nocturne @encoru - Tumblr Blog

May 1, 2017

float (chansoo, pg-13)

5, 860 words / implied depression and recreational drug use / Summer is in full swing and the sadness comes in huge, strong waves to Chanyeol these days.

Chanyeol tosses and turns on his bed. Summer is now in full swing and the heat comes in huge, strong waves these days. It threatens to swallow him whole until he drowns in his own sweat. He has put his air conditioner in maximum cool already but even the machine can’t seem to handle the humidity of the weather.

He’s tired. He just wants to fall asleep in peace.

Giving up momentarily, he gets up and takes off his shirt. He forms it into a ball and throws the cloth on the laundry basket opposite his bed. He lets out the breath he didn’t notice he’s been holding when it lands perfectly on top of the basket, but frowns when it falls on the floor shortly after. The basket is already overflowing with his soiled clothes. He makes a mental note to do his laundry first thing tomorrow morning.

Chanyeol walks to his window and stares at the city outside. Down below, streetlights flicker actively, joining the mix of yellow and red lights of vehicles traversing in the night. A few people are still walking, either coming to or going home from work. The day has long been over but the city never sleeps in this part of the world.

He looks back to his room. It’s almost completely engulfed by darkness. The only light comes from the moon outside, barely illuminating his empty king-sized bed and his bare walls.

Chanyeol suddenly feels a strong urge to escape.

He grabs his phone on the bedside table and types a message.

10:45 PM

Chanyeol

Let’s run away tomorrow.

He thinks it’s a stupid idea but he presses the send button anyway. He’s too tired to be logical right now. He’s tired of the summer and its heat, tired of the city and its restlessness, tired of nights like this where he gets this sinking feeling that he can’t seem to push away no matter how many times he tries. He just wants get away from here.

His phone buzzes a minute later. He gets the response he expects the least.

10:46 PM

Kyungsoo

Okay.

Chanyeol wakes up to a warm hand patting his face. In the haze of his sleep, he tries to push it away and bury his head on his pillows. The hand disappears, only to be replaced by strong arms lifting him by the shoulders, forcing him to sit up.

Chanyeol opens up one eye. In front of him is Kyungsoo, staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He’s clad in a white shirt, black shorts, and his favorite pair of Flyknits. Behind him sits his backpack on the floor. He looks like he just freshly got out of shower.

“What time is it?” Chanyeol starts. He wants to ask, “Why are you here?” but Kyungsoo tends to show up in his apartment unannounced more often recently that he’s no longer surprised.

“Four o’clock,” Kyungsoo answers. “Start packing.”

Chanyeol does as he’s told. He retrieves his worn out duffel bag from the drawer and starts to grab clothes from his closet, throwing them haphazardly on the bed. He runs to the bathroom to gets his pouch of toiletries. He starts to pile everything on his bag when Kyungsoo grabs a shirt from him and starts to fold it neatly before placing it inside.

“I’ll take care of this. Go wash up.”

Chanyeol immediately undresses and proceeds to the bathroom. He feels his senses slowly start to wake up when the warm water hits his skin but his mind is still in a state of haze. He rubs his eyes then covers them in the curve of his palms in a vain attempt to alleviate their puffiness. It feels like he has only slept for a minute before he was forced to face consciousness again.

When he goes out, he sees Kyungsoo opening his drawers one by one, obviously in search of something. Their bags are now sitting side by side atop his bed.

“Where are your car keys?” Kyungsoo asks.

Chanyeol grabs the pants hanging on the door of his bathroom, fishes something out of its pocket, then throws the car keys to Kyungsoo. The guy catches it perfectly.

“Where’s your car?” He questions him back in return while he towels his hair dry. He doesn’t mind Kyungsoo using his car, but it’s so unlike him to use a vehicle not of his own. Chanyeol knows how much the guy loves his Maserati.

“I lent it to Baekhyun last night. He said he needs an extra car for a road trip with colleagues today. Let’s go.”

Chanyeol silently follows Kyungsoo out of his own apartment. He watches Kyungsoo place their bags in the back of his G65 and hop on the driver’s seat as if he does this everyday. As he gets on the passenger seat and puts on his seatbelt, he racks his brain for the other times that Kyungsoo has drove his truck. He thinks maybe Kyungsoo has done it twice - maybe the number is even greater - but his mind is still lagging. Giving up, he settles on plugging his phone to the aux cord and pulls up his morning drive playlist.

