edukaition

Formerly a mildly-famous tumblr teacher; now a blog used almost exclusively for overly personal rants. Tech and student data specialist in Michigan who loves to hike, is planning a wedding in a pandemic, and has nearly ten years of her personal and professional life documented here so she can never leave.

[edukaition]

2021

I’ve done end-of-year posts every year I’ve had this blog (since ~2011) and besides reblogging my 2020 resolutions with a big old LOL last year, I didn’t do them as usual. I was in a pretty bad headspace. 

Despite things still feeling incredibly fraught given omicron, I wanted to document 2021 for what it was. I had some huge life milestones (2020 honestly did as well) and they are worth celebrating.

January: Rang in the new year with friends over Zoom. Started the house buying process and quickly became discouraged. Got my first dose of the vaccine and was so hopeful for what the year could potentially hold.

February: More house hunting. Got my second shot. Dealt with a big Chromebook deployment at work. 

March: This was when we lost out on the house that we verbally had accepted, which was a huge blow. Nick’s grandpa passed away.

April: Things started to pick up a bit. Nick finally got vaccinated. We went on our first camping trip of the season and got to see some vaccinated friends we hadn’t seen since before covid. We got to visit Nick’s grandma in the nursing home and I ate on a patio for the first time! 

May: Went to visit my parents in California and went to Joshua Tree. Started going to yoga/fitness classes again.

June: We definitely fell into the camp of people who lived it up in that brief period of time when things almost felt “normal.” Had a big lake weekend with friends, attended a large memorial of life for a friend’s dad who passed away, and went out to the bars for Pride. This was also the month we were under contract for a house that we ultimately had to walk away from due to an expensive roof repair.

July: Started out the month with a quick trip up to Charlevoix to camp just the two of us. Later in the month we set out on our first big road trip in two years and visited Cincinnati, Smoky Mountains National Park, Greenville SC, Congaree National Park, Charlotte NC, and New River Gorge National Park. We had a blast on this trip with our friends Kaitlin and Chris, but as we were on this trip we started to hear rumblings of the Delta variant and it felt like the news was drastically changing every day. 

August: I only went to one yoga class (masked) after we returned from vacation, then stopped for good. We sent out our wedding invites after a last-minute addition of a vaccine requirement. We made a quick trip up north to the UP for my uncle’s retirement party and some family time, then turned back around the following weekend and went up to Ludington with friends for another camping trip. In late August, my mom visited and of course, that was the weekend we were running around to put in an offer on our (now) house. It was the hottest weekend of the summer, Nick was at his bachelor party, and I was running around doing things with my mom ahead of my bridal shower, fitting in family visits while she was in town. My shower was wonderful and we got the house, so the month ended on a high.

September: School started (without a mask mandate) and things were hectic. We went up to the UP with friends to rent a cabin for Labor Day weekend and went to a couple of my favorite state parks to hike. My bachelorette party was in the middle of the month and was a blast up in Leland. Devan surprised me by showing up, which made it even more special than it already was! Just a great time overall. 

October: We closed on the house on October 1. The wedding was October 16. We moved October 30. Needless to say, October was the most chaotic but joy-bringing month. Having all our people in town to celebrate and finally getting to have the party we always wanted was wonderful. We thankfully seemed to hit a bit of a sweet spot in terms of covid cases here in Michigan and we had no illness as a result of the event. It was an amazing weekend and well-worth the wait.

November: Nick went up to the cabin as he always does in early November, so I spent a lot of time getting the house organized and cleaning our old place. We held our annual Kaitsgiving just two weeks after we moved, which was super fun, and Nick started his new job in the auditing department. For Thanksgiving, we went over to my cousin’s for a 10-person gathering. Otherwise, this month was mostly about getting things done at the house and spending a LOT of money on new furniture and house needs (a sectional, a new bed frame, a washer/dryer, etc.).

December: Nick’s other grandpa passed away at the beginning of the month. We celebrated Nick’s birthday with friends and then started to bear down for omicron. We had Christmas with just his mom and step-dad and have stayed close to home for all of break, just continuing to work on the house.

