Chaotic Academia

dark academia but it slaps - no moping around here, we get investigated for murder like men

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do not keep your books clean. annotate, scribble, question. break the spine, weather the pages. books were written to be relished. they contain worlds for you to live in. live in them. 

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a love letter to my dear chaotic academics;

my darling what are you doing here, what are you running from? when I see you on the grass, sprinting and laughing, jumping like a fairy, born to glide over the green, all I think is that you do so with such conviction. you laugh (always) and everything you do is so lighthearted. but, at the same time, there is a sense of intensity about you. I cannot explain how. you exist in extremities and contradictions (that’s how I know you must be the centre of the universe - a place without sense, time or logic). why, when I watch your eyes, does it seem that, when you run, you are attempting to escape? be safe. I know that being terrifically risky can be wonderful; but, it is not sustainable. they say it is human, the way you push the limits. I am not so sure. even if it was, you do it in such an artistic way that it is practically divine, and I envy you for that. none the less, you must be wary. be mindful of your head, your soul - take the time to ensure you are not destroying them for the sake of making others grin. I wish you saw the seriousness of your perfection. I wish you saw that you were worthy of love and belonging. perhaps then I could love you, make you feel like you belonged. you are whole where I am less than half. you grow from the cracks in the pavement into an ocean of rainforest. I wish I could unpick your pain and read your soul. you are extraordinary, entirely and smotheringly so. let the light in, let your pain be felt. why do you fear that? why do you fear feeling pain, feeling anything at all? I think I know why. why you hide all you feel, why you run with such chaotic desperation. you are afraid to discover that you are human. that you are not divine. that you feel like them and you bleed like them, and that terrifies you. what will it take for me to convince you? if I saw your pain, if you let it out in a cascade of fear, a sea of anger, an ocean of human. I would still think you the most divine of them all. and, no matter what, when I search for you I will always find you at the centre of the universe.

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quotes that just are chaotic academia for some reason which you should write on the walls

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked" - Allen Ginsberg (Howl)

"I will see if I can see. See now. there all the time without you: and ever shall be, world without end" - James Joyce (Ulysses)

"people empty me, I have to get away to refill" - Charles Bukowski

"towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee." - Herman Melville (Moby Dick)

"I would rather die of passion than of boredom" - Van Gough

"we rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. but to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste!" - Andre Aciman (Call Me By Your Name)

"I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it" - Edgar Allan Poe

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things that just are Chaotic Academia (2)

turning the music up to full volume and yelling along to it whilst jumping around and waving your arms in their air

buying a vast amount of books in one go and then never getting round to reading them 

owning a large amount of funky mugs 

pretending black coffee is the only thing you’ll drink but in secret loving anything with cinnamon and whipped cream 

baking at midnight 

you: “halloween is the superior holiday don’t f.cking argue with me on this one”

someone stupid: *argues with you on this one*

you: “alright you asked for it!”

your friends: “oh god here we go...”

you: *pulls out the worlds biggest binder organised alphabetically with sub sections containing all the reasons why halloween is the best holiday*

commitment? who is she?

you procrastinate studying, you have basically zero organisation but you will do the following:

- the halloween binder 

- writing someone who dumped you a 3000 word essay entitled ‘it’s your loss. discuss’ 

- creating a complex five page quiz with scoring system for each of your friends so they can assess if a person they’re dating is good enough for them 

- staying up all night to read (only if the books got you hooked)

something about chaotic academia screams ‘I listened to story CDs as a kid’ 

crushing hard on Draco 

you definitely started out wanting to be Dark Academia, and still now the pictures of dusty corridors and old books on pinterest occasionally draw you in, but in reality you use the phrase “fuck off you fucking fuck” too much to truly fit as DA. besides, you just get bored of it every time you try

the biggest ‘ride or die’ attitude 

going on a walk then, for no reason, just starting to run until you can’t breathe

not knowing how to tell people that you’re hurting 

[emsie-belleguarde]

Live. Live with reckless integrity; live with passionate love; live with honesty, with fire, with clarity and determination. Live kindly but not weakly. Live in all of the colours that you can name, and all of the colours that you cannot. Live how you were born to live, but do not be afraid to live how you were not born to live (who knows what great things you may find). Live entirely, and live full of wonder. 

