E.S. Ortiz

Burst of feeling.

[edwinsantosortiz]

“i was once alive

when you held me”

[edwinsantosortiz]

I wish I knew

that loving you

would be my greatest accomplishment

I wish I knew

that loving you

would be the last time

I wish I knew

sounds like regret

but it was pure heaven

[cersplace]

─ Hisham Siddiqi

[edwinsantosortiz]

You know it wasn’t yours

when you’re out

looking for an old feeling

in the places

that once were home

and when you look at their faces

the newest versions

of the people

that you used to know

you feel lost

so you search for the new you

but they all just look like each other

because there is no new you

and the old feeling is dead

and it was never yours

[edwinsantosortiz]

I was sitting alone

watching the smoke drift

like my mind, looking for a way out

yet wary of escape

magic when it hits the light

scattered when pushed

but I felt something

like the air crashing though the window

filled with life

rushing the smoke to its end

or returning it back to god

or nothing

and it burned like fire

from my chest thought my skin

destroying my peace

stinging my eyes

stoking the ashes

where once there was love

and I can't blame you,

its the smoke that moved

from inside to out

and breathed open the synapse

where I hid the truth

that I can never let you go

[edwinsantosortiz]

winter, inevitably

will always be

hard on comedians

[edwinsantosortiz]

What happens to a writer

when they stop writing?

Madness.

[edwinsantosortiz]

I found a picture of the moment I fell in love and I screamed until I was horse to the fool behind the camera hoping my heart could somehow howl through time an unwitting swan song that rang simply "Don't ever let her go" but you can't hear because you're already doomed so I wept with the picture of the moment my heart chose death in the shape of your perfect smile

[edwinsantosortiz]

The brokenness comes in patterns you know

one day you know the feeling

the next you know how it felt to lose it

then you choose to live

that’s the toss up

but even when I try

even when the world turns

for just a moment

and in confusion

or defiance

decides it loves me

I can still hear Jim singing

“If you love me at all, don’t call”

and I remember

I always remember.

[edwinsantosortiz]

A Myth

If love never slips from your lips or your fingertips then it is just a myth

[edwinsantosortiz]

Broke my own heart

Just for a moment

With the whisper of a thought

That I’m constantly crushing

Hoping it would rebuild

The want to feel again

Because I’m empty

Recklessly empty

Just enough to let the words through

But they were just an ember

To a wreckage that was still smoldering

Reigniting the fire

Destroying the myth

That I can rebuild.

[edwinsantosortiz]

its almost cliche when you feel it and you know it to be unstoppable

and you ignore burn one to be thoughtless just for a second but it rolls back in

not like a fog, whimsical and mysterious but like a tide inevitable

and it wants to be right so you spiral to find "reasons" and "reasons for reason"

but they aren’t real she doesn't miss you they never needed you no one is thinking of you

you miss the bottle that made this romantic just for a moment before it turned to poison

or the myth of this freedom to finally be free to become a story they will tell

[edwinsantosortiz]

The Flora

I felt your love slip

or whatever hold

the dark side of your heart

quietly held.

I felt it in the void,

that space left of center

where I keep the broken pieces

that quietly hoped.

I see it in my eyes

unable to focus

on keeping in the light

for much longer.

I see it in the flora

you left behind

that held on to you

And when you finally let it slip

they succumb with no excuse.

[edwinsantosortiz]

The death of my sweetness

was not worth

the price of your vacation

from your fear

[edwinsantosortiz]

Drink from the well

that poisoned you

Because you love

The way it feels

And you already sealed shut

the well that offered life

Because you loved

the way it felt

[edwinsantosortiz]

To love a ghost

Is to love the light

that lingers

From beyond time

like stars at night

muted by the life

of the mourning

[edwinsantosortiz]

I just wish I could hear your voice

and tell you I still miss you

without breaking the fragile glass

that keeps me safe from myself