I don't have good grammar

But I wish I did

[eldubbs12]

Commere. I love you.

I’m single. If you’re one of my close friends or family members or teammates or acquaintances or classmates or co-workers or subway-seat sharers, you know this. Because I talk about it. A lot. The thought is always on my mind. Why does everyone ELSE have a significant other? Why is everyone ELSE so happy? Why can’t I be that happy? When’s it my turn? WAH. Everything is a constant reminder of my singledom: people holding hands on the sidewalk, couples out to dinner, emails for ‘romantic getaway’ deals, a playlist of love songs that I may or may not listen to 24/7 and literally anything and everything I look at – a reminder. Valentine’s Day is just one more on top of everything else.

It’s very easy for me to get completely sucked into this vortex of sadness of being alone, especially on Valentine’s Day. And then I realized. I am NOT alone. I’m so not alone. As we speak, my one roommate offered to make me pancakes and my other roommate and her gf (grrr…jk) are hanging out, too. I’m about to meet a friend for a bagel (YAY! And, yes, pancakes and bagels…no wonder my jeans don’t fit) and then an afternoon of karaoke with other friends.

Does that sound like someone who’s alone?

A while back I wrote an entry on perspective and how important it is. It’s easy to fall into the pattern of focusing on what I don’t have instead of what I do have. My life is filled with so much love and laughter on a daily basis. I have friends and family members, teammates and co-workers who are the most supportive, loving, amazing, funny, awesome, caring, talented, honest people I know. They are always motivating me and helping me grow into a better version of myself. It’s funny; I had a friend ask me the other day what I look for in a significant other and those, almost verbatim, are the qualities I want.

When I think about the bigger picture, my heart smiles miles wide because of all the things I do have. How lucky am I to live in a city I love with my best friends, doing the things I love to do with people I love? My life is literally bursting at the seams with love (see my above comment about carbs and jean-size).

I’m taking a stand. It’s time to stop moping around and being sad about the one thing I don’t have and start giving all of my energy and love to the things in my life that fulfill me in so many ways. My time will come when I meet my partner-in-crime, but until then, I’m going to cuddle all my other loves until their heads pop off. I am the luckiest.

Commere. I love you.

[eldubbs12]

Oh Weezer - I didn't forget about you.

[eldubbs12]

The things I'll do for a Facebook 'like' - jk. Short hair!!!

[eldubbs12]

What is meant to be will be.

[eldubbs12]

#learnfromeverything #quotablecards @quotablecards

[eldubbs12]

Desk decor @quotablecards

[eldubbs12]

It had been a lifelong dream of mine to have one of my quotes published on a quotable card and today I'm happy to announce my very own quote was released. Find it in stores mid-January #happybirthdaytome

[eldubbs12]

Bagel Is On There More Than Once....

I recently watched a Ted Talk about how having a positive perspective and attitude can affect your life. Honestly I found the beginning to be annoying and boring but I’m glad I watched the whole thing because at the end the dude gives some pretty cool insight and activities to try at home! Aw man! Homework! But guys, this is like, cool homework.

One of the things he suggested was to write down three things you’re grateful for a day. Some days I was grateful for more than three! Other days, it was harder to come up with stuff. The assignment was to do this for 21 days (number of days to form a habit). Today was the last day and here is my list. Moving forward even though I won’t always physically write down what I’m grateful for, it’ll be bouncing around my brain and a good reminder to appreciate even the little things in life. Give it a try! It’s quite refreshing!

Wednesday, October 16th –My health, family, friends

Thursday, October 17th – ability to run, fall mist, ‘Happy Endings’, fall breeze, time at work to take a 15 minute walk and sing, harmony, perspective

Friday, October 18th – sunshine, Fridays, acoustic guitars, homemade pizza, roommates, my life

Saturday, October 19th – sleeping in, Buckeyes, old friends,

Sunday, October 20th – blue skies, fall days, bagels, rhythm, Chipotle’s diet coke

Monday, October 21 – Diet Dr. Pepper, Friends (show), homemade chicken nuggets, roommates trying on my dresses (yes I own dresses), Bob Marley

Tuesday, October 22 – snooze button, ability to make people laugh, express trains, Jay-z’s rap in Rehab (amy winehouse), Katie Reider – you can hear the smile in her songs, comfort, pizza rolls & popcorn