In short, live so that death is honoured to receive you.

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Chaotic Academia music

I Can’t Decide - Scissor Sisters

Black Sheep - Gin Wigmore 

As The World Caves In - Matt Maltese

Louise - TV Girl

Dancing - Mellow Fellow

Bennie and the Jets - Elton John

(Can We Be Friends?) - Conan Gray

Bellbottoms - The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion 

any old jazz records

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One day I will be the nicest sweetest softest person in the world and the next I will be the biggest asshole that ever graced this earth

actually no it’s not even a daily thing, it changes by the hour 

it’s called ✨creative variety✨

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ok but in ‘Sense and Sensibility’ (book not film) there’s a dude sounding like an idiot because he spends the whole time talking about himself and the quote is:

“Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of a rational opposition” 

it’s just such a badass quote and all I want is to one day witness someone applying this to real life, that’s all I want

like, to see a girl being nasty to another girl and her just smiling and being all sweet and then the nasty girl leaves and the sweet girls crush is all like why didn’t you put her in her place ??? and for the nice girl to be like “she didn’t deserve the compliment of a rational opposition” then smile and walk off

basically I want to live vicariously through strong female figures is that too much to ask?

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concept

a book that combines the main strands of the Academia aesthetic through a group of university friends, closely knit and inseparable

Clara - Darkest Academia (studying Classics) - She’s aloof, arrogant and sometimes cruel. She grew up in England on an old estate in the country, an only child who carries herself with the confidence of one thousand men. perhaps she can be wicked, but could you blame her? she grew up on the wild mores with no companion or play mate, her sole entertainer was the wind blowing the seasons past her watchful gaze. she found company in her studies, and now she finds joy in hours of Latin and Greek translations by the candlelight of her dimly lit university room. she curls up on an armchair, brushing her unmissable auburn hair from her face so she can squint harder at the words she is tracing with her finger, murmuring them as she reads. she scribbles with her fountain pen and deep down she is afraid (although she will never show it) that one day people will discover what they all did last summer. 

Isabella - Light Academia (studying Ancient History) - coming from an old Italian family, Isabella is used to the long summers in Sicily where she would lie by the river making daisy chains. She’s soft and kind, with big, round, bella-donna berry eyes and a wonderful sense of fun. her curly dark hair falls to just above her shoulders and she daydreams incessantly and sketches her friends when they all go to Alfie’s beach house. she is far more wilful than her brother, Dante, and she admires his relaxed and considered ability to deal with situations without getting upset (she always cries when she’s angry). there’s an understated beauty to her which is untouchable. she wishes to move back to Sicily and become an Architect, but for now she is contented with her dear friends and her long elegantly written history essays that sometimes accidentally slip into Italian when she is writing late at night and feeling tired.

Alfie - Chaotic Academia (studying Philosophy) - he has sharp brilliant eyes that sparkle with trouble. Notorious for his gorgeous laugh and his painfully perfect good looks, Alfie wears soft corduroy trousers and can often be found sitting on the grass in the summer or in the library in the winter with Dante, hypothesising over strange and radical pieces of modern philosophy that no one’s ever heard of before. He gets on Dante’s nerves by talking incessantly and being so insufferably loud whilst Dante is trying to read or write, but Dante adores him really. Alfie always arrives late, with a skateboard under his arm and a cigarette between his lips. He’s quick with a joke and even quicker with a clever dare or an idea for a new and complicated game. no one really knows anything about his family, he never talks about them and it’s the one topic he will never smile about if someone else brings it up. He’s irritated by Daphne, he rather frightens Isabella, Clara owns all of his respect but it will always be the quiet and considered Dante that Alfie has the most time for. Alfie may come across as fun and charming but it is his cleverly assembled exterior - he is cunning and far more clever than he’d like people to know. And, more than once now, Isabella has walked in on Alfie and Clara having serious whispered conversations. Alfie is an artistic composition of wry smiles and sly winks, a scuffed up tweed jacket that he stole from Dante’s wardrobe (Dante pretends to be annoyed but it just looks so good on Alfie), and a look on his face that you can only spot if you look closely. A look that tells you those eyes that sparkle with trouble have seen some horrible things, and that face that is more beautiful than any sculpture has been treated cruelly.

