*tap tap* huh, it should be right here. I pinned it, and now it's gone. But it should be here.
"IT" of course, is my pinned post with tip jar & commission info (currently closed for December 2024 until sometime after the new year.) Not Stephen King's novel or the movies. So I guess we're doing it again.
Hi! I'm eerian (correctly spelled with no capitalization,) a disabled enby, and I write things. Usually Transformers but I'm known to do other stuff from time to time. (If you're still with me from Final Fantasy or an anime, I see you and I love you!)
If you like my work or would like to buy an increment of my time in which you tell me what to write, you can head to my ko-fi:
Become a supporter of eerian sadow today! ❤️ Ko-fi lets you support the creators you love.
You can also join a monthly supporter tier on ko-fi that gets you access to Weekly Write and Chat, my Thursday livewriting event (where I often take supporter requests or prompts.)
I'm also on patreon, which also gets you access to Weekly Write and Chat, fic previews & exclusives (which I swear I will be better about updating in the new year. I'm making A Chart.)
https://www.patreon.com/eeriansadow
Or if you're into more material support, I've got a list of things that will make my life easier here:
For those of you who aren't familiar, I live in an exceptionally flammable part of the United States, and despite the fact that every goddamn year multiple parts of my state catch fire, destroy homes and kill people, the local assholes insist on getting drunk and setting fire to a bunch of illegal explosives anyway.
In 2023, God granted me a Miracle that prevented my house from burning down.
Last year, I had to resort to Psychological and Chemical Warfare to keep the patriotic arsonists at bay.
This year is apparently An Important Birthday for the clusterfuck we have the nerve to call a nation, so despite the fact there is so much smoke in the air that the sun has literally been blood red for the last week, the pyrotechnic fetishists are out in force.
Last year, I hit upon the concept that if my neighbors were going to act like problem animals, it would make sense to use the management techniques on them that you might use on say, a Bear that was doing serious property damage. Thusly, I created The Stench, a nontoxic but FOUL smelling concoction that I could discretely spray around the flammable gatherings and render the area extremely uncomfortable to occupy for the rest of the night, forcing them to give up or move on.
If this seems harsh:
There is no story from 2024 because a grass fire was started by fireworks less than 12 miles from me and the high winds put me in the evacuation zone in under an hour.
Over fifty people lost their homes.
Errant fireworks burning my house down is a very real possibility, and I pay the price in anxiety and insurance premiums.
The Stench is noxious but harmless, and also very effective at building a buffer zone around my home. But sneaking up to parties on foot in this heat is both exhausting and nerve-wracking. There have to be more effective ways to do this
-And there is!
It involves Weeds and Business Cards :)
All of this spring, I've been battling Bindweed and my City Code Enforcement Officers.
The city code people have been professional, but the truth is that one of my neighbors is calling them on use because one of my housemates is transgender. It's extremely grating to get these notices, having to explain repeatedly that I *AM* working on the weed situation, I just have a heart condition and No Money. It's also deeply paranoia-inducing to know that the city is regularly coming by and photographing my house.
The Solution to the Bindweed is 1 gallon of high-concentration vinegar, half a cup of Borax, a quarter cup of salt, and a couple tablespoons of dish soap. Get one of those weed sprayers from a hardware store and mix it up in there. Spray it on your thistles, bindweed, kudzu, garlic mustard or whatever your local herbaceous invasive is on a day with bright sunlight, and in a few hours the entire part of the plant above the soil is Deceased. It's non-toxic to insects, pets and wildlife (just wait a few months before trying to plant anything in the area for the traces to wash out).
The only real downside to this stuff is that it smells HEINOUS.
Sure, The Stench is nauseating, but WeedFucker 5000 is genuinely painful to inhale. Again, it wont hurt people- even my asthmatic housemates can use the stuff- but boy howdy it sure smells toxic. I've got the ingredients for about 40 gallons of WeedFucker 5000 prepared and ready to go.
I've also got a disposable hazmat suit, rubber boots and gloves, respirator, goggles and a shitty little golf cart from the free section of craigslist to haul my shit around in.
