Hi!! I hope you’re having a good day!! I have a request for law with a jealous reader, I love some good hurt/comfort. Thank you!!
okay i'm so sorry this took me so long! here's some hurt and comfort for you <3
"but there's nothing there, no blade, no wound, no blood. just the unbearable pain of feeling your heart break in real time. you would've preferred a stab wound."
you pull the door open and immediately get hit with laughter, the smell of booze and smoke stinging in your lungs. it's one of those rare nights where the air is sticky, the music is loud, and your captain for once has agreed to a night off. you won't be setting sail till morning anyways, so why not have some fun while waiting?
the crew slowly pile into the dimly lit pirate bar, some directly going for drinks, some aiming straight for the dance floor. you grab a table with ikkaku and bepo, laughing at a joke penguin makes in passing.
and then there's law. who has already settled into the darkest and most quiet corner, furthest away possible from where the actual fun is happening, silently observing the room.
gloomy, brooding, wonderfully sinister, and unfortunately incredibly handsome trafalgar law.
"you're staring", ikkaku informs you.
quickly averting your eyes, you suddenly find the battered table in front of you to be much more interesting than your captain's scowling face.
you don't need to look up to be aware of the look ikkaku and bepo give each other.
it's not like you actually even care that they know, they're your friends after all. it's just that you usually try not to acknowledge the feelings you harbour for your captain.
of course you are aware of them. you've got it bad. but it's hard to come to terms with the pain of being in love with someone who is always just out of reach. just the thought of it is almost unbearable, it stings somewhere deep within your soul.
because you know that harbouring any kind of feelings towards a man like law will only end in disaster. you know well enough that he's got anything but love on his mind. and even if he did you would still be his crew mate and he would still be your captain and it would still be inappropriate.
so you hover within your unrequited feelings like a ghost in an abandoned church, like a fly on the wall observing your very own ruin.
it's easier to deny these type of things. it's easier to pretend you don't have the urge to go over to him, to sit by his side, be close to him.
a bottle of beer is slammed down in front of you at the same time that someone pulls back the chair next to you. penguin and shachi join you at the round table.
"who's ready to play some cards?", shachi grins, but your mind is only halfway present.
instead, your eyes wander back to the place law has made himself comfortable. tucked away in the corner like he doesn't want to be seen. and yet, your eyes always seem to find him.
he notices you looking and your eyes lock for a moment. you give him a small smile and he gives you a nod. just the tiniest hint of attention makes your breath catch and your heart flutter. you're truly hopeless. pathetic even.
and so you sit there, with your heartbeat so loud it clashes with the music, playing cards with your friends and stealing occasional glances at your captain.
the night goes pretty smoothly. or at least as smooth as a night you spend trying to swallow down your feelings for a man you can't have with booze, and losing every single round of cards in the process can go. shachi cheats anyways.
everyone's already half-drunk when penguin swings an arm around your shoulders all of a sudden, and looks at you in mocked seriousness.
"so", he begins. "are you finally gonna tell him tonight?"
you almost choke on your drink.
"yes please", shachi agrees, dramatically placing a hand on his chest. "i can't take the yearning looks any longer."
at that you chuckle and playfully elbow him in the side.
"that's mean", you say. "it's not that bad."
you watch your friends exchange a deadpan look.
"honey, you know we love you, but you're a walking train wreck whenever the captain is around", ikkaku says kindly, like the best friend she is to you.
she gives you a well-meaning glance and you feel your shoulders slump.
"i can't", you sigh. "it would be so out of line. he's our captain."
you drop your head slightly.
"besides", you mutter. "he doesn't like me like that."
and you can practically hear the whole table roll their eyes.
"that man is head over heels for you", ikkaku protests.
"you're literally the only one on the crew he more than tolerates", shachi says.
"you're the only one allowed to go in his room", bepo states matter of factly.
"that was one time", you yelp. "to help him find a book he was looking for."
"even just asking you for help is basically a marriage proposal from law."
"he's -", you're about to laugh it off, before the conversation gets too serious, before you get sucked in too deep into the knot inside your heart, when something catches your eye. or rather someone.