Daphne - Art Academia (studying Fine Art) - Daphne is a golden aristocrat. Her father is an Opera singer and her mother was a French woman, an actress who left Daphne’s father and moved back to the French Riviera. Neglected at a young age, Daphne discovered Art. Now, she craves beauty and adores getting involved in scandalous affairs with many young men and women, she never falls in love because it does not suit her style of living - she thrives on passion. she is always clad in ridiculously eccentric designer clothes, it’s hardly a waste of money though, for the only thing more eccentric than her shopping habits are her parties which make the likes of Gatsby look like mothers meetings. She and Isabella are surprisingly good friends, perhaps because Isabella doesn’t require the constant attention that female close friends usually do, and Daphne likes the fact that if she simply isn’t in the mood for Isabella she can tell her so. She finds Alfie fascinating, and hates the fact that he doesn’t treat her with the same adoration that men normally do. More than anything, however, her passion is Art. She lives for the most raging and powerful pieces that exist, and despite her beautiful clothes, her most prized possession is her copy of ‘Ribera: The Art of Violence’. the earth is her canvas, the people she sleeps with are her muses, she is her paintbrush and she wants to see the world burn in a raging fire of beauty. 

Dante - Romantic Academia (studying Poetry and Classical Literature) - he can come across as aloof and serious to those who don’t know him, but his friends know Dante to be considered yet absent minded, firm but fair. there is a quiet peaceful air that surrounds Dante. He never gets exasperated or angry, he is forgiving and patient and will always listen. In the summer terms he can be found lying on the grass of the university in a secluded and private place, reading avidly or writing. he will never show anyone his work (except maybe Alfie, not that Alfie would ever ask), but the last person who he would ever confide in is Daphne. She is the light of his world and the topic of all of his exquisite poems, everyone who knows him can see that Dante is completely infatuated with her. Alfie has told Dante more than once now that Dante only likes the idea of Daphne because she’s like something out of a fairytale. Dante ignores him and feels somewhat jealous of the attention that Daphne gives Alfie. Blinded by love, he is convinced that they are seeing each other in secret. 

comment your favourites and any theories you have about them Let me know if you want to see more content like this/about these characters xx

[emsie-belleguarde]

chaotic academia outfit guide

school: 

wide cut washed out jeans & a linen/silky shirt or invert the smart/casual ratio and wear a smart skirt and a band t-shirt. scuffed up converse/reeboks and some funky socks (probably with pickle rick on them)

coffee shop:

corduroy trousers and an oversized knitted jumper with lots of different colours in it or in neutrals. hair in a messy bun or low ponytail, black lace up boots with colourful laces. a black coffee (because people might be watching and no one can find out that you’d kill for a Chai Latte cuz that would totally kill your vibe and you look so cool right now). a scarf and old tweed jacket (that you stole from your Dark Academia friends wardrobe when they weren’t looking) thrown over the back of the armchair that you’re curled up in as you read ‘The Outsiders’ by S.E. Hinton 

party:

this is your time to shine... a silk dress which isn’t fitted, but falls loosely around your frame stopping just above the knee in a deep purple or green. a long faux fur coat over the top to keep off the chill, but you let it drop off your shoulders. pretty high heel shoes with pointy toes and a flask stuffed into your clutch. hair loose and flying in the wind in soft fluffy curls and waves

