The Sound Of The Heart

[effymefy]

i have to accept the fact im just a person who still an option. never will become a priority in someone life. i wish someone would drop everything for me and just focus and listen to what i'm trying to express.

[effymefy]

its kinda sucks that you want to express what you feel but you just cant turn it into words. wishing someone could listen and actually listen the silence of my voice. but who am i kidding ? nobody can listen to our silent unless that someone actually know and understand us. the pain ? idk if i should called it pain cause im having mixed feeling about it. is it a thing that im actually feeling ? or its just a phase because of the mood or vibe ? im unsure about it but i wish i have someone that i can actually go to and just sit and be present. just like how u would sit by the beach and just let the wind breeze in your face. just sit there feeling empty in your own world.

[effymefy]

i feel that loneliness again. aku rindu perasaan dimana where i call someone and semua masalah and kepenatan tu hilang. rindu nak rasa macam ada rumah. rindu to feel like theres a place where i can be a kid and be a fool without feelin judge and still terima perangai baik buruk bodoh aku. the feeling of someone seeing me with love in their eyes. i kinda miss those eyes lookin at me. i wanted to be in love again but my heart isnt ready for it. everytime im giving my heart a chance it goes back to the feeling where i dont feel anything. in other words " mati rasa".

[stay-close]

“Millions of people have decided not to be sensitive. They have grown thick skins around themselves just to avoid being hurt by anybody. But it is at great cost. Nobody can hurt them, but nobody can make them happy either.”

— Unknown

[effymefy]

every night i feel so lonely. whenever someone need i’ll be there no matter what the time is, but when i feel down, sad and lonely and i need someone to talk to theres nobody as fast as i am to reply. it does feel lonely and sad sometimes. whats the point of being “well known” and have lot of friends when non of them are there for me when i feel like im at the lowest. im lying to myself. i force myself to be okay. im actually not okay. im actually in pain deep inside my heart making the scars of my own. i shouldnt have care anymore. i dont miss her but it hurts so much to know ive been replaced so damn fucking fast. its been like what ? 4 weeks and she already have someone new as her SO ? im that worthless that im not worth to move on from ? im not suck as a partner that my love just being replaced like that ? when u said no i would be single cause u got tired and cant commit and yet u accept some guy and what worst is its someone u called and say bestfriend to my face. reason is u accept cause he didnt give up having feelings for u for 4 years? u literally make him as your rebound cause deep inside u know u cant be alone . but i shouldt have feel bitter about it cause probably thats what your coping mechanism are like. u hide your stories from me cause u aint ready telling me yet but i knew about it already. whats the point of u hiding it again from me when i sitll knew ? hiding things make it worst honestly and u never learn from your mistakes and keep making it again. u sure are not that matured enough to deal with this kind of situation. i might be over reacting but know my place of feeling shit that ive easily replaced just like that. should have listen to my head and my mom. fyi mom never like u anyway cause she can feel u aint right for me and here your actions speaks louder. so kids, trust your mom instinct and advice cause believe me its going to come true. oh everytime i had a nightmare something bad gonna happen. it did happen. twice. sucks right ? waiting for the day of your pain might come cause u knew that worst will come based on the hint given in your dream. God really love me that He show me signs. i have to let things go but its really hard for me to forgive your mistakes hiding things from me. u know them well how my past happened and u did those shit anyway. fuck u for that. anyway i saw your new picture with him and u look happy. eventho youre with him but deep inside i feel calm looking at you seeing u look happy. eventho its not me who make you feeling that way. reason why i ended the relationship/friendship we had cause i know things gonna become toxic and i cant deal with it professionally. its better we become stranger where its easier for me to forget about u and not care about your shit anymore. hope this rant helps me with what i wanna say in my heart and in my mind. this is the only safe place without people knowing my stories and judging me. the only place i can write and vent things out. fuck this is so sad. im the most happiest and happy go lucky person and people destroy me. screw u shitt. night

[effymefy]

This is the last letter from me to you.