I also have Business Cards!
See, the very nice officers from the City Code department left some Very Nice business cards so that I may contact them about "the fucking bindweed is gone, get off my back".
So I scanned the business card into my computer, fired up Clip Studio, and made my own business cards. I've turned my City's Abstract Triangle Logo into an Eye of Providence and the slogan of "E Pluribus Unum" to "E Plurbis Anus", Changed my city's name to a dumb pun, and stated the card originates from "The Department Of Public Nuisances".
Crucially, where the name and contact information of the real city employee has been replaced with the name and business email of the neighbor who has been bragging on facebook about calling the city code department on my home because he hates my housemate :)
It looks, at a glance, very much like the business cards of city employees. If you look at it for like 5 seconds though, there's no way it could be mistaken for the real thing.
I've printed out 500 of these bad boys and will have them on hand as I, a put-upon employee, am forced to work overtime on a national holiday doing weed mitigation, because my boss can't manage deadlines for shit.
You're mad about it? I've been out here since 5 AM! But if we don't finish by the deadline we lose the contract and I could get fired. You know what the economy is.
Here, this is my Boss's Business card- how about you send him an email about how this has ruined your barbecue?
It's golden hour now, so I'm Suiting Up and preparing to embark on some civil service in the form of Noxious Weed Eradication, and by coincidence, Fire Mitigation.
I'll report back later Tonight🫡
(If you'd like to support your local disabled storyteller in their Acts Of Public Service, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or supporting me on Patreon)
Well.
It's not quite an hour into July 5th.
I am very tired, may have destroyed my sense of smell, and am not sure if I'm proud of or VERY disappointed in my fellow citizens.
On one hand: FAR fewer fireworks parties this year!
- Only nine to last year's thirteen
- three of them had the good sense to be firing their recreational explosives out over the local reservoir
- That's far from foolproof
- and really bad for the fish
- also y'all are RIGHT NEXT to where the Bald Eagles are nesting
- but congratulations on at least attempting some risk mitigation!
On the other hand.
Absolutely NOBODY questioned why the hell I was out spraying weeds.
- In a Hazmat Suit (technically it's a coverall for painting rooms, which is much more breathable, but looks the part)
- In a Residential Area
- After Dark
- On a Federal Holiday
Like I'm glad I didn't get into a fight or something, but like.
I was Ready.
I had that conversation locked and loaded.
I MADE BUSINESS CARDS.
...But instead of Very Reasonably asking What The Fuck I Was Doing, the crowds at these parties saw me (5'0" flat, potato-shaped, sweating profusely) trundling up on the slowest and least-intimidating motor vehicle in the county*, hanging a bit out the side to spray thistles and bindweed on the streets and sidewalks**, and instead of raising a rival stink, I was instead greeted by some derisive muttering and a couple of "OH COME ON!"s, but the groups dispersed and retreated indoors or at least away from the general direction of my home.
*Like genuinely, I think Barbie's Dream Car has more horsepower than this golf cart. This thing doesn't have horsepower. It doesn't even have ponypower. It's running on duckpower. It waddles, something I didn't know a wheeled vehicle could do.
**Actually completely legal and a welcome community service in my city. Thank you Neighbor Barbara for telling me the exact part of city code that details what civilians are allowed to do about weeds on public roads, which is apparently "LOTS". Theoretically I could bill the city for my time tonight.
Do people not know how to Make A Scene anymore?
I was absolutely sure I was going to get filmed and shit thrown at me, or someone would call the cops. My beloved was terrified I was going to get shot. I at least had ONE woman shout "YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!" at me, which isn't quite as good as being told I'm ruining Christmas, but she said it with a genuinely heartwarming anguish while gesturing to a homemade "HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!" banner, with an attempt at rendering The Evil Orange that as so enthusiastically yet talentlessly executed I almost stopped to get a picture of it. He looked like he'd been put in a wafflemaker.
