when i’m not in the mood to submit
It’s not always wet pussies and spanked asses.
Sometimes it’s moodiness and hormones and rough days. It’s stressful work lives and busy schedules and anxiety. Sometimes it’s all of the above, when not only do I struggle with getting into a submissive headspace, I don’t even want to try.
That has been a difficult truth to accept. I know that doesn’t make me a bad submissive, but I’m still surprised by how my inability to submit during a difficult day could also be absent of my desire to submit. Aren’t I supposed to always desire it, no matter what?
Yesterday, I was PMS-ing hard and was the most hormonal I’ve been in a long time. I had a long, emotionally draining day and desperately needed an orgasm at bedtime. I hadn’t cum in several days and pretty much thought I would die if I didn’t do so. But like most girls with Daddies, I needed to ask permission to masturbate, and I needed to ask properly.
The problem? I wasn’t in the mood. I’m a little ashamed to admit that I felt entitled. I’d had a hard day. Didn’t I deserve an orgasm? BB would understand, right?
“I would really like an orgasm,” I stated.
“I know you would,” he responded. “Ask properly, please.”
“I feel too grumpy to ask properly,” I confessed. It was true. Replacing my crankiness with deference felt impossible. I wanted to feel strong, not small and vulnerable.
“Do it anyways,” he said. “Grumpiness doesn’t get you out of my rules. You submit to me regardless of your mood, particularly on something like this. So, ask properly if you want to cum tonight.”
I felt his words starting to chip away at my bad-day-hardened exterior. I knew he was right, and his adamance that I comply with the rules was comforting. He was not about to fold for me and I didn’t have a choice. It seemed like I did: ask and maybe get an orgasm, or don’t ask and don’t get an orgasm. Here’s the thing, though–I obey orders. It doesn’t matter how grumpy I am; if he tells me to do something, I’m compelled to do it, even if it takes me a minute to get there. Barring a legitimate issue, I don’t ever tell him no.
Finally I said, “May I cum tonight, please, daddy?”
I expected him to deny me, but he allowed it. He felt that I’d needed it after the shitty day, but he also made it clear that, short of something serious, my mood doesn’t matter in submission. Just as it’s his job to take care of me and look out for my best interests even if he’s grumpy, it’s my job to reciprocate when I’m feeling that way, too.
After asking permission, I softened. I allowed myself to be small and vulnerable, and I remembered that I love that feeling. That feeling of being taken care of through discipline and structure and the consistent reinforcement of rules?
That feeling is how I know that submitting to him is truer to who I am than submitting to any given mood.
2087
vaporwave
ellievsbear
