I’m about to out myself but fuck it…
On my 21st birthday, my best friend picks me up and takes me to a Vietnamese restaurant downtown (about 20min from where I live and I live the closest). Afterward, we hit up a club (about 30min from where I live). I’m dancing my ass off, sweating and having a good time when my stomach starts bubbling. I’m thinking, drink some ginger ale you’ll be alright. It did the trick for maybe 10mins then my stomach starts to BUBBLE bubble. I go to the bathroom and there is a line (of course) and now I’m in a conundrum. Do I tell my best friend to take me home and shit all in her car or do I wait in this line to sit on a dirty ass toilet and endure the tsunami shit that I know is two steps away from blowing up? I chose the latter. I’m 2 people back in line and I feel the first squirt come out. Its wet and gross but I manage to pinch it off before it gets worse. I keep looking around hoping no one could smell or see it and they didn’t or at least they didn’t let on.
So I get into the bathroom and into a stall and it is fucking disgusting. Pee all over the toilet seat. Toilet paper (likely used) all around the base. In an open bin next to the toilet were several used tampons somebody decided didn’t need to be wrapped up. And there is a black substance on the stall door in front of me. I’m about to throw up but ain’t got time. I try to lay a foundation of toilet paper on the toilet seat but you know when you first turn on a water hose how it does that one kind of spurt then there’s nothing before the water pours fluidly? Yeah, that spurt is what happened and I can feel the shit spreading in my underwear. I was also wearing the tightest shorts I own so I’m struggling, knocking around in the stall making all kinds of unnecessary noise. I only get the shorts down far enough to uncover my ass before the shit comes out. I literally shit on the toilet seat then sit down on it because it’s coming out like half melted watered down soft serve under extreme pressure. I didn’t even care. I sat on that toilet shit spreading underneath my thighs, pulled off my underwear and shorts which were covered in shit. I was on the toilet for probably 20min or more sweating and in pain before I called my best friend. Like a true ride or die, she came with baby wipes, Clorox wipes and rubber gloves that she bought from a nearby corner store. She also gave me a spare pair of sweatpants she had in the car. And like a true ride or die that bitch helped me clean myself and that stall.
1. Don’t eat fish before going to a club.
2. There is no reason to stay at a club to shit unless you have diarrhea.
3. Have provisions in your car in case shitting on yourself is a possibility (I do now no matter what).
4. Clean up after yourself you dirty muthafuckin bastards.
turnnoffyourmind
dededos
janainaart
ellievsbear