The engine soon roars to life. Chanyeol turns to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo has always been small but when he’s sitting on a seat made for a six-foot tall guy, hands placed firmly on the big steering wheel in front of him like this - he just looks tiny. Kyungsoo looks back at him and normally Chanyeol would feel guilty when he gets caught staring, but there’s a glint in Kyungsoo’s eyes that forces his gaze to stay.

“Are you ready to escape?” Kyungsoo asks and smiles for the first time today.

“Where are we going?” Chanyeol asks him in return.

“To somewhere you won’t forget,” Kyungsoo replies as he pulls out of the parking lot, eyes now on the road.

Chanyeol finally peels his eyes away from Kyungsoo and stares ahead. He looks out on the window. Streaks of orange can now be seen on the sky, signaling the start of sunrise. As the night slowly gives way to the day, Chanyeol feels the excitement thrum on his veins.

They’ve been on the road for almost two hours now and Chanyeol still sees no end in sight. The expressway they’re currently traversing through seems to run for miles and miles and he fears Kyungsoo might be getting weary soon. He still hasn’t told him exactly where they’re going.

“Muchangpo Beach,” Kyungsoo says all of a sudden, as if reading Chanyeol’s thoughts.

Chanyeol gapes. He’s never been to Muchangpo before, but he knows it’s a four-hour drive from Seoul. He doesn’t even know if Kyungsoo has slept well. The guy is notorious for working late hours on weekdays.

“Do you want to switch at the next gas station?”

“I’m good,” Kyungsoo says. The corners of his lips pull up into a smile. Chanyeol thinks if this is the sight that greets him every morning, maybe he’d be more motivated to get up and go to work. “No need to worry yourself. Sleep if you want to.”

“I’m not yet sleepy,” Chanyeol replies but his body breaks out into a yawn right after, betraying him. Kyungsoo chuckles. “No dude, seriously. Just tell me if you’re tired. We can switch once we’re halfway there.”

“Half of this drive involves a zigzag road, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo glances at him. “I’m really fine. I can manage.”

Chanyeol lets go of the argument after that. He shifts his attention on watching their surroundings. The sun has fully risen now and based from the bright lights streaming inside the car, he can only imagine how scorching hot it must be outside despite it only being eight o’clock in the morning.

“Thanks, man. Don’t worry, I won’t fall asleep.” Chanyeol says and smiles, even if he knows Kyungsoo isn’t looking at him.

An hour later, Chanyeol feels his eyelids begin to droop but straightens up on his seat when he sees the view gradually change. The tall buildings have been replaced now by a vast landscape of farmland. Old, traditional houses are situated at least one kilometer away from each other. The sky is a brilliant shade of blue, the clouds more prominent and huge - a complete contrast to the pale, smoggy skyline that he’s used to.

“We’re almost there,” Kyungsoo says.

Chanyeol doesn’t answer. Instead, he grabs his phone and stops the music, only to replace it with a hard EDM remix of Justin Bieber’s Cold Water and turns the speakers on full volume.

He sees Kyungsoo visibly grimace. Chanyeol laughs. The bass is thrumming is so hard that Chanyeol can almost feel it on his skin, with the way the music is blasting within the cramped space of his truck.

“Why did you replace the song with this?” Kyungsoo half-shouts.

“So you won’t fall asleep!” Chanyeol shouts back. Kyungsoo shakes his head in response, prompting him to laugh loud again. “I thought you like Justin Bieber!”

He starts to pump his fist in the air and makes little dancing gestures, acting the same way he does when he’s at an EDM party. Beside him, Kyungsoo has his condescending smirk on, the kind that he wears when he thinks Chanyeol is being dumb again, but he’s mouthing the lyrics every now and then.

At one point during the buildup of the song, Chanyeol grabs one of Kyungsoo’s hand and forces him to throw it in the air, causing Kyungsoo to smack him hard on the shoulder.

The road is almost empty now, save from them and the Sedan in front who seems to be taking their time. Chanyeol watches Kyungsoo tap on the turn signal before sharply moving to the next lane and taking over.

“That guy drives like he’s taking a walk in the park,” Chanyeol snorts.

