* // say the word

eliza durham

[elizadurham]

olivcrbrooks·:

oliver had been following eliza, watching over her, he told himself, though he had felt a little guilty for it—until now. clearly he had been doing the right thing; god only knew what would happen to eliza without his guardianship. her good-for-nothing father had cast her out, and she needed him. the second oliver spotted henry’s brother, who he immediately recgnized, he quickened his pace just slightly so he could keep them both in his line of vision. as the man cornered her against a wall, oliver emerged from the shadows and seized him around the throat, dragging him back and throwing him bodily into the street. luckily for mr. laurence, there were no carriages in this neighborhood at this time of night, or he surely would have been run over and crushed to a pulp. the man swore, groaning, but got up and stumbled away, his steps belying his drunkenness. clearly he and henry had had much in common. “are you alright?” oliver asked earnestly, his gaze moving over eliza to make sure she wasn’t hurt.

she had to avert her gaze once oliver stepped in from completely out of nowhere. she had half a mind to ask him why he was out so late, but eliza didn’t feel the need to. the girl was just grateful that he was there before aything else could happen. she’d known henry’s brother - - a spiteful man with the same volatile anger. maybe that was why the two used to be so close. oliver threw him to the street and she watched with furrowed, cautious brows as he finally stumbled off. that was some comfort to her, but eliza just hoped he wouldn’t come back. looking over to oliver, she gave him a few small nods though her lips were curved in a near frown. it never ended... maybe it never would unless she left completely. “i’m fine, i’m-... thank you-” eliza spoke, holding out her hands for him as she moved to the man. “i don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t here... i was just going home, but now-” she paused, sighing before she could continue as she didn’t want to worry him. “i’m fine,” she repeated, “thank you.” 

[elizadurham]

things had started to get better when she put distance between herself and everyone else. eliza only spoke with oliver for the most part, and the chatter around town about henry’s death had died down a bit. people would stare at her and talk, but it wasn’t terrible if she distracted herself. however, that night was different. eliza had to make a quick stop to a corner store to buy some toiletries later on one night when she noticed henry’s brother from the corner of her eye... it started off with him staring, and then he began trailing after her. then the heckling began and the one sided arguing. her pace quickened, but she didn’t want to lead him to her home in case something happened. “ye killed him, i know y’fuckin’ did-” he spat, eliza shuttering back and trying to go on her way. “i knew he shouldn’t have gotten involved with some penniless rat, and now look. dead. ‘cause of you-” the man emphasized, eliza’s pulse already racing as she tried to avoid eye contact. he had cornered her against a wall - - face getting closer and closer to hers as he kept berating her with accusations. 

[elizadurham]

oliver

oliver stared at her for a few moments, trying to decide how to respond. he had been very angry with eliza at first, when she had essentially chosen her father (and her father’s wishes) over him, but he could not bring himself to feel any of that anger now. in truth, it had faded once he had killed henry. the fact that it had taken a murder to soothe his rage alarmed him, but he would not think about that right now. “i forgive you, eliza,” he said finally, “though there is nothing to forgive. you put your faith in the wrong man. you simply were mistaken. and i am sorry that your father disappointed you.” he never deserved your devotion, he thought, but didn’t say out loud. he gave eliza’s hand a squeeze and brought it to his lips. “so it is decided then? we have forgiven each other? please say all is well between us. being apart from you has been terrible.”

she nodded, her hand that he’d previously taken now moving to stroke his cheek. “of course... these past few weeks have been hell, i never want to be apart from you again.” that was probably apparent from her injuries from henry that were now fading thankfully. she should have been with oliver from the start. her father was never her family. eliza sighed, moving to wrap her arms around his waist in a tight hug. it was so good to finally have someone that cared for her again. after a few moments, she hesitantly pulled away and glanced over at that newly made bed which she remembered all too fondly regardless of the dust it’s collected. “i understand if you must leave, but would you possibly consider staying the night?” 

[elizadurham]

oliver

oliver stood immediately upon eliza’s entrance, the sight of her standing there with her bags tugging at his heartstrings. he did not know what had truly transpired between eliza and her father, but clearly it had been bad, or she would not have left the man she had been so devoted to. a part of him was glad, knowing that she was finally his, and only his, but the rest of him felt a sick, creeping guilt for feeling that way and for the part he’d played in her current situation. “yes, i did,” he said firmly. “i should have done much more. if i thought it possible i would rent you a room somewhere much nicer than this. but…” he shook his head. “i know that people would talk if i were to do that. i’m so sorry, eliza.” he wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for how he’d acted when he’d last seen her, or for the fact that it was his crime that had led to her homelessness. of course, she could not know that, but he still felt terrible, despite knowing he had saved her from a life of misery with henry.

