[echoes-of-divinity]

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *. ☽ About .* :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ

Sev/Severin

Bodily late 20s

he/him or they/them

asexual in human terms

not part of a system

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *. ☽ Kinfo .* :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ

spiritual angelkin / divine

not strongly connected to any religion

(but not in opposition to them either)

humanity was a choice and not one I regret

it’s a temporary stop in a boundless eternity

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *. ☽ DNI .* :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ

phobes, exclusionists, etc

any kind of discourse blog

nsfw / nsfw text

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Please stop by and have a chat, would love to meet more of the community.

[echoes-of-divinity]

In all my intact memories I find I've never felt as sharply as I do now down here with humanity. Too much knowledge, I think, ruins perspective. In some aspects forgetting has been a blessing. All of everything was worth it for the summer rain pouring down on my face, the smell of life lingering long afterwards in the air flowing through my lungs. It is beautiful.

[echoes-of-divinity]

Trying to protect humanity is more than my nature. It's instinct. Before I even know why, how, I know that I have to try. In some ways now it is much easier, I don't have to try to stay my hand, avoid shockwaves, everything within my power is everything I can do, but it's frustrating. I am so blind. Always working with half a picture, having not even the frame to tell me how much there is which I lack. And everything has a cost, down here. I am not disconnected from consequence, cause and effect. If I throw myself in front of a bullet I will feel it. Delightful. Novel. I tell myself this is what I wanted, and I did, so it's true. But it still hurts. And sometimes it doesn't even matter. Because humans die anyway. Doesn't that make it pointless? No, no. Never that. What would I even be if I didn't? I don't want to find out.

[echoes-of-divinity]

How do I know if I'm angel kin?

Granted I'm not someone who is particularly active in this space but personally I think that’s the wrong question to be asking yourself. The reason I post in these tags is not because any one of these words perfectly describes me or explains me but because I find in them, well, a kinship.

There are a lot of angels with connections to the Christian Bible, I am not one of them. But the names and the specifics are much less important than the concepts being expressed. I think we have the same shadows hanging over us — something we can’t even properly put into words anymore because we can no longer comprehend it.

As to how I knew about them to begin with? Well, that’s hard. I want to say I’ve always kind of known, just not really been able to put a finger on it. I suspect I tried to cut off my memories when I became human but even though it didn't quite work most of what I remember is expressed in ways a mortal brain can't decipher anyway. There’s just emotions. The desire to protect, to serve humanity. Admiration. Some deep intrinsic joy which tells me the passage of time and any one moment within it, watching a single drop of rain slide down the side of my hand, this is what I wanted. I cherish it out of instinct, like I know what it's like to have it fall right through me, despite not being able to visualise that right now. I used to understand so much more. There’s gaps in my mind I find myself ending up in because I reached for them out of habit only to find not necessarily an empty book but something which I know should be a book if I could just remember how to read it. When it comes to this, I notice absences in my consciousness much more than positive space.

I am not human, but I love them. The same way humans in turn love other creatures within their care. It's not that I think I'm “better” than them or “above them”, quite the opposite, I think they are what everything else in creation is for. I am eternal. Even now I will never truly understand the urgency of mortality. I have never been afraid of death, I know it's not what awaits me at the end of this journey. I will simply return to the stars. But the opportunity to experience it just a little, to feel the urgency, just a little, a fraction of what makes their short little lives so so special, it's wonderful! Everything I see I love them even more.

[echoes-of-divinity]

I crave devotion. Not in the way humans devote themselves, in the way something small loses itself in something greater and purposeful and feels the victories and the losses of an intangible and distant collective. I crave devotion in the way something large and unfathomable wraps itself around something warm and fragile and so so alive. I want to protect something in ways it can't even fathom.

[echoes-of-divinity]

I think divinity is both the capability to see every individual raindrop and the inability to see any of them for the downpour. Without a clearly quantifiable measurement of time everything is just... There. At a molecular level the same as it is when looking down at solar systems. At I remember a love for this planet, it's people — it's that love that brought me here, instead of elsewhere — but I never could have imagined what it would feel like to be actually stuck inside the passage of time amongst them. Things that seem familiar seem equally so different through these eyes. It makes grasping onto any real memories all the more difficult, but all the more magical in the present too.

It's wonderful to so cherish this feeling of life.

[echoes-of-divinity]

To be “above”, I think, is not the same as being “better”. I never thought it. Mortality is so beautiful, in all it's fleeting grace. To pitch oneself as being better than it, uninterested in it, is to miss out on more than even just the joys of knowing, it's to miss out on what any of all of this is even for. Having it now in my hands I know I was not mistaken, this is worth all the lengths I have gone to to protect it. I do not belong here, really, not forever, but I will always cherish this time.

