like we'll never have ...

edward ! twenty 5 he / him

[edwardisms]

⋆ george  mackay  ,  bisexual  ,  male  +  he  /  him  ―  hey  look  ,  it’s  edward  cunningham  !  he's  twenty-five  years  old ,  he's  lived  in  shrike  heights  for  fifteen  years  ,  on  and  off  ,  and  he's  currently  working  at  the  black  cat . i  heard  he's  pretty  unsure  ,  but  i  think  he's  so  considerate  at  the  same  time . can  he  make  it  out  alive  ?

triggers  include  illness  ,  parental  death  .

⋆ london  born  ;  he  resided  there  and  was  raised  by  his  single  father  until  he  was  eight .

⋆ his  father  then  moved  them  to  the  states  for  business  . he  climbed  the  ladder  for  a  few  years  before  a  business  deal  gone  wrong  saw  him  lose  almost  everything .

⋆ after  the  loss  ,  they  found  themselves  in  the  small  town  of  shrike  heights  .  it  wasn’t  as  grand  as  the  life  they  had  been  living  ,  but  in  such  a  small  town  ,  they  found  themselves  on  top  again  .  there  was  little  competition  . 

⋆ edward  didn’t  care  for  his  father’s  business  ,  but  he  loved  and  respected  the  man  enough  to  play  his  part  .  he  was  always  well  behaved  ,  even  when  he  yearned  to  be  anywhere  else  . 

⋆ eventually  edward  found  himself  and  his  own  space  in  shrike  heights  .  he  made  friends  ,  built  relationships  ,  began  living  a  decent  life  .  he  found  out  that  he  loved  finding  quiet  spaces  in  nature  to  read  books  ,  going   on  picnics  with  friends  ,  taking  trips  to  the  drive  in  ,  and  mustering  up  the  courage  to  ask  his  at-the-time  crush  to the  school  dance  .  he  was  a  regular  teen  ,  a  happy  teen  ,  even  when  things  weren’t  always  perfect  . 

⋆ edward  made  it  through  high  school  . woo !  .  he  struggled  through  the  awkward  years  but  he  did  so  successfully  .  after  graduating  he  began  to  work  with  his  father  ,  but  his heart  was  never  in  it  .  life  became  much  more  unpleasant  after  high  school  ,  until  he found  salvation  in  a  relationship  .

⋆ edward  gave  this  relationship  his  all  .  they  were  together  for  three  years  ,  and  edward  could  handle  the  job  he  hated  when  he  got  to  go  home  every  night  to  the  love  of  his  life  .  life  was  back  to  being  swell  ,  again  ,  despite  the  imperfections  . 

⋆ but  then  that  realtionship  ended  .  edward  was  shocked  , dumbfounded  and  heartbroken  .  he  couldn’t  save  shrike  heights  for  himself  after  the  loss  ,  and  that  was  what  eventually  saw  him  leave  the  town  .   

⋆ he  had  no  idea  where  he  would  go  ,  but  a  split  second  decision  saw  him  back  in  london  ,  tracking  down  his  mother  .  it  turned  out  that  he  had  grown  up  only  a  few  blocks  away  from  the  woman  ,  and  the  revelation  was  shocking  and  painful  .  it hurt  knowing  that  he was  so  close  to  her  once  ,  and  he  didn’t  understand  why  his  father  hadn’t  ever  told  him  .  he  supposed  maybe  he  should  have  pushed  for  more  information  .  he  blamed  himself  ,  even  though  he  was  only  a  kid  . 

⋆ it  turned  out  his  mother  was  sick  .  she  always  had  been  ,  that  was  why  he  hadn’t  known  her  growing  up  .  mentally  she  had  never  been  well  ,  and  at  the  time  of  edward  finding  her  ,  she  was  physically  declining  too  . 

⋆ it  was  in  finding  his  mother  and  finding  out  her  experience  and  why  she  had  been  absent  that  edward  realized  he  needed  closure  there  . maybe  he  could  better  handle  things  such  as  his  heartbreak  if  he  could  find  peace  with  the  greatest  heartbreak  of  his  life  .  so  he  tried  .

⋆ he got  to  know  her  extremely  well  over  the  course  of  the  next  year  and  a  half  . he  learnt  all  about  the  family  that  his  father  had  never  told  him  about  ,  and  he  got  so  many  answers  that  he  had  never  realized  he  desperately  needed  .  

⋆ meeting  his  mother  and  growing  close  to  her  healed  him  in  so  many  ways  . it  was  bittersweet  ,  knowing  she  was  at  the  end  ,  but  it  was  a  resolution  he  hadn't  before  let  himself  become  aware  of  needing  .  

⋆ when  she  died  ,  edward  was  heartbroken  ,  but  at  the  very  same  time  he  felt  content  . she  was  at  peace  ,  and  now  he  could  be  ,  too  . 

⋆  he  moved  back  to  shrike  heights  .  it was  the  only  thing  that  felt  right  ,  considering the  updates  his  father  had  been  giving  him  about  the  happenings  there  .  they  were  brief  ,  but  even  so  ,  edward  could  feel  that  it  was  serious  .  he  never  would  have  guessed  that  things  were  as  bad  as  he  found  them  to  be  ,  once  back  in  town .

[guardxdavis]

Davis knew that he wasn't inspiring a lot of confidence, and he wished he'd handled this whole thing differently. For one thing, he would know the layout of the mall better, studying maps if need be. And for another, he would have remembered the store that had called him originally. Alas, it was too late for either of those things now, and he felt the need to say something to make this man feel more secure. "I don't want you to be worried," he told the other man. "I might be new to this line of work, but I was a military man since high school, so I'm used to high pressure situations. And that's not the only time I've had to deal with that kind of thing either." Davis thought of the situation back in Boston, the one that had landed him here in Shrike Heights, estranged from everyone he loved back home. "I might walk with a bit of a limp, but I'm still pretty fast." His hand moved to his right thigh, pressing over the gunshot wound he knew was there beneath his pants, the wound that had gotten him discharged even though Davis was starting to worry that he wasn't good at anything else. Of course, these weren't things he was going to tell this man he'd just met. Looking around the store as the man told him more about it, Davis said, "I don't think I would have ended up in here if it weren't for this mix-up, so maybe it's meant to be. This place is cool, and not just these tarot cards. There's stuff here you can't buy anywhere else in Shrike Heights probably." Davis continued to examine the tarot cards, and he nodded at the other's remark. "I think you're right," Davis told the other. "Hers definitely looks like it's seen use. I wonder if she ever did readings." He realized there was a lot he didn't know about his grandmother.

