x&amp;y

[frowns, concerned] Good information or bad information? I’m not sure if drinking for that reason is…advisable.

#hahahaha yep yep #get'cha head in the game is still my jam #c: johnathan

Bad. real bad. But it's good that I know. [shrugs] Maybe I don't care what's advisable.

Pretty good reason, if I’m being honest. [laughs along with her] Then it’s a good thing you’re finally breaking free. May I ask where this clarity comes from?

#I LISTENED TO THE HSM SOUNDTRACK BEFORE THE USA VS BELGIUM MATCH STARTED #I'M NOT KIDDING #c: johnathan

Let's just say I got some new information I didn't know before. And the alcohol probably helps too.

Well, you’re of age now, aren’t you? You can drink as m uch as you want, and they cannot say a thing about it. [raises a brow] That’s what drunk people usually say, Emms. Why the sudden need to be all wild and crazy?

That's exactly why I'm doing it. [giggles] Years and years of suppressing. And, you know, sudden clarity.

#c: johnathan

Oh, are they those kind of parents who think drinking alcohol is a sin? My mom is like that, difference is, I don’t mind being rude. [shakes his head] One of us needs to stay sober, you know? Wouldn’t want things getting too crazy.

#YES I DID #i couldn't catch all of it but i saw the second half #and the extra time ofc #that was a pretty goal #also i think argentina has a pretty good chance to go to the semi finals since belgium and usa aren't exactly hard opponents #germany however is doomed #at least if we play like we did yesterday #thank god for manuel neuer #this is getting long i'm gonna stop now #c: johnathan

Not exactly a sin, but they think I shouldn't do anything illegal, y'know? Don't want me to get in trouble. [snorts] I'm not that drunk. And maybe crazy is good once in a while.

Bad influence from who? You know we all like our drinks up in our tower.

My producers, technically. I guess there was a lot of bad influence from them over the years. Also, I don't wanna be rude. [holds out the bottle to him] You want some?

#c: johnathan

Why would you ever think Firewhisky is not fun? That’s a tad dumb, Emmie.

#yes they should #and yes yes it is #c: johnathan

S'not my fault, though. I suppose you could call it bad influence.

julesaugustine

You’re just learning this, Ems?

#lightningstarter #oop @ me posting 2 starters in 2 days #but it's bday time yaaay

Mhmm. [giggles] My parents always said it's not worth it, but they were very wrong.

#c: jules

[A note attatched to the present]

Happy Birthday, Emma.

-x

#im sad #submission

I was wrong. Firewhisky is fun.

Decode || Emma & Seraphine

"Oh, darling, I could say a thousand more things that would completely crush you. You think this is bad? I’m not even trying over here. I could, of course, if you wanted me to. You know how easily cruelty comes to me." All of the things she had ever said to Emma had only had one purpose, and that was to push her away. It was a defense mechanism, like how a wounded cat would scratch you if you were try and cause them more harm. Seraphine didn’t want anything to do with her sister, not in the situation she was in, because, why would Emma want to get close to her again? To laugh in her face and relish in the fact that she was no longer a part of her life? Was it some kind of revenge, perhaps, against the cruel words and actions coming from her sister?

"I can’t believe you." Seraphine said, taking a step closer to her sister and laughing incredulously. "Are you honestly still insisting on that? Yes, Emma, I’m staring right at you and I can tell you that both mom and dad hate me. They’ve always had. Our father is as bad as our mother is, and they’re disgusting human beings.” She shook her head. “A mistake? This was not a mistake! It was their choice, one they thought carefully before taking, so how can you say that what they did was mistake? How can you expect me to forgive them? Wake up, Emma, this isn’t fairytale where everyone loves each other and doesn’t hold grudges. Your parents hate me as I hate them, and that is not going to change, no matter how many times you ask for it, no matter how many times you pray for it.” With another dry laugh, she sighed. “But you wouldn’t understand. You’ve never had to forgive them for anything. They’ve always treated you well, and you’re still a part of their family. You’re still and will always be a Rupert.”

