Fandom: Harry Potter: Golden Trio Era
Pairing: Harry Potter x reader
Summary: Your third year at Hogwarts is about to start and with it come a lot of new changes. Harry, your best friend, and crush is in trouble from some man named Sirius Black. You try desperately to keep Harry safe but what happens when you find out some heartbreaking, mind-shattering information about your father?
Warnings: Angst, and suicidal ideations
A/N: I want to thank everyone for the support and the love you have shown this series. I started it on a whim and didn’t realize that you all would like it this much. Thank you to everyone who’s been asking to get tagged, commenting, reblogging, liking, and sending me private messages. You guys are honestly my biggest motivation and inspiration to keep writing! Thank You genuinely from the bottom of my heart!
Previously on Father Dearest: That night you decided that it was better to stop all the pain, all at once. You climbed up the Astronomy tower stairs, having to stop every two steps to catch your breath. Finally, you made it to the top and walked over to the balcony. Upon looking down you were terrified; it was a long way down. However, you knew you had to do it; you couldn’t go on like this. Everyone you loved either hated you or thought that you hated them. There was no going back, you closed your eyes tightly and threw yourself off the balcony.
Before you could jump two strong arms grabbed you and spun you away from the balcony. You fought to get the hands away from you but the more you fought the tighter the grasp held you. “Let me go Moony,” you cried.
“Not in a million years,” he answered. “I did not raise you, your mother did not die for you, your father did not fight for you, in order for you to throw yourself off a balcony.” You wailed although you had no tears left due to dehydration, you still let out a painful cry and before you knew it you passed out.
When you came to, you were laying in a nice warm bed. “You’re awake,” Moony exclaimed as he brought in a tray of all your favorite foods. “Eat,” he commanded but you only wrinkled your nose, your appetite still nonexistent. Moony took the spoon and force fed you a couple of things, and as he cleaned you up, he chuckled.
“You just reminded me of the times I had to feed you as a child. Once you stuffed everything I gave into your mouth and then sprayed it back at my face,” he laughed fondly at the memory.
“My dad didn’t kill Harry’s parents.”
Remus turned to face you, the facial expression that held joy a second ago was replaced by seriousness. “I am so sorry, my love.” You had opened your mouth to explain once again that your father was not capable of killing his best friend, but Moony placed a finger to your lips. “I am sorry because for thirteen years I’ve accused your father of a crime that he was incapable of committing. He loved me like his own brother and would have laid his life down for any of ours. I should have known better than to suspect him of this crime. He loved James more than anyone in the world. The evidence was just piled up against him that it blinded my eyes. However now I know who really betrayed Harry’s parents. I’m also sorry because I let you believe for years that your parents didn’t want you. The day I took you in, your mother, she walked up to my apartment in tears and gave me you. She made me promise to let you know that you were loved. She made me promise to raise you with all the luxuries that your parents would have provided for you. I was to love you as a mother and a father. I let her down, she made me promise all these as she breathed her last and I let her down.” Moony finished his monologue and faced you. Your eyes were filled with tears of joy and of sadness, you were so relieved that at least one person believed that your father was innocent. But upon hearing how guilty Moony felt you grabbed his arm and brought him into a soft, warm hug.
Once your sniffling went down, Moony forced you to drink some of his dreamless sleep potion. He claimed that for at least one night, you needed to rest without being haunted by nightmares. After you had taken the potion you laid awake for a while thinking about the events that took place this year. The year that started off on a sort of good news ended up with the man you were hopelessly in love with hating you, the people that you grew to hate for thirteen years being innocent of the crimes you accused them off, and you almost ending your life. Tears stung your eyes as you remembered all these things but before you could wallow in your lonesome Moony was by your side.
“Please don’t cry sweet child. You have cried enough for one lifetime. I promised your mother that I would never let you cry. Please don’t,” he whispered as he held you close to him.
“Can you tell me about them?” you drowsily state.