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modern chaotic academia

ok hear me out here:

odd socks and washed out wide leg grey/blue jeans

procrastinating until the very last minute

an essay is not an essay unless it’s at least twice as long as it needs to be and contains a vast amount of tangents and rants that are very off topic

cute comfy knitted jumpers over old band t-shirts 

buying the band t-shirt only because it was cool but you’ve never actually heard of the band before so you listen to them through your headphones until 5am so you can be an (exhausted) expert by the next day and can confidently say “wait...you’ve never heard of ____ before??”

being able to quote ‘the catcher in the rye’ and ‘the outsiders’

watching kickflips on youtube when you should be working

having the most extensive vocabulary but “fuck” is still your only adverb

upbeat, easily excited, quick one liners, sarcasm and loud laughter

definitely read Roald Dahl as a child

playing a complex form of chess with your friends which has rules no one else gets

“well actually I think you’ll find that earlier today my knight and rook launched a rebellion and overthrew the monarchy, this is now a representative democracy. kill my king, save us the effort, VIVA LA REVOLUTION”

extensive day dreaming 

watching ‘Blade Runner’ and ‘Kill Your Darlings’

not necessarily being top of the class (the chaotic essays don’t help with that) but knowing a weirdly large amount about random topics

record player on quietly at 2am, dancing gently on your own in your room - letting yourself be still and melancholy now that no one can see

skateboarding to class and waltzing in late with a massive grin on your face, winking at the teacher

only sending texts in lowercase

notes and books sprawled all over your bedroom floor “it’s not messy because *I* can tell you exactly where everything is”

never being able to find anything

losing biro lids 

writing notes and essays on those yellow paper pads 

waking up late because you forgot to set your alarm; chugging orange juice from the carton; grabbing some toast with jam; sprinting out of the door in the morning, pushing bits of paper and books into your bag as you go

[emsie-belleguarde]

I find it so sad that everyone has that one person that if they had met in twenty years time they probably would marry and start a family with and live more happily together than they possibly could have done with anyone else. But they didn't meet in twenty years time. They met now. And now they have complications and intricacies and prior commitments and they are still too young to have lost that arrogance which prevents us from fully understanding and liking ourselves. That arrogance which doesn't allow us to be honest with each other.

So they never make it, because the timing was wrong. But if they had met in twenty years time, how different everything could be.

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my top Dark Academia movies

Mona Lisa Smile (2003) - rated age 12A

I’ve seen this pop up a few times under Dark Academia films, it probably fits Light Academia a bit better but to be honest I think it works with both. This movie tells the story of a very conservative all girls private school in the 1950s, and the non-conformist teacher (Julia Roberts) who teaches the girls art history. she teaches them the beauty of art and an appreciation outside of the text book - as well as a very interesting feminist lesson which gives one a lot to think about. 

“not all who wonder are aimless. especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image”

Kill Your Darlings (2013) - rated age 15

this is based on a true story about Allen Ginsberg (Daniel Radcliffe), a timid student who meets the charismatic and adventurous Lucien Carr (Dane DeHaan) and has his life transformed by him. dripping with romance, poetry, and murder, it’s unsurprising that this movie is a cult classic of Dark Academia.

“I love first times, I want my entire life to be composed of them”

Call Me By Your Name (2017) - rated age 15 

it surprises me that this movie doesn’t come up more when people discuss Dark Academia in media. the story follows 17-year-old Elio (Timothée Chalamet) who is spending the summer with his parents in their Italian villa. Oliver (Armie Hammer), the charming American is working with Elio’s father. in the beautiful Italian summer, Elio finds himself falling for Oliver. the cinematography is breathtaking, and the film captures Dark Academia in the summer wonderfully.

“if there is pain, nurse it. and if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out. don’t be brutal with it. we rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste!”

