‘ now that you mention it — I SHOULD HAVE, ’ there’s a grin that pulls at the corners of her lips, makes her feel warm, and it’s natural, genuine, something of a calm that only emma can really pull out of her. she settles down beside her on her bed, a place they spent way too many sleepovers to keep count, and they’re close but still not close enough. audrey still wants her closer, always does, but she always bites her tongue, holds back, keeps from pushing too far. ’ but no, actually, lord of the rings – so i hope you don’t have plans with anyone else tonight, because you’re booked, ’ it was a joke about the movie’s length, but she couldn’t stand the thought of sharing emma with anyone else. not tonight. she hit play and leaned back, encouraging emma to do the same with a silent reaching towards her hand.
‘ i just — thought it would be a good choice considering, y'know, you’re leaving in a couple of weeks and everything’s going to be different, ’ it almost aches to voice it, emma has always been a constant in her life. it was the first time she truly acknowledged her sexuality, and even when they were separated, on the rocks, she still saw emma on a regular basis at school — and now their lives were finally normal. no more killer, they had survived the blood shed, emma deserved to move on and do incredible things — amazing things that audrey had no doubt she’d manage to accomplish. the silence is overwhelming, almost too much, and she clears her throat — tries to make the conversation feel normal again. ’ hey, do you remember sixth grade? we used to watch this movie every weekend. i seriously thought your mom was going to ban lord of the rings from your house. ’
out of habit, emma’s upper tooth loosely snags her bottom lip, her lips raising to match audrey’s. i’m going to miss that smile, emma thinks, before brushing it away, sweeping it into some corner of her mind. ❛ no one else. just you. ❜ there’s a GIDDINESS in the words, because the truth of them excites emma in ways she’d forgotten. nina’s sleepovers were always wide-eyed paranoia, staying up until you couldn’t anymore out of blind fear that something would happen. emma, shifting, taking audrey’s hand, their legs touching, the touch ALMOST ENOUGH ( but not quite –––– emma swears there’s something missing but she can’t place it ). emma tightens her grip on audrey’s hand, just a little, just enough.
the dreaminess of the moment skitters off as audrey does what she does best. it doesn’t ruin their moment, but everything slips into something else: ❛ yeah, no, i know. ❜ but emma says it like she didn’t, like no one told her, and in a way, no one had. everyone had been too scared to tell emma that she was deciding to CHANGE HOW IT WAS . . . and now that they’re back, like this –––– emma doesn’t want to think about it. ❛ i guess i’ll just have to come home every other weekend and annoy you. ❜ she smiles it off, hoping maybe audrey believes her. can she ever believe me after –––– ? emma shifts a little and feels some pull in her stomach. ❛ if i fall asleep, YOU’LL WAKE ME, won’t you ? ❜ her voice is soft and her face turns up to look to at audrey’s and their faces are closer than emma remembers, but that thought, too, she pushes aside.
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