“The speed limit around here is 100 kilometers, not 40.” Kyungsoo replies. They pass by a street sign shortly after that proves Kyungsoo is right. “But my former colleagues and I used to race around here. I went as bad as 180.”

Chanyeol gapes at Kyungsoo. He has that glint on his eyes again along with a fond expression on his face as he reminisces. Somehow, he finds it difficult to picture Kyungsoo driving on this road, going as fast as his car would allow, knuckles turning white as he grips the steering wheel tight. Kyungsoo is the most level-headed and reserved person that he knows. He didn’t peg him to be the type to be as risky as that but then again, he reminds himself that there are still probably a lot of things he’s yet to learn about Kyungsoo.

“Did you win?” He asks.

“I didn’t,” Kyungsoo smirks. “I slowed down when I thought my life flashed before my eyes. The car started to shake.”

Chanyeol laughs despite himself. Then, an idea pops in his head. He turns to Kyungsoo. “Hey dude, what if—”

“No,” Kyungsoo shuts him down. “Don’t even think about it, Chanyeol. I’m not getting a speeding ticket again.”

Chanyeol turns the volume down when the road gives way to sharp turns. He holds onto the handle located above his window and sees Kyungsoo’s grip on the steering wheel tighten. He’s not afraid of zigzag roads and he knows Kyungsoo is a careful driver but this is his first time traversing through this path, on top of being an anxious bundle of nerves lately.

He feels the ringing on his ears as they ascend the hilly road. A hand rests on his left thigh.

“That’s the beach we’re going to,” Kyungsoo says without looking at him.

Chanyeol looks to his right. They’re right beside a steep cliff covered in pine trees and wild bushes. Down below, he sees the beach. Even from this distance, he sees the sea glimmer under the sunlight.

As they descend back on the low land, the pine trees that line up the path seems to increase in height. There comes a point where they seem to be caving in unto the road, like two hands waiting to grab you from above, and Chanyeol shivers at the thought of driving here at night. He’s determined to take over the wheel on their way back home but he’s starting to think maybe he should let Kyungsoo drive first, until they get out of this creepy path at least.

They stop at the next gas station in Muchangpo. Kyungsoo proceeds to the restroom while Chanyeol goes ahead to buy them snacks for breakfast. There are surprisingly only a few people despite it being the peak of summer, with most of them cargo drivers resting and grabbing something to eat.

Chanyeol remembers how he used to go on long drives like this with his family. Back when he was still a kid, his dad drove them cross-country every time he got a holiday. He and his sister Yoora fit themselves in the cramped backseat, covered in blankets and toys, and Yoora often kicked him for his long limbs that took up too much space. Of course, he kicked her back in return, which resulted in a fight. Their mom scolded them and both pinched their ears, and Chanyeol recalls whining about how unfair it was because he had bigger ears than Yoora so it hurted more for him. His dad never took his eyes off the road but he always laughed, eyes crinkling as he stared at his small family through the rearview mirror.

As they grew older, the long drives have lessened until it finally stopped altogether. His dad is too weak to drive across the country now and he’s lucky if he can even manage to stay behind the wheel for more than three hours straight. Nowadays, he’d rather hire a chauffeur or take a plane. Meanwhile, his mom is too busy managing the family restaurant. Yoora is the same, preoccupied between juggling work and married life at the same time.

Chanyeol sighs. Twenty-four is a good age. He has a flourishing career that enables him to live on his own. He can already make decisions without having to wait for his parents’ opinion. He can literally do anything he wants to because he’s now an adult. But some days, he just wants to go back to being a child again and come back to the safety of his mom’s arms, or bicker with Yoora about the smallest things, or fall asleep listening to his father’s voice. Some days, he just wants to stop pretending he’s got it all together and succumb to his misery. Some days, he just doesn’t want to feel anything.

He’s afraid those days are becoming more frequent as of late.

Chanyeol gets interrupted out of his thoughts when Kyungsoo taps him on the shoulder. He gives him his own black sesame bread and banana milk. Kyungsoo mumbles a soft “thanks” before taking a bite.

“Is it your first time here?” Kyungsoo asks, large eyes looking up at him.

Chanyeol tries to rack his brain for all the times he’s been at this part of Chungcheongnam before and fails to come up with any. “Yeah, it is.”