"he's currently flirting with a waitress", you finish.
and the words taste bitter on your tongue, as you stare ahead, taking in the scene unfolding before you.
there's law in the same corner he's been hiding out in all night.
except that now he's got company.
a woman, a beautiful one at that, has taken the place next to your captain, and is animatedly talking to him.
and she's sitting right where you've been wishing to sit all night.
"huh", you hear someone say.
"she's probably just taking his order", someone else muses.
your eyes are glued to law and the beautiful waitress who is now grabbing his arm and laughing and law doesn't even move away, why is he not moving away?!
you try to swallow down the sour taste in your mouth, along with the whirling thoughts that are clouding your mind, but the tightness in your chest remains.
someone places a warm hand on your shoulder.
"hey", ikkaku says softly. "you know that law doesn't flirt with strangers. you have nothing to worry about."
and of course ikkaku is right. law doesn't flirt. ever. you would know.
you're about to agree with her, trying your best to not let your emotions overwhelm you, to stay calm - but in the same moment you watch in horror as law leans over to said stranger to whisper something in her ear.
and she has the audacity to laugh as law slowly leans back, but not far enough, at least not far enough for your taste. you have too look away.
something deep inside you shatters, something that shouldn't even have been there to break in the first place. it's not like law owes you anything. it's not like you lost him. it's not like you ever had him in the first place.
and in that exact moment you find yourself having to admit that maybe there was a part of you, buried somewhere deep inside your ribcage, that thought you actually had a chance. you thought you had swallowed down your hopes of ever acting on your feelings, you thought you'd killed them all with your striking rationality - after all you keep reminding yourself that it's just stupid feelings, they will go away if you just push them down hard enough.
but maybe you failed. maybe the hope of ever being something more to law still lingered somewhere within you. and maybe that hope is what just shattered into a million pieces inside of your chest. and now you can feel the sharp-edged fragments dig into your flesh, your skin, your bones, and god it hurts.
suddenly the music is too loud and the place is too crowded and ikkaku's hand on your shoulder feels way too warm and you can't breathe.
"i need some air", you say, already pushing back your chair and getting up.
"are you sure? i can come with you if you want", she offers.
you look back at her, the first hints of tears already welling up in your eyes.
"it hurts", you manage to press out. "i can't take it."
"i understand", she gives you a sympathetic look. "are you sure you don't want company?"
"i think i'll just go back to the ship."
"okay", ikkaku pulls you into a quick hug before she lets you go. "i'll see you later. be careful."
you stumble out of the bar and onto the street and suddenly your head is spinning so much that you start to wonder how much you really have had to drink.
the air outside is cold and it makes the tears that are beginning to spill down your cheeks feel even hotter against your skin.
it's nothing, you try to reassure yourself. you shouldn't even be upset, even if he was flirting with someone else. it's not like he ever would have wanted you in the first place.
your head spins with thoughts faster and faster as you stagger down the deserted street. your mind feels clouded, your legs feel heavy and your chest feels like you've been stabbed.
it hurts so much that you tilt your head down to check if maybe you have been stabbed, maybe you're so drunk you just didn't notice, maybe someone did shove a knife between your ribs, maybe there's a reasonable cause for your pain.
but there's nothing there, no blade, no wound, no blood. just the unbearable pain of feeling your heart break in real time. you would've preferred a stab wound.
the moon hangs low on the sky when you look up to curse out the stars for torturing you like this. does the sky not deem you worthy of love? does the universe want you to suffer?
you've never thought of it before, seeing him with someone else. but you probably should have seen it coming. it's law after all. he's way too good to end up alone. he has always been too good to be true in your eyes. and maybe you were wrong. maybe he does have love on his mind, maybe it's just you who has never been in the picture.
you simply were not prepared for the reality of having to witness him be close like this with someone else.
you touch your hand to your aching chest.
is it possible to die of heartbreak?
you don't get to finish that thought because suddenly you're overcome with an overwhelming sense of nausea and you bend over in a dark street corner to throw up next to a couple of trash cans.
this is a new kind of low, you think, as your stomach empties itself out.
a few rattling coughs leave your mouth when you try to stand back up.
and then there's a hand on your back and another one on your shoulder, carefully trying to steady you.
