SANDY YEOH.
MONSERRAT MARCHESI.
PENNED BY JIM.
"What is this called, what am I doing, to myself, to my life, this wallowing, this pondering, this rolling over and over in the same places of my memory, wearing them thin, wearing them out? Why don't I ever learn? Why don't I ever do anything different?"
“There’s this pain in my chest, recently,” the rosary dangling against her sternum is laced in between her fingers. She tugs it, fiddles with the beads, pupils huge and shivering. “A horrible pain. I don’t know if it’s my heart... Or my lungs... I don’t know where... It is. Can you tell me?” Perched upon the windowsill of a stranger’s home, the party surrounding them is encased in green light. So many bodies. The carpet is dingy and gritty. There are broken bottles across the bedroom floor. Scratches in the leather upholstery of an ancient couch. Mon takes the wrist of her company and directs them, places their palm to her chest, the space right below her collarbone. Thump-thump-thump. Against her back is nothing but cold air and a fire escape. She seems lost, here, her hair damp from sweat and sticking to her cheeks, framing her face like a portrait of a woman etched in the newspaper. Displaying her beauty, breathlessly, hoping someone will notice. “Can you feel it? My body? Has it died?”
“Imagine if,” his whole face is lost in a thick billow of smoke, each drag wrung out from the cherried end of a dying blunt. It’s shameless and pungent, and lights up a deep red when a flame kisses it. He tosses the match after stubbing it out against the metal bench underneath him, body slumped against the seat like a doll your grandmother made you out of spare fabric when you were young. No structure. No symmetry. “This last moment was it for you. I’on mean that shit ominously,” Sandy sure does look the part, however, smudged facepaint and long leather trenchcoat, satin tie loosely circled around the collar of his dress shirt like a leash. There’s a hole in the knee of his slacks. “But, really, imagine. What if a red dot showed up on my chest, right now? What if someone was sitting up at the top of some building, aiming down at me... That’s some shit. Some shit... ‘n what’s worse, is when you really consider God as part of the picture, you see ‘im for what he fuckin’ is -- a sniper. Someone could fuckin’ shoot me anytime, though -- they could shoot me. God could shoot me. And I’d be fucking dead,” weak and wilting, he passes the spliff. It’s nothing to be thankful for, already greedily puffed down to bare bones. “Take it and think real hard. You happy with your choices? You happy with yourself?”
struts in with my hands on my hips...... whts all this then. (pinterest)
* CLAIRE COTTRILL, NONBINARY + SHE/THEY | you know MONSERRAT MARCHESI, right? they’re TWENTY, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, SIX YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to DARE BY GORILLAZ a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole DRUNK WALK HOME, LOW RISE JEANS, POUNDING HEADACHE THAT STARTS TO FEEL GOOD ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is DECEMBER 11th, so they’re a SAGITTARIUS, which is unsurprising, all things considered.
mon has been alone fr as far back as she can remember (bt thts questionable now considering her memory has been gnawed down to the marrow by extensive and continuous use of ecstasy)
(tw abuse) wht she can briefly recollect is tht shes been on the streets since she was 16 n life before tht was desolate n sad. other than tht vague recap…. shes wiped her mind of being physically n verbally abused by her stepdad in a teeny tiny apartment in florida fr several yrs (since she was an infant) n all throughout it was never defended by her mom. in fact in her preteens her mom decided to jump in on it out of a warped jealousy she developed over the years in which she felt her husband was paying more attention to treating her daughter like garbage instead of her so she jst…. began including herself in the mistreatment mon was getting n basically verbally harassing her every day after school……. it worked in terms of forming a bond between her parents in a sick n worrying way bt was so so so crippling n horrible to mon
so wht really matters is whts in the present. dont even think abt learning much of her backstory because she cant recall any of her childhood except for those small granules tht lead to nowhere / provide no better understanding of who she is today n just send her spiraling since none of it makes any sense anymore. i think the one moment she will never b able to erase frm her mind however is when he (stepdad) smashed his cigarette into her mac n cheese n told her to eat it. she just sat and stared at it and cried
(tw homelessness) mon doesnt even remember running away. she mightve been dropped off fr all she knows…. cant pin any of her memories of going to school as a kid down even….. has kind of been an unidentifiable blip on the map since becoming homeless
tht being said… without a parent or guardian shes been fending fr herself n was a street rat fr such a long time. doesnt hav a drivers license or a ssn or even any form of ID. no credit card or debit card. knows her name n date of birth n buys flip phones frm the grocery store to keep in contact w people xx pays in all cash n coins xoxo
