Just Think of Me as Your Guardian Devil

Mueve su cuerpo cerca a mí Y si por solo un beso amor Decirte adiós me traería mucho dolor

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You know I thought that I was getting better.

I honestly did.

But sometimes I lay in bed at 3:00 am

Trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me

Why I'm never enough.

[elyksteven]

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Does it hurt? Shifting from a happy, jolly, talkative person to a full human who's no longer interested in anything.

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I can still remember the time when I begged for love. I lost my colors. I settled for the "maybe", the "I'll see if I can" and the "I'm tired". I endured the pain of every no, and over time I started to believe that maybe, just maybe, that's what I deserve. That I should just be grateful for the rare "yes" and just sit in the corner waiting.

It took some time, but when I finally realized that I'm slowly turning into this broken soul I always feared to be, I tried my best to get up and walk away. Step by step, I dragged my feet, and that's when I learned that one of the most difficult things to do in life is to walk away from things that you've always wanted. But I did it.

I did it because every day seemed like it's raining and I wanted to see the sun again. I did it for the days when I would laugh so hard my stomach would hurt. I did it because I wanted to believe that despite the messed up person that I am, despite all the scars and the holes in my chest, I deserve another shot at happiness.

I know it took a while, but I couldn't be prouder.

I did it.

- Jun Mark Patilan

- Artwork : Henn Kim

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