As the other man talked about his past, Davis said, "I've never been overseas" before immediately realizing that wasn't true. "I mean, I was in the military," Davis clarified, "but I mean, that wasn't a vacation, you know? I wasn't there for anything fun or enjoyable. "I don't really know Desi too well yet," Davis replied, "but clearly you respect him, so that's a good sign. I'll have to stick close to him while I learn the ins and outs of the job. And I will get better at it. That's sort of a thing for me: when I'm not good at something and really want to improve, I don't stop until I do. Trust me, okay?" Then Davis laughed, admitting, "Yeah, okay, I know that might be hard since we just met, but I'll prove it to you, scout's honor." Once they'd moved on to the item in Davis's hands, the guard couldn't help but be amused by this whole situation. "I really ended up in the wrong store, didn't I?" he said, shaking his head. "I can probably find it on my own from here, though I'm not too mad that I ended up in the wrong store. I...I don't know anyone here, so it's nice to meet someone new." Maybe he should be embarrassed by being vulnerable like this in front of someone he just meat, but Davis didn't really care right now. "It's nice to meet you, Edward," Davis replied, and then he raised his eyebrows, surprised by what Edward had said. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Are you not great at your job either? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better?" Even if it was the latter, Davis would appreciate it.

[edwardisms]

edward doesn’t think any less of davis as a person for still getting acclimated to the job still, but despite that, and despite the security guard’s reassurance, he does worry nonetheless. it's simply the kind of person that edward is, a worrier, someone greatly sensitive to tragedy, and ever since coming back to shrike heights and being thrown right in to the deep end - coming back in the thick of such horror - edward is even more sensitive and paranoid than he likely would have been otherwise. "with all due respect, i think most people around here will worry either way," edward chuckles through his honesty, using humor to soften the way that he'd be worrying even if they had the most experienced, highly trained, and competent security team here that were inhumanely void of fault. "but i didn't mean to make you feel like i didn't believe in you," he adds, returning a little bit of the other's reassurance. he's positive that the last thing that will inspire better work from the guard is negativity and being put down. "it's definitely unlike most other places in town, you're right about that. i hadn't even seen a lot of these things in person before working here myself."

"yeah, i understand what you mean," he nods when davis clarifies what he means when he says he's never been overseas. "i've never been on any trips for leisure, any vacations or anything like that overseas, i've only moved to live back and forth from here and the uk a couple of times," he clarifies his own experience. "you'll get to know desi," he tells him. "he's not only in charge, but he's like, properly dedicated to being in charge," he reiterates the general opinion most have of the head of the security team. "i believe you," he nods, and he chuckles, once again not wanting to put davis down - especially not when he seems to have a genuinely good work ethic, even despite the results of this predicament he found himself in. "i know what it's like to be new in a place," he sympathizes. he laughs at davis' question. "it's not that i'm not good at it, necessarily - it's a classic retail position, you know? - it's more that..." he thinks about his wording for a second. "well i'm not the greatest employee here. sure, i can ring someone up, check them out, send them on their way with their chosen products, but i'm still learning how to answer questions. i haven't yet learnt about all of this stuff, so it's hard to point people in the right direction when need be."

[guardxdavis]

As he looked at the other man, Davis thought it seemed like they were both confused now, and he couldn't help but laugh; this was his doing. "I guess I'm still working out how to be security guard," he admitted sheepishly, but luckily the other guy was laughing too. It was a strange situation they found themselves in, a confused man confusing another, neither of them quite sure what was going on for a moment. "So yeah, I'm in the wrong store," Davis said, smiling wide to hide his embarrassment. Looking around, he reiterated, "Yeah, this store is definitely not where this is from," glancing down at the brightly-colored garment he was holding in his hands. "What is this place?" Davis asked, but not in a judgmental tone. If anything, he was intrigued by this new world he found himself in. "Are those tarot cards?" Davis asked, walking over to a nearby shelf. "I found a set of these in my grandma's house. I wonder if this is where she got hers, though her deck seemed a lot older." He wondered if they'd maybe been passed down through the family line, and if his mom didn't want them, Davis thought he'd keep them.

For a moment, Davis just examined the tarot decks on the shelf, but then he was brought out of his reverie, snapping back to reality. "Sorry," he apologized again with his megawatt smile. "When you moved back?" Davis wondered. "I'm guessing you spent some time across the pond, yeah? The last time I was here in Shrike Heights, the mall wasn't even built. My first time here was interviewing for the job actually, so I've been inside literally three times now. They must be short on guards if they set me loose on my second day on the job." Davis had thought it was weird, but with everything going on, he thought that the head guard was probably just glad to have a military man on staff, though he probably thought that would translate into being a good security guard too; it did not, at least not yet. When the other asked him what store he was looking for, Davis looked down again at the item he was holding, really looking at it now and realizing for the first time it was some sort of lingerie. "Uh...well, I don't remember, but...there can't be many places this sort of thing is sold, right?" He felt like the name of the store was on the tip of his tongue. "You think you might know where that is?" he asked. "And my name is Davis. Figured you'd want to know in case you need a guard; you probably should know who not to ask for." Although he laughed, his self-deprecation was just another way to hide his embarrassment, and somewhere deeper, shame.

