i must rampage @emeraldwitches - Tumblr Blog

More in depth about post here.

Staci. 30-something. Queer. etc etc etc.

Stranger Things (Harringrove) blogging. Shit posting. I talk the most shit about the things I love.

Dad!Steve series and Billy's Mom (CJ Mackenzie) available on ao3.

(lieutenant kaien reminds us all that we're doing our best and deserve kindness 💖)

yes, google, these are the emojis i was missing....

#when your phone lets you combine emojis and you can accurately describe your boyfriend #im having a BAD week #honestly so thankful for my emotional support human. especially rn

im gonna throw myself into the ocean.

#ahhh yes artificial hormones. my sworn enemy.#hurry up and get out of my system #i feel like ass and i hate it go away #actually i also somehow feel nothing which is incredibly disconcerting #like i don't like this. im aware of what's going on which helps but like #stop it.#this is the first time ive been aggravated with my boyfriend for falling asleep. im like ill ill and he didn't even do anything????#also i wanna cry???

like i do not want a kid because of the state of this country and also my life. but for once at least it's not because i'm violently opposed to combining genetics with my significant other. however ideally im right and this app is wrong.

#im taking the plan b anyway #either it works or it doesn't #I'll burn all subsequent bridges once theyre built #but like jesus tittyfucking christ i do not wanna have that conversation with this man at this moment #bro joking about going to vegas with him in August and getting married by an elvis impersonator #literally do not wanna make that a reality bc im six months pregnant #he definitely seems like the type to be like ''well we gotta get married now''#I suppose this could all be the Lucifer phase starting up

i actually think my period tracker is on crack and i ovulated like a week ago but I have no idea. my cycle is definitely on crack.

#can't tell if ovulation horny or regular horny #also can't tell if not worried about being pregnant because dating someone who isnt garbage or if ovulation make stupid #y'know #not having a uterus would fix this concern

im gonna need my brain to shut the fuck up and let me sleep.

#i am not pregnant brain #im not gonna be pregnant brain #I'm gonna stop stressing myself out before my period is late due to being stressed out thus causing more stress #everything is perfectly fine #i will absolutely not be telling a man I've been with for two months that he knocked me up literally the first time we fucked #i haven't gotten pregnant in the last 11 years. this will not be the first time #let me fucking sleep you demon organ that lives in my skull #there is literally no goddamn way and i don't even need to be concerned right now because I cannot know for like another 2 weeks

shelteringyourdna-deactivated20

well look who it is. my old friend. the conses of my quences.

shelteringyourdna-deactivated20

do not 10k me stop that

ebonyheartnet

*clicks reblog* your old friend, the conses of your quences, sends their regards

then there's my mother. "idk that sounds like love bombing."

ma'am i have dated 942 narcissists in my life. not one of them has had the audacity to liken me to a sleep token song. also the vibes are completely different.

i fear we're just in our 30s and tired of playing silly games; and sometimes you just know your person. like yeah he could pull a 180 and... actually no. he couldn't. i know, famous last words; but this man has threatened to hit someone with a chair for disrespecting me.

the vibe is very "i know you can handle it, but im gonna handle it for you." very "alright miss independent, i've got it." at least as much as i'll let him because again, brand new experience here.

but like she's met him. they get along. (also brand new experience.) so girl shut up and stop trying to convince me every man is out to get me. most of them are but not this one.

i've gotta work on this need to have back up plans for my back up plans. like when it comes to a car, sure; or like what i wanna do for lunch, fine.

but there is no goddamn reason (there is, it's trauma) for my mind to keep doing the "what if he fucks up" and the "what if he leaves." bitch figure it out if it ever happens. as of right now this is the easiest things have ever been with another person, why does my fuckass brain wanna borrow trouble? like, what's he gonna do? nothing. this man is just as ridiculously fucking head over heels stupid for me as i am for him. he literally tells me where he's going, what he's doing, who he's with without me ever once asking.

like he is both painfully predictable and the most communicative person i've ever known. there is zero reason ever for me to be stressed. on the rare occasions he has stressed me out he immediately corrected the problem and hasn't done it since.

yet my brain is still over here "hey you should panic about something, i know he hasn't done anything but panic anyway." bitch if you don't shut up.

cause like, when you're not sure of a guy and you're telling yourself "oh he's probably asleep" or whatever it's a totally different feeling than when you literally know that mf is asleep. like i am completely secure, so the instinct to panic is just annoying at this point. stop it.

#this man literally tells me he loves me unprompted about 40000 times a day #and as soon as the opportunity presents itself he's holding my hand or my knee or laying his head on me #i am fully convinced that he'd be inside my skin with me if that were possible.#(i am no better. by any means.)

oh and there's this one bitch whose fiance is friends with him and i can't stand her bc she gets right on everyone's face when she talks to them and she's very "pick me"

and he laughs every time i say im gonna fight her.

my good man, if she doesn't stop calling your name like that, she's gonna swallow her own teeth. if i'll fight grown men, i'll fight her.

(this vaguely makes him sound like a problem, he isn't. she just doesn't understand personal space. not his, not mine, not my coworkers. she's gonna learn tho. stay over there with your fiance and his anger issues before i help you stay over there.)

#i dont think she even knows we're together #it's not a secret but we don't broadcast it because we're forced to have a working relationship as well #trying to explain that my anger issues have anger issues and i'd like nothing more than to body block her and snarl when she gets close #without sounding unhinged. is a struggle.

my friend was talking about her kid petting her face to wake her up and i was like "see i can't have kids bc if my kid did that id swing."

he was like "no, that's when you tell me to get my child."

sir how are you volunteering to get up with our hypothetical child that i have no intention of having and why is it making my hormones think having a child wouldn't be so bad. stop that.

#i have zero LITERALLY ZERO desire to have a child #my body however missed the memo bc he does this shit and i have to remind myself about how your organs get rearranged for 9 months #i was literally just thinking about a hysterectomy. please get it together.

he made the cow dance to beyonce bc it made me laugh and now he's sleeping with it. he's adorable, send help.

#there was also a whole conversation about kids which sent me into a minor existential crisis

we've also mutually decided that he's my bunny, that's his pet name now, bc he does a silly lil bunny hop when he's bowling and i refuse to let it go.

#i mean i literally never ever call him by his name unless im ''scolding'' him anyway #by which i mean pretending to be upset when I'm actually amused

did i buy a grown man a stuffed cow for valentine's day? yes i did and i am 95% sure said grown man will cuddle with the aforementioned stuffed cow.

#I'd rather him cuddle me but that's currently not possible #well it's possible but inconvenient

maybe i just needed a cigarette or maybe im insane thanks to my fucking father.

#im fine. everything is fine.#i will survive not being able to make kissy faces at the grown ass man im dating for 5-7 days #my best friend moved there permanently 15 years ago and she's still my best friend #him being gone for a week will change zero things.#we're just gonna whine at each other about needing physical affection.

maybe i'll just use that week to practice compulsively when i'm not working. i did agree to join that league depending on how things go.

#i never once thought id become a bowling girlie but here tf i am

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i must rampage