Dead Poets Society (1989) - rated age PG

because would this post be accurate without mentioning this cult classic? 

this movie is often associated with the birth of the Dark Academia aesthetic, alongside the works of Donna Tartt and Edgar Allen Poe. 

the movie tells the story of the prestigious and strict all boys boarding school and the radical, inspirational new English teacher - Mr Keating ( the late Robin Williams). He teaches the boys the importance of romance, beauty, poetry and love, as he encourages them to think for themselves and discover their own identities.

“but only in their dreams can men be truly free. Twas always thus, and always thus will be”

Cracks (2009) - rated age 15

this film is beautifully made and very dark - it shows a group of young girls (probably meant to be around 15? but it’s hard to tell) who have the beautiful, charming and inspiring teacher Miss G (Eva Green). But when a new spanish student joins from overseas, Miss G becomes obsessed with her and jealousy flares up in the other girls. 

visually speaking, this film is stunning - set on the coast of England it perfectly captures youthful innocence.

disclaimer: although you never see any assault that is violent, this movie does insinuate and depict a sexual relationship between a teacher and student of which the student is not consenting of. there is a scene where, whilst the young girl is unconscious, her teacher removes her top and takes advantage of her. nothing is “violent”, and the camera cuts before you really see anything, however; it is worth being aware of this should you be upset by this type of depiction.

“the most important thing in life is desire”

The History Boys (2006) - rated age 15

oh the love I have for this movie

the story follows a group of rough edged boys who are brilliantly intelligent and wish to study history at Oxford and Cambridge. Two teachers with opposing view points on how the education system should be run are trying to prep the boys for the biggest moment of their lives. 

I adore this film - the cast is wonderful, including; Richard Griffiths (Harry Potter) Dominic Cooper (Mamma Mia), James Corden (just... all of British culture??) Stephen Campbell Moore (Goodbye Christopher Robin) and many other familiar faces. 

the story shows personal growth, how cruel boys can be, coming to terms with ones sexuality, and hard work

“history is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men”

Whiplash (2014) - rated age 15

a masterpiece. the story follows Andrew (Miles Teller), attending one of the worlds greatest music schools and intent on becoming the next greatest drummer. when he gets the opportunity to play in the schools most prestigious band, he finally thinks he has made it. However, the band in mentored by the infamous Terrence Fletcher (J. K. Simmons) who uses unconventional teaching methods to push Andrew to the brink - in the hope that there he shall find success. 

this movie is so intense you will not breathe throughout. It tackles the question of “how far is too far?”. If a teacher sees potential, they should push a student to achieve that potential, but when have they pushed too far, and what are you willing to sacrifice to achieve what you want?

“I’d rather die drunk, broke at 34 and have people at a dinner table talk about me than live to be rich and sober at 90, and nobody remember who I was”

Black Swan (2010) - rated age 15

Black Swan follows the story of Nina (Natalie Portman), a ballerina, who has got the opportunity to dance the lead role in Swan Lake. the movie watches her mentally unravel as obsession with perfection and the pressure to be the best unpicks her mental state. 

visually stunning and mentally haunting, this psychological thriller will leave you utterly speechless and terrified.

“you could be brilliant, but you’re a coward”

The Devil Wears Prada (2006) - rated age PG

this is a bit of an unconventional Dark Academia movie, but I do think it fits in a more lighthearted way. 

the story follows Andy (Anne Hathaway), a young aspiring journalist, who becomes an assistant to one of the biggest fashion magazine editors, the ruthless and cynical Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep). the movie shows perseverance and determination, whilst showing the darker side of the fashion industry.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous Andrea. Everybody wants this life. Everybody wants to be us”

this took so long please don’t let it flop 

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University of Edinburgh

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me: I hate when people are self entitled also me: *is a slut for anyone who goes to boarding school, unironically listens to classical music and has a posh accent*

it’s a hardship 

[onthequestforadecentusername]

[emsie-belleguarde]

the message of this film was so terrific and her aesthetic was to die for and that’s on An Education

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