Kyungsoo smiles at him. “Good. You’ll love it here.”

I’ll love anywhere that’s not home, he wants to reply, but Kyungsoo is already walking back to his truck.

The 20-minute drive to the beach proper is more quiet, but Chanyeol simply lets it be. Kyungsoo hums a melody he doesn’t know, fingers drumming on the steering wheel in time with the tune. He seems to be really happy to be here.

They’re driving by a small village made up of tiny, bungalow houses when Chanyeol feels a hand rest on his thigh again.

“These are all designed by me,” Kyungsoo says, voice almost a whisper, as if he’s letting in Chanyeol on a secret. A small smile graces his lips.

“All of these?!” Chanyeol gasps. He looks back on the houses. They’re dainty bungalows reminiscent of old Victorian architecture, a design he hasn’t seen anywhere in Seoul. The houses are beautiful but most of them look empty.

“Yeah. I was fresh out of college when my uncle contacted me and said he needed a freelance architect for a small project. Never knew his definition of small was basically an entire village,” Kyungsoo explains with a chuckle.

Chanyeol nods in understanding. He tries to imagine a younger Kyungsoo, skinnier and smaller than he is now, bubbling with excitement as he spreads a hundred blueprints in front of him. Hands tainted with charcoal as he draws on a sheet of paper with his pencil, thick brows knitted in concentration, his black-rimmed glasses hanging low on the bridge of his nose. It’s an interesting image.

“You did great, those houses are beautiful,” He tells Kyungsoo.

“Thanks.”

“Are they all occupied?”

“Every once in awhile, yes,” When Kyungsoo sees Chanyeol frown in confusion, he adds, “Those are vacation houses. People either buy them as a spare or rent them out.”

If he had a house that beautiful, Chanyeol thinks, he’ll never want to live anywhere else. In fact, if he had a house designed by Kyungsoo himself, he’ll never ask for anything more. But then again he remembers his own condo apartment - which he learned later on was designed by Kyungsoo too - and how its big, bare walls seem to cage him in every time he arrives from work, a blatant reminder of the lack of warm bodies in the new space he has learned to call home.

Kyungsoo pulls over a few meters away from the beach. Chanyeol grabs their bags from the backseat before he gets out. He immediately regrets wearing his all-black tracksuit today the moment he finds himself directly under the sunlight, the sweltering heat beating down harshly on him. The heat is relentless. He’s only been outside for what seems like two minutes but he can already feel the beads of sweat collecting on his pits.

“You good?” Kyungsoo asks, fanning himself with the bottom of his shirt. Chanyeol nods. He suddenly wishes he had imitated Kyungsoo and wore a thin, white shirt as well.

The briny scent of the sea greets his nose as they make their descent down on the beach. The sun seems to shine even brighter in this area, a ball of blinding, yellow inferno on the blue sky. The sea and the sand sparkle under its light, making them appear like blankets of blue and gold littered with tiny crystals.

Chanyeol thinks if this is the view that greets him on each day of summer, then he probably wouldn’t mind the heat just as much.

He takes a couple of pictures of the scenic view with his phone before Kyungsoo tugs him by the arm and indicates Chanyeol to follow him.

They settle on an al fresco table located right next to a tiny open-air restaurant and bar. Chanyeol looks around. Muchangpo isn’t filled with a lot of people, much to his pleasure. Different stalls fill up in the place, most of them grilling seafood and corn under the shade of their huge umbrella. Cottages can be found on the whole length of the beach but not all of them are occupied. There are families on a vacation, a small group of friends, and some learning to kayak but other than them, there isn’t a lot to consider a crowd. He figures that most people either stayed within the congested white beaches near Seoul or went all the way to Jeju.

For once, Chanyeol is thankful Kyungsoo decided to bring him here.

Chanyeol pulls down his cap lower at the same time that Kyungsoo removes his. A strong gust of wind blows in their direction and Chanyeol watches it mess up Kyungsoo’s hair. His hair is getting too long now, fringe almost reaching his eyebrows. Chanyeol remembers how trimmed Kyungsoo’s hair was the first time they met.

“See that house atop that hill?” Kyungsoo points behind him and Chanyeol turns around. He sees a big white house nestled on the edge of a cliff. “That’s where my office used to be.”

