oblivion

i need someone else to look into my eyes and tell me; boy you know you gotta watch your health elijah feguson, 18

[kallie-mintz]

[Kallie is elated that a quick flash of her chest helped her snag yet another piece of contraband. It’s not much—only a fourth of a bottle of some off-brand rum, but it’s more than enough to give her the buzz she so desperately craves.

She sneaks her way into the kitchen, trying to tip-toe, but failing miserably as her heels click against the wooden floors.

And who is that she spies?

…She really doesn’t remember.

Someone stupid. What’s his name? It’s something dumb for a dumb boy. Something fitting.

Kallie unscrews the bottle of liquor and narrows her eyes at him]

Is your name…Albert?

[eli-ferg-blog]

[Eli's eyes take a minute to adjust to the sudden lack of light in the room after he let the fridge door shut, but he has a guess as to who it is- there's only one person in here with shoes as loud as that and a giraffe's neck.  He squints, taking another bite out of the tomato and leaning against the kitchen counter.]

Nope. Eli.

[He shakes his head, taking another bite. Maybe he should eat in the dark more often. It feels less intimate.]

You're Kaye, right? 

[He almost hopes she doesn't remember him. He doesn't think about that time she got him high and in a dress very fondly, if he ever does.]

[eli-ferg-blog]

[Padding through the hallway without his shoes on wasn't something Eli woud usually do. However, when it's 2 AM and the only other people that are awake are nurses who'll probably have a few questions as to why you're sneaking into the kitchen when you've been offered three perfectly fine meals throughout the day before. 

Gray socks slide easily across the tile of the kitchen as he approaches the fridge, slowly opening the door. As he mulls over his options:

Grapes are good, but eating too many feels wrong.

There's a whole tomato, which he could just eat. Just like that. 

Water - the best option, though it might make a lot of noise and someone might come to see what's up.

Deciding on the tomato, he rubs the fruit on his sweater before biting into it. He chews deliberately, focusing more on eating than the fact that he just let the fridge slam shut.]

[anthony-adams]

Unless we do test on ya’. I don’t suggest it.

[Thoughtless, perhaps a happy Anthony was a more dangerous one when it came to the cost of himself. Without thought of the sting, the potato mashed sweater was gently pulled over his head.

It was a war zone on his arms, smeared in that drenched crimson from scabs opening up from bumping it. It got worse, the scars have lost their order. Curling and dancing, ‘FAGGOT’ dressing up his left forearm just to taunt himself more. Even he couldn’t help but cuss softly, using the ruined sweater even more to try and scrub away at the red- Eli. 

The sweater was tossed to the floor almost violently before he grabbed another sweater from his dresser, yanking it on. A tag in his face showed that he put it on backwards but he played it off as nothing. Anthony twisted himself around and smiled a red eyed smile that said ‘If you saw anything don’t say anything’.]

Ready to grab those sugar pills? 

[eli-ferg-blog]

[Eli glanced at Anthony after he tossed his sweater onto the floor, tossing it into the hamper while giving the other a pointed look. Whatever he was about to say was quickly forgotten as he glanced at his friend's arm, the irritated letters giving pale skin a red tint. He quickly turned after he realized he'd been staring, nodding as he pressed the damp sweater further into the hamper.]

Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

[He walked quickly towards the door, offering a small smile. Maybe after the other was asleep, Eli could run off what he'd eaten. No way he could sleep after eating that much.]

Did you want me to stay with you until you actually pass out, or do you wanna do that alone?

[dancingqueen333]

[anthony-adams]

Mean. [He looked down at the oddly placed hands with a tinted frown, realizing how gay it was. Anthony’s nerves spiked up a bit, looking left and right for anything that could possibly spread what was true. All he knew was that he’d going to keep his singing ‘pick me up’ to himself to keep the other from teasing him. With a dramatic sigh, anthony looked back down at his hands and quickly flinched them away to test out the rules of this game. Glancing up, he quircked an eyebrow to ask if he was doing it right.] Like..That? Right?

[eli-ferg-blog]

What, would you rather we were holding hands and singing songs? I have a fourteen year old sister, I can play patty-cake until my hands bleed. 

[Eli nodded, grinning. This was definitely gay. Maybe even gayer than falling down the stairs in drag, because now he's sober. But they're both content, and he couldn't care less about how gay it looked. Anthony acting like a fairy was better than Anthony spewing out his suicide plans. He nips at the chapped skin on his bottom lip, wiggling his fingers lightly against the other's wrist. It always made his sister flinch, and she'd never know when he'd actually go in for the kill.]

Yep, like that. 

[anthony-adams]

[He started laughing to himself, the self pity and worry lost, Eli looked stupid doing that, but at least the guy was happy. At this rate they’ll be in their room in no time.] No skipping in the damn halls Skeletor! We look like a pride parade! 

[He had to jog a little to keep up with the backwards skipping elf he had claimed for a friend, deciding not to warn him about corners and wet spots on the floor.] Cool paranoid? Maybe they like flashing the government or something. Act like they’re doing some hardcore shit when they’re doing nothing. Nah- Stupid and optimistic go hand in hand, can’t have one without the other. 