I feel like I missed things but somehow this is still quite long! It was a busy year (especially the latter half) and I’m really hoping 2022 is a little quieter in terms of major, life-changing milestones and events. A girl can dream!

[edukaition]

I need to do a wedding and house recap soon. So much has happened in the past two months - closing on our house, having our wedding, moving, Nick getting and starting a new job, my birthday, etc. 

Tomorrow our landlord is doing our final walkthrough of the condo and I’m turning in the keys. We are officially done with that place - our first place together. Those three and a half years went by so fast and were where we got engaged, survived lockdown, got married, and got married again. We spent some lonesome holidays there during the height of covid, threw some great parties there in the before-times, and really learned to be a team.

The house is great so far but is obviously a big adjustment. Biggest hurdle right now is that we just don’t have enough furniture to fill it but can only afford to buy one big purchase at a time. First up was a washer and dryer, since the sellers took theirs with them. Next we plan to get a sectional for the upstairs living room, as we currently have almost no furniture for it and put all our existing living room furniture in the basement. 

Still figuring out routines and noticing some gaps or changes - certain types of storage or functionality aren’t an exact match to our old place so trying to figure out how to organize things has been a challenge. I know we’ll figure it out eventually and settle in, but for now it sometimes still feels like I’m staying in an Airbnb or something and not a house that I own!

There was talk of closing school for the whole week due to staffing issues and high covid rates but it appears they decided against it. Just two days of work this week and then a five day weekend. We aren’t doing anything, which makes me really sad. Last year we were invited to small Thanksgiving celebrations but turned them down due to covid. This year I would have happily attended an all-vaccinated dinner but the cards just weren’t in our favor I guess. My cousin just had a baby a few months ago so that side is only doing immediate family, which I get but that’s who we’ve always spent Thanksgiving with in the past and I’m a bit of an orphan here in Michigan so they always took me in. It hurts a little. My dad’s side is all going to their other sides of the family and Nick’s side has some unvaccinated people attending so we weren’t comfortable. I just feel a little bit abandoned and excluded. 

Last year I made the whole traditional Thanksgiving feast but I don’t have it in me this year (plus we just had a Friendsgiving last weekend) so I’m roasting a chicken, making some fancy pasta, and calling it good. We’re going to watch the parade and eat cinnamon rolls and then just laze around all day. Hoping to get some stuff done around the house with the extra time as well and probably decorate for Christmas to help bring some joy. 

It’s hard getting older while being only children. I’m 32 and don’t have any kids of my own yet, but the other branches of my family are starting to break off to their own celebrations. My dad is dead and my mom is across the country. I’ve been in a weird headspace about it and my therapist says I have an abandonment wound that just keeps getting pressed on hard. Hoping for a better Christmas. 

[edukaition]

Worth the wait.

[edukaition]

Where has the time gone?

I can’t believe the last time I wrote a post was back in early August. Life has been insanely busy since then.

Since that time, I’ve gone on a couple more camping trips to close out the summer, got through the first days of school, had my mom in town to visit, had a beautiful bridal shower thrown for me, went on my bachelorette weekend trip, and...bought a house!

Yes, we finally found a house. We closed on Friday and I’m just over-the-moon happy about it. We won’t move in for another month (not even going to start packing until after the wedding) but just knowing it’s ours is such a relief. We found out that one of the reasons we got it was that the owners noticed we were the only people who wore masks (they have a ring doorbell and apparently were creeping on everyone entering?).

Of course, the other big thing on the horizon is the wedding. I feel ready but also not? Our house is so full of decor and random things that have to go to the venue - it’s taken over our entire dining room at this point. It all still feels like a bunch of individual things as opposed to a cohesive event, but I’m sure it will all come together in the end. It’s just really hard for me to visualize.

Nick’s cousin is getting married a month after we are and isn’t attending our wedding because he’s unvaccinated. It’s been fascinating seeing how that side of his family has split over things - there’s almost no overlap between the family members coming to ours (vaccinated) and going to theirs (unvaccinated). Ultimately, I’m so glad we required it and that it’s made people feel more comfortable and willing to attend. 

