church

i do bad things for the sake of good times. i don't regret. call me what you will. i'm in it for the thrill. i'm just selfish. too many nights and there's no end. i'm hellbent, the reckless one. too many nights i justified. all my casualties of love. for all the times i can't reverse. for all the places where it hurts. the middle of church.

[eleanorvankamp]

@eleanorvankamp: guess who just broke her nose 🤦🏼‍♀️

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian.

  “just offering, hm?” kian questions, chuckling softly to himself again.

eleanor laughed softly, moving to lock her legs around his torso from her spot on the counter, “you can always tell me to fuck off.”

[eleanorvankamp]

@eleanorvankamp: life is good and things are good and i'm so happy :)

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

    there’s a small chuckle falling from his lips after their kiss ends. “oh, yeah, is that so?” he questions, chuckling once more.

“i’m just offering...” eleanor teased gently, her forehead resting against his.

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian.

   kian shrugs with a smile, “eh, nothing wrong with thinking about stuff, honestly. it’s what makes the world go around and what not.”

“maybe not but...” eleanor kissed his lips gently, “we could do a few other things that don’t involve as much thinking...”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

   “i wouldn’t complain about a trip to hawaii.” kian states, letting a small laugh leave his lips. “he’s three, babe, he doesn’t think into things. three year olds just go with the flow.”

“you’re right. i know you’re right...” eleanor sighed softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek gently, “i think i’m thinking way too much.”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

   “can’t say that i’d ever seen you surf before.” kian responds with a small chuckle before he’s kissing her back. “i try not to be wrong.” he chuckles towards the female. “honestly? i haven’t really thought about it. i don’t know how you tell a three year old this sort of stuff.”

“really? well, we clearly need a trip to hawaii to remedy that... i don’t make the rules.” eleanor laughed gently, nodding, “i don’t know either. i just... i dunno. i don’t want him to think... god, i don’t know. i feel bad for ever leaving in the first place.”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian.

  “that so?” kian questions with a chuckle, moving closer to the female and giving her his hands. “suppose we’re just good at figuring our shit out. you hate the unknown? you must really hate space and the ocean, then.” he jokes, laughing to himself.

eleanor laughed softly, sliding her fingers through his, “i love the ocean. if i didn’t play football, i’d totally be a surfer...” she leaned down to kiss him gently, “but you’re not wrong.” she bit her lip, laughing softly, “what the hell are you gonna tell aleki about all of this?”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

   “okay, just checking.” kian states with a nod, taking another sip from his glass of wine before he’s placing it down somewhere for a moment. “personally, i’m not sure i have any answers, i just sort of bullshit my way through.” he chuckles.

eleanor laughed soflty, shrugging, “coulda fooled me.” she reached out for his hands, making small grabby hands for them, “maybe i just like to think we have the answers because it makes everything... make sense. i hate the unknown. i’m not really a ‘go with the flow’ type of person.”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian.

   kian stays silent for a moment or two, taking a sip of the contents of his wine glass, noticing her just looking down at her feet. “you okay?”

“i’m okay.” eleanor set her wine glass down and moved to pull herself up onto the counter, watching kian, “i just... don’t even know where to start. and it’s... freaky. i feel like we always have all the answers.”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

   “probably just because i do it everyday or whatever.” kian responds, shoulders shrugging towards her. “yeah, totally. life is fucking weird.” he chuckles, taking a sip from his glass. “i swear he’s getting bigger everyday and i just want him to stop growing.”

“i bet.” eleanor stayed quiet, her eyes fixed on her feet. as thankful as she was to have kian (and aleki) back in her life, there were so many unknowns and so many questions floating around her head. 

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

   “i mean, yeah, that’s always an option.” kian replies with a nod of his head towards her. “hey, don’t say that, you did pretty good when you lived with aleki and i. but, yeah, you’re right. my music or acting career could end one day and i wouldn’t have a disposable income, so i have to do this sort of stuff now in case i can’t someday.”

“yeah, but... lets be honest, you’re way better at this than me.” eleanor smiled slightly, nodding, “exactly... it could all go away with no warning at all and... i dunno. life’s too short.” she took another sip from her glass, biting her lip, “i can’t believe how much he’s grown since i left...”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

  “thanks.” kian responds with a small smile before he’s taking the glass from her. “honestly? nothing really. aleki’s been asking to go to disney, so i might be planning a trip to take him there. i mean, i know he’s only three and won’t remember it when he gets older, but oh well.”

“you could always take him again... and i mean, pictures and stuff.” eleanor bit her lip, “i’m probably not very good at parenting but... i do think life is too short to not do things that you have the means to do. one day everything could just... go away and disney could never be an option again. i’m not sure that even makes sense but.”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

   kian shrugs his shoulders when he listens to her words, “i…feel like i’ve been fighting my entire life and i’m just kind of tired of it. i just decided that i really wanted to put that shit behind me and rediscover old passions instead of embracing angry kian.”

“i’m proud of you for that, ki.” eleanor handed him a glass and smiled slightly. she took a drink from her own glass, “what else have you been up to since i’ve been gone?”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian.

   kian chuckles, leaving his shoes by the door as he followed her inside. “i can’t have you stealing my househusband brand.” he tells her, another laugh falling from his lips.

eleanor laughed, moving to grab a bottle of wine from the fridge as she spoke, “i still can’t believe you’re not fighting anymore.” she opened it and poured two glasses, biting at her lip.

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

   kian smiles softly, “i’m glad that i’m here, too.” he replies before he’s kissing her back. “yeah, it does feel natural. feels right.”

eleanor smiled slightly, pulling away to turn and walk towards the kitchen, “so, as per usual, i ordered food because... we both know you’re not into me for being a good housewife.”

[eleanorvankamp]

kiiian‌.

   kian wraps his arms around her waist when she had slid her arms around his neck. “i know, i think it might just be the whole…random occurrence of it or whatever?” he states, chuckling softly. “i don’t know what the fuck i’m talking about.”

eleanor laughed softly, burying her face in his neck, “i don’t know either so... i’m just glad you’re here, ki.” she pulled away gently, moving to her tip toes to kiss him gently, “this feels... natural. like... i dunno.” she felt her cheeks flush slightly.