"But that’s what they want, can’t you see it? They never wanted me to be close to you, all they’ve ever done is try to get you away from me. And they succeeded. I’ve always been a bad influence in their view, and with what they’ve done now, it’s official. You don’t even have to this anymore, Emma. You don’t need to talk to me out pity, because you feel guilty or because you have some delusional sense of duty with me. It’s over, and I don’t want you to go on with this…thing. It’s cruel enough without you adding to it. To be honest, I would’ve never pegged you for being such a cold-hearted girl."

Her anger now almost completely gone, she stared at her sister for a while before talking. “Oh, yes, I’m the luckiest. Being disowned by your own family, that makes luckier than you. Please, Emma, shut up before you make a fool out of yourself.” Seraphine shrugged, smirking a bit. “You don’t deserve anything, I told you before. And you know more than anyone that this is not fixable. Why would you even want to fix it, anyways? We both know your life will be happier this way, so stop begging and leave me alone once and for all. I think both of us need it.”

#p: decode #yes we should #sorry this is so short but i think it makes sense if we're ending it ba dum ts

"Dis...disowned? What the hell are you talking about?"

It hit her right in the guts. No, no, no, that couldn't be, they wouldn't. Not without asking her first. Not without telling her.

"Please tell me that's a lie. Please, Seraphine, please say you just said that to hurt me. Please."

She was acting desperate now, and she knew it, just as she knew it was true. It made sense. Her parents frowning at even the slightest mention of her sister, trying to change the subject as quickly as they could. She doesn't belong with us got a whole new meaning.

And Seraphine's behavior made sense too. Emma didn't know what she would have done in her position. It was the most horrible thing she could imagine - being left behind by the people that were always supposed to be there for you. And she wanted to tell Seraphine that, tell her she would have never let them do it if she knew, that she would have been on her side, no matter what. But the words just didn't want to come out of her mouth, so she just stood there, staring blankly at her sister.

Decode || Emma & Seraphine

"You say that, yet I don’t think you’d be too happy with what I think." Sometimes, Seraphine though Emma lived in some kind of dreamworld, like those they would create when they were kids and disownments didn’t exist. One where everyone loved each other and where things could be fixed easily. Maybe, she just wanted her family to be fixed again. But then she remembered that Emma knew, she fucking knew about how her family had kicked her out like a dog they didn’t want anymore, and the notion faded. If she wanted everything to be alright, then she wouldn’t have let them do it. “I can be more than just a bitch. I could tell you everything you don’t want to hear. Do you really think you can take that, sis?”

Fury flooded her again as her sister stood up and walked around. “They’re not bastards? They’re not fucking bastards?” Seraphine let out a bitter laugh, standing up, too. “How dare you say they’re not trash? How dare you say that they don’t hate me? Of course they do! And I have every reason in this world, not to be mad at them, but to hate them with every piece of me.” Her tone would increase as she spoke, each and every thing she said feeling like a release. It had been a while since she had gotten this mad, and she wasn’t exactly sure she wouldn’t regret it afterwards. But the anger was not going to away, not now, so why not let it all out? What was the point of hiding it all again? There must’ve been something, a reason why she would’ve done it before, although she couldn’t remember it now.

"How about hearing that I think they only make this world worse by just breathing in it, huh? How about hearing that I wouldn’t give a damn if they fucking dropped dead in this exact moment? They don’t deserve to be happy. Our parents are toxic, Emma. Toxic and bad people, and if you’re not careful then that’s exactly what you’re going to become. Another mindless, prejudiced and self-righteous hyporcrite!" The last piece of her speech came out as a yell, her mind completely rejecting the possibility of Emma becoming anything like her parents. She had been the only one who had cared for Seraphine when they were younger, although what had happened a few months ago made her think that maybe she was already like them.