Wednesday, October 23 – Price adjustments, seat on the train, my family’s health, The Goldbergs

Thursday, October 24 – karaoke, new friends, ability to visit old coworkers, days when boss is out, pink and gray combos

Friday, October 25 – chicken fingers and fries, roomie movie nights, paid sick days

Saturday, October 26 – bagel place knowing my order and prepping and serving before people ahead of me in line, fall roadtrips with good friends, beaches, Michelle Branch, fall nature hikes, local pizza joints, reminiscing

Sunday, October 27 – orange juice with pulp, bacon egg and cheese, Netflix

Monday, October 28 – getting the hang of it, $1 diet Cokes, jokes

Tuesday, October 29 – I get to walk around NYC on my lunch break! Sunshine and fall breeze, cousins in the city and having dinner with them!

Wednesday, October 30 – ability to call and talk to my mom every day

Thursday, October 31 – sweatpants at work (Halloween costume), meeting up with friends you haven’t seen in a while, waking up early, watching the Goldbergs and getting a bagel on a Thursday morning!!

Friday, November 1 – Old school sleepovers!, girl talk, ice cream sandwiches with soft cookies

Saturday, November 2 – orange flavored cranberries, packages in the mail! Ohio hoodie, performance ecstasy, random meetings w Dolce on the train!

Sunday, November 3 – clean laundry, qual time with friends, Marathon watching! So inspiring and motivating – humanity! Making friends with random buckeye strangers on the train, fun in musical improv class

Monday, November 4 – family’s health, Reese’s, ability to help my family, heat, having the patience to not get mad when stuck on the L for an hour because of a sick passenger…they’re sick, man - chill

Tuesday, November 5 – Styx, peanut M&Ms, not getting stuck on the L for an hour, jamming to music all day

[eldubbs12]

When I marry her, this will be our song.

[eldubbs12]

Sibling love #tbt (at Ardmore Rd)

[eldubbs12]

I Hope You Break Your Penis

Friday night I decided to take a cab back to my apartment in Bushwick from South Slope instead of trekking the 15-minute walk to the G, waiting for the G (which never, ever comes) then waiting for the AWFUL shuttle that’s running instead of the L train. Yea, it was a little diva-y of me, but whatever, sue me. I hailed a cab, bid my friends adieu and went on my way. After a little bit into the ride, I noticed my cab driver was driving pretty slow; well, he wasn’t weaving in and out of traffic like most insane cabbies, but taking his time and actually following the traffic laws.

This annoyed me – time is money. But I let it go and went back to the very important task of refreshing all of my social media apps to see if anything updated in the past 2 seconds. A few minutes later I noticed we were stopped. Literally stopped behind said AWFUL shuttle. Now I was super annoyed.

“Um – can you please just go AROUND the shuttle?” I asked in my most bitchiest tone.

The driver looks for a second and just says “No.”

Oh. Hell. No. I was PISSED now. Really guy? You’re not going to go around? Can’t you go down a different street? Let’s pick the SLOWEST route and take that one – more money for you, heh? Fucker.

Right when I was about to rip this guy a new asshole, he turns around and says,

“I’ll just turn the meter off, don’t worry.”

What? This threw me completely off guard.

“Uhhh, ummm, you don’t have to do that. Thank you. Um, sorry. What?”

Then we drove the rest of the way to my apartment in silence and with the meter off.

I felt like such an asshole.

We pull up to my apartment and he turns around to me again and says,

“Your safety is much more important than saving a few bucks. It was too dangerous to pull out and around the bus; I couldn’t see if there was oncoming traffic. You have friends and family waiting for you and it’s my job to bring you back safely. I have friends and family too and they want me to be safe as well.”

I felt like an even BIGGER asshole. If that’s possible.

“Wow. You're right. Thank you so much. I’d really like to tell your manager or something how wonderful you are, is there a way I can do that?”

“No thanks necessary ma’am. This is my job. To get you where you need to be safely.”

Now I’m a triple asshole. All this guy cared about was my safety and all I cared about was breaking as many traffic laws as possible to save $3.

I got out of the cab. He drove away. And I started crying. Legit crying.

This stranger had such an effect (affect? hate this word) on me.

He made me realize that this is what I do. I do that thing where I forget about the big picture and instead focus on the non-important, insignificant petty part of what’s happening around me.

