I'm transfeminine and I want to shave my head (I have trichotillomania so it would probably help with that as well), but I'm worried that I'll look masculine. Help?
If you want to keep your head shaved because you have trichotillomania and pull out your hair, but you want to have long hair so you can look more feminine and pass better, maybe shaving and then wearing a wig might help?
There are some women (trans and cis) who look masculine with bald heads, and others who still look feminine. It really depends on a lot of things and I couldn’t say whether your worries are justified are not because I don’t know what you look like! Wearing feminine clothes and jewelry and accessories, and hats or headbands might help you look feminine even if you don’t have that long-hair signifier. But if you do find that shaving your head makes you look more masculine and pass less often, then wearing a wig might help.
So you can try shaving your head if you want to, and then decide if you want to get a wig; you might feel like you don’t want/need one, or you might want one.
You could get gel finger cover things like these which can make it harder to pull at your hair because you can feel a difference and it helps remind you so you don’t unconsciously do it. Thin cloth gloves can serve a similar purpose!
You might also want to try keeping lots of fidget toys in your purse because after you’ve caught yourself doing pulling, it can be helpful to have something to redirect yourself with so you can start pull out a toy from your pocket or bag and fidget with it instead.
You might not feel the same compulsion to pull at the wig as you do with your own hair, but you might want to start with a cheap wig just in case. That way, if you find that you do bother at your wig then at least it’s not actually hurting you to tear at it because it’s artificial and you can just throw it out and buy a new one if it gets ruined.
I’d buy an electric hair clipper if you want to trim your hair daily to keep the hair short and then shave it with a razor maybe 1-3 times a week if you really want it smooth. They do have bald head shavers, and if you do end up sticking with the style it might be something you’d like to buy, but if you end up finding it not the right look or not helpful for you then having an electric hair clipper might be better because it’s more versatile and you can use it to trim or cut your hair and body hair but a bald head shaver can only be used for that one single thing.
If you do have a bald head, you still need to wash your head in the shower with soap or shampoo (either is fine) and moisturize your scalp (body oil, body butter, or body lotion is fine) to keep it healthy. Some folks use other products like cleansers too, but you don’t need to unless you like doing that extra step.
We have info on looking feminine here, and a post on finding a therapist here.
Here are some other links which may be helpful:
Self-help for skin picking and hair pulling
Coping with derma and trich
58 stimulation substitutes for bfrb’s
Trich and Derma self care post
a list of support groups (including online) for bfrb’s
a site for toys specifically for bfrb’s
Followers, any advice for anon?
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