Less than two weeks to go! Now if only I could get my vendors to respond to my emails...

[edukaition]

Summer had been going pretty well, but after getting back from vacation and feeling like the Delta variant news/rise happened right as we were getting back, I’ve been in a weird mood the past few weeks.

Our vacation was great - I’m glad we went when we did. The weather (and bad visibility) weren’t ideal but it was great to spend time with friends. Nick and I went to three more National Parks! 

Work is going ok - I am thankful I am mostly protected in my back office where all of the staff is vaccinated. Our district isn’t requiring masks (unless something comes down from the state in the next few weeks) and I’m frustrated but not surprised. 

The house hunt is still terrible - we’ve really lost a lot of momentum and gotten very cynical/jaded at this point. We are going to see less houses and it seems like there’s always some sort of red flag with every one. Our realtor says the inventory is picking up a bit and he’s closing more deals lately, but it doesn’t seem to be translating directly in our price range, chosen area, and specific parameters set. We are seriously considering taking a break for a few months around the wedding because the stress of it all (basically being a second job) has really taken a toll on us both.

As for the wedding, we officially sent out invites on Saturday. We are requiring guests be vaccinated, which I’m sure is going to cause some minor family drama. However, at this point, I care less about the handful of people who might be offended/excluded than I do about the majority who will hopefully feel more comfortable attending because of it.

However, I don’t really have high hopes for people even coming at this point, tbh, if my shower or Nick’s bachelor party are any indication. It feels like we just missed our window of opportunity when people cared and now it’s gone, as everyone has moved on with their lives. It feels like it’s on us to be the bigger people, not take any of this personally, and just grin and be grateful for things that would have been completely different without covid ruining everything.

Of Nick’s groomsmen, only two are going on his Bachelor party weekend. There were 35 people invited to my bridal shower later this month and apparently only 14 confirmed guests. It’s hard not to feel a little sad knowing that if 2020 had gone as planned, this all would be long over and much more “normal”. I feel so selfish - I just wanted to gather with the women in my life and feel a little special for one day but the cards for the past year and a half just really have not been in my favor. 

In somewhat related news, I started a new anti-depressant a couple weeks ago. I have a follow-up soon and I really don’t know if it’s working. I feel like I’ve gotten in such a rut from things not going my way these past 18 months that I just can’t seem to climb out, no matter how much therapy I do or how many pills I take. I just want something to come easily for me again. 

[edukaition]

When you just wanted to be a bride and not an amateur public health administrator...

[edukaition]

This weekend felt like such a bizarre re-introduction into normalcy (in a good way!). Between an indoor hang with vaccinated friends on Saturday and a little patio hopping yesterday, it’s nice to finally feel some semblance of the way life used to be. I’m becoming more comfortable with only focusing on what I can control - I still wear my mask at the grocery store or in larger crowds but I’m constantly reminding myself I am protected. 

The next two weeks at work are always a killer as we close out the school year and my boss is increasingly driving me crazy. While him being laid-back benefits me in some ways (I can easily take time off or leave early for appointments, etc.), he insists on flying by the seat of his pants and when I bug him for details or firm answers on things, he either waffles or deflects. I’ve had bosses like in the past, but to be frank, they let me take the reigns and make things run smoothly. He won’t, so I just watch a car crash repeatedly while knowing he’s setting himself up for failure. It’s infuriating. 

A different district (nowhere near where we’re house-hunting) posted my exact job for 20K more than I make now, so I’m certainly on the lookout if anything opens up in the area (it’s a well-known fact that my county is vastly underpaid in comparison to others). It sucks because I like WHAT I do, but this department is a mess and after having been somewhere where things run smoothly, it’s all the more obvious when they don’t! He truly just doesn’t get it and will make things harder for himself to avoid having to tell someone what to do.

Here’s to a short week and a more normal summer on the horizon.

[edukaition]

Just a little Friday night check-in after an insanely busy week.