[edwardisms]

it's not the most comforting thing to hear, that a member of the security team in this death trap of a mall is still working out the job, but edward tries to not let it scare him; if anything, he should feel appreciation for this person who is willing to put his life on the line for the sake of all of the mall goers and the mall employees. edward does feel the appreciation, though no matter how hard he tries, there's still a level of discomfort. he tries to brush it away, smiling in response, telling himself that he's surely competent when it matters - not that edward wishes to manifest a situation where the guard has to prove himself. "it's an alternative occult store," he tells him, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the items he's selling. while edward has learnt a lot in his time working here, he intentionally chose to find employment at the black cat due to how different it is from himself. "yeah," he nods. "if hers looks old or worn at all i doubt they came from here - this store wasn't even one that was open when the mall first opened, i'm told - but it's likely that it's the same thing, yeah, they're more commonly used than i ever knew before starting here, at least," he nods his head one more time.

"no need," he brushes his apology off with a genuine smile. "yeah, yep- i mean, i was born over there too, which explains the voice," edward doesn't want the man to think that he only has such a strong accent because he spent two years away from shrike heights. "but i also spent the last couple of years over there. left before the mall went up in '87," he gives a little more detail than necessary in case davis is still catching up on all of the simplest details about the mall. edward tries to not cringe at the comment about them being short on security; he knows of the enormous loss they've suffered, has heard of the faithful security team members who have lost their lives to the killers, and while all of the security guards edward has known personally himself are luckily still here, it pains edward to know that not everyone else can say the same. "i could see desi believing in learning in a hands on manner, thinking that there's no better way to learn than to try it for yourself," he tries to switch the tone of the conversation to a lighter one, and proves that he knows desi, the head of security, at the same time. "but desi's a great guy, he's been in town my whole life; even my father respects him, and that's pretty hard to achieve..." he trails off before remembering the rest of his train of thought. "so if you need a hand, he can help. he's always helped me," he reassures him.

for the first time, edward looks at the item that davis successfully recovered from the thief, and it's enough to make edward blush; his blush turns deeper when he realizes how lame it must seem, to be blushing over an item of clothing. it's not edward's fault that he's only had little exposure to those sorts of garments, and to the connotations that they often hold. "looks like it's from jennifer's," he tells him. "it's only a few stores down that way," he points, "so you actually weren't too far off," he reassures him again. "davis," he repeats the other's name, as if to confirm and to also tell him that he's heard the name. "edward," he tells davis, a hand on his chest in gesture to himself as he makes his introduction. "i'm probably also not the guy you want to come to when it comes to my work," he admits, though thankfully edward being clueless about what he's selling isn't quite as scary as someone in a position of protection not having their work perfected.

[guardxdavis]

Davis was still getting used to life in Shrike Heights. After all, it had only been a week since he'd been here, and his life was drastically different than it had been back in Boston. Before he'd been a military man respected by both the army and his family. Now he'd been honorably discharged, so the military definitely still respected him, but his family was another story. Thousands of miles from the place that was no longer home, Davis felt a bit adrift. He'd been here before to visit his grandmother before she'd retired to Florida, so the town and the house were somewhat familiar. But everything was so different, and Davis hated the way that made him feel. He'd only been working at the mall for a few days, so whenever he could, he walked around, getting to know the place; maybe if his workplace felt more familiar, he'd be a little more comfortable.

Knowing the mall better would have definitely come in handy in the situation Davis found himself in now. It was near the end of his shift, and he walked into the store with the stolen item in his hand; someone had just tried to shoplift it, the clerk calling security, and Davis was pleased he had managed to find the perpetrator and retrieve the item; at least he could do that right. "So I got it back, but the guy got away unfortunately," Davis said as he approached the clerk. But then he paused, looking around - this was the wrong store. "Uh...you're not the person who called me, are you?" he asked, feeling embarrassed. He didn't know what store he was in, nor did he know where the store he was supposed to be was located. "Dammit," Davis muttered under his breath. "Sorry," he apologized, "I guess I need to learn my way around a little more."

[edwardisms]

edward responds with a silent blink at first; he's confused, completely puzzled, beginning to doubt the validity of his own memory as he desperately can't make sense of what the guard is telling him, or why. it takes until he speaks again, and realizes that he's in the wrong store for edward to make sense of what's happening. "oh," he laughs, not at davis, but at himself for being so confused at first. "no, so sorry," he shakes his head. they stand in the black cat, the unconventional occult store that edward is often told he looks like he doesn't belong in. "that's fine, don't sweat it," he shakes his head again. he doesn't think davis needs to be sorry, he's only human, after all. "this place is enormous, you should have seen how many times i got lost when i moved back here," he relates, the strong british accent acting as evidence to where he was in the time away from shrike heights that he alludes to. "what store are you looking for? maybe i could help you," he offers.

[edwardisms]

interactions with juliet. 

juliet nods and she smiles. “yeah, i can’t say that i’ve ever known anyone else to have a relationship like theirs,” she thinks about it for a moment after speaking, and still comes up short. she can think of multiple sets of parents who have been together since high school - even her own parents - but even in the case of them, their love seems full of more flaws than it is filled with true affection or friendship. “it’s really something special,” she concludes with a shrug of her shoulders. maybe one day she’ll have a special love of her own - few outside of her best friend know that she already has a certain person in mind - but for the meantime time, she has to just be happy for her brother. “i guess he’s gotta be good for something,” she comments on edward’s father, not meaning to sound so genuinely mean, and getting it right more than she knows. 

juliet doesn’t expect edward to know the right things to say, because juliet herself doesn’t either. even while she’s the one telling edward of all the news he missed while away, she finds that the facts come out alright, but not much else. “yeah. that’s noble,” she nods. “and i think that’s all we can do right now, try our best to help while we can,” juliet doesn’t want to say that she believes that everyone will get their turn in meeting the killers, and potentially death, but it’s hard to think otherwise when no end to the attacks seems to be in sight. “no one will expect you to know everything, though,” she tells him. “so while i totally get wanting to know everything - for many reasons - don’t feel like you can’t take your time in catching up. because it’s brutal, too. so be careful, ed.” 

edward smiles. clearly things in shrike haven’t been going to well, for a lot of people that he knows and cares about, too, unfortunately, but it’s extremely nice to hear of something so nice. shrike heights is home for edward; he wasn’t born here, he’s spent quite a while outside of it - and considers elsewhere to be home, too - but it is a big part of him. there are many things that edward doesn’t like about the town, and a lot of people that he naturally doesn’t get along with, people who he doesn’t like, even, but there is still so much in this town that he loves. there are so many people who edward wishes well, and to hear of donnie and finn being happily together - even though they’re in no way close friends - it’s nice. “i’m really happy for them,” he tells her.

he shakes his head when she calls him noble. “nah, i just think it’s... well it’s the right thing to do,” he shrugs. it’s not a special or grand act he’s doing, he just doesn’t like to see pain. some could even argue his desire to help is selfish, as it’s saving himself from pain and trouble, too. it’s not rooted in selfishness, but regardless, it’s not as heroic as juliet makes it out to be. “i’ll be careful,” he tells her. if he learnt anything in his time away, it’s that the mind and the soul can be so fragile; he doesn’t want to ruin himself, just as he wishes to help others so that they’re not too far gone, too. “i promise,” he smiles hopefully.