I promised my beloved that I would turn around and come home at midnight, and I did, having eliminated every fireworks party and Scottish thistle in a five-block radius despite the lackadaisical maximum speed of my Steel Steed.
The complete lack of protest is honestly shocking to me. My flabbers are completely gasted. I waddled home on the golf cart in a sort of stunned silence that this HAS worked so well. The whole world is almost eerily quiet, and reeking of vinegar.
...Which is maybe why I didn't notice the cop pulling up beside me at a red light until he rolled down his window and leaned out at me.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?" He asked, in a voice that could be used as a foghorn in emergencies.
I probably would have jumped were I not currently melting into a semblance of the Chernobyl Elephant's Foot in the heat, which was the first thing that saved me.
The second was the voice of my Grandfather, coming to my aid through decades of generational memory, to tell me his words of wisdom, usually spoken right before doing something wildly inadvisable:
The Age Of Miracles Is Not Yet Over.
"Weed Mitigation!" I called back.
"CHRIST ON A BIKE, THEY GOT YOU GUYS WORKING THE HOLIDAY TOO?" He said, in the same fontissimo as before. Apparently Officer Foghorn just talks like this.
"Yep." I nodded.
"SHIT." He blared in solidarity. "WHEN DO YOU GET OFF?"
"Just finished."
"MOTHERFUCKER. THEY GOT ME OUT HERE UNTIL GODDAMN 5 AM." Officer Foghorn whined in THX.
"Shit." I commiserated.
The light turned green.
"ALRIGHT YOU GET HOME SAFE! GOD BLESS!" He waved, and drove off at something significantly above the speed limit, and I trundled on home.
I must have still looked shocked when I came in, because My Beloved immediately got up to hug me and ask if I was alright.
"The Age Of Miracles Is Not Yet Over." I nodded slowly as the animals all battered me about the legs for attention. "...For real though, absolutely nothing happened."
"What?" he squints, wobbling slightly as Charlie tries to shove him aside for better access to me. "That's... Is it weird to say I'm almost disappointed?"
"I mean, I confirmed that I inherited my Grandfather's supernatural ability to get out of trouble for no good reason, but we knew that from the code enforcement people." I shrugged. Selene finally noticed the smell of vinegar and retched in disapproval.
"How about a shower and some Ice cream?" My Beloved suggests.
So now it is July the 5th.
- My house is not ablaze
- There are four medium-sized carnivores sleeping on me
- I am freshly bathed
- and I have a pint of Americone Dream all to myself
Here's to you, your health and your happiness, and a reminder to go make good trouble. Goodnight all.
---
(If you enjoy reading about my adventures (and the occasional curious non-adventure) I'd appreciate it if you could tip me on Ko-Fi. Apparently my Patreon link is fucked but it's basically 1 in the morning and I can't be arsed.)
new fanfic writer who has marked their work completed ao3 only to leave a note at the end saying: thanks for all the support guys if you want to read the rest of the fic subscribe to my patreon :)
me, an elder fandom veteran, suddenly having anne rice flashbacks:
no.
NO.
starting to rock back and fourth.
you do not understand.
you were born into an age of peace. i was there Gandalf. i was there three thousand years ago. i remember the cease and desists. i remember authors hunting fanfic writers for sport. i remember when every fic opened with a disclaimer because we genuinely thought it might protect us.
we do not charge money for the copyrighted gay wizard stories.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers), Skyfire & Perceptor, Starscream & Perceptor
Characters: Jetfire | Skyfire (Transformers), Starscream (Transformers), Perceptor (Transformers)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, political dissidents, High speed chase, Canon Typical Violence
Series: Part 3 of Shooting Stars In The Night Sky, Part 7 of SkyStar Week 2026
Summary:
The Prime and his enforcers have gone for Starscream, and while he buys time for the rest of their group to get away, Skyfire and Perceptor put together an escape plan.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers)
Characters: Jetfire | Skyfire (Transformers), Starscream (Transformers)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Skyfire never gets lost au, Fluff, Cuddling, Gift Giving
Series: Part 11 of Room Temperature with Grant Money, Part 6 of SkyStar Week 2026
Summary:
Starscream has a graduation present Skyfire, though he isn't certain how it will be received.