The house process continues to be a gaping black hole of time and morale. We came in second last weekend on one that we really liked and yet again, we were beat by someone who waived the inspection and the appraisal gap. We just do not have that much liquid cash to throw around right now with the wedding on the horizon and I don’t know if these people are just crazy rich or stupid. It seems to always be that or all cash. When people talk about their own house buying processes, I just can’t relate at all. It’s merciless to hear someone say “oh we just walked into the house and knew it was the one!” or “we lost out on one offer and it was so sad!” when we’ve been at this for four months now and have seen plenty of houses that we wanted to be “the one” that we lost out on at this point.

The worst part of this week was that our pre-approval expired so we had to reapply and it put another hard inquiry on our credit. It feels like we’re being kicked while we’re down and being punished for not finding a house fast enough - as if we wanted to spend our entire spring on a roller coaster of hope constantly followed by disappointment. 

In other news, I flew on a plane this week for the first time since February 2020! I visited my parents in California and saw them for the first time since September 2019. I burst into tears when I saw them picking me up from the airport, but by the third day I was already ready to go home. I have so many complicated feelings about our relationship and what’s evolved to be these past few years. In many ways, we’re just on such different wavelengths despite them meaning well. I could fill pages and pages with examples. Going without Nick was nice but I did miss having a buddy when things got tough. We drove out to Joshua Tree but mostly drove around and stopped at viewpoints. I did find a couple of small, fairly level hikes they could do but can’t wait to go back with Nick and do the park our way. The second day we drove down to the Salton Sea (which I warned them was not a touristy type place in the way they would like, but they wouldn’t listen) - my step-dad wouldn’t pull over anywhere, which was super frustrating in the backseat. I also found a couple of cool places to try to eat on a patio, but they picked a fairly boring golf course restaurant. I think I just need to accept that our tastes and interests are not going to be aligned and I know it’s usually easier to just go with the flow, but it’s frustrating that they often don’t make any plans, ask me to figure things out, then reject my ideas and go with very mainstream/boring choices. 

Regardless, the trip was worth the hassle. I got some nice one-on-one time with my mom, which is rare, and established some boundaries with her that I needed to discuss in person. The flight out there I felt very safe and was fine, but the flight home was a full-on nightmare. My first flight was delayed, which made me miss my connection. The airline couldn’t rebook me home directly, so I had to take an additional layover to Miami and ended up on a plane full of sunburnt trash coming home to Michigan from Florida with their masks under their noses. Both of my other flights were ALSO delayed and one had to be completely deplaned, meaning we were all set and ready to go and then had to get off, walk across the terminal to another gate, and start the process all over again. When all was said and done, I was supposed to get back to Detroit at 4 pm and got home at 3:30 am (I had left my parents at 4:30 am). It was both the longest day I’ve had in a long time while also a complete nothing of a day. 

On the bright side, I consumed some great content on the trip. I watched Ted Lasso, which was absolutely delightful (now Nick and I were rewatching it together) and I read Educated, which was incredibly captivating. I got it for Christmas from Nick’s mom a few years back and hadn’t ever picked it up. I’m so glad I did. Highly recommend!

Anyway, this is looooong and I didn’t even get into work or wedding stuff. Another time I guess!

[edukaition]

We are literally never going to find a house. I will be house hunting when I am a million years old, just losing out on offers every week until I die.

I am so sick of this constant cycle of disappointment.

[unabridged-tomes-deactivated202]

[edukaition]

I sound like a broken record every time I post here!

We still haven’t found a house. We’ve lost out on four offers now and a lot of what we’re seeing in our price range is either too far of a commute, needs significant work, or has some other sort of compromise that makes it not worth it. There’s also just so little inventory - we’ve been house hunting for FOUR MONTHS now and have gone to see only 20 houses in person (it feels like a lot because the actual driving back and forth is exhausting (especially having to drop everything at any moment since things get gobbled up so quickly) but it’s also just slim pickings tbh). I am getting so resentful of people attempting to give advice who aren’t buying in this current market and telling me things I either already know or just don’t carry the same weight they did a few years ago. I just want to move forward with our life after this past year. We already had our original wedding ruined by covid, I would love for just one of our life milestones to not be some sort of test of perseverance. 

