safe space

Ella. 26. Speaking her mind in times when words are all she has.

[ellangster]

Confession from someone so enamored with the concept of love: she has actually never felt it. In its purest unconditional and whole form.

[ellangster]

God knew I needed you

[ellangster]

A year ago, I remember whining to man not only because he did not even ask me how my exam went when I finished it but had the audacity to send me a green-coded meme minutes before taking it.

Now, a man treats my exam as serious as I take it, believes in me almost blindly, and never made me feel sorry for being caught up with it for the past week.

Wherever this ends, lagi ko sinasabi - he is almost everything I secretly wished for to the universe every time a man disappoints me. Na para bang, the past men had to disappoint so I could recognize what I want. And this is it; it is him.

[ellangster]

Do you ever feel like you are not apt for love because you can never give it in healthy amounts. You don't know how to handle it.

[ellangster]

Meeting and knowing you makes me just want to love you. If I only I can do that without scaring you away.

[ellangster]

I may or may have not met the love of my life. Tumblr first knew it.

[ellangster]

Honestly, I can be alone forever, a spinster - if that is the path for me. Just please remove this longing in my heart. For someone's touch; for my belonging to someone's arms.

[ellangster]

I continue to hope in love because I keep living despite its numerous attempts to kill me. That if this storm didn't drown me, then perhaps I am meant to sail again. If this war did not bleed me dry, then I'm bound to fight again.

I wonder though if this love would be it. Is this excursion the one to send me to my last breath? Will this battle be the tangible proof of my mortality and limits?

I wonder, if this love - so massive in its depth, yet so simple in its form - will be the one to finally kill me.

[ellangster]

dating someone you actually admire as a person

[engulfes]

Growing up is actually all about realizing people don’t inherently dislike you and it’s a bit odd to assume they do

[existentialdruid]

This

[jelliebeanbitch]

there are more tweets in this thread

fucking SLAY

[darlington-v]

this isnt even the full thread, there are even MORE tweets to this thread that i think are really necessary to read if you do what op is talking about! it is not enough to know that feeling this way hurts the people you love, we already know that.

this rest of the thread continues after the third tweet from the reblog.

like THE FULL THREAD is genuinely so reassuring.

sometimes, it is not enough to just know, sometimes you might need that reassurance of "do you really think of me when i'm away?" and someone reassuring you that yeah, they do. and evaluate that! trust that! just like op did.

and then learning that ykw, it's NOT any of my business really. and finding comfort in that trust that like. whether they are or aren't thinking of me, they really do love me.

this full thread changed my life and i am ALWAYS going to give the full thread because the parts people cut out aren't enough for the people experiencing these things, speaking as someone who does. it, really it just makes us, made me, feel bad about my own capabilities when i saw the unfinished thread.

[ellangster]

I do not want patience nor tolerance disguised as love. I do not want to be sacrificed over in the name of unconditional love. I want to be chosen, willfully, deliberately - not because you think it will make me happy, or because folks say that's how love should be. I want you to stay with me because anywhere else is a disservice to yourself. Here, is the closest you will ever be your truest and happiest being. To choose me for your self.

[ellangster]

I once read, "sometimes we lose people because we overlove." And that scares me. The thought of never keeping anyone, or never loving at all.

[ellangster]

[ellangster]

Tuesday, January 27, 2026.

I need to learn by going through.

Out of all women I’ve talked to, there seems to be one thing they were sure of: if a guy likes you, you will know.

This has been reaffirmed and told too many times in internet. And yet, there’s me, willfully ignorant. I know J does not like me, at least not in a way I’d hoped. Ironically, I know it because I never knew if he likes me. It was never clear like how many girls who claimed to have experienced the simplicity of men as creatures and natural predators have said. There simply is no in-between. It is biology.

What baffles me is why do I keep staying? Why did I return?

I know my sisters do not agree with me when I said we were back to talking. I said, I will try to have no expectations and not lose myself in the process. All I know was the past two weeks of no-contact has been more miserable than the struggle of trying to just ignore the fact that J only sees me as a friend. I thought, I’ve done it. I have had unrequited love (or admiration, for accuracy sake) in high school. Right now, I do not even care about them. Maybe, if it does not end well, time will run its course and do its power. Someday, he will just be some guy.

Perhaps, that was my consolation: knowing that unrequited love has not killed me. Non-reciprocation has not made me incapable of giving. I got over it, and this too is no exception.

There is a saying that when someone is not for you, the Universe would make them disappoint you multiple times until you learn. Maybe that has always been my method; I cannot naively believe on oft-repeated declarations on the internet and forever wonder for myself its truth. I need to learn by going through.

Only then I can die knowing I went for it. I allowed myself to be human. I gave love a try.

[ellangster]

When you offer a friendship, and it was denied, you do not ask why; you leave.

[ellangster]

Lose me once, you lose me forever 😌

[ellangster]

Don’t wanna date but wanna be taken on a date if that makes sense !