[edwardisms]

interactions with ian.

“The Black Cat?” Ian questioned out loud trying to contain his disbelief in Edward’s choice of employment. “That place definitely is different,” Ian agreed. He’d been in a few times to pick up incense and hadn’t run into Edward there but it definitely didn’t match Edward’s vibe. Ian and Edward hadn’t been the closest but there was nothing about the other man that screamed “occult” affiliated at all. He must’ve really wanted to stay far away from his father’s business with a job like that. Not that Ian could blame him. Having no parents of his own he could understand not wanting anything to do with them. “I don’t think I’d ever do that,” Ian insisted with a bit of a chuckle. “I’m pretty good at biting my tongue around people who try to boast.” Ian wasn’t one to judge anyone’s cooking or anything anyone did for that matter. It was rare for Ian to care that much to point out a flaw in something. 

Ian nodded his head. He found it interesting that someone so worldly in Ian’s mind still wound up in Shrike Heights at all. London was one of the biggest metropolitan areas in the world after all and it made Ian feel even more small town minded just talking to Edward briefly about the city. Ian of course had more questions about it but he’d keep them to himself. He was sure that Edward didn’t want to answer twenty questions about the place they’d just left to return to Shrike. Ian quickly checked his watch not that knowing the time would affect any of his plans to meet up with Bo but it did tell him just how long he’d been standing there with Edward. “I’ll be sure to tell him, I’m sure he’s going to be bummed that he missed out,” Ian insisted as he began to part ways with Edward. “It was great seeing you around again, Welcome back,” Ian said finally in parting as he began to jog off in the direction Bo had been heading. He wouldn’t be jogging for long but he hoped to make up some of the distance he’d missed out on stopping to chat. 

edward laughs at the way ian questions his place of work; it’s to be expected, it’s a store outside of edward’s typical aesthetic and scene, but that’s exactly why he’s found himself a job there. “i know, yeah, totally,” he nods. “but it’s actually really great there, i mean, it’s still work, but it’s really interesting, everything we sell there, and the people i work with are really lovely - most of them, at least,” he explains. he doesn’t want ian to get the wrong idea - it’s still a retail job - but he has settled into his role at the black cat with pleasure, and he’s happy to share that with his friend. “yeah,” edward doesn’t see ian as the type of person who would run his mouth, not even to those who boast, and not even when he easily could. “but if you ever wanted to,” he suggests, only half seriously, laughing one more time. 

“well he seemed as full of energy as ever, so maybe he can circle back and say hello,” edward suggests, but this time he’s completely joking. he appreciates having had ian’s time for so long, and he doesn’t want to demand even more of the couple’s time when he’d bet that they had plenty of better things to be doing. not to mention, edward doesn’t want to rush into catching up with every single resident, as even with the changes, and everything he has to learn about this new version of shrike heights, it is only shrike heights. having come from such a busy and bustling city, edward doesn’t want to exhaust every source of entertainment too quickly. “yeah, thank you,” he appreciates having such a warm welcome. “i’ll see you ‘round,” he waves, walking off in the opposite direction wearing a content smile. in shrike heights, the smile won’t last, but even so, edward appreciates having had this moment with an old friend.

[edwardisms]

what did edward miss the most about shrike heights when he was gone?

edward didn't exactly miss shrike heights when he was gone, because he felt like he needed to leave, he was content with no longer being there, and he felt like he had pretty much exhausted everything shrike heights had to offer him - especially as he left it before the mall and all of the new changes and new people were a part of the town.

what he did miss when he was gone, however, was the life he lived in shrike heights before all of the changes that prompted him to leave occurred. he missed being comfortable in the sleepy town, he missed his routines, he missed his relationship with kit, he missed not having so many new and complicated things to learn and navigate all on his own. he missed the simplicity of life before hand, so i guess you could say that he missed the simplicity of shrike, even though shrike was far from simple in the short period before he left.

[edwardisms]

where does edward see himself in five years?

with how unpredictable life has proven to be over the past few years, edward honestly doesn't see a future so far ahead of himself. this isn't because he believes he won't be around in five years, that there won't be a future for him in five years, it's only because he's learnt that you can never really know what will happen in the future - near or far. there is a high chance, after all, that edward actually won't be around in five years, considering the killers have been doing a terribly efficient job with preventing the residents of shrike heights from continuing their lives as planned and desired.

edward does know, however, where he would like to be in five years. he doesn't know all of the details, not allowing himself to think too far in advance in case life does get in the way - which, he believes, it will - but above all he hopes to have found love again by then. that's all that really matters to him, that's the future that he hopes the killers don't take from him the most.

[edwardisms]

interactions with ian.

“Oh, I get it,” Ian chuckled a little learning that Edward had made the rounds like that around the food court. He hoped that his effort had paid off and he’d been able to score some good deals with a side of extra leg work. “Where are you working now? Did you get a job at the mall?” Ian asked. It seemed like that was the only facility in town that was hiring anyone so he wagered to bet that he had but it was still nice to ask instead of assume. “I don’t know any of ‘em. I’m probably the best cook out of the people I know,” Ian admitted. His partner sure wasn’t a chef and even though Ian had more skills than most in the kitchen he didn’t consider himself to be a chef either. 