My car lease is up at the end of the month and I can’t get a new car until we close on a house, so we’re about to be a one-car family. We also have the wedding coming up and I would love to be able to better plan what our money situation is going to look like going into that (so we can decide on some upgrades, etc.) but until we know what price point we end up buying at, that’s impossible to know. Obviously, as with almost everything in my entire life, things are not going at all as I planned. 

Our realtor had to give us like a mini therapy session yesterday because we are just getting so discouraged. It’s just been...a lot.

On the bright side, I went out to eat (on a counter service patio) for the first time in 14 months and I also got a professional haircut. We are spending time indoors now with other vaccinated friends/family. I might fly out to see my mom soon, who I haven’t seen since September 2019. Cases in Michigan are going down some, despite my continued frustration with all the idiots who refuse to get the vaccine and won’t do their part in helping to protect others.

[edukaition]

Michigan’s Covid Wards Are Filling Up With Younger Patients

Even as vaccines roll out, more younger people in Michigan are being hospitalized than at any other point in the pandemic. And they’re coming in sicker.

I’m truly angry today. People are so selfish. I find myself bubbling with rage and near tears every time someone merely mentions a person who refuses to get vaccinated. Like are we not living in the same reality????

[edukaition]

I felt myself really relying on my phone as a soothing tool in the wake of the house drama this week, so I decided I needed a break again. I deleted IG off my phone for the holiday weekend and am only checking Facebook on a computer a few times a day (and then, only using it to check my Facebook groups, particularly the large one that I mod). 

Since last night, I have done an entire 1,000 piece puzzle by myself and read around 200 pages in a book I’ve slowly been working through. The amount of time that I regained is honestly wild to me. Granted, I had the day off work too but I was out running errands for a good chunk of the afternoon.

Tomorrow we’re going to see a new house and it honestly feels like I’m trying to get over an ex and have to brace myself for a first date. I’m not putting a lot of hope on this one because our realtor already mentioned it was a “hot home” and in this market I’m sure we stand very little chance. 

I don’t know if I ever wrote about it here (probably?) but I injured my right foot in summer 2019 in a very stupid way (Nick even laughed at me at the time when I fell because it was ridiculous - my pants literally fell down at the same time). I didn’t stay off of my toes nearly enough that summer between yoga and hiking and have had ongoing pain in them ever since. This was a bit of a wake-up call for me in terms of my body just not healing like it used to when I was younger - (I’ve broken over half my toes thanks to a combo of being a former pointe ballerina and being clumsy). 

We’ve done x-rays, an MRI, some steroid related medications, and today I got a couple of shots in the nerves between my toes. My whole foot feels so weird now! I go back in a month to see if it has done anything and then at that point, I’ll have to start physical therapy if I feel like I can’t just live with it. 

Finally, I'm very relieved the CDC is saying it’s safe for vaccinated people to travel, even if they’re still saying to limit travel to essential functions and not leisure. I’m hopeful I might be able to see my mom soon, who I haven’t seen in a year and a half. 

On the flip side, the NYT keeps a running tracker of the metro areas with the highest average case rate over the past two weeks and of the current top ten, seven of them are in Michigan, including the city we live closest too. I wish people would stop being so selfish - it’s part of why I had to take my social media break - a second pandemic Easter alone while others act reckless is just too much to handle. 

Nick has gotten his first shot, as have his parents, so we’re looking forward to being able to celebrate Mother’s Day together when everyone will be fully vaccinated. It’s a small thing, but it’s something attainable for now. 

[edukaition]

We’ve been house hunting for just over two months now. The roller coaster of making offers, getting rejected, and getting back up again has been exhausting and mixed with constant simmering rage about people being idiots re: covid, I’ve been on edge.

On Monday we toured a beautiful home that we both loved - it’s probably been our favorite we’ve seen throughout the entire process. Yesterday morning our realtor called and told us it was ours! We got it! He would send over the paperwork for us to sign shortly.

Two hours later he calls again, I assume to go over the paperwork. Instead he tells me that literally between the time they verbally accepted our offer and them getting the paperwork in order, someone else put in a higher offer in cash. 