You heard Moony’s chuckle as he started telling you about your parents. “They were a troublesome duo. Your parents met during our first ride to Hogwarts. They were mischievous even then. Although back then they weren’t romantically involved. Your mother was such a great woman, kind, compassionate, as well as funny and brave. She stood for what she believed in and never once let anyone bully her into changing her view on anything. It was her third year when she found out about me being a werewolf. She held that secret close to heart, she would brew me all sorts of healing potions around the time of the full moon. Did I mention she was brilliant and beautiful? It was our fourth year that your father realized his true feelings for her. But like most teenagers they walked around their feelings for years. It was heartbreaking and nauseating at the same time. Your father was very handsome himself so you can imagine the effect he had on the girls at school. It used to drive your mum mad,” you could hear the smirk in his voice, “She once went after a girl who slipped a love potion into sirius’s cup with a bat. We caught her before she was able to hurt the girl, by the way. Then, our sixth year rolled around and it was as if everything changed. Sirius and your mother finally confessed their feelings for one another, Lily and James decided to give it a try. The darkness around us was brewing and perhaps because of that we all grew up fast. By the end of the seventh year James proposed to Lilly and Sirius proposed to your mum. We had a double wedding within weeks of graduation. And then a year or so later we were blessed with a god daughter, and god son.
Hearing the happy stories of your parents and their friends, for the first time in months, you went to sleep with a smile on your face.
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“I told him,” Hermione said casually.
“You did what?” you almost screamed making Hermione jump a bit.
“’Mione the whole reason I told you was so that you’d stop bothering me, and you promised to keep it a secret,” you whisper yelled at her. You both were talking behind a hidden passageway, one that you were sure the boys knew nothing off. You started to notice that every time Hermione was cordial with you in public, the boys (mainly Harry) would be cold towards her. This, of course, lead to you insisting that you meet away from prying eyes. Hermione had laughed at the idea, saying that we are not lovers to meet in secret but at your insistence she caved.
“He needed to realize the impact his actions had on you,” she firmly said, and then took your hands in hers. “For Godric’s sake (Y/N/N), his words and actions made you want to end your life.” A tear had fallen from her eyes as she said this, it terrified her to even think about that night. To think about what would have happened if Lupin hadn’t gotten there on time.
“What did he say?” you asked letting curiosity get the better of you.
Hermione let out a deep breath, you almost told her to not say anything to you, not wanting to hear the cruel words you were sure Harry had said. “Honestly, he didn’t say anything. He stayed silent for a long time, so long that I thought someone had cast a Body Binding curse on him. Then, he just got up and left for his dormitory. Ron told me the next day that he hadn’t slept the whole night. Ron was sure he was crying, said he heard him sniffle all night. In the morning Harry said he wanted to find you and apologize. But since you don’t seem to ever be in the common room, and you appear and disappear so quickly during class times, he hasn’t gotten the chance.”
Hermione eyed your expressions; you were taken aback that Harry wanted to apologize. You were also kind of ashamed that you thought so lowly of him. “Well ‘Mione, if he really wanted to apologize, he would have found a way to get to me,” you responded.
“(Y/N/N) he stayed up all night two days ago hoping to see you sneak into the common room after everyone left. He didn’t believe me when I said that you haven’t slept in our dorm in weeks,” Hermione stated with a bit of curiosity hidden in her tone. Much to her disappointment you refused to answer the question that was hanging in the air, and reluctantly Hermione left to go to the Gryffindor Tower.
After the incident at the tower Moony didn’t want you out of his sight. And frankly speaking you didn’t want to be near the students either. Moony had someone (house elves) fetch your essentials from the girls dormitory and you moved into his quarters. You ate, slept and studied in there. You would go outside of that sanctuary only for classes and your daily visits to Hagrid and Blackie.
Ah, yes, poor Blackie. You felt bad because now that you moved into Remus’s room, your nightly cuddles with the beautiful dog stopped. Not only that, Blackie was subjected to listening to all of your feelings. You had tearfully mentioned to him about your field trip to the Astronomy Tower balcony, and he was crying in pain as well. That entire day he followed you around, granted you were walking around the edge of the forest, but still he refused to leave your side until it was time for you to eat dinner.
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The visits to Hagrid’s hut were quiet depressing. He tried to be in good spirits but with Buckbeak’s sentencing and his professor job not going as greatly as he had hoped his mood was flat almost all the time now.
“Hagrid, why don’t you sit?” you asked the friendly giant of a man. He was bustling around his hut, trying to seem busy so that you weren’t able to see his tears.
“Nah (Y/N/N), I got to make ‘ou a cuppa tea,” he muttered out, trying to speak in a low voice so you wouldn’t detect his voice breaking due to pain.