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers), Starscream/Windblade, mentioned Chromia/Skyfire/Starscream/Windblade, mentioned Chromia/Windblade
Characters: Jetfire | Skyfire (Transformers), Starscream (Transformers), Chromia (Transformers), unnamed character
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Pirate AU, no pirates here though, assassination attempt, Starscream Skyfire Windblade and Chromia's weird polycule, Violence, injuries, child endangerment
Series: Part 62 of PIRATES!!, Part 5 of SkyStar Week 2026
Summary:
Someone unfamiliar has joined the Vosian Court for the presentation of Prince Solarstreak. That is no small problem, and Starscream doesn't have time to deal with the problem properly.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers)
Characters: Starscream (Transformers), Zeta Prime
Additional Tags: A thorough application of my canon blender, Alternate Universe, Skyfire is mister not actually appearing in thisbfic, sorry - Freeform, Political Unrest, Danger, Threats
Series: Part 3 of Shooting Stars In The Night Sky, Part 4 of SkyStar Week 2026
Summary:
Their little group of dissidents, calmer than those in Kaon but no less desperate, suspected one of them had been compromised.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers)
Characters: Jetfire | Skyfire (Transformers), Starscream (Transformers)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, A thorough application of my canon blender, background political unrest, Weaponry, Gift Giving, really complicated gift giving
Series: Part 1 of Shooting Stars In The Night Sky, Part 3 of SkyStar Week 2026
Summary:
Nova Prime's death has led to Cybertron falling to shambles. In this broken world, it is not safe to be a flyer—not even one as kind and gentle as Skyfire. In the hopes of keeping him safe, Starscream has developed a new weapon.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers Generation One, Transformers - All Media Types
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers)
Characters: Jetfire | Skyfire (Transformers), Starscream (Transformers)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Skyfire did not get frozen, Survival Situation
Series: Part 5 of safe place from the storm, Part 2 of SkyStar Week 2026
Summary:
Skyfire still can't go outside, thanks to the damage from the crash, but that doesn’t mean he can't contribute to their survival from their shelter. Starscream is especially pleased with today's contribution.
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers)
Characters: Jetfire | Skyfire (Transformers), Starscream (Transformers)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Pirate AU, no pirates here though, Fluff
Series: Part 61 of PIRATES!!, Part 1 of SkyStar Week 2026
Summary:
It's ball season and the university is hosting a masquerade for their first event. Unfortunately, Skyfire’s apparel is not up to the standards of the rest of the nobility.
“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context
“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets
my last post seems to have lost traction so I'm going to give a bit of an update. thank you to those who donated.
despite that: it's getting harder and harder to keep my head above water. I haven't had more than 20-50 dollars to spend on groceries in months. I can't afford my cat's food or phone bill. I haven't been able to pay off medical bills in months. I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep my apartment. each month is pushing me closer, and closer to the edge.
on top of this, my roommates and I may not be able to renew our lease for this upcoming year. if this is the case, I will end up homeless. that is not a possibility, it is an inevitability. that is especially dangerous for me because at the very least: I am visibly queer and disabled. temperatures where I live reach over 100 degrees farenheit regularly.
I will need money to find housing or to move across the country.
i need help. i've exhausted local resources, I've been rejected by government assistance, and I am at my wits end. please donate or boost this post.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Vortex (Transformers), Lacewing (original character), Airachnid (Transformers)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, spider - Freeform, magically enhanced creatures, elves pixies and other fantasy creatures, injuries, Insecticide Week 2026
Series: Part 46 of Elves and Pixies, Part 2 of Insecticon Week 2026
Summary:
Lacewing flew away from the wizard's tower and into something (possibly) worse.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Shrapnel (Transformers), Antagony (Transformers), Hardshell (Transformers)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe, elves pixies and other fantasy creatures, magically enhanced creatures, Insecticon Week 2026, new home
Series: Part 47 of Elves and Pixies, Part 1 of Insecticon Week 2026
Summary:
They've made it safely away from Shockwave's lands and found a little cavern that will suit the needs of their little band. For now, anyway.