And there it was, the urge she tried always so hard to supress, the urge to cry. Seraphine hated that feeling and concentrated on her anger, but her sister’s words had lessened it. Did she hate her? Anyone who had seen them would’ve said she did, totally and completely. But as much as she wanted to loathe her, as much as she would rather not see her anymore, that didn’t change the fact that Emma had always been her twin, and the one she seeked comfort in when they were kids. And, Merlin, she didn’t hate her at all. Seraphine was just mad, disappointed and hurt that she had wanted to disown her, too, and yes, she said some pretty awful things to her every day, but the moment Circe had insulted Emma, she had immediately defended her. She still cared, and she obviously still loved her, though she didn’t voice her thoughts. “Looking at the mirror is not the same as looking at you, you should know that.”

"What could you say to hurt me that you haven't already said? You already made it clear that I'm nothing to you." She was wrong, of course. There had been countless times where Emma thought it couldn't get worse, yet it still did. That didn't stop her from wanting her sister back, though. It didn't matter that Seraphine had been so cruel to her. Losing her sister seemed scarier than any death eater, scarier than any war on the horizon. She wanted her back. She needed her back. There was no other choice.

"Look, I know they haven't treated you right. They treated you horrible, of course. But can you honestly look me in the eye and say that dad hates you? That he's bad? They're not bad! It's not like they kill people. Sometimes people make mistakes. You have, I have, they have. It's time to forgive." Seraphine's eruption scared her, so Emma tried to stay as calm as possible. It wasn't like she didn't expect it, but it was horrible to hear, anyway. She loved her parents, just as she loved Seraphine, despite their flaws.

"Maybe you don't have to forgive them,. It's not like I'm going to change your opinion. But I am not them, nor will I ever be them. Got it? Push me away all you want, I'm your sister. I'm your family. And you pushing me away is your choice, not theirs." There was a thing that scared Emma almost as much as the thought of losing her sister completely - agreeing with her. She knew all the terrible things her parents had done, she had seen them with her own eyes. But hating them? That was scary. Something she didn't want to experience, especially when she looked at Seraphine and how bitter it made her.

"You're lucky, then. Luckier than me." Emma searched for the right words, mindlessly biting her lip in the process. "You need a family, Sera. And I understand if you don't want it to be them, but I haven't done anything to desreve this. Just, for one time, tell me what I did wrong. I can fix it, I promise. Just, please, Sera." She had promised herself not to beg, but that promise didn't matter once she saw her sister calming down a little.

#p: decode

Decode || Emma & Seraphine

Seraphine had known what was coming. She had known she would not like the answer to her question, yet she had still made it. And even though she would’ve said she didn’t care at all had anyone asked her, truth was, it hurt. It felt as if somebody had punched her in the guts, a feeling of betrayal that in reality made no sense but that was nonetheless still there taking over her. Clenching her hands into fists. she blinked a couple of times and breathed deeper to get a grip on herself.

"Is that so?" She asked, the words almost forced out of her mouth. Because Seraphine was mad, and currently the only person she could take it out on was her sister. She knew it was wrong, that she shouldn’t have done it now or ever, but it was stronger than her, and thinking straight when mad had never been one of her abilities. Emma was the closest thing she had to her parents, the only connection between her and them at this moment, and she was willing to make her…what? Feel badly? Suffer because she was loved and Sera wasn’t? You don’t make any sense, said the annoying voice at the back of her head, but she ignored it.

She also felt a pang of jealousy towards her twin, one that had always been there from the moment she realised the treatment she received was far different than her own. Never in her life had she gotten a letter from her parents, not even after her first day at Hogwarts. Sera had written thousands, millions of letters to Valentine and Sarah, yet they were always returned to her, unopened. Never in her life had she gotten a decent present, not even for her own birthday. And, Merlin, she had wanted it with all her being. She still did. The strong front Seraphine put up crumbled to nothing when it came to her family, and she was just a stupid little girl who wanted what she could not get.