“You used to live here?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “No, but I used to go here a lot for that project. My boss - my uncle’s friend - would let me work in that office whenever I was around.”

Chanyeol imagines doing the four-hour drive here on a daily basis. He doesn’t know if it’s something he can do.

“Did you swim a lot?”

Kyungsoo chuckles. “I never had the time to swim, but I went fishing with my boss sometimes. We picked clams when the sea parted.”

A picture of a younger Kyungsoo flashes in his mind. A skinnier and probably tanned Kyungsoo, dressed like he is now, joining hundreds of people who walk down on the emerged road from the sea, picking clams and seaweed with his bare hands.

Somehow, it feels like Kyungsoo is giving him a tour of his previous life, letting him on a secret, and Chanyeol doesn’t know what to make of it.

“That must be a really nice workplace,” Chanyeol replies and he means it, “You got an awesome view.”

Kyungsoo smiles. “Yeah, I know. I miss it sometimes.”

Chanyeol orders them a grilled tuna steak for lunch and volunteers to pay for the tab. Kyungsoo insisted on paying for his own but Chanyeol is more persistent. It’s the least he can do since Kyungsoo already drove them all the way here.

“This one’s on me though,” Kyungsoo says with a smirk when the waiter brings a beer tower on their table. Chanyeol could do nothing but laugh. He can’t recall when was the last time he went drinking during broad daylight. Some 2-3 years ago, maybe? Probably around the time when he was tearing his hair apart about not making it to the dean’s list during university.

Kyungsoo pours them a glass of beer each. Chanyeol downs the alcohol in one gulp, letting the cold, malty liquid wash away the saltiness in his mouth from the tuna he just had earlier. The sun is still shining bright but the breeze of the sea blows towards them, the wind a cool reprieve from the heat that lingers on his skin. Nothing else can be heard but the gentle splashing of water as the waves hit the shore, the caws of the crows flying above them, and the simple chatter of the people nearby.

Chanyeol briefly closes his eyes as he drinks his second glass. He basks in this kind of quiet. He thinks of the solitude of his big empty apartment, of the buzzing of the concrete jungle when he’s asleep. He discovers he prefers this silence more.

He never thought all it would take is a text message, a four-hour drive on the road, and Kyungsoo’s comforting company for him to feel and taste summer like this.

Chanyeol has just finished his third glass when he lets out the question that’s been bugging his mind for days. “Have you ever thought about leaving it all?”

Kyungsoo stares at him. “What do you mean?”

Chanyeol gulps. He’s starting to feel the alcohol now. “I don’t know, just leaving. Packing your bags and never coming back again. Starting all over in a faraway land where no single soul knows you. Figuring your life out.”

Kyungsoo chuckles. “You mean soul-searching?”

Chanyeol looks back at Kyungsoo. “Is that what do people call it these days? Yeah, soul-searching or whatever.”

Kyungsoo sighs. Chanyeol watches him slosh his now half-empty glass as he stares ahead. There is nothing in front of them but the endless sea and the horizon.

“Sometimes. It’s easy to think about those things when you’re tired. It’s easy to think about escaping. But it’s hard to actually leave.”

“Because you’d be called a quitter?”

“Because you have responsibilities,” Kyungsoo turns and faces Chanyeol, staring at him in the eye. Chanyeol stares back. “People can be replaced depending on the job, but it takes time. Weeks or months, even. There are certain tasks only you can do and once you leave them, things might suddenly fall apart. You can’t just let that happen.”

Chanyeol nods in understanding. He knows exactly how that feels but the alcohol fuels his curiosity. “What if you didn’t have responsibilities?”

Kyungsoo laughs and looks at him like he’s the most ridiculous person ever. “What kind of question is that, Chanyeol?”

“Just answer me.”

Kyungsoo empties his glass before pouring alcohol in it again. Their beer tower is half-empty now. “If I didn’t have responsibilities, I’d just probably be here with you everyday.”

Chanyeol feels warmth crept up his neck. He isn’t sure if it’s the flush from the alcohol, the heat from the sun, or the way Kyungsoo is staring at him now with a funny smile gracing his lips.

“Dude, you’re so crazy,” Chanyeol laughs, hoping that Kyungsoo doesn’t notice his blush. He pours himself another glass and drinks it all in one go. He is definitely getting more tipsy now.