Eventho we ended our relationship in a good way. Just know that i still love you the way you deserve and the way i wanted to. But everything i saw was hurting me deeply and i don’t know how far i can handle it until it finally break me. Before that happen i rather stop and won’t let myself break to the ground because i know its damn hard for me to stand back up alone. I have no one to help me get up. Even you can’t cause you’re the main reason why im on my knees.

Here’s my goodbye for you. My last piece of love towards you in a diff ways will be gone by now. I can’t keep hurting myself seeing what i don’t like to see or what i don’t like to hear. Its hurting me too much and its gonna eat me up. I’m sorry. I still gonna be there for you whenever you need me but i can’t treat u the same way as how i treated you before.

Thank you for the great years of loving and accepting me as who i am. Thank you for accepting all my flaws and stand by me and always stick with me despite everything i did probably hurt u or make u think twice about me. I’m sorry i can’t provide you the love the you deserve but know that i tried my very best to give what you deserve because after knowing what you’ve been thru , now i know why God sent me into your life. Im the person who make u believe that love is a great thing and make u stand up again but sadly my time has come. Its my end of time that i can’t be with you anymore, you now can stand alone and be independent. You finally realized that you are stronger than you think. I hope things are going well for you in future and i really hope that other guys that wanted you as a girlf would make u as a wife cause any guy would be so damn lucky to have you. But that guy is not me. God has written other things for us and we probably aren’t meant to be, we’re just strangers crossing each other path and healing each other but at the end we’re hurting each other again. Can’t believe theres an end to our chapter but it is what if is and its been a good journey for me. I hope its been a good journey for you too. Thank you for loving all my quirks and my attitude. I know you’ll miss my annoying-ness but believe me your future partner will be as annoying as me just its not the same. I hope you’ll never forget me and i won’t even forget what you’ve ever did to me. You’re once my honeystar and u will always be my honeystar and i will always be your sunshine. I remember i was being called sunshine cause i was the person who give you light when you’re in a dark place. Idk whether to be sad that now you have light and you don’t need me anymore or whatever idek what im saying. Im lost of words already. I pray to God for your health and family may everything will be at ease and easy.

Thank you for loving me Honeystar💛

My last love for you. I love you so much S.

[effymefy]

If only you know how hurt i am right now. I wonder if you ever think about my feelings! I somehow don’t know if i should continue with this ‘cause i don’t feel love at all. I feel like im a burden to you. You said you’re annoyed with me. I thought when you love someone you won’t ever feel that way. I’m sorry if i make you annoyed. I wish i could be better for you but somehow i failed. I tried so many times but i keep on failing! I don’t deserve you. I’m sorry. I also feel a bit curious and insecure. And i can’t do anything about it! Telling you about it will make you feel more annoyed with me. It sucks when i have no one to tell and express my feelings to. I can only write here. Even nobody gonna read it but at least i can express how i feel here and i really wish someone would care for how i feel

[extramadness]

[effymefy]

i thought i was okay. but then last night i saw something that made me really sad. Those stuff he did, that used to be me who did that to you. I feel easily replaced by you. i wish i was the one who still doing those things to you. There’s nothing more i could do except for seeing you being finally happy with him. I really wish both of you the best. Things will be great for both of you. I should’t have checking on you anymore since he is doing great. 

[extramadness]

[poemswords]

[poemswords]

[extramadness]

[effymefy]

Her

Dear future boyfriend of her, let me tell you something that might help you. I want nothing more but for her to be happy. Eventho i’m not the one who make her happy, at least i’m giving you the chance to make her happy ‘cause she still deserve everything and all the happiness after what she been thru.

1. She love it when you give her all the attention and affection. Always give her the attention and love that she needs and give it more!

