Working retail is wild, I’ve been casually logging customers for over two decades now.
For many, the second someone enters a store they are no longer a person. They are now a customer. And the level of entitlement that comes with being a customer knows no bounds. I, as a customer or employee, get reached over, pushed past, parked in front of, etc. It’s like no other people exist once a person becomes a customer. Just 10 minutes ago a couple quite literally pushed me out of the way to grab a bag of tortillas. They said, ‘excuse me,’ once I’d remarked, ‘hey now!’
But this is the norm. Thanks to my job, which is no longer retail but is retail adjacent, I’m at an average of 3 grocery stores per day, 5 days a week. I get this treatment in rich neighborhoods more than lower income neighborhoods, for sure. The two rich neighborhoods I visit for work, I brace myself before entering a store.
I once had to elbow a woman off of me during the holidays when she tried to physically move me. I deflect cellphones stuck within inches of my face. I get one word demands for products almost daily (‘pasta.’ What? Is this really how adults treat other adults?’
I help customers who treat me like a human, when they treat me poorly I state the fact, ‘I don’t work here.’ Then they’ll frequently tell me why they thought I worked there, as though it’s my fault that they have no idea that all the employees wear uniforms.
‘Well, your keys make you look like you work here.’ They’re my car keys, I was in a middle school a few miles from Columbine when IT happened. I make sure I can safely get away from any unsafe situation.
‘Your blazer makes you look official.’ It’s a jean jacket, my Jean jacket with a massive spider broach makes me look official.
‘You look like you know where you’re going.’ This one I find hilarious, the majority of people shop at the same grocery store every week and still lack any sort of awareness that would help them find the same items they buy every week. I worked grocery for over a decade, I say this from experience.
I had one guy YELL at me down an aisle while I was reading a package, I wasn’t even working. ‘Barbecue sauce!’ So I looked at him puzzled and said, ‘rice noodles!’ Then he paused and said more gently, ‘oh I thought you worked here.’ So I yelled loud enough for anyone around to hear, ‘that’s not an acceptable way to talk to someone who works here, either!’
I had a guy reach past me so closely he shoved my arm, so I told him he needs to say excuse me or wait his turn. He told me, ‘shut up, bitch.’ A woman was with him, I raised my eyebrows at her in hopes to communicate, ‘this is not acceptable behavior, please don’t accept this from him.’ And I told him I’m happy to take it outside and we can see who the bitch is. He tossed the protein bar back to the shelf and walked out.
I had another guy lean his body over mine as a crouched trying to get a bottle of kombucha. This man laid his chest over my back to reach over me. I shoved him off and said with some volume, ‘don’t touch strangers!’ And he was very smug when he told me, ‘stop being so dramatic, I didn’t touch you.’ Of course I kept hurling insults about him apparently touching women without their consent enough that he probably doesn’t even register it anymore.
I had a lady slam a cooler door into the back of my head because she didn’t want to take the two steps to get around me. I followed her to the parking lot and pointed out exactly what she did. As she tried to say, ‘you were in my way,’ I kept talking louder about assault and how she’s old enough to know that she shouldn’t make her bad day everyone else’s bad day.
My friends who don’t work retail wonder why I deal with hyper vigilance. I’m always on guard. And yeah, part of that is being trans, part is walking through the world perceived as a woman, part is growing up in the state leading the country in school shootings, part is my mother constantly telling me that I’ll be kidnapped. But the hyper vigilance set in post 2020 when the entitlement soared. When people suddenly decided personal space equated to the days of social distancing. I miss the days of 6 feet, but right now I’d settle for 2. In an almost completely empty store, people will still act like where I am is there only place in the store they want to be.
So, when you enter a store and become a customer, please remember to use full sentences, manners, and provide people their personal space. Start observing your own behavior and ask yourself if that’s really how you want to show up in the world.
And for those of you who come in with your massive headphones on, avoiding eye contact with people: you’re probably my favorite. You generally say excuse me, wait your turn, do a lap for the other items on your list until that space is free, and you don’t say out of line shit.
