he tells them not to touch what's his, their expression indiscernible. 'personal or business?' @gunbash.

[e1ght8all]

like this for memes from your favorite cartel drug smuggler.

[e1ght8all]

like this for memes from your favorite cartel drug smuggler.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION *  assorted dialogue from season 2 of the show, adjust as necessary

i told you i dropped them down the bathroom sink.

haven't you ever spilled a drink?

don't pin that on me.

my life's pretty routine.

when is this thing going to be done?

i remember the first time i saw you. you didn't have any clothes on.

i would've taken you home right then if i could have.

you can't make a deal if you keep your mouth shut.

oh, don't touch it. that's mine!

no one can predict more than a few seconds into the future.

where are we going with this?

i can't be everywhere, [name], and they've banned human cloning.

thanks for noticing. you're very observant.

you showered.

it's easier to get a master's degree than a parking spot on campus.

that would explain that smell.

what's the matter with you?

does that name mean anything?

so how's your new toy working out?

you just made yourself useful.

you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

i don't even know where to start with this one.

any of this sound familiar?

i'm going to forget you called me that.

you're too hard on yourself.

you wanna take a walk around the block? get some air?

i don't believe in rules that tell me how i should live.

how many crusades were fought in the name of god? how many people died because of someone's religion?

always thought you kept your porn in there.

that's not what i was thinking.

i take that as a compliment.

so how do you survive?

i'm that obvious, huh?

i just realized that you and i have a very healthy relationship.

the average american hotel room is covered with stains invisible to the naked eye.

you sound like you're making a commercial.

you've got to get out more.

oh look. one of your friends.

i've always wanted to go there. what was it like?

aren't you going to tell me anything?

how many dinners have we shared?

since when have you been interested in beauty?

what is victoria's secret, i wonder?

if you found a bomb in your car, would you close the hood?

i could have been a rock star.

have you ever been to a swingers party?

[e1ght8all]

muse profile.

real name.   kai robbins, but that person is dead now.

aliases. julian / jules / 8 ball reeves ; ezra james.

single or taken. single. hard to have relationships when you're so deep in crime.

abilities or powers. they don't have any powers, but if we're talking skills - they're good with knives and brass knuckles, they're very sneaky. and they are very smart and can talk their way out of ( almost ) anything.

eye color.   gray.

hair color. black, usually shaved or very short.

family members.  their mother, amelia robbins, left with her eldest daughter, andy robbins, shortly after kai turned 18. they were left to take care of their alcoholic father, jude robbins ( now abel reeves ).

pets.   they had 2 cats growing up, tito and lady. they've always wanted a dog, but haven't had the time or means for one.

something they don’t like.   money, guns, alcohol ( they're afraid they'll turn out like abel ).

hobbies  /  activities. julian doesn't really have time for anything while they're working for the cartel, but they enjoy collecting cds and they like to discover new music. they drive around sometimes just to listen to it.

worst habits. talking back. they like to argue and debate. they don't do it as often, anymore, because they know it could get them killed, but old habits die hard. they also hate asking for help, people usually find them incredibly hurt and wounded when they should have went to someone for help hours ago. a very stubborn person.

sexual orientation. pansexual.

thoughts on marriage / kids. the idea of family has been ruined to them, for obvious reasons. seeing as how there's a good chance they could end up like either of their parents, put together with the fact that even being near them was dangerous, they highly doubt they'll ever settle down. they've thought about it, but it's not in the cards.

someone they love. technically they love their dad, abel just makes it very, very hard, sometimes.

approach to friendship. friendship isn't advisable in their current situation, it's better to keep people at arm's length. and safer. plus jules probably wouldn't even remember how to be a friend, anymore.

favourite drink.   they grew up around seattle, so they like coffee. good coffee, usually black. they also drink a ton of water, but that's so they can stay hydrated in the ridiculous heat.

favourite place to spend time at. anywhere quiet and where they won't be found. abandoned warehouses are good for hiding for awhile when they just need peace. they also like riding around on their motorcycle.

swim in the lake or the ocean. jules isn't a super fan of water and swimming, they'd rather be inside. if they had to choose, though, the ocean. more open / more freedom.

their type. they don't really have a type, they like who they like. maybe certain characteristics that interest julian would be confidence, intelligence, and someone they could have a deep conversation or good debate with.

camping or indoors. they'd always rather be inside, i guarantee this.

