M

[emayaraiay]

The grief of time passing, of life moving on half-finished, of empty spaces that were once bursting with the laughter and energy of people we loved. As long as there is love there will be grief because grief is love's natural continuation. It shows up in the aisles of stores we once frequented, in the whiff of cologne we get two years after they've been gone. Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcasting loudly, "LOVE WAS HERE". In the finer print, quietly, "LOVE STILL IS".

[emayaraiay]

"But darling, I destroy everything I love. like my favourite cup that I held a little too tightly because I was afraid that it would fall and break into pieces. it shattered in my hands."

[emayaraiay]

But there is something that happens when you are told you are too much.

You begin to ask everyone,

HOW SMALL WOULD YOU LIKE ME?

[emayaraiay]

I'm unsure which pain is worse - the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will.

[emayaraiay]

I love life because there will always be a situation u think u will never get over and u always do every time.

[emayaraiay]

How will you remember?

That I love you?

Yes.

That's easy. I can't help it.

[emayaraiay]

"the final act of love is to let go"

not for us

i think i'll hold onto you forever

even for my last words

i'll breathe your name

[emayaraiay]

Your colors cover all the corners of my heart. There are shades of you in the way I talk. There's so much of you in the morning sky.

How do you expect me to forget you when you are synonymous with beauty for me? When everything beautiful is everything you are. When everything gorgeous will always remain a little less gorgeous than you. The truth is, you're everywhere around me and within me even though you're not in love with me anymore.

[emayaraiay]

You know, people are always saying if you love something,

you have to learn to let it go.

[emayaraiay]

Love

It's trying to like tea, so when you meet them you can drink the tea they make.

In forgetting the distance between cities and crossing it with a smile on your face-only to put a smile on the face of the person you love.

Seeing a flower shop and immediately taking a picture to send them.

Being on calls at night and not talking to each other because you're both tired, but never being too tired to not make some time for each other.

Seeing couples hold hands in busy streets and immediately thinking about them.

It's in refusing to let distance change your feelings. In ensuring that love never leaves.

[emayaraiay]

It takes years to let go, they say,

but how many years?

When will I go to the mall and not spend an hour at the bookstore because you loved books more than you loved me? When will I stop taking pictures of the sky as it changes color and saving them to a folder I wish I could send you? When will I start loving roses more than sunflowers? When will I stop letting my life be yours, knowing you're not mine anymore? It's not the same for everyone, you see. It took you a few seconds to let go, but it's taking me a lifetime.

[emayaraiay]

There was before you and there was during you. For some reason, I never thought there would be an after you.

But there was, and I was in it.

I'll be in it forever.

[emayaraiay]

There was before you and there was during you. For some reason, I never thought there would be an after you.

But there was, and I was in it.

I'll be in it forever.

[emayaraiay]

"favourite word?" he whispers.

I don't even hesitate: "You."

[emayaraiay]

remember how everyone used to call us two peas in a pod? cause we were literally the same person. god made you and he was like copy & paste, and boom I was born. we used to be best buddies.

but what are we now? are we even friends? do you look at me sometimes and wish to talk to me? do you miss me? do you miss our inside jokes? do you miss me when u see something I liked? and when people ask you why don't we talk anymore, what do you tell them?

we are in the same room rightnow, I'm looking at you. we made eye contact, both of us looked away. there's this weird tension between us that is gonna stay and we know that.

So do we learn to live with this now or do we try to mend things?

-M

[emayaraiay]

I'm the kind of girl who is quiet in large groups or around people I don't know, you only see the real me if we're close. I smile and laugh a lot, especially at the most inappropriate times. I'm a hopeless romantic. I trip over air, up stairs, and over people's feel. I am the hardest person to offend, but it is all too easy to make me feel horrible. I hate telling people about my problems, they don't need to worry about me. I believe people should not be judged before one takes the time to get to know them, yet I am guilty of doing that exact thing. I love to think rather than talk. I'm awkward, clumsy, shy, strange but this is me.

[emayaraiay]

"I saw you with her that morning," I said.

He mussed his hair again and said irritably, “I broke up with her at the party."

"She wasn't at the party," I said.

"No. But since it wasn't the seventeenth century, I had a phone.”

"You called from a party and dumped your girlfriend?” I cried. “Why would you do that?”

He looked my way, eyes narrowed. “Why do you think, January?”