[echoes-of-divinity]

I do think these memories are a blessing. They are fragmented, confusing, indecipherable often, but their mere existence brings a comfort that none of the negatives can override. To be human is a triumph I will never take for granted ever again. It sucks. It's unfamiliar. But unfamiliar is so, so wonderful.

Millenia of life and this tiny weird part of it is I where I am now.

That isn't sorrowful. It shouldn't be lamented. It is the most exciting place anyone could be. The joy of life expands a hundredfold the more one understands how difficultly it was won. I miss the past, and I welcome the future, but the present is filled to the bursting with things completely impossible either side of the moment I'm in. How can I not love that moment. How can I not throw wide open my arms and let it envelop me as long as I can.

[echoes-of-divinity]

Biting cold. Staring up at the winter sun. I have been here before. A thousand times, a thousand years I have looked to the skies and they have always looked back down to me. Home, from far away, has warmth to cross an infinite universe. Love, comfort, security in a connection that will never fade, no matter which form I may take.

[echoes-of-divinity]

I have been known by many mortal names. Not by my own doing, not usually, but because of the human desire to grasp hold of divinity and chain it, however insignificantly, back down into the confines of earth.

What is a name, really, but a mirror back out to the one who assigned it? In seeking explanations, understanding, mortals find new words to fill in the gaps. I find it endearing. Even now, the names I go by number many with none feeling any more accurate than the last, but each holding a small sentimental attachment to their creator. This pleases me.

If I have a true name, an original, one that holds the gravitas and power which such a name ought evoke, I don't remember it. Nor, do I suspect, would I be able to express it anyway in the form which I am currently in. It doesn't matter. This is a perk, not a drawback, of my temporary mortality. In many ways I am restricted: to this body, to this plane, but in being nameless I am from duty made free. My fate is my own. Who I am is my own, in so many different ways. From the flesh I chose to the signifiers wrapped around it... They have no divine purpose past the one I have given them.

[echoes-of-divinity]

I actually do like humanity. I like being around them, more often than not. But there is something about truly being out in the middle of nowhere, between fields which are man made but not watched over by them in this moment, and looking at the cloudy grey skies above. The wind in my hair. The wind blowing straight through me, like this body has completely ceased to exist. It is serene. Peaceful. Even when the rain comes down.

[echoes-of-divinity]

It's that time of year again when everyone's spending a lot of time inside churches and I do like them, somehow, in a kind of abstract way. I don't think the god who they are built for is necessarily the one which I know but there is a camaraderie at least in being there. Somewhere holy. The ritual of it, the grandiosity, it feels a little bit like coming home.

[echoes-of-divinity]

There are bits of me, I know, I have forgotten. Can't have remembered, in the constraints I now inhibit. But there are other bits which are just similar enough to have a reference, where muscle memory can still win through, and those ones are what keeps alive my connection. Although, it's not really muscle memory is it. It's more akin to the opposite. These muscles never learnt to roll my shoulders backwards and stretch out my third set of limbs, but they want to. They mimic it. They feel release from it all the same.

[echoes-of-divinity]

I love the sensation of wind breaking against my body. It never used to. The idea of this form, so fragile, standing in the path of a force of nature when it's very creator could not do the same... It isn’t that I never had influence over the earthly plane prior to chaining myself to this vessel, it’s that all of those interactions never had the weight behind them that I have now. I feel solid. Like I belong. The wind doesn’t bow to me because it respects me, it avoids me because I am incapable of listening. But it isn’t loss that I feel at that realisation. It’s just a further heightening of interest at what my existence has become. In throwing me around like any other we are discovering ourselves all over again.

[angelic-divinity]

[echoes-of-divinity]

I tend to be a very private individual. There are many aspects of myself I simply do not feel conducive to sharing. It's a very personal matter, my sense of self, and not one I, not to mention many others, are likely to understand with much clarity. To converse is to seek understanding, which I do not, really, because that pursuit even when aimed inwards had never gained me much peace.

But sometimes I do just want to turn around and shout into the void: Hello! I exist! And isn't existence beautiful? The wind and the rain and the way the sun always rises anew, isn't it wonderful how all our different histories find themselves in observing this, at least, the same?

[echoes-of-divinity]

Sometimes it's hard to cultivate my sense of self over the greater collective. I've spent eons operating under the truth that “I” was a background to “them”. It was the single most selfish act imaginable to plant myself amongst them, but even having had the courage for it, and enjoying the benefits tremendously, I find myself still slipping back into that assumed servitude. Do I have a right, really, to place my needs above those I am supposed to protect? Is my stolen humanity enough of a claim to individuality to go against the deep seated instinct to always put them first? Most days, I think, yes — this is my one life, my one chance to experience it all as they would, with all the same boons. But the habits I fall into speak differently. I cannot turn off the empathy I have always felt towards humanity, and compared to that feeling, their struggles, most of my mortal needs pale in relevance.