I know I’m not the only one that does this but damn. Get it together, Weinblatt.

Life is made up of these moments: big ones and little ones and important ones and unimportant ones and everything in between. I find myself constantly battling about what I should be spending my energy on and what’s pointless.  Saving three dollars versus risking my life…hmm…tough one. But I notice that I get caught up and fixated SO easily on the wrong stuff….

Someone bumped into me on the train. Fuck you.

Someone’s bag brushed my arm for one second. You’re the worst human on the planet.

A dude sits down next to me on the train taking over half the bench because his legs automatically spread open and stay apart as if they are magnets of the same charge repelling each other and he just…can’t…close....them. I hope you trip and fall and break your nose, right arm and both legs and penis.

I guess you can say I have a little bit of “commuter” rage. And what’s worse is every once in a while, rarely, but it does happen, I let this shit ruin my morning.

But why? I know in the grand scheme of life it doesn’t mean anything. How many times have I accidentally bumped into someone or stepped on someone’s foot? A bajill (for those of you who don’t know, a bajill is short for bajillion which is approximately a billion squared). It wouldn’t even occur to me that this could ruin someone’s morning.

I keep stumbling upon articles and blogs about people who are dying or who have lost loved ones. My family had a scare a few months ago when my mom got sick and I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the petty, little things ruin my days anymore. It just wasn’t worth it because life is too short. But then time passed and I slowly started slipping back into my old ways….don’t we all do that?

I can’t let myself do that.

I started a new job recently and all I can feel is overwhelming stress. I keep trying to remind myself that things will get better and easier. All in due time, little one, all in due time. It’s hard to keep this perspective because all I want to do is give up, quit and run away to Hawaii. But the thing is, I’m not saving lives. No one will die if I send the wrong email out. I need to relax.

It all comes back to my perspective.

The things that feel big or annoying or petty in the moment – where do they fall on the life-importance spectrum? Most of the time, nowhere major. Take a breath and relax. All will be okay. If I fuck something up or lose my way a little bit, it’s okay. Learn from it and move on.

 Maybe it takes an angel in the form of a cab driver to remind me how precious life is and how we shouldn’t take it for granted. How maybe we should stop and think about the big picture.

These little gifts are everywhere and I have to be willing and open to see them and appreciate them and learn from them.

And that’s the beauty of life. The opportunity to always Learn From Everything life throws at us. 

PTFO. 'Til next time.

[eldubbs12]

If you never try then you’ll never know

You guys! I’m freaking the fuck out. I agreed to do a show on Saturday night and I promised myself that I’d sprinkle half of my set with new jokes (that’s about 4 minutes and yes, 4 minutes of untested material is a LONG TIME). That’s scary as FUCK. I’ve been using my same material basically every show because it’s safe and I know it works. How am I going to learn and get better if I don’t try anything new? I won’t. Louis CK and Sarah Silverman and all of the greats talk about having and needing to fail to get better. And it’s true. I’ve had a few ‘cricket’ moments but overall, I’ve had very positive experiences.

I’m terrified of the silence: the silence of no one laughing.  But fuck it dudes. I’m gonna go out there and just do it. Whether I get laughs or not, I’ll take something away from it. I have to learn to deal with it. I have to learn from everything.

It’s weird. Even just writing about being scared makes me feel better.

I’m not a huge Steve Jobs fan but I like this quote because I think it puts life into perspective very well:

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”

Although I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, it’s a nice reminder.

PTFO, friends. I’ll try to write more often but make me.

[kellysue]

Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring, not your games with language, which will be the most compelling and seductive element in your style.

Kurt Vonnegut, Advice on Writing from Modernity’s Greatest Writers (via kellysue)

[eldubbs12]

Best. Friends.

[eldubbs12]

There are no mistakes - just chances we've taken.

[eldubbs12]

Umm. Really? #nofilter

[eldubbs12]

I don't know what to ask. Your next set should be mythology-based. That's not a question, sorry. Umm...when can I see you??? There's that old question. Do I need to use all available 500 characters? In this message, I mean. Characters are letters and spaces in this sense and not people in stories. The Letter People are BOTH. Weird. Ok, I feel like I'm misusing this forum. Am I? Good work, lady.

HAHA THE LETTER PEOPLE! nice. let's hang soon.