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How To Minimize Asian Features

Are you sick of being mocked for how Asian you look? Are you tired of the slanted eye jokes and comments about your “exotic” features?

Well, have no fear, we have a tutorial to help you look more “western” and normal!

Step 1: Let’s Fix Those Eyes!

Invest in getting eyelid surgery to fix your monolids. If you can not afford surgery, you can still buy eyelid tape or glue!

(It is only fair that we warn you of the possibility of accidentally ripping your eyelid while using eyelid tape. Please use with caution.)

Step 2: Hide that Round Face!

Many Asians have distinctive round faces that make them stick out from a western crowd of sharp and oval faces. Our best advice is to use your hair to hide and shape your face!

Here are our recommended hair styles:

Step 3: Step Away From Traditional Hair Styles

An absolute feature of every asian is straight black hair. Make people question your ethnicity even more by curling or dying your hair.

Step 4: Muscle Up!

One of the common stereotypes of Asians are how weak and submissive they are. If you bulk up, everyone around you will see you as strong and powerful— nothing at all like an Asian at all!

Step 5: Get a Tan or get Pale!

East Asians are often noted for their pale skin while South East Asians are often noted for their tan skin. Let’s mix it up! If you are an East Asian, consider getting tanner! If you are South East Asian, then it’s time to get paler— your dark skin signifies your poor field working class, so you’ll want to get paler anyways.

#asian

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