Somethingtosay

All content ©️ @ellethethinker

[ellethethinker]

He met me when

I was but a naive girl

he was the answer

To the prayers I haven’t even made yet

He was what

I couldn’t ask for even in my dreams

He was who

I didn’t even know I needed

He was the desire personified

Or the person desired

by my lone heart

Even before I knew

what desire was

So tell me

How do I not be grateful

How do I not dare to move the world

Just to be with him

How could I not

Make him my world

And be his whole

Having seen his face

Having heard his voice

How could I not be joyful

And love him even more

[ellethethinker]

A girl so passionate

It’s hard for herself to contain her mind

And her heart

Fluttering on her sleeve

Yet so restrained

Like the water in a dam

She feels will engulf it all

So she’s afraid to let go

[ellethethinker]

Maybe it’s the hormones.

Or maybe it’s EVERY EFFING THING ELSE.

Hormones didn’t feel like this till last month.

[ellethethinker]

Just putting it out in the universe that sometimes even though no matter how much you want it to… the pieces don’t fit. They don’t fit for a reason.

[dreams-reality-life]

How did it come to this

This complicated heart

And even more complicated mind

It would’ve been perfect

Had it been such

I could come back to you

Every evening, every night

The perfect life I wanted

Has you with me everyday

Yet it includes something more

The work that I chased

Now that I have got it,

I understand the glass that’s half empty

I should rather have you

And the glass empty anyways

[ellethethinker]

The place where no one is happy with some accomplishment of yours, no matter how small, doesn’t deserve to be called your place. It is not your place.

It is your place*

* T&C applied

Applies to people as well.

[ellethethinker]

Be kind to her for she’s been through much more than you have seen and she’s choosing not to pass on all that to you.

[ellethethinker]

Been sick

And now I feel like a zombie with a double chin

[petaltexturedskies]

Mary Oliver, "The Moths" in Dream Work

[ellethethinker]

I kinda wanna have baklawa when I have something to celebrate

[ellethethinker]

You’d get trouble over this

Dropping things and making noise

Said papa

Every time the clumsy me

Turned up in the kitchen

And dropped one more glass

Spilled drinks,

One more bowl

Broken shreds

Another saucepan

I’d laugh so hard

He loved my clumsyness

Found it entertaining

Even though I’d get scolded

Every time.

Ma, she won’t say a thing

And help me clean

After I’d spilled

A whole pot of rice

Whatever they say is true

None can love

More than they do.

[ellethethinker]

No matter how hard I try to escape the reality, it always brings me back to square one. The clutches of society, where the only thing that matters is beauty and it doesn't matter is something else is there or not. It's like the other things I do or try to do have just 1 percent of weight.

[ellethethinker]

It's october 12. It's been a year. The time has passed, but I still cannot believe why he is not here and where he is. I cannot believe he won't be there for my wedding. The last wedding of the generation. And he is gone. Not a day goes by when his voice doesn't cross my mind. The way he used to call my name. I am afraid of forgetting the way my name rolled off his tongue. The best of the best. Kind, and so loving. I can only hope to have a percent of the compassion that he had.

It has been a year. So many nights have gone by when he crossed my mind just before I fell asleep. So many nights I cried because I miss him. So many nightes when I hoped to see him in my dream and hear his voice. So many nights when I felt deep regret that I didn't miss him this much when he was with us. I called him on festivals. May he be at peace wherever he is now. We all truly miss him. And I feel I cannot share this with anyone as I don't have as much right as others over him. Or I just want to keep it to myself. The dreams where I saw him. Or the way I hope he was still here. And the irony is that I feel I am still not doing enough to be with my loved ones.

[ellethethinker]

My world is crumbling

I sit here, doing all at once

When really

all I could do is wait

Every night as I pray

To sleep to eternity

Yet I don't want to hear

The words so wise

Is affection that hard to come by?

[ellethethinker]

Once again, it's me.

I have a plethora of issues

And they keep entangling with our daily lives

I am unable to control the things

I feel or expect

All I can do is try to not

Show it, make it obvious

But it seeps through

In some way or another

And I hate myself

All over again

[ellethethinker]

The more I try to hold onto it

The heavier it is going to seem

Then why can't I let go?

Maybe I've let it go so much already

That I can only hold on now

[ellethethinker]

I am feeling too much

Too many emotions

Threatening to spill

Through my eyes

Over a song I have heard

A hundred times