Young Wild & Free @earthtoelaine - Tumblr Blog

Here I am, alone. All I can think about is the betrayal. I can't help but wish I could go back in time and relive the times where we were oblivious about the future. I wanna go back to the days where Tuesday nights were spent at the drive in, where "going out" for the night meant hot boxing the car and going out for dinner or going on double dates with our friends. I want to go back in time where there was no drugs, no raving, no partying... Is that where I went wrong? Should I have not let it get this far? Maybe then, would we be different? Would we be happier? Maybe this is how it's supposed to end. I'm just afraid. Afraid of what this will do to you. I know you need me as much as I need you, I know you feel the same pain I feel. I know it's as hard on you as it is on me. I know it hurts... so much. I know what you want to do to take the pain away. I know you think I'll be okay, and that I don't care. And that I'm selfish, and ungrateful. I'm no where close to being okay. I'm dying inside without you. How do you go about cutting off someone you had everything with? Living together, spending every possible moment with you. Some songs remind me of our long drives to the beach. Sun roof open, windows down, the sun beaming down as I hold your hand while you drive. I can't stop listening to our song. I'm a mess inside.

celebritiesandmovies

sandandglass

So this is the end of our story.

So here I am, wondering what if. What if death didn’t knock on our doorstep to take someone from him? Would he still be the same person that he was when we first met? Would he still have that innocence to him that only a person who hasn’t lost much would have? Would he love me just the same or more? What if. Once death came and took his family away, he became dark. He became a stranger to me. He would turn the other way in the middle of the night and cry, and when I would console him, he would ask to be alone. I felt so helpless, so angry at the world, so afraid that I would lose the person I loved most. And in the end, it did. But, I can’t blame him. Death changes us, it opens our eyes to the realization that the world is filled with people trying to live happily in a place of such darkness. All the distractions I tried to place in order for us to forget just for a little bit were a temporary fix. Death changed me when it took my baby, it changed us both. Death, grief, sadness, greed.... there was enough of each one for a lifetime, all packed in to two years. We are definitely not the same people we were two years ago, and part of me wishes I could relive all the adventures we had. He showed me the world, I gave him the world. He showed me the stars, I showed him how to love unconditionally. He helped me grow, as I helped him. We both have scars to show and unforgettable memories, and I wouldn't change any of it. So this is where it ends, and I only wish him well. I love you.

mimi-dk

circa 2015

I had practically promised the bed of another male would never learn my body It would never smell of me and traces of my hair would never be found on the pillow of another man’s. I promised the bare of my skin would only know your lips and your tongue and your breath. We said the feel of my own lips would never learn or experience another man’s, no man would ever know the luxury of me. I said I would love the leftover smoke that sticks to your sheets and promised the smell of weed would grow on me back then. Back then, we promised a lot of things. You promised a lot of things. You promised effort and time, you said no woman’s bed would ever learn you the way mine did. You said you promised that time would never carry us apart and as weak as you sometimes felt you promised to carry us to tomorrow when I could not. You said the wind of your breath was felt by no one else and that your hands had majestically sent the image of my body, every dip and curve to the back of your mind, carved and etched into your memory. You had deleted faded images of other woman and turned a deaf ear to the way they breathed your name and this was back then. We promised a lot of things. The smell of marijuana still makes my eyes water some times and as pleasant as the sensation is, it has not grown on me. I carried the smell of old smoke with me every time I left your bed and truthfully there are times when I didn’t want to wash it off and there are days where I wish I hadn’t let myself get caught between you and those Newports. I know that my lips were not meant for anyone else, that the taste of them would only linger on yours, but I met this guy and his mouth beats all the words you’ve ever said. His lips have molded to mine time and time again and his tongue speaks and eats better and he knows the luxury of me. He appreciates the luxury of me. By now you can find the skin of my body, the tips of my fingers, and the curve my waist has found itself nestled in the bed of another man’s mouth. He knows the same dips and curves and he knows the same scars and bruises; he knows my skin and you can bet your bottom dollar my hair is all over his fucking pillow. Now his bed smells of me. It reeks of my body. Another man’s bed has learned me. It is far too late and long overdue for all the time and effort you promised. You go on and teach that girl and her bed the bulk of your body but I can guarantee she will never learn the whole of you. You left those parts in my bed and don’t pretend you didn’t because I can still hear you letting my name escape your mouth in breaths and I know she can too. Let the hour carry you from bed to bar and bar to bed. Your hands will never draw up the same image twice and I know I have touch you so deeply I have burned everything of me into the back of your mind but by all means you can try to do that again. I give you permission to restore those images of women who you turn blind eyes and deaf ears to; I know you cannot see or hear them without the slightest thought of me. Back then Back then I’d have your ass. And you’d hear my mouth and you’d see me cry and I might’ve even begged but that was back then. We didn’t know it at the time, but promises, sometimes they expire and that’s okay.

- mdk.