"easy", he says quietly as you try to get your legs to stop shaking.
and just the sound of his voice makes you feel like bending over and throwing up again, even if it's just blood, tears and spit left.
but you don't do that. instead you follow the impulse to take a step back, away from him (and your vomit). unfortunately you underestimate how much your sense of balance has suffered from all the alcohol and throwing up, making you wobble so much that you almost fall.
except that you don't. because law catches you. because of course he does.
you want to hate him for it, hate him for showing you such care even when he's the reason for your pain. but you can't. you could never hate him. it's not his fault anyways.
law carefully helps you balance yourself on your legs again and gives you a quick once over, checking you for any potential injuries. in any other situation you probably would have been embarrassed but your head is still spinning and your legs feel like jelly and you really want to go to bed.
"i was going to ask if you can walk, but i think you just answered that question", law mutters.
and then, without hesitation, he steps forward and picks you up. and suddenly you find yourself being carried down the empty street, bridal style, by none other your captain.
it takes you a second to realize what is happening. once you do, you immediately feel your cheeks flush. you try to look anywhere but law's face. law, who is silently carrying you back to the ship, as if it's nothing.
for a moment you wish you could stay like this forever. you wish you could stay inside the comforting dream of being able to be close to him like this, to be cared for, to be his.
but now that the alcohol has found it's way out of your system you're hit with a new sense of devastating clarity.
the clarity being that trafalgar law deserves to be happy.
yes, you want law, but the one thing you want more is for him to be content. even if it isn't with you. you can't stand in the way of his happiness. you couldn't live with yourself if you did.
"stop", you croak, your throat sore.
"you don't have to do this", you try again. "i don't need your help."
at that, he looks at you and raises a challenging eyebrow.
"law, listen", you say. "please."
"i-", you start. but his face is so close to yours and suddenly you're very aware of the way his arms are wrapped around you and you can't focus when your heart is beating this fast.
it almost pains you to say it, not wanting to ever be let out of his hold.
"can you put me down, please?"
"can you stand?", he deadpans.
he carefully lowers you back down to your feet. it takes you a second to steady yourself before you determinedly look up at him.
"i can't stand in the way of your happiness", you say.
law looks at you like you're stupid.
"you should be with whoever you want to be", you continue. "i don't want to keep you from finding love."
"what are you talking about?", he says, confusion flaring up in his eyes.
"you can go back to the bar, i'll be fine on my own, i promise."
law takes a closer look at you.
"are you concussed?", he reaches out his hand to check your head for injuries probably, but you flinch back.
"what?", you shake your head. "no!"
"and why would i go back to the bar?", he questions.
"well", you begin, realizing you have no idea how to say this.
how do you tell someone you love that you want them to leave so that they can be with someone else?
"talk to me", law says in a way that is so soft, so reassuring, so genuinely kind, that it shouldn't be possible for someone who gets called the "surgeon of death."
it takes all your strength to face the man in front of you and be honest like this. but you have to do this. even if it means hurting yourself, even if it means agonizing pain, even if it means picking up whatever's left of your heart all by yourself in the aftermath. you have to let him go.
"i saw you", your voice shakes as you explain. "with the waitress."
something flashes over law's face, something close to recognition, something you can't quite place. it's gone almost the same second it appears.
"listen", you take another breath. "law." your voice cracks. suddenly it hurts to say his name.
you try to look into his eyes but they're too genuine, too open, it's too hard like this and you have to look away. you cant get sucked in right now, can't afford to give in to the comfort of false hope again.
why is he looking at you like this? can't he see how badly you're suffering?
"i really want you to be happy", you say, and it's the closest thing to the truth you can come up with, without completely falling apart.
"and you looked happy earlier", you continue.
"with the waitress", law says straight-faced.
you shuffle your feet uncomfortably.
