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Stolen youth

If I can turn back time.. I would give myself a better teenage experience.

I spent those years pouring alcohol down my throat and doing hard drugs until I forgot how sobriety felt….I should have been going to the movies with my friends and having sleepovers every weekend.

I spent those years being sexually exploited for money and supplies to supported my addictions….I should have been doing minimum wage jobs to gain work experience that would have prepared me for the future.

I spent those years sitting in the back of cop cars with my hands behind my back and spit guards tied to my face……I should have been sitting in school, getting decent grades and making my mother proud to call me her daughter.

I spent those years slitting my wrists, writing suicide notes, stealing large amounts of pills and tying fucking nooses with tears falling from my cheeks…….I should have been laughing, making dumb jokes and doing stupid challenges while enjoying what was supposed to be the best days of my life.

I spent those years damaging myself without even knowing it, when I should have been learning how to heal and deal with my traumatic and painful childhood.

I should have been sneaking out of the house at 2am and having deep conversations with my best friend in a near by park, while looking at the stars…

I should have been happy…

I should have been normal…

I’ve missed out on so much.

There’s is nothing that I can do to get those years back and it kills me everyday.