The thing that sucks about being demisexual,
Is that I have to get to know a person, on a pretty deep level, before I can even start to feel like I might be interested in them.
How many people in your life do you even know on a deep and genuine level?
And yet I look through these dating apps and the best I can come up with is the vague notion that one guy might look a little more.. cuddly? Or that he might appreciate all the weird things I make and that I do, and he might have his own interests he would want to share with me?
And even if that's the case, who's to say if he's even a good person?
This is a huge societal problem with men raised in the 90s, largely due to fucked up media portrayals of women, reducing them sex objects, basically because marketing was trying to appeal to the male gaze. But then young men and women for a decade had this shoved down their throats in our formative years, with the notion that men don't have to do anything, or be anything special, they just have to exist, roll ouot of bed and show up, and they're entitled to a 'hot' girlfriend. They're entitled to sex. They're entitled to having that woman do all the laundry, and the cleaning, and washing dishes, and cooking, and having his kids, and taking care of those kids, and possibly juggling a job of her own on top of all of that. But even if you're both working, all this other shit still falls to her. Why?
And the biggest problem with all of this, is that men who adapted this entitlement spoon fed to them by money-hungry media..
They don't see women as people. And they aren't even aware they're doing it.
You could tell them they're not seeing women as people, and they'll get angry. They'll say they're not stupid.
What do you mean I don't see women as people. They're not dogs. They're not cyborgs. Of course they're people.
But they can't step back and self-reflect, and recognize all these expectations and things they feel entitled to, from her, because she's a woman, and 'that's what women do'. All the shit men don't want to do, and feel entitled they shouldn't have to. That's for women. Because they're the sub-species of human that does that. Not me. I'm a man. I'm a normal human. It's easier if she does all that shit for me.
Like.. This is the mentality. But they don't wanna admit that's their mentality, because that would make them the bad guy. And they're dogmatically the hero of every story, no matter what they do, or how they treat other people. If they're being an asshole, or they're being cruel, you're just not UNDERSTANDING enough. All the media that centers men and boys like them always include moments where they main character is bombarded with insurmountable stress and trauma to a point they just break and go apeshit, supersayan, or whatever the fuck. And they feel entitled to do that, if they think they've reached a point where everyone should just understand the kind of stress they're under, and UNDERSTAND they would never normally act this way.
Even when the hurt and the dismissiveness and the selfishness and the cruelty continues
For over a ddecade.
While you never hold him accountable, because he's trying. And you think he loves you. And even though you're doing everything while he watches porn and plays video games and resents ever having to spend money on his family, You walk on eggshells and try to quietly manage his stress and agitation to a minimum, and try to protect your kids from it, without making him feel like the bad guy.
Because of course, he's not the bad guy. Everyone is always the problem but him. He is the tragic 'nice guy' hero-victim', always under-appreciated, always misunderstood. No one loves him like he deserves to be loved. And even when they spend years sacrificing, understanding, with patience and longsuffering, trying to show you they DO love you, in a deep, meaningful, and very comitted way,
You push them away to make them TRY HARDER.
But how are you showing that person love, in that scenario?
Fuck you Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. White-Knight, Mr. Hero of all the video games, because you clicked all the 'right' dialogue boxes to earn that achievement, pretending to be someone you're not.
And then resent and accuse and trash on the people who love you so they'll massage your ego and your conscience for lying to them about who you are, so they'll love the false version you presented in the first place.
Always the victim of the situation he created for himself.
It's hard to tell who is a genuinely good person, who is capable of loving me as a person,
When men like this are still deluded into thinking they ARE the good guy.