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Success is the best revenge

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My mum

I know I haven’t written anything in a long while but now I’m feeling super sad and I need to write this down. 

I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been the fat kid. And that sucks! But the worst part about being the fat kid, is that my own mother seems to be disappointed in me. I mean yeah I know I should get healthier, but c’moon fat-shaming your own kid? You can be supportive without being judgmental and rude. I’ve been bullied by many people, but I feel like the worst bully in my life has been my own mother. I love her, but she makes me feel so bad about myself. She always points out if I’ve gotten more weight, she always tells me that I shouldn’t eat more (even when I’ve hardly eaten), she tells me to lost weight and always points out how perfect everyone else is. 

She makes me hate myself. Doesn't your mum suppose to teach you to love yourself? I’m not saying that she's a bad mother, but I’m saying that she should change the way she treats me with my weight. Because I’ve never felt good enough for her... I cry a lot because of her. I’m actually crying right now. I’m just waiting for the day when everything is better and I don’t have to live here anymore. 

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That one boy

I’ve had dreams about the same boy for four nights in a row. I can’t stop thinking about him. And I don’t know what it is because I doubt that I’d have feelings for him. I mean yeah he is like perfect but still. 

We met at this confirmation camp this summer. He was a camper and I was working there because I had my confirmation camp last year. But we are the same age tho. 

At first I thought that he would be annoying, negative and arrogant but he turn out to be really kind, positive and humble. I really liked him as a person and  he was really good looking, he smelled good and had good taste in clothes. Even tho it was really expensive one. 

He’s parents are super rich and they buy him everything he want’s but they also have really high expectations for him. But he is really smart and good at school so I believe that he will success in life. 

At the camp we spend quite some time together and it was really fun and he was fun, but I think he was with me only because he had to (because I worked there). But that does not change the fact that I liked talking with him and I enjoyed his company. But I hate this because I don’t know how I feel about him! ARGH! But he is way too good for me and I would never have even a tiny change on him so I guess it doesn’t even matter how I feel about him... 

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Me

This is for me. I know my life isn't the most interesting one but I'm writing everything down just for myself. So I can read this years from now and remember all the stuff that has happened to me. So.... Where do I begun. First of all I expect that when you read (well I read) this you are much older that what I'm now. I hope that you have succeed in life and followed your dreams. Because one of my biggest fears is that I get stuck here, in my hometown. I want to be a pilot and move to California. I've wanted that so long and I hope that you have achived that. At the moment I'm 14 and soon turning 15. Now is summer and in the fall i will go to high school. I'm pretty nervous because there's new people and new thigs and I've never quite belonged anywhere. But I hope everything goes fine. I do have there couple friends but they have their own friends too. But my battery is dying so I will go now byee💋