“Yeah, who would’ve thought. That’s impressive though that Shrike was able to make you feel like you were in London. Maybe London’s more chill than I thought it was,” Ian stated. Since Ian actually knew what London was he assumed it to be some big bustling city that Shrike paled in comparison to but if a jet legged brit was able to mistake the two maybe Shrike really had grown up in a way he hadn’t realized had happened. Outside of work Ian really didn’t spend much time wandering around the CBD. Ian checked his watch as if there was a time he should be expecting Bo to venture back from his run. “Yeah I should probably keep venturing down the trail. Bo usually meets up with me further down the path,” he admitted. While Bo would have no problem jogging back to him where he was he didn’t want him to worry he’d disappeared on him. “It was great seeing you though and welcome back to town. I’ll be sure to let Bo know I ran into you,” Ian said knowing Bo would love to hear that another person they knew had made it back to Shrike in one piece. 

“yeah, i did actually,” he nods, feeling surprisingly glad that ian doesn’t assume that he went back to work for his father. “i’m working at the black cat, which i know is absolutely not the kind of store you’d think about when trying to place me somewhere in the mall, but that’s where i am,” he chuckles. “i wanted something different, something... well different sums it up alright, i suppose. something unlike working for my father, though,” and preferably in a store that his father and all of those in the high society in shrike heights wouldn’t frequent, was more of edward’s reasoning for going straight to the black cat with his resume upon returning. “probably for the best, then,” he chuckles again, wrongfully assuming that ian still works at late riser. “i’d hate to see you have to embarrass some phony cook by telling them a thing or two.”

“hmm, i’d probably partially blame the jet lag and how overwhelming everything was upon coming back for the feelings, though,” he laughs sheepishly, not sure london was at all a good comparison to shrike heights - edward having only used it as his comparison in his attempt to describe how different things feel in shrike heights nowadays. “london isn’t all that chill, i can’t say. but the confusion still happened,” he shakes his head. “i won’t make you keep him waiting, then,” edward smiles, thinking it’s just the polite thing to do, not that it’s something he should be doing out of necessity due to how changed shrike heights is; after all, edward doesn’t even know of bo and ian’s experiences with the killers, so the changes the men have made because of them don’t at all come to mind. “please, tell bo i said hello too- and tell him i enjoyed seeing the both of you again, even if i only saw bo for a split second as he flew past me,” he laughs. “we’ll have to catch up sometime soon,” he suggests, not making an empty promise per se, but also not making the moves to organize anything properly. as much as edward likes ian, the two were never the closest of friends, after all. 

[edwardisms]

interactions with kit.

               kit feels it too. it’s so hard to see edward again, and to hear of everything he’s missed out on in his life throughout the time they were apart. it’s hard and it’s weird. despite feeling confidently that the romantic feelings he once had for edward have now passed, he still feels the strongest urge to comfort him, and to help him. they were so close once, after all, and nobody can forget such a special bond. “it would have been nice,” he hesitates, “and even if it’s not okay,” he continues in a soft and timid voice, almost sounding afraid to continue on with saying what he’s about to. “it will be.” he nods his head, sure but gentle. it’s a simple affirmation, but after everything that’s happened in the past couple of years, one that kit has had no other choice but to keep on telling himself. he hopes that edward can at least keep it in mind, as he has done himself.

               as much as he hates to hear of edward’s struggles, he hates speaking of his own. actually, despite how terrible he feels to know of what edward has faced, kit still hates nothing more than having to even think of the trouble he’s gone through with his parents. he swallows thickly, not meeting edward’s eye. “i’m okay,” he tells him. “not all of the time, but when i’m not, i have to remind myself that i will be.” he shrugs. part of him wants to mention the attack, the extent of why he doesn’t feel okay all of the time, but it’s hard to even think about that, too, and it doesn’t feel right, doesn’t feel natural. he shifts his weight from one foot to the other awkwardly, unsure of where to go from here. “but i have a nice apartment, not far from here, and i actually don’t mind working here, you know, it’s pretty laid back.” he doesn’t only say this for the sake of letting edward know, he says this as it’s a good reminder of all that he still has. “have you moved back in with your father?”

he can hear the reservation in kit’s voice, the timidness, what edward assumes to  be is worry over saying anything, but more clearly than that, edward can hear kit’s words, and the care that he wishes to express even after they’ve gone through so many changes both together and separately. it means a lot to edward, to hear that kit still cares to, well, care. with how things were left between them, edward hadn’t known what to expect, honestly, and it’s nice to hear reassurance. “thanks, kit. i appreciate you saying that, yeah.” he especially appreciates it as edward isn’t so sure that things really are okay, at least, not all of the time. kit can still read him well, even after all of this time, it seems. it’s bittersweet, but at the same time, comforting right now. edward doesn’t feel like he has anyone else in shrike heights who truly knows him, and cares for him. 

“is it-” edward begins to speak, begins to ask kit a question after listening to his explanation of how he’s doing now, but he stops himself. he doesn’t know where he’s going with what he’s saying, and he feels a lot of pressure to say the exact right thing, given the rocky and unspoken state of them. he pauses for a while, before he gives it another go. “are you living- hm,” he’s even verbally unsure of his question. “do you have people? support? even without your parents, is what i’m trying to ask in the best way possible, but i’m not quite sure that there is a best way.” edward’s voice shakes slightly, but not with fear, more with vulnerability as he decides to ask his question in such an honest and candid manner. “you’re not totally alone now, are you?” he might not be his boyfriend anymore, but he still cares to know that kit is supported. 

[edwardisms]

interactions with hedwig.

               the bad feeling that hedwig had had immediately as their interaction began came back to him swiftly as he listened to edward tell him more about his family ; the awful feeling hadn’t strayed far , as hedwig was always made to feel completely terrible when the subject of family came up , but it was back in full force as things just didn’t feel … right . it wasn’t that he necessarily thought that edward must be a relative , because as they had established , that would have been one of the craziest coincidences - particularly as hedwig found himself in shrike after actively running away from his family ; to end up in a place with other family was statistically improbable at best . still , hedwig couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going on , something that he definitely didn’t like . he cleared his throat , trying his best to appear nonchalant , but unsure as to whether or not he was succeeding . “ sorry to hear about all of that . ” he shook his head , hands growing clammy , stomach churning uncomfortably . he couldn’t do this . “ hey , it was really great to meet you properly , but i’ve actually gotta get going now . ” he stood up from his seat , wiping a clammy hand on his trousers before reaching for his guitar case . “ hopefully i’ll see you ‘round , though , ” he offered , though it didn’t come out as sounding very sincere .   