2. She love it when you remember stuff. The stuff she’s talkin’ . The stuff that makes her happy, sad and angry. Everything that came out from her mouth to your eyes is important to her. If its not important she won’t tell you and share it with you. Listen and remember. Tips. Jot it down so u won’t forget.

3. She really love spicy food, she really does love it, a lot. Her toungue is like damn thick and you’ll be amazed that she manage to eat real spicy food like its nothing. Make her feel proud that she can do it eventho for us its just damn normal.

4. Unicorn. Yes. That animal don’t exist but thats her fav damn imaginary animal. And rabbit. She hate cats ‘cause she used to have bad history with cats before but she’ll act like she’s not afriad much. If you live with her, buy a rabbit.

5. Always remember her fav flower, red daisy. But don’t just only buy red daisy. Buy others too but must include red daisy. Sunflower look nice. Give it to her before she even wonder why you never give it to her. She’ll keep it and water the flower so it lived. Trust me.

6. Buy her cute stuff, anything cute she’ll love it. Espicially if there’s a unicorn in it. She’s gonna freak out and you can see it in her eyes that she show her true happiness and you can feel calm when u see those beautiful eyes of hers. Trust me, she’ll hug and thank you and she’ll always brag about it ‘cause she love the stuff u gave so much.x

7. Never silent your phone. When she text, reply asap! When she call. Answer the damn phone no matter if you’re sleeping or not. She need you. She need assurance that you’ll be there for her no matter what you’re doing.

8. Every date you go with her, hold her hand, take picture of her, take video of her. Learn to take nice picture ‘cause she need beautiful nice tumblrish picture for her insta feed. Learn to take picture and she’ll edit it by herself. She’s good at editing.

9. This is important. Never ever be late to meet her. She hate hate fucking hate waiting. She hate that you’re late and she have to wait. Try to go there early as possible. No matter you picking up a flower or shit , never be late. When she say be there at 8, you have to be there at 745! You wait for her!

10. Don’t ever get mad at her. She may look tough but she’s soft inside. She’s a real baby inside. She’s a glass inside. Don’t ever raise your voice no matter how mad are you. she’ll never forget if u ever raise your voice. If you’re too mad, take a deep breath, let her scold you and you cool yourself down by yourself. Chill out. Never ever raise your voice

11. If she said she’s hungry, get her damn food! She love pancake from boomtown. Buy her those pancake. Pancake oreo! She love that! Send it to her house ‘cause she’s too lazy and afraid to drive on her own.

12. Bring her to hee fav bubbletea shop and bring her to her fav place to eat! Always bring her to eat . She’s hungry all the time. Eating is the priority in taking her out. So better take her out to eat first then do an activity together.

13. When she share you a story, remember all those names, those people and those event, even when she share it to you twice, listen and act like you first time listening to those stories ‘cause she love to tell you story. Never cut her off! NEVER! Let her tell you stories ‘cause its something important to her.

14. Her bestfriend is the most important person in her life. She would do anything for her bestfriend. Never get jealous about it, her male bestfriend is like a brother to her. She love them so so much so please don’t ever get mad and jealous when she’s being super friendly with them

[effymefy]

Okay

I don’t know if i’m even okay. I tell people i’m doing fine. Tbh, idk if i’m doing fine or i’m just pretending that i’m fine. I feel fine but every late night i feel like i’m not okay and there’s no one to talk to. Everybody got their own problems and shit why should i burden then with mine. Obviously i’ll annoyed them eventho they said they won’t feel annoyed. Its just idk what i’m feeling rn. Am i really okay ? I really do feel empty. I really do feel lonely. I’m the only child of course i feel lonely. Friends ? They’re busy. Parents ? Same . But i’m not gonna open my heart. I accidently saw her post jn. She just posted her picture with her new boyf. I’m confused with my own feelings. A part of me feel like its okay but a part of me feel like i just got stabbed in the heart. How i wish this feeling will fade away quickly ‘cause i’m tired of feeling this way

[extramadness]

[poemswords]