Further up, Further in

Yo, I'm Emmanuel. Feel free to take a look around.

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Meditation on Love

"To love at all is to be vulnerable," said C.S. Lewis. It is such a duality that love is the strongest and greatest, yet it demands vulnerability. How can love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres make me feel so exposed and raw at the same time? Any form of personal expression feels vulnerable, since you are putting yourself out there. Love is the ultimate expression that one can convey. Even hate is no match for love because eventually hate runs out, while love is stronger than death and endures forever. Hate can lead to atrocious thoughts and deeds, but pure love in an instant overcomes.

Love requires that you lay it all bare. True love, that is. The most pure love is sacrifice and service to another’s well-being at the full cost of one’s self while absolutely making no demands. I guess that is summed up with Christ on the cross. The act of greatest vulnerability is the most powerful act in all of history. I honestly cannot fully comprehend it. The man, the Supreme Being, completely exposed with nothing left to give! He gave it all on the cross. His heart was not hidden, His intentions were fully revealed with not a single shred of selfishness, He did it for me and you. He, ultimate Love, remains unchanged and unfailing for all time. I don’t understand really. I can begin to, but then I just helplessly become overwhelmed with awe.

We all look for love. We crave it, we desire it. We try to love well too. It’s always elusive when we look in all the places other than at Love Himself. Oh, how do I convey what I am sinking into? The surface gives way to the shallows and then the deeper waters. His heart is so tender. Like, it’s so soft… so soft, softer still. When I first encountered the Father’s heart a few years ago, I was overwhelmed by all I could describe as tenderness. I didn’t fully understand it at the time, nor do I now, but I understand now that I was struck by the bareness and pureness of His heart that beats for me. In that encounter, I was experiencing the choice that HE made to be vulnerable with me, the choice He made before time began and remains unchanged till after the end of time.

His love that changes me, marks me, and covers me is like the gentlest, yet most powerful force that I have and will ever come across. I don’t get how it works, but it does. It really does.

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I'm Alive

Whoa, how long as it been? It's not that nothing has been happening, but more like there's been too much. I safely returned from my crazy wonderful trip to Kenya two weeks ago and it's been nonstop since. The first few days were recovery from jet lag and the strange goat meat that I ate the second to last day in Nairobi. When Monday rolled around, it was back to work at my full-time job and getting back into the groove of things with Origins. Labor day weekend was full of visitors from out of town and familiar faces which was truly a pleasure for me.

How do I even share about almost three weeks in Kenya in a reasonable length of words? God is good. Like, really good. As amazing as it was loving the people halfway across the world, I think I am most blown away by connecting with the Father's heart in a deeper way. There were a lot of cool testimonies of prophetic words that were spot on, a deaf ear opening, various healings, people getting freed from demonic oppression, bystanders encountering angels as we worshipped. It almost seems unreal that that all happened. At the end of the day, I am left with a desire for more. Who is this God that is mindful of man, willing to come close and then draw us nearer still? Who is He that sees me, knows every detail about me and loves me completely? I want to know and I am sure you do too.

Coming back to the States, the routine is easy to fall into. Back to church on Sundays, leading biospheres on Wednesdays, work and play. Yet, I am compelled to fall deeper, to sink further into this Being known as the I AM and Love. In the midst of routine, we are all called to live extraordinarily because we are sons and daughters of an extraordinary Father.

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He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.

Jim Elliot

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Giving

July has been a very crazy month for me. I'm not sure really where to begin or where to go with this. I worked full time for the past 4 weeks at a very small household product design company helping to design and develop new products. It was supposed to be a 4 week internship, but I think I have favor with my boss, so I'll be able to continue working there after I come back from Kenya, which is really nice because I don't have to worry about finding a job right when I get back. I feel so blessed to be able to work at a job that is what I like to do.

About a week and a half ago, I got my car stolen. That's been quite an interesting experience. Since I biked 10 minutes to work everyday, I didn't really need my car, so I had let my friend borrow it to go to work a couple days a week. Unfortunately, one night, she parked my car, locked it and everything, in the parking garage under her apartment building and the next day it was gone. After checking to see if my car had been towed (and it hadn't), I filed a police report. When I found out that my car had been stolen, I felt surprisingly calm. I mean, I was in some state of shock, but I didn't feel overwhelming fear or anything. Actually, I felt pretty peaceful about the whole thing. Even though my car has still not been recovered, I'm not worried or feeling strong negative emotions, but I just want closure to the whole situation. Waiting to hear news about my car is difficult. I trust God to take care of me.