[The hallway turned familiar, and that’s when he sped ahead and overtook Eli, easily hurdling himself into the room, but not without knocking his shoulder into the door frame. He was working off the high, the playful joy he lost in the years, too pumped up to realize he opened a few wounds on himself. ]

[eli-ferg-blog]

Oh, this looks like a pride parade? I've been through the halls looking much gayer than this. 

I don't think you're stupid if you're optimistic. But maybe that's just stupidity via optimism. We'll never know, will we?

[He laughed, turning around and stepping into the room behind Anthony. Suddenly, Eli felt a surge of anxiety at the possibility of having to change in front of the other. There was the possibility of seeing Anthony's scars, which made him worry. When he'd seen them the first time; he couldn't tell new marks from old and that left him worried. There was also the chance of Anthony seeing his own body, which would disgust him. No one had seen his body since October, at least (if Kaye had actually looked away when he'd asked her to). He'd barely even seen it himself. He settled for shuffling through his drawers, finding a bigger sweater than the one he had on and girl-scout changing into it.]

[anthony-adams]

Too much? ….Too much. Right. [He swallowed hard, his throat swelling with just about every emotion out there as he finds the burn of the rubbing just a bit comforting. Gay. Faggot. Twig. Pixie. Too much. A whimper noise crawled out of his voice as he pulled a little bit on the others sweatshirt, pressing his face in further. He was too much.]

I don’t know. Never seen you pissed off or anything. Crying, sure, stupid, slow, annoyed, but never really pissed off. I don’t know if that counts as level headed, but I don’t think you are. Starting with, you can’t keep your head the right side up. Also I’m sure if you look around they’ll be a nice girl that can teach ya’.. I’m kinda useless when it comes to exercise. 

[A small but teasing smile appeared on his face at the green eyed suggestion, remembering himself for a moment. He’s gotten himself attached, latched, a best friend when he’s supposed to die. And now look what’s happening- He’s doubting his only chance at success, at killing the monsters in his head. The silence was killing him and it was obvious by the way he shook, praying to the God he doesn’t believe in to make this building quieter.]

[eli-ferg-blog]

It's okay, though. You're like, my only friend. So I probably care too much about how you're doing, too.

[Eli shrugged, his hold on the other tightening so Anthony wouldn't think he was trying to slither out of his arms. He smiled against the other's shoulder, his hand just ghosting over Anthony's back. Maybe having someone care too much wasn't horrible.]

I never get pissed. I was kinda pissed when you fought Lucas. I've honestly only seen two girls walking around more than once, and I'm pretty sure one of them doesn't move much more than just going from one room to the next.

[His brow furrowed when he thought of the girl in the yoga pants, where had she gone? She definitely couldn't have gotten to go home. Rose was worse off than he was, walking around with cigarettes in her teeth and throwing up everything she ate. Eli's smile shouldn't have appeared when he thought of another person being worse off than him. He felt a twinge of guilt, pushing his face further into Anthony's shoulder.]

[anthony-adams]

—Never played patty cake ya’ asshole. [He rolled his eyes, repeating the action and slapping the others hands again.] Besides, bad moods suck, not sleeping sucks, the sun sucks, and honestly it’s either this or complaining. [He was running off of distracting himself, shifting his legs so that he was seated more comfortably before waiting for the other to pull another move or idea out of his ass.]

[eli-ferg-blog]

[Eli tries to jerk his hands back when Anthony smacks but moves too slow. He gives an exaggerated sigh, slapping the sides of the other's wrists.] Well, it's much worse than this. At least here we're not singing. [He shrugs, squinting slightly. He holds his hands palms-up underneath the other's, glancing up at Anthony.] The sun's the only thing you have to deal with forever, so just ignore it. When you think I'm gonna hit your hands, pull them back. If I get you I win. Then we switch. 

[anthony-adams]

I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been outside since I got here. And now you’re trying to bait me to talk about how you need to eat-

[He noticed the palms facing upwards and decided to amuse himself. It was impulsive, stupid, and even more stupid. Shifting so that he was facing the other, he slams his hands down on the open palms for no reasons at all.]

[eli-ferg-blog]

I don't think anyone's been outside. I've left the floor like, six times. I've got cabin fever, I'm pretty sure. I'm crazier n-

[Eli flinches when Anthony slams his hands down on his own. His face turns into one of confusion, flipping his hands around and smacking the tops of Anthony's hands. He can't help but laugh, tucking his legs underneath himself as he turns to face Anthony more.]

This is what teenaged girls do. Are we really gonna play paddy-cake?

[anthony-adams]

Ya’ know. That’s even worse. Sensitive or paranoid. Sounds like I start crying at the drop of a flag. 

[Oh of course his back hit the doors, eyes closing tightly once he did. Scrambling a bit, he pushed open the door and turned back to walk forward. If anything, he was walking faster than usual, legs taking long strides to move towards their room. Anthony was just assuming the speedwalker that was his roommate could keep up.]

Optimism is blinding as hell. I like things to be realistic. Once again, that was a needle, needles are different from pills. If you call worrying about your weight and the way you eat paranoid, then yeah, you’re paranoid. But you’re like a cool paranoid, not that I like what you’re doing to yourself but- ..You get the idea. 