“What would we even do?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo pushes back his fringe that keeps getting blown by the wind, “Maybe just be like this. Drink beer during the day, catch fish in the afternoon, smoke weed in the evening. Then when the sea parts during the middle of summer, we’ll go pick clams and seaweed for the elderly. Sounds great?”

Chanyeol lets out the loudest laughter he’s had that day. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

Kyungsoo laughs with him, cheeks forming a scrunch, eyes disappearing into crescents. Kyungsoo has always looked young for his age but he looks even younger whenever he laughs like this. Chanyeol sometimes wishes he was gifted with the look of youth as well.

When his laughter dies down, Kyungsoo holds Chanyeol again with his gaze. He schools his face into a serious expression but amusement lingers on his eyes. “What about you, Chanyeol? What would you do?”

He glances at the sea in front of him and imagines being washed away by the waves.

“I honestly have no idea,” he replies.

They pour themselves a glass each for the last time, emptying the tall beer tower. Kyungsoo clinks his glass against his before drinking his beer. Chanyeol replies with a laugh. The tips of Kyungsoo’s ears are red now and a flush has also crept up his neck but Chanyeol knows by experience that Kyungsoo is still far from being drunk. The guy is a heavy drinker, unlike him.

“Let’s walk on the beach,” Kyungsoo says.

Kyungsoo takes off his shirt right then and there, startling Chanyeol a bit. Chanyeol watches him fold his shirt neatly before placing it inside his bag. He tries not to stare at the way Kyungsoo’s chest heaves when he breathes, at the lines that dip on his stomach, or at how his pale skin seems to glow under the bright sunlight. Chanyeol gets rid of his own tracksuit and stuffs them inside his duffel bag, leaving nothing but his shorts on. He grabs his bottle of sunscreen and starts to spread them generously all over his torso.

“Want me to put some on your back?” Kyungsoo offers.

Chanyeol relents and sits down. Kyungsoo is a lot shorter than him and it would just be unfair to let the guy struggle to reach up to his back. He lets out a sigh when Kyungsoo’s hands start spreading the sunscreen on his bare back, leaving lingering warmth on every expanse of skin they touched.

Chanyeol does the same for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s skin feel warm under his palms but his back remain strong and firm to the touch.

They change into their slippers and start to walk by the beach, the fine sand dipping on each step they take. He feels the sand seep between his toes.

“What do you want to run away from?” Kyungsoo asks, looking up at him.

Chanyeol is quick to look away. He’s afraid he might get lost in those round eyes; they seem to compete with the vastness of the sea. “I,” he tries, “I just want—”

What do you want to run away from? The question resonates within Chanyeol. He wants to run away from his job, he wants to run away from responsibilities, he wants to run away from the ghosts of himself that seem to haunt him every night. But that’s the problem — he doesn’t know what exactly he’s running away from. He doesn’t think he’s capable of giving Kyungsoo a concrete answer.

When he glances at Kyungsoo, he discovers the guy is still looking up at him.

“I,” Chanyeol tries again, “I just want life to stop sometimes.” He scratches his head. He feels so stupid.

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “But life doesn’t stop for anybody.”

Chanyeol pouts. “I know! But don’t you ever think about it, Kyungsoo? Will we always just stay like this? Working our asses off in the corporate world while trying to save up for a future that doesn’t even hold any guarantee? We sacrifice our time for our friends and our family. And by the time we’re finally stable, when the day comes that we finally have time for them..t-they’re…”

He stops as he runs out of breath but Kyungsoo is still looking at him, encouraging him to go on.

“..T-they’re either too old and frail to do the activities we’ve always wanted them to do with us. Or gone.”

Chanyeol blinks. He doesn’t want to think about it, but it crossed his mind too many times. The good thing about growing up is your perspective broadens. The bad thing about it is realizing that as you grow old, so does your parents, and they seem to do it faster than you do. Chanyeol has always been afraid of not being able to keep up.

“I understand,” Kyungsoo replies a moment later. “My dad always nags me about coming home to Ilsan even though I do it every weekend. Says my mom needs company.”

Chanyeol looks at him. “But doesn’t Seungsoo live next door?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Yes, but he’s busy with his own kids now. Mom doesn’t want to bother him if she can help it.”