"it’s alright, i mean, it’s not, particularly not for those more closely affected, but it’s not something that anyone would need to apologize to me for. thank you, though.” he notes hedwig’s politeness, while also noting the way they seem to get more... distant. he wonders if he’s struck a chord, speaking of the similar, unconventional and undesired family dynamic with such casualness; he thought he wasn’t speaking in an offensive manner, despite it being a hard topic, but maybe even with respect added to the conversation it’s not an easy one to have. edward can’t say that he blames them. “oh,” despite all of that thinking, and the justifying of the distance, he hadn’t expected hedwig to leave. “yeah, of course, i don’t wanna keep you,” he doesn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume that hedwig is leaving for any reason other than having somewhere to be, but he has a gut feeling that says otherwise. “it was really nice to meet you properly, absolutely, and super nice hearing a familiar accent.” he smiles, he’s trying to be as friendly as possible to end things on a good note. “i really do hope to see you around.” he picks up on hedwig not sounding sincere, but he hopes that hedwig can hear his sincerity.

[edwardisms]

interactions with ian.

“You sure seem knowledgeable on the subject, you sure you’ve never ate around the food court before?” Ian joked. It did sound like a good way to save a buck or two on a meal piecing it together from various spots but Ian was fortunate enough to be in a place financially he didn’t have to nickel and dime a fast food meal. Back when he was younger and funds were tighter he didn’t even have the options to eat around. There was pretty much taco bell and the local diners to choose from and that was that. “I don’t think anyone would get offended. I’m not sure if there are any actual chefs in Shrike,” he countered. Even their most fancy establishments like Olive Garden were still a chain restaurant and it wasn’t like the cooks at Late Risers where he worked were classically trained. Ian certainly hadn’t been, he’d just walked in and learned how to cook breakfast on the job. 

Ian was glad to hear that someone like Edward who’d been gone from Shrike for a while still could see the old town despite all the changes that had occured. It helped Ian realize that not everything was different even though it felt like it a lot of the time. Even though Ian hadn’t gone anywhere he’d found himself tangled up in the new and also dangerous side of Shrike it was nice to be reminded that there were still parts of Shrike that hadn’t been touched by the unseeable corruption around them and Ian could still visit them with a relative feeling of safety. The bridge they stood on was one of those places that nothing bad had happened at and was a familiar part of town for as long as Ian had been alive. “Yeah, I can only imagine how different everything is. The central business district actually feels like a business district and’s completely changed. Ever since the mall went in construction hasn’t seemed to stop around the place. It’s good to have you back though,” Ian told him.

“hey, i never said that i hadn’t eaten my way around the food court, i only said that i wasn’t a proper mallrat.” he counters with a wide smile. “while i got a job surprisingly fast, i wasn’t so sure i would at first, so the first couple of days at the mall i absolutely went from store to store finding the cheapest deals.” he admits and he chuckles; though he’s come from a well off family, edward’s situation has definitely changed, and he’s not afraid of people knowing that much. it’s probably for the best, actually, that people know that even though he’s back, he’s no longer a puppet of his father’s. that’s not exactly something that someone can casually drop into conversation, however. “i don’t know, i feel like there’d be a few people around who would at least think they’re a real chef, though, and who would take offense.” even if that is the case, though, edward and ian are safe there on the bridge, as no one else has gone by since bo flew by on his run - and unless edward has missed a large chapter in bo’s life, he doesn’t think that bo would take offense to the comment. 

“exactly,” he chuckles. “it’s a wild concept, isn’t in? a business district that actually feels like a business district?” edward shakes his head. “even when i worked with my father it never felt all that busy. i’ll be honest, the first few days back here when i had particularly early mornings, it was really easy for me to get confused and think that i was back in london for a moment. walking through a crowd and sleep deprived - jet lagged no doubt - it’d take something like an accent or a glimpse of the mountains to remind me that i wasn’t on my way to the train station.” he chuckles. “i’m slowly getting used to it all, though. both the old and the new. might even be easier to get used to all of these changes while having to get used to what i knew before i left, too.” he shrugs. “but hey- i probably shouldn’t keep you from bo too long, if you’re meant to be on a walk - or a run,” he grins. “so please, don’t hesitate to get on your way if i’m keeping you. it’s been really good to see you again, though, even if for only a brief catch up.” if ian decides that he should get going now, edward will definitely be suggesting that they catch up again sometime soon before he goes - and with bo invited, also.

[berserkrs]

open starter @shrikestart location: mall hallways somewhere

If Neptune had to describe how he was feeling in a single word, it would be: distraught. It was apparent in the wobbly twist of his mouth, pushed to the side, and in the furrow of his brows. His usually tousled brown hair was even scruffier than usual, too, since he kept reaching up to rake his hand through it. In all his years working as a tattoo artist and getting tattoos, Neptune was proud to say he regretted none of them. All art was beautiful in its own way, after all. However, he had committed something of a cardinal sin and in an extremely drunken state, tattooed a crude drawing of a sunflower on the rare patch of previously unmarred skin that stretched between his wrist and his thumb. The lines were shaky and it was clear as day that he had tattooed it with a non dominant hand. Maybe his mother was right and tattooing would bring calamity upon him after all.

If calamity were a cute little ugly sunflower anyhow. He was so lost in his thoughts and focused on resisting the urge to try to rub at the tattoo with the pad of his other thumb that he nearly knocked right into another person. He stopped himself just in time. "Soz. Should really watch where I'm going, but I'm having a wee heart attack. Not a real one, but the metaphoric kind." He dropped his hand. No big deal. Maybe he could get a cover-up tattoo. "Er, this place is fookin' massive and I keep getting lost. I heard there's a pharmacy though. D'you happen to know where that is?"