“no, no... this is far more than i need, thank you-” she replied, forcing a smile to show her gratefulness before setting her bags in the corner. it felt like ages since they’ve been here, but everything was untouched and nearly frozen in time. that night her took her up here was one that she swore she’d remember for the rest of her life. no one had put so much effort into creating such a wonderful thing all for her pleasure. oliver was right to be upset with her, and if she’d taken his advice had left henry, none of this would have happened. the two of them could’ve had these past few weeks together instead of eliza having to endure the abuse she constantly faced. with a sigh, she walked over and took a seat beside him on the bed -- reaching over to take his hand in hers. “I do hope you could forgive me... truly, i-” eliza sighed in defeat, looking down for a second to gather her thoughts. “he took me away from the orphanage, i thought i owed him my life although it seems like he did’t want it after all.”

[elizadurham]

oliver:

oliver nodded, stepping back and fading into the shadows as the footsteps grew nearer. he returned to his house briefly to fetch some food and fresh sheets for eliza, before taking a carriage to the theater. he had the carriage drop him off a few blocks away, just in case the driver were overly curious or loose-lipped. inside, he changed the sheets on the mattress and tucked the old ones into a corner, figuring he’d bring them home to wash another time. he set out the food on an extra sheet he’d brought and sat down to wait for eliza. his heart was beating fast, despite the fact that she wasn’t even there yet—but even the anticipation of seeing her was torment. he hoped desperately that her request to stay at the theater meant she had truly forgiven him. he still hadn’t quite forgiven himself for the way he had acted towards her.

after she left the funeral, eliza went home... well, it was only her father’s home now, if she could even still consider him that. she collected the two bags she fit her things into and without another word to the man that was sitting in the waiting area just staring at the fireplace, she left. she was homeless and alone, and the one person who was supposed to care for her didn’t even want to look at her. eliza used part of the money she’d saved to buy a carriage to the theatre and politely declined assistance when the driver tried helping her with her bags since she didn’t want anyone seeing that she was going into the abandoned theatre a block down. once he was out of sight, she went in through the back and walked up the spiral staircase carefully so she wouldn’t trip. once she was in that makeshift bedroom, she smiled a bit sadly at the scene of oliver taking the time to make the place presentable for her. “thank you... you didn’t have to do all this-“

[elizadurham]

oliver

“you don’t need to pay me anything,” oliver said firmly. he took another step closer to her, seeing how nervous she looked and finding himself wondering if it was because of him or because of her current situation. “are things… not well at home?” he asked, then added, “you do not have to tell me. but you can come to the theater tonight. would you… would you allow me to join you there, perhaps i could bring you something to eat and we could…talk?” his words were awkward and stilted-sounding, but he didn’t know how to put anything delicately when the current circumstances had changed beyond what either of them had expected and it seemed all propriety was to be lost anyway, if it had not already been.

she hesitated at his words but ended up nodding at his offer. eliza wanted to be near him. she would’ve thrown herself in his arms right then and there if there wasn’t the chance of someone seeing. the circumstances she found herself in with her father would most likely end up with her in tears, so she wanted to wait until they were both hidden in the theatre. when she heard distant footsteps, she girl brushed off her skirt before nodding once to herself. “i should collect my things... and i shall meet you there soon? in a few hours?” she hoped he didn’t have any obligations that day -- god knew she needed him. part of her still felt guilty for crawling back to him now, but eliza would’ve chosen him if it wasn’t for her father. she should’ve listened to oliver in the first place.