They stop by a closed shop in the middle of the beach. The shop features a wall mural of a girl playing a piano by the sea, her face covered by her long, silky hair. Nimble fingers touch the piano keys while the sea continues with its waves behind her. The mural is made of such vibrant, striking colors that Chanyeol ponders fishermen could probably still see it even from a distance.

“My parents are getting old and I’m afraid I’m disappointing them,” Chanyeol whispers as he traces the lines of the mural with his fingers, “I’m already 24 and I still don’t know what to do with my life.”

“You got your whole life to figure that out,” Kyungsoo replies. He’s wearing one of those bright, reassuring smiles again that Chanyeol loves so much. “You’re not supposed to figure out everything at 24, Chanyeol. Stop rushing things.”

Chanyeol blinks. “Damn, when did you get so wise? Did you inhale Confucius or something?”

Kyungsoo moves to smack him but Chanyeol is quick to recoil. Thankfully, the hit doesn’t come.

“My dad’s words.”

Kyungsoo suddenly removes his slippers and runs to the sea. Chanyeol chases after him. The sand feels burning hot under his soles. He finally gets relief when his body finally makes contact with the water.

The water is shallow in these parts. Chanyeol has to walk around five meters before he gets submerged up to his chest. The waves are gentle too, swaying him every now and then but not strong enough to throw him back to the shore.

Kyungsoo appears beside him. His body is splayed out in the water, eyes closed, as he floats in the sea.

“How do you like Muchangpo so far?” Kyungsoo asks.

Chanyeol sloshes water at him. “I like it. It’s very quiet.”

Kyungsoo opens his eyes and stands on his feet. The water reaches up to his ears, whereas it only reaches a little past Chanyeol’s chest.

“I go here whenever I need to escape. It makes me feel grounded,” He gestures to the bungalow atop the hill, “Makes me remember how it all started. Why I’m doing the things I’m doing right now.”

Chanyeol hums. He can’t think of any place that makes him feel grounded but he knows one person who does and he’s right in front of him.

“Sometimes, you just have to let it go, Yeol. Life doesn’t stop, but this is why we’re here. So you can run away with me,” Kyungsoo adds with a smile, lips forming into a heart as he flashes his full teeth.

Chanyeol smiles back at him.

Kyungsoo returns to his former position again and floats on his back. Chanyeol imitates him, arms on his sides. The water feels amazing on his back. He tries to ignore the sunlight that directly hits him on the face.

“Sorry, I just like doing this. Letting the waves sway me. It’s so..” Kyungsoo says beside him, “..relaxing.”

“Mmm..”

Chanyeol wishes life is as easy as floating in the sea. He wishes he could just let go of everything and completely let the waves take hold of him and bring him wherever they please. Then, his mind strays again to a thought he had earlier.

It would be so easy now, with him floating like this, for the waves to take him for good, for the sea to swallow him whole. He bets no one would even notice as the waves come back to kissing the shore because that’s what they’re always meant to do.

Chanyeol opens his eyes when he feels Kyungsoo’s fingers thread with his. “Stop thinking.”

Chanyeol stands on his feet. Kyungsoo follows him. Kyungsoo shoots him a deadpan glare.

“Stop thinking,” He says again.

Chanyeol wants to scream. He wishes it was that simple. His mind has always been on overdrive for as long as he can remember.

“What are you even saying?” He replies, not intending to sound irritated, but he still does.

“Clear your mind for once, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says, stepping closer. He still hasn’t let go of his hand. “I brought you here because you said you wanted to run away. So stop overthinking and just enjoy the water.”

Chanyeol sighs heavily. Kyungsoo is right.

Chanyeol floats on his back again and lets the sea wash his worries away, even if just for today. Kyungsoo threads their fingers together, his hand soft and comforting beneath the water.

Summer is in full swing and the sadness comes in huge, strong waves to Chanyeol these days.

But with the sea on his back and Kyungsoo on his side, Chanyeol thinks the waves aren’t strong enough to take him and let him drown. He’d simply let himself be thrown back to the shore, because that’s always been where he’s meant to be.

#exo #exofic #fic #chanyeol #kyungsoo #chansoo #doyeol #???#i just wanted to write about boys being boys...at the beach #and quarterlife crisis #idek if this makes any sense lmao

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