the nonbinary heaux is out @enbyho - Tumblr Blog

additionally my 20th birthday is in exactly 14 days and I have mixed feelings about it.

on the one hand, fourteen and fifteen and sixteen year old me didn't image having a future long enough to see a 20th birthday, yet I'm here barring any out-of-my-control circumstances that happen before then.

but on the other hand, i'm massively disappointed with how my life is right now. i'm not happy. i'm barely existing honestly i spend most of the day sitting alone in a numbing silence trying to recount and recreate memories that probably haven't even happened how i think they have.

and in general i just feel like i'm spiritually and mentally 89 years old and on my deathbed already because i'm so constantly exhausted and spent life is so grand

#i'm just a bitter old ungendered garbage bag

It honestly feels like I haven’t been on this blog in six years so much has happened between me leaving in September and now. I’ve been through like six years’ worth of bullshit lmao but what else is new I have a troubled existence.

I’ve just been alone a lot lately and I have been dreaming / having maladaptive daydreams about a whole lot of you from when I was first here and it’s been comforting, even if it’s kind of a self-destructive habit of obsessing over the concepts of people && past experiences instead of attempting to live in the now and whatever, but you know, che e la vita di una persona folle.

that being said s/o to @prince-of-nettles and @queenconsuelabananahammock and @premium-thot and @hiija and all of you lovely folks who honestly made the last year bearable despite my entire life basically falling apart ten times over.

[cue waterworks because i am a literal barely functioning mess that cannot accurately be described as human]

i’m applying to colleges to transfer to finally and i just remember i made this list a while ago based on where all my friends were bc my entire focus then was just being around people i knew cared about me and then I just saw it and i’m like “i don’t talk to literally any of these people anymore” and that spun out into a two-week (and counting) episode of just literally thinking about everyone nonstop and ignoring work to sleep so I can dream about people and man it’s bad but idk i find comfort in it and i’ll probably catch up on shit over spring break since i’ll be cooped up with my nauseously tense and unwelcoming family for the week solid

but yeah just been thinking about you all so there’s that

#this made 0 sense lmao i'm 500% a fractured mess #i love you all though

enbyho

i’m gonna be taking like a year off from tumblr. if you wanna stay in touch, send me a message. :)

enbyho

reminder. i’m switching my theme & everything to a hiatus page after Saturday. make sure you send a message if you wanna keep in touch over the next year/two.

enbyho

(officially on hiatus except for checking messages)

enbyho

my hiatus theme is up. didn't feel like waiting till saturday. messages are still open. i'll give my email/number/personal to ppl i'm comfortable with. otherwise... see you in 2017 or something maybe.

enbyho

My goal is to be rich enough to give people $200 when they're short for rent and not even have to worry about them paying me back.

my hiatus theme is up. didn't feel like waiting till saturday. messages are still open. i'll give my email/number/personal to ppl i'm comfortable with. otherwise... see you in 2017 or something maybe.

commiekinkshamer

Homeless trans woman needs couch - LA/Hollywood

As of today (Aug 27) please email her directly [email protected]

Do NOT comment on the post as I may not see it, message her or I directly please, thank you

commiekinkshamer

she accidentally deleted her inbox, if you sent anything pls resend it, thank you

commiekinkshamer

still needed (Aug 29)

commiekinkshamer

still needed as of Sept 1

commiekinkshamer

Still needed (Sept 7)

enbyho

i’m gonna be taking like a year off from tumblr. if you wanna stay in touch, send me a message. :)

enbyho

reminder. i'm switching my theme & everything to a hiatus page after Saturday. make sure you send a message if you wanna keep in touch over the next year/two.

i’m gonna be taking like a year off from tumblr. if you wanna stay in touch, send me a message. :)

#mine #not gonna b back til i'm in my own place & less fucked up in general

pls stop telling me my obsessions w ppl are “normal” they are literally not normal

like i have a very hard time differentiating reality from my imagination and that is not normal it is not normal to have everything blurred it is not normal to have 0 control over your feelings or emotions because your brain randomly decides “eh i don’t like this person who you SHOULD like bc you’ve been friends for 6 years i just feel apathetic now” and “omg i love this person u have seen literalyl once and said hi to maximum 2 times you’re going to marry them” like

you’re not helping me by saying it’s normal

i understand i have problems and that’s why i set boundaries for myself like i hate making people uncomfortable and it’s totally reasonable for ppl to be uncomfortable w someone obsessing over them when they don’t know them. it’d make me uncomfortable. which is why i don’t TELL people because it’s NOT NORMAL and is weird and embarrassing whether i have control over it or not.

not to mention the fact??? that i have super bad social anxiety??? which makes me question my ability to fit in and be good enough for anyone in any capacity so i mean on top of obsessing over ppl i'm constantly like "u would literally never be good enough for them"

so yeah i don’t appreciate ppl violating my privacy and potentially making other ppl uncomfortable by saying things about me i haven’t given them permission to say and i’m probably gonna take a break from tumblr after this because honestly it’s really bothering me to even think about it like

it’s just not cool

stop ignoring ppl’s mental illnesses bc you think we’re being dramatic

we’re not & it’s not ur fuckin business honestly

#mine #i'm taking a week away from this blog at the very least

phhat

shoutout to caribbean girls just bc

I linked @imloggingoff / Nike to ur post about them because I think they deserve to know someone has such a huge crush on them :) i know you have depression/anxiety but crushes are good!!! and they might like you back!!! you never know and i think since you were too scared to do it that it's okay that I did it for you so you don't have to worry about it haha! anyways i hope you two start talking and maybe you'll hit it off. i don't know fi you saw my prev ask to them but they are ok w LRD ;) gl!

i’m literally shaking and crying and not wanting to exist now thanks!!! you’re super cool for ignoring my boundaries and stelling someone something i didn’t want them to know yet!!! thank u so much for catapulting me into my next stage of paranoid and self doubt!!!

#Anonymous

dr-archeville

New York City is expanding a program that allows local residents with a library card to take home broadband Internet hotspots — sometimes for up to a year.

The hotspots allow users to connect up to 10 mobile devices like laptops, tablets, mobile phones, and gaming devices to zippy 4G LTE broadband. The devices, powered by Sprint, usually cost $49 with a two-year service agreement and a $110 a month fee for 30 GB of data.

But New York libraries will loan hundreds of them to residents. The catch? They’re free with unlimited data as long as the borrower is enrolled in a library program, from citizenship classes to adult literacy. (Each of the three New York City library branches — New York City, Brooklyn, and Queens — will have slightly different rules for the program.)