"Send them my regards next time you talk to them. I’m sure they’ll be delighted to hear from me." With narrowed eyes, she glared at Emma when she heard the apology. "We don’t have to do what? Talk about their obvious preferences? Talk about the awful people they both are? Ah, I’m sure you don’t want to hear it. I’m sure you don’t want to hear how Mommy and Daddy are actually two fucking bastards. am I right?"

#TAKE ME WITH YOU #p: decode #lmao emma is so naive

"Oh, let it all out. If that means you'll stop being such a bitch, I'd be glad to hear it." Emma wasn't quite sure when she reached the point of just wanting an explanation, no matter what it was. She had once dreamed of a big misunderstanding, something easy to fix. But that was hopeless.

She got up and walked right to the parapet, not even throwing a glance at her sister. "You know, be mad at them all you want, but they're not bastards. Figuratively and literally. And it's not like they hate you." Though she wasn't so sure of the accuracy of her words, she tried to sound convincing. She looked at her sister, just for a moment, before looking at the sky again, a sigh on her lips.

Her thoughts seemed to wander, to more events from their past, back to the present. "How do you do it? Look in the mirror every day? I mean, if you loathe me so much, that must be painful, right?"

Emma loved mirrors when she was little. Not because she was arrogant, they just made her feel safe. And when she didn't have any around, she loved looking at her sister. It gave her the same sense of security, the feeling she was still herself. But that changed. Looking at Seraphine just left a hollow feeling in her chest now, reminding her of what she had lost. Irreplaceable.

She thought about it too much, anyway. Seraphine didn't want the old times back. Surely, she would enjoy that hollow feeling. It matched up with the not wanting to feel anything, not wanting to care for anything. It'd be easier if our roles were reversed, she thought. Emma would happily switch places if that meant her sister would be happy again. But that was impossible, of course. She was a damn wizard and couldn't do the one thing that would help.

Decode || Emma & Seraphine

The words coming out of her sister’s mouth earned her an eye roll, something not that uncommon when it came to Seraphine. “You’re so dramatic sometimes, I wonder how we’re even related.” She said, pursing her lips because, as much as she tried to deny it, Sera knew her twin was similar to her in more than one way. Emma was just as smart as she considered herself to be, and her tone and face when provoked pretty much resembled Sera’s constant frown. And there had been a time, ages ago, when they had been partners in crime, when nobody would’ve been able to tell them apart. They had thought and spoken about the same things, much to their parents dislike. Now? Their respective situations had made them so look different that only first years would be stupid enough to confuse them.

"Fine." Seraphine retorted, sitting down the furthest she could from Emma. "But I won’t be responsible for my actions if you say something dumb." Truth was, being alone with her sister scared her. If there was something she liked to avoid at all costs, that was feeling sad or nostalgic. And even as much as seeing Emma evoked said feelings in her, while her constant attempts at fixing their relationship infuriated more than anything in this world. It made no sense to Sera, the fact that her sister wanted anything to do with her when she had been a part of the desicion to disown her. She closed her eyes at the thought, looking away because, after all these months, she still couldn’t believe it had happened.

"Any words from dear mother and father?" The question came out bitterly and sarcastically, although that didn’t make it any less of an inquiry. Sera wasn’t sure why she was asking, why she even cared, but she couldn’t help herself. Maybe it was the masochist in her. Still, she wanted to know something, anything, about what had once been her family.

#lmao she's giving up i'm done #p: decode

Emma had to hold back a laugh at Seraphine's words. Her sister not wanting to accept that they were related amused her. It used to make her feel sad, but that feeling left a long time ago. A numbness replaced it, a numbness that laughed in her face for being so naive. She usually ignored that laugh, but it was hard when Seraphine simply rolled her eyes at her. She looked down again, observing her nails while thinking about the past.

There was a specific memory burned into her mind. Their birthday, the year Seraphine dropped out of muggle school. She knew her parents had been furious with her twin, but she hadn't seen the capacity of their anger yet. While Emma got exactly what she wished for - she didn't even remember what it was - Seraphine got a pair of socks. Green socks, too. Emma remembered thinking her parents were psychics once Seraphine actually got sorted in Slytherin. Perhaps it wasn't the first time Emma saw her parents preferring her over her sister, but it was the first time she truly realized it. It was a key moment for her. And it was scary.