We upped our offer again (even using an escalation clause) but it didn’t matter. We lost out on a house that earlier that day we were told was ours. 

I feel so defeated. This is a million times worse than just losing outright. The cruelty of these sellers reneging on a couple of first-time homebuyers whose wedding was already unfairly ruined and instead selling the house to someone who apparently just has a quarter of a million dollars lying around but decided to look in our price range? I know it’s all about the money but it’s hard to not take it personally as someone without generational wealth. It feels like we will never be able to get ahead. 

I know we need to keep going but I’m licking my wounds today. It’s just not fair. I wish for once something would actually happen to me in a way that didn’t feel like it was some sort of test of my ability to persevere. 

[edukaition]

Cause for optimism

It’s been warm enough this week that I’ve gone for a walk nearly every day.

Michigan just announced it will open availability to all adults on April 5. What this will look like in terms of availability remains to be seen, but if it’s indication of expected inventory, I’m hopeful.

We’re going to see two houses tomorrow that I have low expectations for and am not freaking out about.

Just booked campsites for our first out-of-state travel in July. What this trip will actually look like will be highly dependent on the state of covid/vaccines but it’s nice to have something to plan and look forward to.

As of tomorrow, I’ll be two weeks past my second dose and officially considered fully vaccinated!

Our wedding...might actually be able to happen? (this is me being very cautious here)

Today was the anniversary of my last normal work day last year, though I did socialize with people through that weekend (taking what now feel like comically silly “precautions” in retrospect based on what we know of the virus now). It feels good to have some actual hope to hold on to one year later, even if it’s hard to think about all that was lost in the interim. 

[edukaition]

Nick’s grandpa passed on Sunday and the funeral was today. It’s been a heavy month with a lot of loss and grieving during covid is hard and weird - is it ok to give hugs with your masks on? who makes it on the VIP list for the 25-person gathering limit? and honestly - I’m used to family funerals that extend into late night drinking and long days hanging out at the house, none of which is possible right now. Both for this one and our close friend’s dad, a memorial party will tentatively happen this summer. Thankfully with case rates continuing to drop and vaccines rolling out, it’s looking like those should be good to go.

It’s also looking increasingly likely that our wedding may be able to happen, which is hard and weird on its own level. I’ve been so avoidant about it because it just hurts so bad to even think about getting my hopes up again but there are a few things I need to accomplish soon to stay on track if it’s actually going to happen. I need to reconcile in my brain some aspects of it that are just not going to be the same as they would have been in a pre-covid world, while knowing I should just be thankful it can even happen at all (it really sucks, to be honest, to have to feel obligated to feel GRATEFUL when so much has been lost).

Nothing else going on here. We put in an offer in a house and lost and ever since, every other house just seems to have at least one thing too wrong with it for me to feel comfortable moving forward while I conversely am getting more and more anxious to have this figured out. I really don’t want to have to ask our landlord to let us go month-to-month when our lease is up and I wanted to be in something before the summer, but the likelihood of that is shrinking with every passing day. I just keep trying to remember that more houses will be posted once it’s truly spring here.

[edukaition]

Tomorrow I get my second vaccine dose (it was supposed to be last Saturday but the winter weather delayed the shipment). My parents got their first this week too. I’m really hoping things keep ramping up and cases keep going down - I’m staying relatively optimistic about things lately but am still feeling extremely cautious at the same time.

Work has been chaotic and involved so many ups and downs lately. I’m coming up on a year there (which I truly cannot believe because...what is 2020?) and I still don’t feel like I have my footing at all. My manager and I have extremely different styles and his laid backed, fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants attitude is enough to drive me crazy some days. I’m committed to sticking it out for another year or two because I do think it will be different once things go back to “normal” and I’m gaining a lot of good skills, but I really miss my old job and my old coworkers a lot.

We’re going to see another house tomorrow - this one has a lot of promise. It’s not exactly what we wanted but ticks a lot of boxes. It’s such a balancing act of FOMO, mitigating expectations, etc., etc. etc. Fingers crossed on this one!