[elizadurham]

oliver

oliver was relieved that she accepted the rose, but his eyebrows raised at her request. “why not simply move home?” surely her father would not turn her away. or had he rejected her as the rest of society must have? the thought infuriated oliver. how dare that man turn his back on the daughter he had expected so much of, the daughter who was so devoted to him? it seemed no one in eliza’s life truly appreciated her. but that would change soon. oliver would make sure of it. although he wished eliza could move in with him, he knew that would be unwise at this point in time. “very well. you can stay as long as you like. it may be a bit dusty but i can tidy up before you come. when will you be needing it?”

brows furrowed and her eyes drifted to the floor when he asked why she couldn’t move home. it was too embarrassing to admit what had happened. after all that time defending her father, this was what she got from it. perhaps he never really wanted her. “i do not want you to think i am taking advantage of you, so i can pay you if you’d like.” eliza had a small savings she could give him. it wasn’t much at all, but she didn’t want him to think she was talking to him for just her own benefit. hazel eyes moved back up to look at oliver and she bit down nervously on her bottom lip. this whole situation was even making her realize what kind of a person her father was. “i would need it tonight... if possible. no need for you to clean, i can do that when i get there-”

[elizadurham]

oliver

eliza’s face was hollowed-out, still beautiful as ever but haunted-looking, and the sight of her weak smile made oliver’s stomach twist uncomfortably with guilt. “eliza. do not apologize. the fault is mine,” he said immediately, hesitating for a brief moment before holding out the rose for her to take. “please forgive me. i should never have treated you as i did. i worry i made you believe that i…” he paused, his throat suddenly dry. “that i did not want to be with you. i was angry, but it was not you who i should have been angry with. i am sure you must be dealing with a lot right now, eliza, but…” he watched her for a minute, the rose bushes rustling in the slight breeze. “i can make it all better, my love. say the word, and i will.” he stepped closer to her, glancing around quickly to ensure no one was watching. thankfully, the saplings and small trees provided some cover from prying eyes. “tell me what you need, and i will give it to you.” his eyes implored her, expression revealing some of the torment he had been undergoing since the moment she had refused him weeks ago. but he was not angry now. killing henry had tamed his rage, at least for the time being. all he wanted now was to care for eliza as he had always meant to. he only hoped that she would let him.

“it is not your fault, you were upset-” eliza replied before reaching out to take his rose. the girl was still a bit hesitant about meeting so soon and so publicly after her fiancé died, but the shrubs and trees were protective and everyone else was gone by this point. it was kind of oliver to ask what he could do for her, but she could never ask to stay with him; not so soon. today was her last day with her father, and she doubted that the man would change her mind with her. no, she would figure it out.  it would hardly be proper to take advantage of oliver like that. as she struggled with her thinking, it was fairly clear on her face. she looked up at his passionate look in his eyes and wanted to touch him so badly, but what if someone saw? after a few moments of thought, the girl’s eyes cast back down to the floor -- her idea was a bit too embarrassing to face him with, but it was one that had fled her mind a few times before. it was her only real option to be fair, and though the building wasn’t exactly oliver’s, the furniture was his. “do you suppose that-... perhaps i could stay at the theatre? only for a few days or so, i promise...”

[elizadurham]

oliver

oliver knew it was risky showing up at henry’s funeral service, seeing as he hadn’t known henry or his family well or been remotely friendly with them, but he had to see eliza. he hadn’t heard from her in the weeks since he had killed henry and he was worried for her, afraid for what she must be going through. there was little doubt in his mind that she was relieved to be freed from her engagement, but he expected the wrath of henry’s family as well as eliza’s own father must be a great deal for her to bear on her own. he wouldn’t let her suffer through it any longer, not without knowing that he was near and eager to help her. he wrote a note to her, telling her to come to him if she could, that he was sorry, and that he wanted to make things right and look after her properly.

inside the church, he made his way quietly to where eliza was standing, passing by her slowly and deftly placing the slip of paper in her palm before disappearing into the crowd and making his way out the back exit of the church before anyone could take notice of him. outside, he waited in a nearby rose garden, where he’d told eliza via the note he would be after the service. he could only hope she would find a way to escape and come to speak with him. he wondered if she could possibly forgive him for his former behavior. waiting was torture. with a knife he kept in his pocket, he cut a red rose from one of the bushes, holding it by the stem, his gloves protecting him from the thorns. if eliza did come, he would give it to her.

of course she thought about going to oliver after henry’s death, but he had made it clear that he hadn’t wanted to see her. he began to apologize at that last party, but the ferociously hurt look in his eyes the night she got engaged told her enough. and eliza didn’t want oliver to think that she was just going to him as her second option. he had always been her first choice, yet circumstances never allowed them to be together. she was guilty about how relieved she was about the death of her fiancé, yet something she hadn’t accounted for was the rejection from her adoptive father. in her earlier years before being taken in by the orphanage, she’d been homeless before. eliza had gotten by on the generosity of strangers who spared a few coins while passing by, but she couldn’t do that now she was grown. her pride wouldn’t allow her to. 

