my emetophobia journey

follow me (em, she/they) as i try to overcome a phobia that quite literally ruins my life

[emet-recovery]

sunday march 20- an update

hi, it’s been a long time since i’ve posted on here. since i posted i had gotten much better, but i relapsed due to an event & now i am struggling. i just wanted to pop in and remind anyone reading this that you are not alone.

[emet-recovery]

sunday july eighteenth- five am thoughts

i had a really good day yesterday at the beach. it was literally perfect with no thoughts, i was being careful with eating to make sure i didn’t have an episode but a fucking kiddie ice cream set me off & i had a panic attack where i had to get out of the car and get fresh air. i couldn’t finish my ice cream. i’m tired of living in fear & i’m tired of living in this fucking nightmare. how am i going to cope in florida.

[emet-recovery]

friday july sixteenth- vent

i am not suicidal and i’m not going to do anything but i deadass don’t think i can fucking cope with having this horrible phobia anymore. i have so many panic attacks a day i can barely take care of my boyfriend anymore when he’s sad. i cant help it but it’s ruining me and the things around me. right now i feel absolutely horrible. i have a cough & a stuffy nose so i can’t breathe & every time i take a deep breath through my mouth i cough, i just got my period so my cramps are literally fucking horrible, add on yet another anxiety attack that im gonna *v* and then add the trip anxiety. i am in a horrible state right now, i texted my therapist but no reply which makes sense because it’s after her hours. i’m not gonna do anything suicidal or anything but im tired of fucking living like this: i want to be there for my boyfriend & have fun in disney world. this is the dumbest shit in the world and im so sorry to anyone else who goes through it.

[emet-recovery]

friday july sixteenth- trip mental health vent

emetophobia has truly taken over my life. i have been on this disney trip with my friend twice before, and everything was fine… yet now when my phobia has gotten much worse i literally have been having intrusive thoughts of me *v* on the trip every minute of every day. my anxiety is so high that i can barely fall asleep or have fun. i don’t wanna rant to the people around me about it anymore because there’s nothing they can do, not even my therapist. i don’t know how i’m going to relax and have fun during this trip, and it sucks because i’m so excited for disney itself. i love my best friend & i wanna go on vacation w them so badly again, it was some of the best times of my life the last two times. it has even found ways to sneak itself into my dreams… like last night i deadass had a dream that a different friend of mine got the stomach virus and i was anxious that i got it right before i was gonna leave for florida. i just want to escape this nightmare.

[emet-recovery]

thursday july fifteenth- a medication update

so, one thing i forgot to mention when starting this account was that i’m on three medications, i’m gonna explain those & how they affect my emetophobia, i’m only really doing this because i just got on a new medicine & i think it’s gonna help my anxiety.

-lexapro (5-10mg) i am on this for anxiety, since my emet anxiety has been getting much much worse lately my mom thinks that it’s regulated and i need to up my dose, since my dose is really small. i am waiting to up it because i’m on a new medication that should help my anxiety as well.

-vyvanse (10mg) this is for my adhd, my adhd is severe but i don’t take a high dose because the medication makes me really nauseous and my eating habits get really weird. i wouldn’t recommend adhd meds to people with emetophobia.. but if you need them 100% go for it. it’s never *v*, it’s always just feeling weird or having bad eating habits due to loss of appetite. i’ve tried three other adhd medications, but they are all the same. all i can suggest is don’t get on adderall if you have anxiety (it makes it worse), and don’t try ritalin, it made my eating habits really bad and i was very nauseous.

-nadolol (20mg) this is a brand new medication i take for my heart condition (supraventricular tachycardia, google it if you wanna know more info about it it has nothing to do with emet lol), & it so far i think has made my anxiety better a bit?? i started it three days ago and i think it’s lowered my anxiety about the trip and just life in general a bit, we’ll see how well it works closer to when we leave.

overall, these are my meds! thank you so much for reading and always feel free to add :)

[emet-recovery]

wednesday july fourteenth- florida trip overview

so, this account will be used for me to rant about my emetophobia, get advice, give out advice on stuff that worked for me, and etc… just generally anything that has to do with emetophobia. so i’m gonna start by going over some things that i’m going to be bringing on my trip to florida (see previous post) with my best friend & their family. i will write how these things have worked for me in the past on it as well… so let’s get started, this is kinda just so i can mentally prepare for this trip because my anxiety is through the roof. in the past couple of weeks *tw* i had an episode at my boyfriends house where i thought i was genuinely going to *v*… i’m absolutely petrified that’ll happen again tbh… so here we go-

-anti nausea wrist band (i have never used one before but a friend on tiktok recommended getting one because it really helps him. i think having it on in general will really help my anxiety, especially with all of the crazy foods disney has to offer).

-pop it fidget (i know this sounds ridiculous, but i have one and it genuinely helps my anxiety a lot, it’s something to play with & keeps my hands busy… i do a lot of stimming when i have emet triggered panic attacks so typically, this replaces that and gives me something to put my focus on).

-dramamine nausea pills/strips (i don’t know which im gonna get yet, i would prefer to get the strips but it’s whatever my mom gets for me. i’m really hoping that these work, i’ve never tried them before but i think having them on me will really help with my anxiety).

-mint gum (a well known trick obviously, usually works for me but i get really overwhelmed when i’m having an emet episode so sometimes it doesn’t work, typically it does though).

-jolly ranchers (my favorite candy but also known to reduce nausea, it’s actually worked for me before! the more ya know).

now, here’s some things that will hopefully or definitely already be in florida at the house we’re staying at (my friends house in florida) that could potentially help me as well-

-ginger ale (hasn’t really worked for me much in the past i don’t think, but ya never know, it’s always good to have).

-ice (THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT ALWAYS HELPS ME), i always put it in my hands and fun fact, if you put ice on the back of your neck it actually is a physical reaction that stops nausea!)

so yeah, if there’s anything else i’ll add it but def respond w some more tips because i’m so fucking anxious you literally have no idea LMFAOO okay, have a good night everyone <3

[emet-recovery]

wednesday july fourteenth- an introduction

hii everyone- my name is emily, i am 18 years old & my pronouns are she/they. i have lots of personality traits (i think lol), i love musical theatre & wanna be on broadway someday. i love makeup, dogs, and my friends. i am one of the biggest extroverts in the world & love nothing more than making people smile. even though this cute pastel account doesn’t show it, i actually only ever wear black and have a grunge egirl look i guess lol… i just made this account pastel because these are calming colors to me, and i know i’ll be looking at this account during my emetophobia episodes, so i guess that brings me to this… hi, i’m emily and i have a crippling severe phobia of *v*, and i’m tired of letting it ruin my life. it’s gotten worse over the years, to the point where these days,, it practically takes over my life & every single life choice i decide to make. i made this account because in 8 days, i’ll be traveling to florida (20 hours away from me, taking a plane which is a 2.5 hour flight) with my best friend… but that means i have to leave my parents & my boyfriend and also my house, which is all my “safe spaces” for this horrible phobia. there’s so many thoughts racing through my head about this trip, so i figured i may as well talk about it, because there’s definitely not enough representation for people who struggle with emet. so hi, my name is emily, and i guess this is where my blog for emetophobia begins… let’s hope this trip goes okay.