jump to now…. mon is technically homeless bt is content. lives on the beach n is more than happy with it. sometimes just sleeps on the sand bt has a trailer parked underneath a dock thts been getting threatened to be removed fr months now (she dsnt care). its decorated with all types of lights that shes found thrown out or at the thrift store n it glows so bright u can see the neon colors thru the boards of the dock above it. has lawn chairs in frnt of the door n a big cartoonish padlock on the door. she wears the key arnd her neck
(tw affair mention) personality wise shes vry naive n playful. part of this is the E bt a lot of it is wanting to feel like life is worth living even in the rough parts — shes found tht tht aspect of her can also be misconstrued as carefree n has gotten mingled with a handful (or three) of men tht take advantage of her untroubled nature to forget all of their responsibilities. at the moment she has an ongoing affair w a married man named hank who helps her stay on her feet by giving her money every month or two in an envelope with a big wax stamp on it. its nothing major bt it helps
(tw sexual content + drug use) mon kind of has a reputation bt i dont think shes aware of it. im sure a lot of locals bully her or pick on her fr it behind her back…. they kind of mistake her for a bit of a nymphomaniac bt she doesnt consider it tht way at all. things jst spun out of control the more n more she was using E (and other similar drugs) to get by n now being reliant on it she just gives in to urges n will sleep w just abt anyone. it turns out fine most of the time bt sometimes she just crashes on the way to their place n becomes this vacant girl tht doesnt speak or do much of anything. in one of these instances she n some dude were abt to hookup bt she crashed on the way to his apartment n he pulled ovr n pushed her out of the passengers seat onto the sidewalk. she jst laid there until the morning w her heels kicked off n scrapes all over her elbows n knees
so shes known fr many of these instances…. security guards finding her sprawled out on the asphalt of a parking lot or at the bottom of a staircase of a motel she doesnt know. its rly depressing
this is more of a recent chara arc bt has gone a little more loopy than usual after having a really strange night on the beach where she is genuinely convinced she ws abducted by aliens. believes it to her core. thinks something is wrong with her n probably hasnt eaten much at all n is unwilling so.... she just nibbles on things n then leaves them be. its rly not set in stone wht happened n whether she jst had a bad trip or did too much of something or if it was rly truly something tht happened bt...... yea im.... adding this in there....
ANYWAY…….. moving on from this sad sad sad stuff…. mon is notably a lovebug shes vry sweet n kind n she works shifts at fannies every two weeks or so / whenever ppl call out. she loves ppl she loves partying n dancing n she is fun. has no defined sexuality n questions gender a lot so considers herself nonbinary bt uses she/her/they/them. a bit odd and kind of unaware of wht is appropriate n what isnt (several instances of wearing bikinis n a pair of sneakers to shop for a loaf of bread n some lemonade) bt she means well
chara inspos r cassie ainsworth (skins), layla (buffalo ‘66), amélie (amélie), holly golightly (breakfast at tiffanys), maggie pollitt (cat on a hot tin roof)..... n somewhat sally (nightmare before christmas).....
has a black kitten named shanks tht she litchrally considers her child. takes better care of him than she takes of herself n brings him places cradled in her arms like a baby
anywho….. i rly recommend checking out mons pinterest tht i linked up there i feel like mayb having visuals of the vibe will help piece together her personality xoxoxo
anyway….. give me ALL the plots ANY plot u cld ever want i will hand to u in a matter of seconds the writing will just manifest at my will….. i still have a lot of things to figure out with mon bt i love her n i hope u all will too
slurps u all up n lets my tongue hang out of my mouth like a st bernard..... its i... jim. finally got this up n after chipping away at this block of blank space like a precious ice sculpture melting away as i take my sweet time..... im sry my sexies..... as u kno jst yell at me to plot n ill scramble up to u with my grubby little paws n offer u access to all of my brain at ur request..... this has suddenly turned into some sort of sick n twisted hannibal lecter rp....... also check out this one (1) somewhat suitable gif i found.... r u kidding me.... (pinterest)
* ÉMILE WOON, NONBINARY + HE/THEY | you know SANDY YEOH, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a little bit over SIX MONTHS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to FALLING BY JULEE CRUISE a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole CAUGHT IT ALL ON CAMERA, MISSING FROM YOUR OWN EXISTENCE, LEFT THE BACK DOOR OPEN JUST TO SEE IF ANYTHING WOULD HAPPEN thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is JANUARY 17th, so they’re a CAPRICORN, which is unsurprising, all things considered.