as the ceremony continued on, she felt someone brush behind her. without even seeing the person, she knew oliver’s familiar touch and wrapped her fingers around the note. she kept it in her hands for a few more minutes before glancing down at it to read his directions. when the funeral came to an end, she debated on whether or not it would be proper to see another man when she was expected to be in mourning... but she couldn’t resist oliver. she loved him regardless of his anger towards her. eliza waited until nearly everyone including henry’s family and her used-to-be father left the grounds before taking a breath and walking out to the garden where oliver was situated with a rose in his hand. though she managed a small smile, the girl did look a bit gaunt from everything that was going on. there was no doubt that things would only get more difficult for her now that her father was out of the picture. it was... strange that oliver decided to come to henry’s funeral, but eliza supposed that he came for her? she approached, eyes looking from the crimson flower and then to oliver. “i apologize i haven’t been able to talk to you. there’s been so much happening.”

[elizadurham]

things moved quickly and darkly now. of course henry’s parents blamed her for his death saying that she made him severely unhappy, but that was out of the public’s view. the laurences were a well off family with a level of regality to uphold. because of this, his parents all but forced the police to investigate which led to eliza sitting in the station for hours on end to undergo questioning. it was clear that she had nothing to do with it and the men knew that but they had to keep her their per henry’s parents’ orders. there was no way eliza could have done such a thing. physically, she was too small and weak to even have the force to strangle a full grown man to death or even get him over the bannister. eliza stayed for as long as she needed to anyway -- this must have been better than going back to her father’s house. 

her father allowed her to stay there, but set a strict deadline of one week until he would make her leave to go god knows where. she was in her mid-twenties, he said that she should have been married and moved out long ago and no longer his problem. eliza didn’t have many things to begin with, she supposed that it would be an easy move if anything though his orders broke her heart. 

the harder hits eliza took from henry lingered in the form of bruises and cuts on her face, but she hoped they would fade soon. the last day of her week long stay was that of henry’s funeral. his parents didn’t want her to come, but they then figured that it would be in their favor to have a mourning fiancée there to offset any ‘rumours’ of henry’s affiliation with the local whore house. they weren’t rumours and everyone knew that, but eliza’s presence would hopefully stop the whispers. 

so she went, keeping her distance from henry’s parents and even her own father... if she could call him that anymore. off more toward the back, eliza stood quietly as the service went on -- her makeup wasn’t covering enough for her to be seen in the front so publicly. though she was glad he was gone, she felt this immense amount of guilt. was it truly her fault? and now, she was homeless... again.

[elizadurham]

oliver

oliver’s jaw worked in frustration, but he inclined his head stiffly and turned his back on her, making his way through the crowd and whispering to arthur that he needed to take his leave. he returned home and began planning for what he had known he would have to do since his last conversation with eliza. despite how much he loathed henry, he didn’t want to have to kill him. once oliver killed someone, he knew he’d become the monster he’d always feared he was, ever since he was an angry and disfigured child. but that child had had only one friend in the world and it had been eliza. her kindness had saved him. now he was going to save her.

his planning took weeks; he was meticulous, he was discreet. he followed henry and learned his schedule, originally intending on killing him on his way home from a whorehouse, perhaps pushing him into the thames—but he decided eventually on killing him in the laurence’s house, when henry was alone but for the servants. wearing a uniform to look like one of them, oliver entered on a thursday and crept up the staircase to henry’s room. the man was caught completely unawares; oliver tied a noose around his neck with the rope he had acquired from a stable some miles away and hung him from the banister at the top of the stairs. as he had tied the noose, oliver had been somewhat horrified at himself at how he’d relished the reddening of henry’s face and the gurgling and choking sounds he’d made, his fingers scrabbling uselessly at oliver’s arms. he’d looked almost confused when oliver had looped the rope around his throat—as if there was any doubt as to why oliver would do such a thing. “this is for eliza,” oliver had hissed in his ear, tightening the knot and producing a fresh croak of pain from the other man. “may you rot in hell, you bastard.” 