[edwardisms]

if edward took note of every single person in shrike mall, his brain would surely be so overloaded with information that he'd completely stop functioning. despite knowing that it's in his - and everyone else's - best interest to keep an eye out and to stay focused during a time like this, when there's the issue of the illusive serial killers still troubling their town, it's easy to become used to the hustle and bustle found when walking through the enormous mall. edward wouldn't have thought he'd ever get used to this new verson of shrike heights that he came home to after some time away, but he truly doesn't even notice neptune's metaphoric heart attack until they almost collide.

he steadies himself first, swiftly takes note of the other person's accent, and then he finally becomes aware of the state of the other. "woah, hey, don't worry about it." though his accent is more northern than edward's, edward still enjoys hearing such familiar tones. "are you okay?" he has to ask before even thinking about properly answering the other's questions. "i mean, yeah, i can definitely point you in the direction of the clinic, can even take you there if you'd like. when i first came back to town and started working in this place i was constantly getting lost, so trust me, i know what it's like."

[edwardisms]

interactions with johanna.

johanna  had  always  tried  her  best  to  put  on  an  act,  to  present  as  a  much  better,  more  functional,  much  happier  person  than  what  she  truly  was. sometimes,  when  she  was  in  the  thick  of  her  act,  surrounded  by  the  people  who  she  wished  so  badly  that  she  was  truly  like,  johanna  even  began  to  believe  her  own  lies. it  felt  great  in  the  moment,  to  feel  better  than  what  she  really  was,  but  with  the  highs  of  that  came  the  terrible,  terrible  lows. it  was  safe  to  say  that  johanna  was  in  quite  the  low  moment  right  now,  feeling  as  if  she  didn’t  even  deserve  edward’s  kindness,  believing  that  she  deserved  no  kindness,  much  like  her  mother  would  have  happily  told  her. it  wasn’t  something  that  was  easy  or  pleasant  to  handle,  but  as  johanna  had  been  made  to  handle  ever  other  awful  thing  in  her  life,  she  simply  tried  her  best  to  keep  going. “i’ve  dealt  with  worse,”  she  tried  to  reassure  him  as  he  tried  to  reassure  her. “i  think  i  do,  i  should,”  johanna  told  him  with  a  nod,  though  she  really  wasn’t  too  sure  what  she  had  back  at  home. they  didn’t  typically  have  much,  and  even  when  johanna  tried  her  best  to  keep  necessities  stocked,  her  mother  had  a  habit  of  ruining  that  for  her. “if  not  i’m  sure  a  neighbour  will,  or  something.”

“well just because you’ve dealt with worse, that doesn’t mean that this still isn’t bad, or that it doesn’t hurt,” edward reminds her. he admires her bravery, and her ‘get over it’ mentality, but it’s also okay for johanna to struggle, even over something lesser than another feat she’s dealt with. not everyone can be strong all of the time, that’s one very important lesson that he was fortunate enough to learn from his mother before their time was cut short. “but it will definitely be okay; i can say that with the absolute most confidence. i’ll get you patched up and you’ll be on your way home in no time.” he keeps up the reassurance to the best of his ability. her answer to his question about bandaids is vague at best; he shakes his head, but puts a smile on his face so she can hopefully know that he isn’t disappointed in her or anything of the likes. “i tell ya what; i have loads of these at home, because of the kids, so i’m gonna send you home with some extras. really, we won’t even miss them, and if it turns out that you do have some at home- well now you’ll have more,” he chuckles.

[edwardisms]

interactions with ian.

Ian couldn’t help but laugh at Edward’s tour of the food court. “You know, I’ve never been tempted to eat around the food court. Is that something proper mallrats do?” Ian asked. He was still getting used to the whole culture that surrounded the new mall. With the monstrous acts that befell the establishment it was likely Ian would never assimilate to being a proper mallrat even if he was forced to spend time there. Maybe he was just too old for it anyways. Malls are a lot more fun when you get to roam the halls with money in your pocket and not a care in the world instead of being forced to work and trying to escape before sunset just to be safe. “When I was working at Late Risers that’s kinda all I ate but that place is different. It’s still a sit down restaurant even if it’s connected to the food court. Not much outside food came in there I don’t think but to be far I was always in the back.” Why he no longer worked there didn’t matter and Ian wasn’t going to bring up his attack unless absolutely necessary. 

“Yeah, it definitely feels like we’re living in a whole new Shrike. It almost feels like I moved towns when I head up towards the malls and all the new development,” Ian shook his head. Originally he’d been excited for the mall and the new life it brought to town but after nearly two years of it being the center of so much pain it was hard not seeing the mall as a harbinger of death. “How’s life being back here? It must feel extra different for you. I at least got to watch the changes happen as they happened. Must’ve been weird coming back to all of this.”

“i think it might be something that proper mallrats do - though i could never consider myself as one, so i’m not sure if i actually know,” he laughs, picturing himself as someone who spends his days slumming it at the mall, his father’s worst nightmare. “i see a lot of the younger people who hang out at the mall do their rounds, at least, and i’m pretty sure it’s because they go around finding the cheapest things on each menu until they have enough to fill them up. it’s actually quite smart, you know, and i’m glad there’s more option for the kids who only have loose change to head to the mall with.” despite being born into a reasonably wealthy family, edward wasn’t just given everything he could have ever wanted, so he remembers those days. “mm, you have to be careful with the sit down restaurants in the food court. get a takeout from them first, so you don’t disrespect the actual chefs back in their kitchens by wagging your mcdonald’s bags around their place.” he laughs again, and he finds enough amusement in his food court shenanigans that he doesn’t think to ask about why ian no longer works in the kitchen, not thinking anything about it.