(tw cancer mention) fr as much of a childhood as he got, sandy had it relatively good. not in all aspects but the sense of support n love was there.... his mom had been diagnosed w cancer arnd the age of five bt he wasnt aware of that until much later in life — his dad was hardly home tryin to make ends meet bt was around when it mattered!!! overall they werent well off whatsoever bt they had stable places to stay when things were tough (his grandparents house in new jersey and/or his aunt n uncle in irving)
(tw arson, head injury, break-in/robbery, murder, death mention, rehab mention) arnd the age of 13 is when things go downhill. its a home robbery turned freak incident. three men break in n it jst all goes so bad... they thrash his aunt n uncles house n get caught jacking the television by sandy wanderin downstairs to grab a cup of water in the middle of the night. to put it short they straight pistol-whip him in panic n shove out the back door him down a flight of stairs n lock it leavin him in the mud. the three of em end up setting the whole place on fire n making it out w his aunts fine china etc etc..... n leaving everyone in the house to die. so there goes everyone in his immediate family. hes taken to the hospital a few states away back under his grandparents care bt they r ruled unfit to look after him on their own by the court. hes put into a boys rehabilitation home w visitations every week
(tw crime affiliation mention, allusions to murder, death row mention) police determine the whole thing having been planned. the only piece of evidence they hav for tht is the fact tht everyone bt sandy was sedated before the fire was set. its speculated tht his aunt n uncle were mixed up in some shady stuff bt since everything was gone in the fire its not known fr sure (or is it....). intent remains unsolved bt they caught one of the guys a few yrs later n hes still incarcerated to this day n is on death row
(tw rehab mention, suicide mention, ptsd mention, memory loss) his teenage yrs are spent in the "friendship forever" rehab center all the way in new jersey baby...... even after he recovered frm the physical injury the head trauma n the incident itself caused severe memory loss frm ptsd.... his counselors n other buddies in there helped him a lot. they started this system of recording things on this janky donated camcorder n replaying everything tht happened the prior day in the morning as a recap (this is something he still does to this day and by now has years of his life on tape). one of his friends in there was always coming up with ways to cope n function as normal as possible (or at least making a normalcy out of when the issue is u can hardly remember wht u ate fr breakfast or ur mothers maiden name fr example). they wld make little movies n such w those tiny green soldiers to put throughout sandys "daily video log" to make it more fun. his friends name was damien n they were rly close bt he ended up passing when sandy was 17.... he didnt rly realize until weeks later n thought maybe damien had jst been released bt... he actually jst didnt even remember learning his bff has taken his own life because he deleted the file of the whole day off his camera since he was so heartbroken. thts the only time hes ever deleted anything n now tht whole thing is jst a painful cloudy mess
(tw death mention) he lived w his grandparents after being released at 19 bt they soon passed as well. sandys basically surrounded by death at this point. he is the only speaker at the funeral. its rly sad. he lives in their house fr a bit bt its eventually foreclosed bc he has no funds to keep it n is forced to sell their belongings as well. he has all the picture books they had n his grandpas old suit / a few pieces of his grandmas jewlery bt the rest was pawned.
so cut to now n hes just travelled frm state to state by bus frm NJ. just goes where the breeze takes him. lives in motels fr the most part bt sometimes crashes on park benches jst fr fun bt he doesnt sleep much at all
character inspos r tony stonem (skins), neil mccormick (mysterious skin), he zhiwu (fallen angels).... prbly some more im forgetting bt. these r the ones tht rly matter atm
odds n ends down here.... sandy wears white face paint n makeup every day.... its kind of a way to express himself bt also a weird way of connecting to tht whole surrounded by death thing / views himself as a grim reaper of sorts thinking hes special n brings death wherever he goes (throws up as i type this). prbly pretentious enough in this way to see a poor dead pigeon lying near a dumpster n be like.... (fixes fringe cheekily) i cant go anywhere anymore.... BT ANYWAY this face paint / makeup often times resembles a skeleton bt on simple days its a bit more like this. n when i say skeleton i dnt mean like some sort of t*te cosplay frm ahs or anything corny like tht just.... bit more simple n traditional goth robert smith siouxsie type beat
drain gang stupid fuckboy bladee yung lean lover...... parties a lot drinks a lot n is kind of unnecessarily aggressive when u can actually get him to talk. hes a bit vapid and negative n vulgar at first bt sometimes he can open up into these big wide epiphany moments tht lead to nowhere. he has no job n can hardly get one seeing as his reputation is jst terrible among almost every single establishment fr stealing money frm the registers at every retail/fast food/gas station/laundromat job hes ever had (which has been quite a few)..... now? hes a pickpocket n is pretty good at it too. has a lot of credit cards tht r not his. even a few ssn
he is vry quiet n shy however w strangers..... n to unlock tht prick side i jst mentioned u kind of have to have history w him. if u dont good luck even getting a peep out of him without squeezing his eyeballs out of the sockets like one of those squishy quarter machine toys tht come in the little plastic balls n look like ren frm ren n stimpy or smth.
usually dressed in some patched up hoodie tht he draws on n sews other bits of fabric on fr fun. only wears baggy jeans n ties them up with a shoestring to show off the band of his boxers. is a boy at heart n kind of.... immature in some ways. favorite food is salt n vinegar potato chips + blue gatorade
this is a rly new muse fr me but im excited to write him! i have no connections so everything is considered wanted i rly.... have nothing to offer on this frontier bt ill take anything u give me n i love goin off ic chemistry as well <3 ok im so exhausted i cant proofread this or ill jst pass out bye bye fr now n___n zzzzz
My body was plastered in black and red freckles, hair like stitching, cracked rivers of skin. This has not changed. These parts still make my body and yet, this body is not my own, held by other’s eyes just enough that sometimes I look at it unacquainted.
— Naima Tokunow, from “DEVOTIONS RESURRECTED,” Shadow Black
(via lifeinpoetry)
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