he left out the back entrance, disposing of the uniform on his way home. he knew eliza was at her father’s house that evening, and thought it unlikely she would return; he had overheard the servants talking about it as they were taking in the laundry from outside a few days prior. at home he finished a bottle of brandy arthur been saving and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep for the first time in weeks.

part of her hoped he’d fight to have a few more moments with her, but oliver respected her words and left. a few moments after he walked away from her, henry’s tight grasp on her upper arm told her all she needed to know. he’d seen them, and she would have to make it up to her fiancé again. the night went on as normally as she could, and eliza tried to stay by henry’s side as much as she could to show her ‘devotion’, but the man would often leave her for more drinks. though her eyes couldn’t help but wander back over to oliver who was now leaving the gathering all together. 

the weeks dragged on. she hadn’t seen oliver again, and her visits to her father got more infrequent. eliza had given up on trying to take comfort in her father since he, for some reason, seemed to have more loyalty to henry than his own daughter. well, she supposed she wasn’t his real daughter. her one solace was her weekly trips to the market where she was allowed to go on her own. it used to be more pleasurable when the people there didn’t give her those looks of pity when they saw her haphazardly concealed bruises on her face, but it was nice to be alone. eliza purchased the items and made a stop at her father’s to drop off his items too though she spent little time there -- if any. she loved him, but she could tell that he was lacking interest in her. she normally stayed away from the house for a longer time, but the stared she got from a particularly rough night the night before, not to mention the physical pain she felt was wearing her out. 

just as she was nearing the front door, she saw who she assumed to be a butler leaving for the night. it was odd -- the work staff. henry covered her mouth to muffle her screams but she knew that anyone in the building could hear. worn red cape tied around her neck, she grabbed her key to ope the door where she was instantly met with the horrific scene right in front of her. her face paled, and even though she wanted to call for help, eliza was frozen. her instinct was to scream at the image of henry just hanging there -- still swinging but very dead. it only took another moment before the girl passed out cold against the floor.

[elizadurham]

oliver

@elizadurham

the weeks that followed oliver’s confrontation with eliza were some of the worst of his life. he’d thought he’d been at rock bottom before, but he’d had no idea. no idea just how terrible he could feel. he’d wallowed in his misery for days, only finally getting back to work when arthur dragged him from his bed, doused him in cold water to sober him up, and forced him into the bath. since then, he’d been feeling perhaps marginally better, at least cleaner, now that he was washed and no longer half-drunk all the time. working had helped take his mind off things somewhat, but whenever he had a spare moment he found himself thinking about eliza, and thinking about her hurt so badly it made him weep. so he’d thrown himself into his work, and he had been invited to this party to mingle with the potential new clients he had connected with. he stuck by arthur’s side for much of the evening, though his eyes scanned the crowd nervously for sign of henry or eliza and her father. just when he was sure they weren’t there, he spotted eliza, standing with a crowd of other women—but the color of her face looked odd. her skin was painted with white, but underneath oliver could see what looked like a fresh bruise. it didn’t take him more than a few seconds to put it together. henry was hurting her, and he could not stand for it. 

finally separating from arthur’s side with a parting handshake to their clients and a few words’ excuse, he made his way through the crowd to eliza. “may i have a moment?” he asked, his voice a little stiff, though polite. the other ladies stared openly, but moved away, throwing backward glances over their shoulders and giggling. oliver cleared his throat. “i hoped you would allow me to apologize for how i behaved last time we spoke. i was… ungentlemanly. please forgive me.” this wasn’t the reason he’d come to speak to her, but he knew he did owe her the apology.

the day that she last walked home from oliver’s house, her father knew where she had been. if it wasn’t clear from how her eyes were a bit swollen from crying, it was the fact that she had been out without henry. the next few weeks were miserable. it was as if all autonomy was lost and she was solely controlled by her new fiancé. usually it was a disgrace if a woman was to stay in the home of their fiancé when they hadn’t been married yet, but henry was in a differently league of his own. none of the social norms impacted him. he could do whatever he wanted and faced no consequences for his actions. so because of that, eliza stayed with him per his orders masked as a request. her heart was still broken over oliver and yet any time she visibly showed her grief, henry caught on to who she was thinking about and took his anger out on her. it wasn’t anything unusual -- he had laid his hands on her even when they were courting, but it slowly became worse. henry used to only hurt her on parts of her body that were hidden by her dress, but he graduated to leaving bruises on her face, cuts on her lip, and even red marks around her neck. her father promised that henry was just acclimating and that he would stop his actions soon enough. 