I would say that my car is the most expensive possession that I own and getting it 4 years ago was a testimony in itself. I am thankful for it, but it pales in comparison to the way I value my relationship with people. Lending my car to people (and my other possessions) is natural for me because I see my things as a means to love and bless other people. When I give, there are no strings attached because that's how Jesus loves me. The Bible says that God loves a cheerful giver and that's a good rule to go by. When I give or lend things to people, I only do it when I can do it cheerfully and know that I will feel okay regardless of what happens to my stuff. Jesus gave me His all on the cross, not to manipulate me into loving Him, but to give me the choice of choosing relationship with Him. Loving other people is the same way. I love others to present them the opportunity to deepen our relationship and to bring them into an encounter with Christ in me.

Wow, I didn't expect that to go there. Anyway, I'm leaving for Kenya in a few hours and I won't be back until August 21. It's finally hitting me that I'm going to Kenya for a mission trip since the past few weeks have been just gogogo with working full-time, helping people move into their new homes, leading biosphere, and being intentional with hanging out with people after work. I'm excited and I have a really good feeling about the trip. It feels very right and so I know it will be significant for me and the people I encounter in Kenya.

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Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.

Jim Elliot

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Summer biosphere

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For one of our biosphere, we had each of our teams compose a psalm together. Each person had to contribute two lines and this is what one of the groups came up with. I present, Team Beanieflakes...Tips.

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To say yes to Jesus we must also say no to something else. A yes is always accompanied by a no.

Graham Cooke

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Summer Begins

It's been about 3 weeks since the regular school year ended. My parents came down to visit during the graduations to see me and the WVCAC young ones that were graduating from UCSD. We got to spend some time together seeing some of the San Diego sights and enjoying each others' company for a day after graduation weekend. There was about two weeks of pseudo-resting as people were coming and going from SD before summer session and work started. We didn't have Sunday church for two weeks as well and I got more time to myself to send out my Kenya mission trip updates and also my second staff newsletter. It felt really good to be able to get those done. I also helped babysit the Songs' kids as well as the Orme's kiddos, which I really enjoy. I don't want them to grow up! Haha

Last week, we started having normal Sunday church again, had our July 4th BBQ, and also our summer biosphere that is being led by Hyeyoung and me. It's been two years since I personally led a biosphere and it was good to do it again. We had a lot of people that came (about 20) because it was the only one last week since the Marketplace Biosphere didn't meet. Worship was really powerful and presence of God was really strong the whole evening. I am excited to continue cultivating a corporate pursuit of the deeper things that God is pulling us into this summer. The school year may have ended, but the Kingdom is ongoing and there is a constant tug of closer intimacy with our Father and Lover. I see summer as a runway for us to gather speed in which to take off when fall rolls around.

Outside of ministry, I landed a summer internship at 2GoProducts, LLC during the two week summer lull. It was perfectly orchestrated by God and I am constantly reminded that He knows me so well and loves to give me the best. I applied for this internship on a Fri, got called for an interview on Tue, interviewed on Wed, and today was my first day on the job. Not only was the process smooth, applying to starting in 10 days, the internship fits me in so many ways. I get to do what I am interested in, my input and work has a real impact on the overall business because the company is made up of only a handful of us, the hours and pay are ideal, and the office is less than a 10 min bike ride from my house! The current project that we are working on ends literally the day that I leave for Kenya too. It is like God just took a bunch of things that I would like, put it in a box, wrapped it up, and put it in my lap.

I think one of the lessons I have been learning this past year is learning to trust Jesus. That has been so huge, to trust and not worry. In the state of trust, I can focus on the present, fully live my life and receive all that He has for me instead of always looking to the future or the next step.There is no shortcut through the processes and transitions that our Father is leading us through. I can either resist and be stressed out or choose to embrace and rest. I am so glad that God is patient because all the pressure that I put on myself is not from Him and so I can choose to think like Him.

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Day 2 of graduations: Warren, Revelle, and Eleanor Roosevelt Colleges. Super exhausted after going to all 6 graduations with the blazing sun and the tedious walk from Gliderport parking.

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Day 1 of graduations: Marshall, Sixth, and Muir Colleges.

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Rest is not inactivity. It is in your head [mindset].

Brian Orme

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Thursday biosphere, Men of Origins (M.O.O.) Time, Leader's appreciation dinner, Dance Counts photo setup outside with my backdrop :P

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Into the Known Unknown

Summer is fast approaching and it freaks me out a little bit. Last week had moments where I felt glimpses of familiar panic in regards to the same storms that have been swirling around my head all year. Being in school and having to stay on top of schoolwork was one form of stress, but the postgrad life certainly has been providing its own challenges. Transition. Transition. Transition. That's all I can think about with the underlying concerns of how I do I support myself through it all. In the end, I'm having a valuable lesson in learning to rest and manage my inner atmosphere to match heaven.