[His thumb quickly scratched his cheek, quieting his rambling quickly before they could get worse.]

[eli-ferg-blog]

I think i can do cool paranoid. Better than just paranoid, I guess. I'd rather be paranoid than sensitive, I think? Sensitive just sounds really  emotionally unstable. I feel like a cool paranoid person would think that the government is watching them, but they're totally okay with it.

[He laughs when Anthony hits the door, the worry of Anthony hitting one of his wounds when he slammed against the door too small in his mind to come up. He sprints a little, ending up at Anthony's side, pulling slightly ahead of him. He turns backwards this time, half-skipping backwards down the hallway in front of Anthony.]

I think I'm optimistic. Not stupid optimistic, though.

[anthony-adams]

[The bony fingers brought him to a more alive reality, one where hugs happened along with food fights, where he shouldn’t feel the need to seek out an answer to every noise the building makes. But it’s still there. The boy sat still, only half trusting the words he heard, hands growing into claws as he tried to plant himself more firmly into the now and away from his demons. It’s been awhile since they have made him miserable. It took him awhile to actually look back down, glancing at his roommate before muttering about sharp chins and cheekbones.]

Calm, calm..Right. Whatever. 

I’m not that wrapped up in my shit, right? I mean, I care about you enough. And since when are you level headed? Third or second time I saw you, you were upside down trying to do ‘yoga’. 

[But he didn’t speak about fire, or suicide, that strange uneasiness still sticking to him when he used every quiet moment to listen out to noises or the wind against his ear. The grip switched from digging into cloth covered skin to simply grabbing the sweatshirt. It was his way to remember that Eli was there. Not a figment of what is not real, or was it? He shoved away that thought by pressing his cheek against the top of the others head, more reminders, implanted memories that he wish he could remember but always forgot the next day.]

[eli-ferg-blog]

No, you're not. You care a little too much, since there's nothing to really care about; but you care. You're not like, selfish. I didn't mean to say it like that. I dunno. Just because I like stretching as exercise doesn't mean I'm not level headed. Not my fault no one'll teach me how to do it. 

[Eli laughs lightly, his head shaking lightly against the other's shoulder. He wonders why he's in a place like this with Anthony. Anthony's problems were much worse than his on, and they were something he couldn't help.

He shuts his eyes, leaning slightly into the other's hand. He's unsure if the other still hears anything, hoping he doesn't. The room's completely silent, save of Anthony and his own breath. Thin fingers rubbed gently against the other's shoulder, not wanting to irritate the other's scars.]

[anthony-adams]

[He quickly turned his head towards Eli, the smile on his face just screaming sarcasm at another death notion. It was like he was taunting him.]

Ha. Ha. It should stop being bright as fuck though. Isn’t it supposed to still be winter though? Fuck..

[eli-ferg-blog]

You're actually just as expected to get a sunburn in the winter. But it is really nice out. 

[Eli shrugs, the palms of his hands facing upward.]

I have no idea what the weather's supposed to be like around this part of the country. I'm just always cold though.

[briannambarton]

[ezradelrey-blog]

[anthony-adams]

[Suddenly him chewing down on the piece of apple in his mouth was louder than before. He tried to keep from squeezing his nails against his palm too tightly. The thoughts were chewing him alive, though he wouldn’t compare them to the voices. His only friend in years was going to take away the only thing that kept a smile on when said friend wasn’t around, and then he was going to be alone for the monsters to dirty again. And again. Anthony stiffly swallowed the bit of apple and tried to ignore the piece of skin stuck in between his teeth.] 

So you’re basically keeping me around because of hugging. Great. But I know the don’t work, I swear I’ve been through every schizo med under the sun, combinations that grew with every visit, what makes you think a sedative would work on me?

[He tossed the apple into the trashbin they wandered close to, shifting on his feet to begin walking backwards to look at the other as he went ahead. It was fairly obvious he was upset.]

Not paranoid. I don’t need more issues. Fuck..

[eli-ferg-blog]

Fine, you're not paranoid. You're just sensitive.

[He walks alongside the other, his hands shoving into the pocket of his sweater. He pushes his stomach in with his hands, wringing his fingers against his torso. He shrugs, laughing lightly.]

Um, because when you freak out they sedated you? Also, because I have this weird thing called optimism. You should try it. 

[Eli frowns slightly as they approach the door to the cafeteria, deciding against alerting Anthony to how close he was to just hitting it. He shrugs, his lower lip jutting out slightly as he shakes his head]

You don't have more problems. Everyone gets paranoid. Have you met me? I'm probably the most paranoid person you know.

[anthony-adams]

Why does the sun have to fuckin’ exist.

Why does it have to be bright. Fuck off sun. [Groans loudly and slumps against the wall in a obviously dramatic fashion]

[eli-ferg-blog]

[Eli turns his head towards Anthony, his eyebrows raised and his eyes squinted. That might be the most stupid thing he's ever heard his friend say.]

Uh, because without it we'd all die? And you might be into it, but there's like, billions of people who aren't. 

[1010bh]