eliza had to accompany him to a party that night which she begged not to attend in the fear of being stared at for her injuries which, in return, earned her another one. how dare she even think about leaving henry unaccompanied at a gathering when he was engaged? eliza applied makeup the best she could, but there was only so much she could do. her blackened eye was still visible through the powders and there wasn’t much she could do for her cut lip. it was obvious that people noticed these injuries, but eliza continued to at least try to act as normally as she could -- albeit a bit more quiet than usual. she stayed among a group of women who allowed her to stay, though didn’t speak to her much. when she caught sight of oliver, it was like the world stopped around her and all she could do was stare for a few moments though she looked away when he approached. he was coming to talk to her and all she could think about was what henry would do to her tonight if he saw. the girl looked around quickly -- relieved that henry was nowhere to be found just as oliver spoke to her. something was different here. there was a level of fear she had about being seen with him but it felt so good just to be close to him all the same. all eliza could manage to do was nod at his apology. “i can’t be seen talking with you, i hope you understand-”

[elizadurham]

oliver

oliver let go of her, stepping back and setting his jaw. the thoughts running through his mind were far too dark to ever utter out loud, nor acknowledge in that moment. but deep in the recesses of his brain, he had made a decision. “very well.” he was trying hard to keep his voice steady, to keep calm, but the sight of her tears made him angry again, yet not just at her. “they don’t deserve you!” he burst out, unable to keep himself under control. “and yet you still pander to them! you still do as they say! goddamn it, eliza!” there was a vase of dried flowers within arm’s reach; he grabbed it and hurled at the wall, where it shattered with a deafening crash. “get out! go! you will not listen to me, you will not choose me—go, then!” as he screamed the words his heart was breaking; everything in him wanted her to stay, to stay forever. but he was not going to give up; even if he could not have her this way. he would find another way. in fact, he already had. 

eliza wanted to pull him back to herself, but she knew what was coming. this was the end. perhaps the last time she would ever be able to speak to him again given the distain that both her father and henry had for oliver. she reached up to wipe her tears but flinched when he began to yell again. he couldn’t understand, he was in such a different and more independent position than she was. eliza opened her mouth to speak, but the glass shattering at the wall had her speechless and frozen once again. green eyes went wide in a mixture of shock and even a bit of fear of him and when he told her to go, she hesitated a moment before a trembling hand found the doorknob and opened it to leave. after quickly closing the door behind herself, the girl attempted to wipe off her face to look somewhat decent, yet the walk home was more than difficult. 

[elizadurham]

oliver

“i’m telling you what to do,” oliver said, straining to keep from raising his voice again. he held her tightly, one hand in her hair and another at her waist, keeping her pressed close to his chest. “why don’t you listen to me?” he tilted her face up to him with a finger under her chin; seeing it was tearstained, he furrowed his brow. “you think you owe your father, but i don’t see it that way. he wanted a child, a daughter. someone to love him, i’m sure. and you gave him that. you’ve given him your devotion, you don’t need to give him the rest of your life, too. eliza…” he hesitated, knowing she knew what he was about to say was true and still feeling reluctant to state the obvious in this case. “someday your father will not be here anymore. when that day comes, do you want to be shackled to a man who you know does not love you, with only memories of your father’s temporary happiness to sustain you? or do you want… do you want me? i can give you nearly anything henry can. give me a chance to make your father like me. i can make you happy, i know that i can. please, eliza, let me,” he pleaded.

she shook her head; her breathing becoming more difficult with each passing moment. that is what a father should be like, yet it wasn’t the model her father took up. he wanted someone to take care of him in his old age. though she was sure he loved her as a father should, it was quite clear to hear even in her youth that this was a mutually beneficial relationship. he gave her a home and she would allow him to run in more elite circles. “he says i owe him, oliver. i tried to beg him to reconsider, but he-” she had to pause to steady her breath. “he said that after all he’s done for me, i must do this...” she felt the ring in her dress pocket -- eliza knowing not to show it to oliver in the fear that it would make him even more upset. but the sight of it on her finger made her sick. “i want you... i want you more that anything, but it isn’t my decision and they’ve already made their agreement...” she couldn’t look back up at him. it hurt her too much, and soon enough, he would have to accept it and go about hating her from now on.