love arranged marriage unfortunately. the idea of being married to a knight who's not even in the city, but away on the front lines. it's a benefit for your family, so they dont even question sending you to his home to await his return...
you meet him three months into the arrangement. He arrives after the sun has already set, his features set strong in the candlelight. His body is heavy with exhaustion and tension, his eyes dull and tired.
you've grown to hate this place, this castle gifted to him for war victories. The halls are barren, the garden yet to bloom. The maids are pleasant, but they keep their distance, as if you'll strike. Maybe your husband is the kind to hit. You wouldn't know.
When he looks at you, it's only in short bursts, his eyes suddenly low. There's a long stretch of silence between you and you consider introducing yourself, but decide against it. He knows who you are.
"The maid is drawing me a bath," he says suddenly and a sick feeling pours over you. This day was always coming, but you aren't sure you're ready to lay under a stranger.
"Am I expected to join?" you ask and his nose crinkles.
"No." He steps back and away. His departure is brisk and driven. You retire for the night by yourself and awake alone. Your husband is set to leave again in a few hours; a few soldiers have already gathered in the front garden.
"Don't you wish to give your new wife a goodbye?" one asks, unaware of your open window. "One night and you've already had your fill? Or has she been filled too much?"
"I refuse to believe she is real!" says another. "What kind of woman has worn down our brute and turned him into a family man? Should we expect a gaggle of children in the upcoming year?"
Your husband growls. "You will leave the poor lamb alone. She suffers enough."
That softens you. Just a bit. You rise from you bed and go to the window, leaning out enough to catch the men's attention.
"Until next time."
He watches you, expression caught between more emotions that you can count, then turns his gaze back to his mount. The two men share a look, wide, wide grins on their faces.
In his absence, he sends gifts. They are tiny things, sweets and oiled combs and scented oils and a porcelain figure of a cat, aimless in their direction towards you. Just simple niceties he could give to any woman in the world. You imagine he sends one to the lovers he has in every city as well.
(he must have lovers, you imagine. He hasn't touched you; he must be getting his fill with women in other cities, maybe women he actually loves. these are trinkets to keep his wife amused while she wastes away.)
none of the gifts come with a note.
one day a bolt of fabric arrives, yellow and ornate. It's only a small amount, not enough to make a dress, but enough for you to unravel and admire. It's beautiful and clearly expensive, golden threads woven into flowers and vines. Your father was a silk merchant; while you never wore the silks, you can recognize their quality.
the following week, the delicious man rides up on his steeds and presents a letter. The handwriting is rough. Knights that come from the lower class do not have the schooling of highborns; as fair as you know, your husband was born a street rat and worked his way theough the ranks to glory.
-I have been told by my secund that I did not send you enuf fabric for a gown. I do not no these things.
The spelling mistakes screw a smile out of you.
"Wait a moment." You stop the boy before he can leave. "I wish to send something back."
You take your time and use your finest calligraphy, tucking your note in with a handkerchief you had spent the week on. It's fine work-- one that would please even the hardest of hearts.
-Dearest husband,
Please take this handkerchief as a sign of my thoughts.
Your patient and thoughtful wife
A second letter arrives within the week.
-are you cros with me? A scrap of fabric for a scrap of fabric?
The response is what makes you cross. The poor messenger boy has to stay the night while you percolate over a response.
-Dearest, sweetest husband,
A handkerchief is a traditional gesture of affection. I have embroidered the edges by hand, with your last name and your roses, and it smells of my perfume. It is a piece of me for you to carry. If you do not appreciate my kindness or if you think it will turn away your lovers, you may return it. I do not wish it wasted on you.
Your less than patient and less than adoring wife
The poor boy scatters off in the morning and returns a few days later.
tortured wife,
I wil cherish it. I am sory, pour lam. I wil do better.
Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
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