“it’s so weird, truly.” edward nods his head, understanding what ian said about it feeling like a whole new shrike. “it feels like a whole new town, some days- but then at the same time, because i’ve been gone it’s like i find the familiar parts and places easier than ever. like the real shrike really shines and stands out to me because i’ve missed it, i suppose.” he takes a big breath, a smile on his face. “it does feel totally different even despite that, though. it’s been a lot to take in because of the stark differences between seeing our old shrike and then all of the changes that have happened while i’ve been gone- and it feels like i’m constantly playing catch up to the point where i have to ignore familiarity to get to know the new.” he shakes his head, feeling like he’s rambled too much. “it’s good to be back, though.” it’s good and bad, but edward wants to end his rambling on a good note, of course.

[edwardisms]

interactions with juliet.

juliet is glad that edward can find the humour in the situation, too, particularly glad that he doesn’t think that she’s laughing at him rather than with him. she doesn’t even blame edward for not knowing, as funny as she might find it due to how obvious the couple are in her mind, and how present they’ve been presenting as a couple in her life for so long now. “it’s alright, i mean, you’re not completely wrong anyway. they started off as just best friends, and even stayed only friends for a while after figuring everything out. so you’re not completely oblivious.” she offers him her reassurance with a shrug followed. “i also think it’s a super admirable thing, to avoid school gossip. i couldn’t help but always be pulled into the thick of it.” which was both good and bad, depending on the time. “yeah, it’s so nice.” juliet feels the jealousy too, especially when it’s her little brother who found real love before she was brave enough to even try. not that she’s not trying, it’s just hard for her, as she hopes it is for most people. she’d rather believe that finn and donnie have dumb luck, rather than there being something wrong with her or something. 

she doesn’t know what she was expecting as a reaction from edward, but as he responds with such clear shock and pain, she feels terribly bad. she definitely wasn’t expecting that. guilt twists around like a snake in her stomach, though she does her best to swallow away the feeling; things could be much worse for her, after all. “don’t beat yourself up over it.” how could edward have known? just like finn and donnie’s relationship, the attacks are extremely personal to their victims. “i don’t think ian’s the person to really… talk about it, anyway.” it’s not that people don’t know that ian faced such an awful experience, juliet just can’t picture ian being the type of person to volunteer a lot of information about it. not even bo was like that after his own attack, and bo was always the most talkative of finn’s friend. “but yeah. god. it’s not been a very easy time around here.” she admits, though she’s sure edward knows this much already.

shrike heights is so full of surprises, and while most of the surprises that edward has been experiencing since coming home have been terrible - or at the very least, too much to take in right now - to learn more about people he’s known for years and years is a surprise that edward considers to be nice. he wouldn’t have thought that there was anything new to still learn about any of these people, truthfully. “that’s admirable. i don’t think i’d ever guess that anyone had such a strong foundation for their relationship in high school.” he laughs, and he thinks of the rumour mill and toxic gossip that juliet admits to getting wrapped up in back in high school, and how it makes for a very unideal environment for things like relationships. “honestly if it weren’t for my father, i probably would have gotten pulled in by it all, too. but you know- had that whole reputation to uphold thing going for me.”

“yeah, no, that makes perfect sense,” he sighs. it’s not like edward finds it easy to bring up all of the worst things he’s gone through in conversation, so he’d never expect ian to have mentioned his attack in the brief conversation they had. what would that even look like? ‘oh by the way, i almost died while you were away, eds, as did bo.’ he shudders at the thought. “yeah, i’m sorry.” he frowns and he sighs again, because it’s so hard, and he doesn’t know what to say. his father has prepped him for so many conversations throughout his life, but this isn’t something that edward has ever trained for. “it truly does sound like it. i guess that’s why i’m so eager to find out as much as i can, you know? not only so i can just... be updated, but so i can help, in whatever way i can.”

[edwardisms]

interactions with hedwig.

               hedwig nodded his head . “ yeah , exactly . ” he then shrugged . “ i’ve only lived a couple of places too . ” he was terrified , as he always was when family was a topic of conversation - even when others were only speaking of their own families , with no pressure for him to participate in the conversation and speak of his own - but even while he was afraid , hedwig also couldn’t see reason why this would be more than just a coincidence . surely his luck wasn’t that bad , surely life , or the universe , or whatever was in charge of fate , would give him a break for once . hedwig was far from a selfish person , but they were beginning to think that they definitely deserved a break , after everything they’ve been through . 

despite it being so scary , it weirdly felt a little … therapeutic , even , to be talking at least a little bit about his family with edward . it was a case that was usually shut so tight , but with edward’s ear and understanding - and news of his similar experiences - it was kind of nice . kind of . hedwig didn’t foresee themself making it a habit , but they’d take the moment as it came . he couldn’t help but to laugh at the way edward stumbled over his words and had to explain himself , and the laughter was likely the first time hedwig had ever done such a thing when speaking or even thinking about it mother . it was another thing that was kind of nice . “ it’s okay , ” he shook his head as he chuckled , understanding edward meant no harm by his comment . “ that is interesting , though , ” he said , finding a more fitting word than funny . “ did your mum … ? ”

edward can sense the fear that hedwig feels, even without being able to understand it at all. at the same time, however, he can also sense the vulnerability in the other, and it makes him feel very privileged to be audience to it, feeling it as such a big thing. he’s not sure why the other seems to trust him - even though he’s terrified at the same time as he does - but even without understanding it properly at all, edward feels lucky to be in his position. it’s also just nice, to be speaking of such personal things to someone who seems to really understand what it’s all like. it’s not often that edward starts up conversation about his family, and while it’s all happened so surprisingly today, edward likes that it has. hedwig isn’t the only person who finds it strangely therapeutic.

“my mum didn’t,” he answers, quickly tossing up between whether or not he should go any further into the details. he decides that he will, mostly because he wonders if being more honest will help put the hedwig at ease. “my mum was sick, my dad moved me out here away from her when i was young, not just so that i was away from her, but for a few reasons,” he briefly begins. “my aunt though, my mum’s sister, the blackwood; she left when her kid was only little. i never met the kid, not sure where he’s at or what he’s doing anymore - he definitely wouldn’t be a kid anymore - but that’s what i meant by it sounding similar to my family. i don’t really know much about them all, though. not even my mum really knew what was going on, so i’m really in the dark for the rest of it.” he shrugs, not because he’s taking the subject in a nonchalant manner, only because he’s not sure he has anything else to say on it.