But Emma was still hesitant on fully blaming her parents. Sure, they made mistakes - tons of them. But they didn't treat her like crap because of what other people did, while Seraphine made her life a living hell because of her parent's mistakes. But she didn't want to be bitter. She wouldn't give her sister what she wanted so bad.

"Yeah, they owl me each month, actually. Wishing me for luck for Quidditch and all that." She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Merlin, she didn't want to hurt Seraphine, even though her sister would probably want exactly that if their roles were reversed. "I'm.. sorry. We don't have to do this."

I owe you? I owe you? Yes, I could totally see why I would owe you anything. Poor little Emma, are you just not used to not getting what you want? Do forgive me for thinking you could ever relate to those of us who actually have to work for stuff. Like our parent’s attention and affection. I’m so sorry you’ve had such an awful life, with birthday and christmas presents every fucking year, or actual winter holidays. I’m sorry you’ve always been the perfect little Rupert, the chosen one. I…just leave.

#c: seraphine #this is her walking away angrily #my gif folder is a mess #m e s s

Don't you get that it's not my damn fault they treat you like that? Is it that hard to understand? Just.. whatever, Sera. I'm done being your fucking punching bag.

Decode || Emma & Seraphine

Seraphine crossed her arms, waiting for her to leave. But she knew deep inside that Emma wasn’t going to be intimidated by her. They had known each other since they were little, and not once, not even one time had she shown fear or aprehesion of Sera. They had been the best friends when they were young, and even if the older twin had been the bossy one, the other had complied without a complaint, seemingly amused by the plans and shenanigans Sera’s mind was able to come up with from such a young age. The thought brought back a few memories she was used to avoid —mainly because they hurt, and Seraphine did not like hurting— so she shook her head, trying to get rid of them. That’d happened too long ago. The past didn’t matter anymore.

Her words made her rise her brows, surprised at the tone Emma was using with her. “Well, well, look at that. Are you finally growing out some claws after all? It was about time, you know? A harmless lion is rather pathetic.” It unsettled her, though, thinking that she could be changing. All throughout her life, her sister had been the same. Yes, they had fought, and yes, they hated each other —or they thought they did— but Emma had always been nice, irritatingly nice, even to her. “I don’t boss first years around, darling. They are just too scared of me to not do as I say, and the same goes for many more people, including older one.”

"It’s not a matter of interrupting me or not, you’re just being annoying by just breathing in the same place as me. I need some peace, not contaminated air."

#p: decode #that last line is so cheesy oh god #why did i write that #no gif because my folder is a mess

Ever since she was little, Emma always tried to be nice to everyone. Be nice to people, and they'll be nice to you - it was easy. And it worked. On everyone. Everyone except her sister.

Seraphine had always been special. Smart and sly, the one with the plan. And Emma adored her, more than anyone. But it seemed like over the years, all those qualities Emma once wished she had turned Seraphine into the person she was today. Bitter, cruel, snobbish. A person who hated her twin, a person who pretended not to care about anything. But Emma knew better, of course. Though she wasn't sure if it was her wanting to know better sometimes.

"No, I always had claws. I just wasn't to keen on showing them, that's all." Seraphine's tone bothered her, but she tried to calm down. Maybe her being nice didn't change Seraphine's behavior, but it would save precious energy.

Maybe Seraphine wasn't worth it. The thought scared Emma more than anything. She tried to be nice to her, of course. She was her sister, after all. But no matter what she did, Seraphine didn't change. She tried nice. She tried angry. She tried a lot. Nothing worked.

"Well, maybe you should go somewhere else then. I'm staying." She tried to look determined before looking at the stars again, admiring their beauty. Someday, she and her sister would be stardust, and perhaps they'd find back together then.

Why should I give you any kind of explanation? You don’t deserve it, though I must say seeing you beg is a bit fun.