A Mid-Life Awakening

Just me, menopause, and my pets

[emptynester6776]

I am feeling some defeat this morning. This weight loss stall is beyond frustrating. My workout Saturday was rough. Just didn’t have any energy but I powered through anyway. Woke up Sunday and felt wrecked. I listened to my body and rested all day. Drank a ton of water, hit all of my nutrition goals, and stayed within my calorie count. One pound heavier this morning. And I know it doesn’t mean anything. One pound, four pounds can be from a billion different insignificant factors. But damn if it doesn’t sting.

Starting my new 8 week plan today. I’m nervous bc it doesn’t seem like it’s enough to push past this stall.

Of course, we leave Thursday to drive 18 hrs to drop our daughter off at college. I still need to find the time to workout and eat healthy on this trip. A trip that will take us through Nashville on the way there and Memphis on the way back. Two incredible food cities. I can’t allow myself to get derailed this week. I’ll meet with my doctor the Friday after we return, so I plan to talk about all of this with her. Maybe I need more hormone tests? Maybe I need to go up to 1 mg dosing?

Anyway, just needed to rant and get this off my chest.

[emptynester6776]

I was interested in GLP1s. I had even researched a bit, but with college tuition looming overhead and graduation expenses it seemed like a luxury I wouldn’t be able to comfortably afford right now. She reassured me that my insurance covered it with pre-approval. She gave me two options, but only one was carried by my pharmacy. Basically a trans-Atlantic pharmaceutical battle between two heavy hitters is the reason for this. Might write in this later bc it’s important to understand how this industry continues to put profit over people’s health. But I digress.

She started me on Wegovy .25mg. I was fully prepared for all of the crazy side effects…nausea, migraines, diarrhea, exhaustion. So, I built up a little courage and gave myself the first injection. Nothing. Nothing the next day. In fact, zero side effects whatsoever. I did begin to notice as the week progressed that I wasn’t as hungry. Felt full earlier. Minor changes that I thought might just be in my head. But whatever works.

I also knew I needed to be active if I really wanted it to work properly. So, I started to go on walks every morning. It was June here in Texas, so while hot, it wasn’t brutal quite yet as long as I could wrap up by 7 am. It all seemed to be working. Lost five pounds pretty quickly which was the spark I needed. When I met with my doctor again, I shared my progress and she asked about food noise and hunger. I explained I still could get a little hungry and craved certain foods, so she upped my dosage which is standard for Wegovy users anyway. She also recommended I start adding protein supplements and strength training. Which means. I have to join a gym. 😐

I’m not stranger to the gym. In fact, right before my daughter was born, I was in the best shape of my life. Running several miles every day, fitness training, lifting weights. And would have continued through my pregnancy had I not experienced complications. I had always planned to get back into those habits after she was born, but I underestimated how challenging life with a new baby could be. So that turned into years of neglecting my body.

I joined the gym two weeks ago. I’ve only missed two days. One bc I was beyond sore and exhausted. The other was my daughter’s 18th birthday so that day was all about spoiling her. I didn’t feel guilty at all.

My first few days were daunting, intimidating. I felt out of place. This fat middle aged woman looking lost and alone was embarrassing, but I reminded myself no one here cares.

I built out some routines. I reminded myself I know how to do this. I’ve done it before. Stop paralyzing yourself with procrastination and just fucking do it. Again…no one cares what you’re doing at the gym. I also have this belief that anyone who judges someone who is out of shape at the gym is just a shitbag anyway, so why waste any energy worrying about it.

But now, I’m comfortable there. I actually want to be there. I look forward to going every day. I’ve even become slightly obsessive about it. Something I tend to do with most things when I’m motivated.

However, I’ve hit a stall in the weight loss part of this journey. It’s been two weeks since the scale has budged. It’s frustrating bc it’s new territory for me. When I’ve wanted to lose weight before this stage of my life, it’s always just been a steady progression. So hitting this two week stall hurts. When I weighed myself this morning I was almost three pounds heavier than yesterday. And I know weight can fluctuate for a myriad of reasons, but it’s maddening to see it go up when I’m hopeful for a lower reading.

So, I asked Chat Gpt. And wow did she come through! It’s apparently normal to hit a stall at week six on Wegovy. Basically, my body is adjusting to all of the changes I’m throwing at it. It even gave me a really helpful tool to push past the stall. An eight week workout plan marked with days for “refeeding” (upping calories). I will start tomorrow, but today I will rest. Well, maybe just a short walk on the treadmill.

[emptynester6776]

Tired of raging, sweating, and being fat

Confession time. Just want to caveat by saying this is hard for me. I grew up skinny. Like so skinny, the adults in my life, outside of family, always assumed I had an ED. This was just normal for me. The freshman 15 most college kids dread just made me look normal. So, to end up at my current weight now is mortifying. And when I’m mortified, I just put my head in the sand and ignore it. Motherhood, work, work travel, commuting, my cooking hobby, and of course, perimenopause all got in the way of living a healthy lifestyle. Oh and let’s not forget wine as a coping mechanism. I can say that wine or alcohol is not a problem for me. That’s not denial, but it’s clear that I drink more when I’m not active. My wake-up call slash ah ha moment were the wildly unpleasant effects of that mid-life change we women are blessed with. Hot flashes, shortness of breath, unadulterated rage, etc. I’ll spare you my list, bc any woman in the same boat knows how long it is. I was tired of feeling like shit, looking like shit, not wanting to go out with friends or go to concerts, dress up for anything bc I was fat, my skin looked like shit, and my hair was out of control. I used my daughter’s crazy busy dance and school schedules as excuses to not fix myself. My daily routine consisted of waking up, doom scrolling, commuting to work, spend 8 hours in front of my computer (unless traveling for work), picking my kid up from school, commuting again to get her to dance an hour away, sitting in my car binge watching some true crime show on Netflix, commuting home, cooking dinner (if home by 8…which was rare), staying up too late, going to be, and repeating over and over. It was a cycle I just couldn’t find the motivation to break. Well, she graduated from high school and chose a college dance program that is an 18 hr drive away. It’s time to fix my life. I can’t use motherhood as an excuse. So, after about a week of “online research” I begrudgingly made an appointment with a MIDI Health doctor. Because, let’s face it, I was too chickenshit for in-person. She put me on HRT. After about 3 weeks, I started noticing improvement in my symptoms, didn’t feel like I was “dying” anymore. This is important to my story because I had a realization that I didn’t have to feel terrible. A small but significant step to finding the motivation to improve my health. The HRT, while a miracle in itself however, it did not address my insane weight gain or how I felt in a body that had betrayed me. During my follow-up with Midi, I broached this topic. Her response was, “Would you be interested in trying a GLP-1?” To which, I emphatically replied, “yes”. And this is the moment, my mindset and my life changed.