“No, Rubeus Hagrid, I am commanding you to sit down,” you forcefully state as you pull at him. Your force was no match to the half- giant, you knew that but Hagrid obliged anyways. “Now you sit, and I’m going to make you a cuppa tea.” You got to work on the tea, and at first it was a bit hard, Hagrid’s pots and pans were made for him, it was quite heavy for a normal human to pick up. But soon you had a nice cup of tea poured out for him, and as he was enjoying that you whisked your wand and cleaned around his hut.
“Ya know I coudda done ‘hat,” Hagrid protested.
“Ah, you see Hagrid that’s the beauty of having people care for you,” you sass “they do things for you, even though you are very well capable of doing them yourself, because they like you.”
Hagrid smiled and looked at you for a minute. “You’r so much like your mother.”
His eyes and yours widened at this statement. “I shouldn’t said ‘hat. I should not have said ‘hat,” he fussed.
“It’s okay Hagrid,” you reassured him. “I know about my parents.”
“Yeah, I found out that day at Hogsmeade. And just so you know, no matter what you believe, my father did not betray the Potters. He could never,” you tearfully state and before Hagrid could say anything you ran out of his hut.
“ (Y/N/N), wait,” you heard a voice call from behind you. Though the owner of that voice hasn’t spoken to you in months, it was still one that you would recognize anywhere. Hearing his voice only made your steps increase in speed, you were upset and crying, you were vulnerable, and this was not a form you wanted him to see you in. “(Y/N/N) please,” you heard the desperation in his voice as he was closing in on you. You felt silly, running away from him like this, when you spent weeks and months hoping this would happen.
“Please,” Harry stated as his hand grabbed hold of your wrist and brought you to his chest. He held you there for a minute, tears coming from his eyes, and yours. The scent of vanilla and pine cones filled your senses, once again filling you with the calmness you desperately needed. But the calmness left you as the events of the past months flooded your vision. You ripped yourself out of his grasp. Tears of anger and hurt flowed freely.
“What do you want Harry? What do you want now? You think that an apology is going to make everything better? You cut me out of your life, isolated me and made me feel like I was nothing to you. You were hurt, I get that, Merlin’s beard do I get that. I know you better than I know myself, and for a second I let myself think that you knew me better than anyone else. But that’s not true, I hurt for months, for months, I was crying out in excruciating pain and you did nothing. In fact, you did a little more than nothing, you added to the pain. I’m not blaming you for my decision to end my life, that was a spur of the moment, dumb decision that I made. But Harry, hearing you say that I would kill you, sent me over the edge. You know that I would gladly take the killing curse for you, jump in front of anything harming you, but then you still said those words. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to feel?”
You fell to the ground as your monologue left you exhausted, and you sobbed into your hands. Harry, who was dumbfounded at your outburst, fell next to you. He cautiously held you, thinking that maybe you’d not want him to touch you. But when you didn’t move away, he held onto you tighter as he sobbed alongside you. After what seemed to be eons, he cupped your face with his hands and made you face him. “I’m so so sorry. I was hurt and instead of facing my sadness and reality I decided to punish you for something you had no control over. I am so sorry. I never meant any of the words I said and now more than ever I feel like an idiot. I can’t even imagine what would have happened if Lupin hadn’t been there that night. And to think it was from what I said, from the way I’ve been treating you. You tried so hard to talk to me, to reach out. You’ve always been there for me and the one time you needed me I just left you, added to your pain. I’m sorry (Y/N/N) and I know that my words can never make up for how I made you feel. If you want to never speak to me again or hit me or jinx me I understand.”
You sobbed into his chest. You both knew that Harry Potter could do the worst things imaginable and still have the place in your heart reserved for him intact. His apology is all you needed. It was all you were craving, his attention, his touch, his support, and reassurance. It’s all you needed to feel like yourself again.
“If you ever hurt me again Harry Potter, I will jinx you into another dimension,” you sniffle out.
“Never again,” he promised in tears. He brought your face closer to his and without waiting brought your lips to connect with his. You imagined your first kiss to be firework filled, but it was a different feeling. You were filled with warmth but also safety. You felt safe even though you were standing by the forbidden forest in the middle of the night. With Harry’s arms wrapped around you and his lips on yours, you felt the safest you’ve ever felt in your life.
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