"yeah", you breathe. "you should go back to her before it's too late."
"why are you telling me this?", he asks and you can feel yourself grow frustrated.
why doesn't he get it? how can he not understand? why does he have to make it so hard for you?
"because i don't want to stand in the way of your happiness", you repeat your words from earlier.
"and you think my happiness will come from a waitress", law repeats after you. "who i don't know", he continues. "and who i told to leave me alone."
"you-", you pause. "what?"
trafalgar law laughs in your face.
and it's the most beautiful and simultaneously horrifying moment you have ever lived through.
you'd probably be offended if you weren't so enamoured with the warm sound of his laugh.
you see, trafalgar law never laughs. and when he does it's usually out of spite, it's evil and threatening.
but this feels like a hug. this feels like sunshine and coming home to a warm cup of tea. this feels like everything you can't have with him thrown right at your feet like some kind of sick joke.
it almost makes you feel like throwing up again.
but then there's hands cupping your face, and law tilts your chin up, his fingers softly grazing your jaw.
suddenly you're wrapped in utter silence. the streetlights stop buzzing, the cicadas stop humming, the sound of waves crashing by the shore drifts away and the world stops moving all together.
there's only law now, only you and him.
his amber eyes stare deep into your soul, glazed over with something you can't name, or maybe you're afraid to. you feel the warmth of his fingers on your skin, watch his breath mix with yours - when did he get so close?
there's ugly remnants of false hope clawing at your heart, trying to pry open what you swore to close off in favour of your own well-being.
there's fear and resignation and then there's the love. fuck, there's so much love and it all comes bubbling up again. because as it turns out you can't simply push your feelings down, you can't will your love away. for the second time tonight, your pent-up feelings come crashing down on you all at once, and the pressure almost crushes you.
"law", you croak in an attempt to make time move forward again, to release some of the pressure of this agonizing silence.
he looks at you like you've just pulled him out of a deep haze. then, finally, he speaks.
you furrow your brows in confusion. his eyes never leave yours.
he sighs. his thumb strokes away a single tear running down your cheek that you didn't even notice.
"i'm not good at these things", he states.
"what are you talking about?", your voice is barely a whisper, shaky and uneven.
there's a moment of hesitation, a shift in the flow of the universe, as you silently watch law contemplate something.
carefully, uncertainly, as if you might break from the impact of his lips meeting yours.
you freeze. suddenly there's nothing in your head but a stark white emptiness, a hot feeling flashing behind your eyes.
and then you kiss him back.
and time starts moving again.
law holds your face in his hands and you wrap your arms around his neck as you share the slowest, most fragile of kisses. it tastes like years of suppressed feelings and tears.
you only notice your tear-stained face once he pulls away. a helpless chuckle escapes you as you wipe your eyes with your sleeve.
"this is embarrassing", you say.
law pulls your hand away from your face by your wrist and instead places his own hand on your cheek, using his thumb to wipe away any leftover tears.
"no it's not", he says quietly. "i'm sorry for making you cry."
you shake your head, about to tell him that he shouldn't apologize, but he stops you.
"please", he says. "let me say this."
and he looks at you with more emotion than you've ever seen him show in all these years that you've known him. you feel yourself tremble.
"i never meant to wait so long to do this.", he averts his eyes and just then it hits you how hard it must be for him to say these things out loud. "i just never knew how to-"
he sighs. law's other hand finds yours, interlocking your fingers between you. then his eyes are on yours again.
your breath catches in your throat. the broken pieces of your heart stitch themselves back together in your chest, just so that your heart can stop beating.
and before you can help it there's more tears welling up in your eyes. but you're smiling now. you're smiling and crying as law tells you again:
he cradles your face in his hands.
"my happiness is where you are. and i should've told you this sooner", he lets out a breathy chuckle. "you're not even going to remember this in the morning."
you lean into him, resting your head on his chest. you feel him wrap his arms around you and you let yourself be embraced by the man you love.
"then tell me again tomorrow."
a/n: was i crying while writing this? maybe
