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blake kathryn
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PR's Tumblrdome
Today's Document
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Janaina Medeiros
Sweet Seals For You, Always
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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Product Placement
YOU ARE THE REASON
NASA
ā£ Chile in a Photography ā£
noise dept.
we're not kids anymore.
if i look back, i am lost
ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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@egosports
tw !! ed content
have been on edblr for a looong time now (āāøāļ¼) ednos/potentially arfid from 11-13 which then developed into ana when i was introduced to edblr. prof diagnosed, in & out of recovery for several years now.
i generally will not post tips or t/spo. this is a personal diary of mine & i am not looking to encourage (more) disordered behaviour in anyone else. weāre all sick here but i donāt want anyone getting sicker!
this is a sideblog, dm for my main @ :3
me post binge acting like a little yoga is gonna burn all the cals i just ate
people used to comment on how small i was all the timeā¦.
it's so hard going out in public and seeing all the thigh gaps and flat stomachs and thin arms and collarbones and angel wings and knowing that i dont have thosešš i just wanna stay home and crawl under my covers and just stay there
Regina George was valid for her crash out. If I found out I was eating 5000 calories a day Iād do the same thing.
i miss being high from fasting. i miss the constant empty feeling in my stomach. i miss seeing my rib and hip bones. i miss being disgusted by food. i miss not eating for multiple days. i miss being able to be around food without eating it. i miss feeling light and clean. i miss seeing progress daily. i miss seeing the number go down. i miss being dizzy. i miss feeling superior because i skipped another meal. i miss being uninterested in food. i miss being in control.
I feel like the hardest part about having an ed is when your in that awkward stage
when youāve been so okay with eating, and eating more than you used to
then one day you wake up and notice all the weight youāve gained and how hard it is to get back into the routine of eating less again.
iām in the awkward stage right now i went from 48kg to my hw at 51kg which when i right it doesnāt seem like a huge difference but it feels like it. i havenāt been this weight since i was 14 and donāt plan on sticking to this weight neither but it is just so hard to get back on track.
I just feel so disgusted with myself and how i look right now
my intake hasnāt been so low in months and yet iāve still been maintaining 106-110lbs in that time which is somewhere under bmi17. not super happy with myzelf but i donāt hate it and im happy to maintain here so as to keep suspicions abt my relapse low. as long as i donāt gain. but iāve been doing just fine maintaining on like 1600cals a day. honestly canāt believe my intake has been so low lately. even at my worst when my bmi was under 14 i NEVER had a day where i consumed less than like 200cals. like i didnāt think it was possible for me. then on tuesday i literally just ate some ham and one pickle. giving almond mom hardcore fr
so two days ago i had 2 slices of wafer thin ham and a pickle (~25cals), yesterday baked potato with cheese and chicken tenders (overestimating at 800cals). i havenāt eaten today yet but im considering eating the pizza i impulse bought for 1100calsā¦ ugh. its a lot and im worried it will trigger a binge but i also dont like food waste so itāll have to be eaten at some point. maybe best eat it today when i know i can try omad it.
been so brutally depressed lately my life has truly gone down the fucking toilet
iāve never felt worse than i did from like 14-17 so i still have sympathy but i look back at myself from then & think u fucking idiot.. i had nothing really wrong with my life other than depression and hormones. now i have depression but im also brutally in debt and canāt afford to feed myself if i want to keep my house. also iām in a relationship with a person i love so so much but his gambling problem is ruining both of our lives. and im depressed.
been so brutally depressed lately my life has truly gone down the fucking toilet
107.4lbs!!!!!
so far today iāve had:
203cal miso rice noodles
504cal salmon & rice (didnāt finish)
my bmr is ~1300 (estimating my weight) so i should have at least 600cals left to still be in a deficit. iāll try have a small meal of 300-400cals later on tonight and then fast until i finish work tomorrow at 2:30pm.
ok trying to be like backkk.. because iāve been eating so much lately and i know ive gained. i really am not capable of starving atm because of the ppl im surrounded by & the damage ana has done to my body lel. like i need to be eating several times a day bc hunger actually has my on the verge of passing out even when ive already eaten 1500cals+. need to stick to low cal āmealsā several times a day and try to stay in a small deficit, not restricting too much but not eating enough to maintain/gain.
someone remind me that scrolling edblr does NOT count as a workout
I feel like an amalgamation of flesh! meat!
for someone who only thinks about starving and losing weight i sure do eat a lot