One of the things that added unexpected stress to my plate last week was helping my friend Whitney with her event for her dance crew. I was commissioned to make a backdrop for her dance showcase that was this past Sunday called Dance Counts. Halfway through the week, as the deadline drew nearer, I could feel the time crunch. I'm pretty pleased with how the backdrop worked out, but that was eclipsed by the amazing dance showcase that Whitney put all her time and effort into making a reality. The event venue was packed out and every detail was so well executed from the flyers to the wristbands. That girl is so inspiring. She was sharing about how God's hand was clearly in making the event possible, and I was thinking, "Wow, you dream so big with God." Much respect.

Whitney got to know Jesus and was baptized last year. Since then, she's just been zooming ahead at a rapid rate. She's been sharing kingdom values wherever she goes, making an impact where she has influence. Dance Counts was the first dance showcase at UCSD for the UCSD dance community, where dance crews got together and performed for each other and supported each other. I could see all the things she's learned about spiritual family being a huge part about what it looks like to cultivate true family culture with people involved in hip hop dance. There was this section of the program at the end where each of the UCSD dance crews presented an award to one of their own members on stage in front of the whole dance community. Like, the award winner sat in a "hot seat" while the dance captain would tell everyone why he/she deserved to be recognized. It was so cool to see people honoring each other and loving one another in such a real way outside of church.

This year has had our largest graduating class yet for Origins. It's bittersweet to see our student leaders and seniors move into the next phase of their life, but they're going to change the world. We began doing postgrad and marketplace stuff this year for the few people out of college, but it's still in the very early stages. Our hope is to build up some sort of structure for our family to create a space to help students transition well right out of college. To be honest, there's still a lot of unknowns for me as well, but I love being a pioneer and being a part of something new that God is doing.

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Ministry doesn’t build character, it reveals your character

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Staff retreat at a conference in Anaheim, saying farewell to the Foutz's as they get redeployed in Virginia, our last student leadership meeting of the year with encouraging and loving each other, worship time at Thursday Biosphere, Kenya mission team meeting = more prayer/worship, spending Sat night with Cec and staff while Brian was speaking in Norcal, helping with Kid's church on Sunday!

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Winding up.

We are now into the 9th week of our 10 week quarter. One would think that things would be winding down as the school year ends, but on the contrary, things are starting to accelerate. That's just kind of how it's always been at Origins, I guess. I'd like to share what I've been up to and also some quick testimonies.

The weekend before Memorial Day weekend was our staff retreat. We accidentally scheduled it where it overlapped with Sungod Festival. Sungod Festival is UCSD's annual music festival where major performing artists come to perform and it's a huge gathering of like 20,000 people. It's one of my favorite events because we have been holding a student org booth there for the past 4 years. We basically bring people into a love encounter with God through giving prophetic words (spiritual readings) and praying for the sick. People are so hungry to experience real love and to hear what good things God has to share with them. Every year, there has been crazy testimonies and lasting fruit. This year, the students shared testimonies later at church of people getting touched by God, some students even crying (while at a secular music festival with loud music!). Several people even came back bringing their other friends to the booth to get spiritual readings. There was also a testimony of some guy who had a cast; he got prayed for and his arm was healed.

It was tough not being there ever since we started the booth, and it required trust in Jesus and in our student leaders that they were going to be fine. Our student leaders stepped up to the plate and Jesus never fails. Meanwhile, our staff retreat was at a conference in Anaheim. It was really good to just be able to sit in the crowd, not have to do any ministry, and just receive. I wished we had more quality time to spend together as a staff, but we did get to fit in some bonding time over meals and stuff during the busy conference schedule.

This quarter's biospheres have been really good. Even though we have been doing biospheres since we began Origins in 2008, it has still been a process for me to learn how to oversee and cultivate them. There was a lot of trial and error in figuring out what worked and what didn't and each quarter it has getting better and better. A lot of it involved remembering the vision for biosphere and getting people to be excited about biospheres. Having vision as a leader is so important! As summer rolls around, we will continue to have church and biospheres; and we also have two mission trips, one to La Paz, Mexico and another to Kenya.

Some quick testimonies: A girl that rededicated her life after spring break and got baptized a week later has been seeing God working in her life in so many ways. At biosphere, she just candidly shared about how her desire to smoke marijuana immediately went away after she got baptized (she literally thought she was going to smoke marijuana till the day she died), God came through miraculously to provide exactly the $1300 she needed the day after she prayed about it, and she prayed for her Buddhist roommate that was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer who then got a checkup later and was found cancer free. There was also a Iranian international student that had a broken elbow and got prayed for at the student health clinic and all the pain went away. He went in for his checkup and the doctor told him he didn't need to come back anymore because his elbow was fine. This student ended up coming to church and also biospheres, super hungry to see what God was all about. He kept saying that there was so much life at our church meeting.

All this happening in this last quarter is really amazing. I want to see more of it happening! Jesus loves to reveal Himself to people and He lives inside of us!