[e1ght8all]

SEVENTEEN GOING UNDER: i spent my teens enraged / spiraling in silence / armed myself with a grin / cause i was always the fucking joker. UNDERGROUND: i'm down / i should be on top of the world / but i'm always underground / things are looking up / but i'm making myself down. AFRAID: when i wake up / i'm afraid / somebody else / might take my place. ANTI HERO: i'll stare directly in the sun / but never in the mirror / it must be exhausting / always rooting for the anti hero. KIDS WITH GUNS: now they're turning us into monsters / turning us into fire // easy does it / easy does it / they've got something to say no to. EULOGY: i'm not invincible / i'm not afraid / decisions decided / mistakes have been made. temp.

[notmorbid]

open throat.

dialogue prompts from open throat: a novel by henry hoke.

i've never eaten a person, but today i might.

i try to understand people, but they make it hard.

no one sees me unless i want them to.

god, i can't believe it's dark already.

you know i don't like change.

we all have to work to deprogram our scarcity mentalities.

it's called different things by different people.

which 'hollywood' letter would you jump off?

all i can see is what's right in front of me.

i hear them talk about me.

i'm a good listener.

i promise, i'll just listen, and i won't interrupt or project.

i can't get up. i think i never will.

how did you not feel it? it's a fucking earthquake.

you said not to call.

look, fuck it. i'm coming home.

am i real? am i alive?

i'm worried the ground won't ever be solid again.

it's hard to say how it feels.

phones don't work for me.

who would i call? what would i say?

is there a warning sign for me?

i probably wouldn't eat a child.

i try to keep those thoughts from my head.

a therapist is something i want.

i don't know if i feel good or bad.

my mother gave me a name i can't share.

my father gave me a name i won't repeat.

i want to go to a place where i won't be hated.

my mother taught me to hunt, but my father taught me to be hunted.

i traded old fear for new fear.

that's the trauma talking. it's all trauma.

what scares me most is what i don't understand.

i'm kind of a poet.

god, i need to go back to being nobody.

everything is gay now.

old is fine. i'm old because i'm not dead.

i wanted to die, but i'm not that lucky.

i don't want my story to end here.

i think i've always felt this way.

i'm not sure how to have a body again.

i'm vegan. or i'm trying to be.

if you feel alone in the world, find someone to worship you.

i found a picture of you. you're famous.

i don't believe in coincidences.

i don't trust screens to tell me who i am.

we made it. we're in the happiest place on earth.

you didn't do anything bad. you're perfect.

i would only slow you down.

[e1ght8all]

OH MY GOD

WELCOME BACK TO MY FAVORITE OC, CHUCKLES.

[e1ght8all]

if you don't know about jules, here is their bio. they're my special little cartel idiot who had to change their identity and join the drug lords so they could make money. they're mean and guarded, like a dog. but they deserve love, anyway.

[e1ght8all]

kai robbins julian 'jules' / '8 ball' reeves.

[e1ght8all]

what's julian's favorite carnival game to play (and win)? are there any sounds or scents that make them upset or remind them of bad memories? do they do any weird/unusual food combinations? do they collect anything? what things do they have memorized? are they a dog person, cat person, or neither?

you're the best, i love random hc questions.

what's julian's favorite carnival game to play ( and win )? tbh julian can't remember the last time they went to a carnival. like even as a kid, their parents didn't really take them to any. i'd say the one time they did go and played a game, it was the one where you hang on the bar for as long as you can ( they've always been fairly strong, even when they weren't using that strength ). all they won was a goldfish, so they didn't really play anymore, it didn't seem worth it lmao.

are there any sounds or scents that make them upset or remind them of bad memories? julian's mom wore a perfume that smelled like peonies, so sometimes they get whiff of the flower and think about amelia / how they were abandoned by her. i wouldn't say it upsets them, exactly, but it does make them think of how their life was before their father ruined everything.

do they do any weird/unusual food combinations? jules doesn't eat a lot, but they're very good at finding stuff in their duplex and just mixing it together to make something when there's not much there. like peanut butter and syrup sandwiches.

do they collect anything? they have an extensive collection of cds. music is a very big thing for them, and depsite their duplex being pretty bare and untouched, their big stereo and those cds are the thing with the most personality in their space.

what things do they have memorized? they're good at memorizing things. they have quite a bit of the law in their head. they could recite felonies and misdemeanors to someone all day ( not that they would bc they're very quiet these days, but when they were studying to become a lawyer, they definitely did ).

are they a dog person, cat person, or neither? jules is a quiet animal lover, but if they had to choose, they'd choose dogs. their parents never let julian or andy have pets as a kid, but jules always loves seeing and petting other people's animals.