[elizadurham]

oliver

“do you love me?” oliver demanded, shaking her a little, though not hard enough to hurt (he hoped). “do you?” a wild look was in his eyes as he lifted one hand to her face and brought it to his, kissing her hard, holding her tightly to him so she couldn’t pull away. he allowed himself to get lost in the kiss for a few sweet, torturous moments, drinking in her scent and savoring the taste of her lips before he pulled back just enough to look her in the eye. “do you love me as i love you?” he asked, and his voice broke slightly on the last word. “or do you not love me enough?” his face darkened as he spoke these words; the thought made him furious, angry enough to shout again, but he wouldn’t with her so close. he hated himself for frightening her.

eliza moved back a bit when she caught sight of his hand moving towards her face, but the door blocked her from escaping. it was only her reflexes from henry’s actions against her, and the anger oliver displayed towards her only made her think of that. however, he kissed her. he kissed her hard, and she found herself kissing him back no matter how scared she was because this was likely to be the last kiss she shared with him. when he pulled away, eliza looked up at him and felt her heart break with the crack in his voice. but she didn’t know what to say to him. if not being able to break off the engagement meant that she didn’t love him, then perhaps... she did not love him enough. she could never say that to him though. instead, eliza leaned her forehead against his neck and looked down so he wouldn’t have to see how he was making her cry again. “i love you, oliver. you know i love you, but i don’t know what to do-”

[elizadurham]

oliver

“i will not let you marry him, i will die before i let you marry him!” oliver hated the way she was reacting to him, acting as if he might hurt her. didn’t she know he would never hurt her? he wasn’t like henry. “i don’t care what they agreed, it will not happen! i won’t let it!” desperation flashed in his eyes and he moved forward swiftly and grabbed her by the shoulders. “look at me. look at me and tell me you love me, not him. we can make it all better if you just tell me that. eliza, please,” he begged. his voice had lowered an octave but he was still angry; he had to make a conscious effort not to let his fingers dig too hard into eliza’s upper arms.

eyes widened when he moved forward to grab her shoulders. her body was already trembling, but she tried to stop it since oliver would probably be able to feel it now. she looked downward to the floor -- tears running down her cheeks when she blinked just as he lowered his voice to plead with her. this was the most guilty she’s felt in her life and yet there was nothing that she could do to make it up to him. of course she didn’t want to marry henry, but the deal had been done already. her father saved her life and now she would do this for him. she had to. eliza looked up to oliver -- eyes red from all the tears as she did. “i love you, oliver... but i cannot be with you.” it was those words that were perhaps the hardest. “i would not be here if not for my father... and if he asks this of me,” or demands, in her case, “then i shall obey.”

[elizadurham]

oliver

“but you have to refuse, dammit!” oliver shouted, seeing the way she recoiled from him, hating himself, and yet unable to stop. he was so angry he was seeing red; if she were anyone else he would be done with it, but he could never be done with her. this was eliza, the love of his life. he couldn’t give her up, not for anything. “don’t you see? that—that man, that monster will torture and torment you for the rest of your life if you do not refuse now! eliza, i know you are not foolish! listen to me—refuse him!” it was a good thing arthur wasn’t home; the raised voices would have brought him running into the hall with a loaded rifle. oliver had not shouted like this in a very long time—in fact, the last time he’d raised his voice this way he’d had a boy’s voice, a child’s voice, not a man’s. it sounded different and frightening even to his own ears, but his rage was so great that he couldn’t stop himself. “tell me you will refuse him! tell me you will not make this mistake!”

eliza could feel the blood in her body go cold as he yelled. he hadn’t touched her but it was as if he’d knocked the air from her lungs with his yelling alone. it was unlike anything she’s ever heard -- not even henry raised his voice such as this. he scared her, but he deserved an explanation regardless of how her hands were shaking and her breathing was quickening. “i can’t!” eliza attempted, having to grab a hold of her skirt to stop the trembling. “i can’t refuse him, it’s done! my father accepted their offer and they’ve accepted his, and-... he needed the money and he said it would be best for the both of us-” she was amazed that she could even say that much as messy as it sounded. eliza wiped her cheeks off with her sleeve, head still bowed slightly down though she found it in her to keep his eye contact. “i told you that i didn’t have any say in this... i told you the first night we found each other again.”