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@endlesshermit
“I see you managed to find your way back in,” the mage said as her ears picked up a familiar sound.
“When ever did I fail to find a way in? Why, I may tempted to believe that you were somehow doubting me, Patchouli dear.” Ah, yes. The familiar sound of solid matter giving in to magical trickery, and that of a hefty sack getting dragged through a newly open hole. That kind of noise.
Dearest Seiga,
Thank you for the swimsuit. I understand it’s common and popular in Japan outside, but for me, I’m reminded of the suits my sister and I scandalized Portorose in in our younger days. Ah, to be in my 80s again! I’d be happy to wear it on the beach getaway we keep talking about, along with the white sailor’s hat you’ve included with it.
As much as it hurts me to disappoint you, however, I must politely decline your suggestion that I dye my hair blonde.
With love, Patchouli
Weeell, you cannot win them all, now can you? It is only fair then that she refuse to wear twintails as she also promised she’d do.
“I wonder if they'll still have the gall to call me a heretic for entertaining questionable liaisons with a witch while overlooking all the benefits it brings along.”
Magic anon: Summer solstice scavenger: It's almost the summer solstice! Unfortunately this wonderful time of year has been marred by a curse! Seiga has been cursed with terrible luck until she can gather the following: A scrap of clothing from a woman scorned, a drop of blood from a well travelled human, a lock of hair from one of holy worth and the touch of a woman in love. Only then can the curse be lifted! Duration 48 hours!
“Oh my, a curse. Has it been a century since the last one? A week, maybe? One tends to lose count after the hundredth or so. Now, what to do, what to do...”
Forty-eight hours turned out to be quite enough, although the hermit’s better judgement still failed to take into account a slight shortcoming. Indeed, she had taken three minutes to fish all the necessary ingredients from her limitless reserve of conveniently unspecified trinkets, versus the two she had predicted. This taught her a valuable lesson about the importance of taking better care to keep her possessions in an orderly fashion. It also provided a topic for the conversation she later spent the day having with Patchouli over a cup of tea, staving off the bouts of giggles exchanged by the two whenever they would, inevitably, return to discussing the incompetence of modern hexes and their overly defiant casters.
One of the Witch's familiars has a box for you. 'Happy Valentine's', the message on the ribbon reads. Inside is a chocolate bar layered with sugar burnt caramel.
Assumption, mother of misunderstandings, would have found soil most fertile on the weeks of absence that once anew had stolen the hermit to the attention of her savory peers. Now, as she took steps back to the lair she’d carved herself on the holy grounds of Senkai, the fruits of discord would have finally ripened enough, ready to be harvested by the claws of the Miraculous Witch’s indignation. How dare the hermit have chosen whichever whim had taken her on literal flights of fancy, over the gracious offerings that only a few souls among countless others were worthy of? The nonexistent director of this tragicomedy called life snickered, mere seconds separating it from the moment when Seiga would lay her eyes on the whithered, moldy result of her superficiality...
“Welcome back, Master...! I’ve almost finished disposing of aaaall this year’s gifts... there was even one that wasn’t poisoned...!”
Perhaps, it might not have reached Lady Bernkastel’s standards. But the happy growl that rumbled within the endless, decaying void of Yoshika’s stomach might have well been the best expression of gratitude for the fruit of her kindly effort.
[[Yeah, I’m back. Thought you’d read the last of me? Think again, then punch yourself in the face. Twice. Now slowly lower those tiny fists full of angry embarassment and stop punching yourself in the face, you cretin. You’re going to need all ten of those fingers to deal with the oncoming barrage of words.
Alright, so here’s what: I’ve probably accumulated a backlog the size of Canada times 20, although my threads were - for better or worse - few and far in-between when I last left off. If anyone wants to pick back from where we left, hit me up with a link or anything else, or I’ll otherwise consider us ready to move on, retrace our steps and do the wordy thing properly again without ridiculously long time-lapses (hopefully).
If we hadn’t started anything to begin with, you were retroactively wrong. We were just biding our time to start waxing surreal nonsense all over each other’s eyeballs. I’ve already set my target on some of you, but rest assured that if you dare approach me with ideas, you will be welcomed with cookies and all the milk you could ever wish to drink. Or just words, because I’m cheap like that.]]
"Ah, Seiga, I see you've found my recently-acquired original Yuutamo sculpture. It's more talkative than most statuary, but if it entertains you, I'm happy."
"You pamper me with the unpredictability of your ideas, Patchouli dear. Since I am already a murderer by most people's accounts, among many other such flattering monickers, I might as well embrace my reputation and use this gift of yours to add time to the list of my victims."
"What's your drink of choice, Ms Kaku?" Asketh the Tengu actively poking through Senkai's food stores.
"The blood of young virgin maidens and the tears of prepubescent acolytes, according to the latest rumors floating through the villagers' ears. If you thirst so longingly for anything more substantial than the fabrications of a couple scaredy peasants, on the other hand, you might want to take a peek in the right cabinet."
Unless you wish to keep picking through Yoshika's drinks of choice, naturally. Careful with those heads: you make one topple and the others will follow suit. It took a lot of time to explain to Miko's apprentice that no, Senkai hadn't undergone an infestation of vengeful beheaded spirits, after that happened.
"那你该管抽烟吗?" Yeah, his accent is /atrocious./
That is the kind of question - and manner of posing said question - that she won't even bother to give a proper answer to. Amidst the gray particles blown all over Daichi's face, however, he might recognize the faintest trace of that "pfffft" that so plagued the Writer a couple of posts ago.
"Your observational skills are only second to your meager butchery of a language unsuited to your beak, my dear monger of gossip."
"Oh wow!" No, that wasn't so much directed at Seiga as it was her scaled reptile pet. "I didn't know you could eat a whole rat at once! That's really neat. Hey, can you do small dogs?"
*Prolonged and articulate hissing noises*
Bai Suzhen would rather not - the tokin she can swallow just fine, but those swords and shields are kind of a pain to digest.
"Why so much blue?"
"There are so many reasons behind that, I would deplete Senkai's reserves of tea before explaining even half of them... not that you would be offered any, before you make assumptions about how welcome you truly are here."
"I will say, however, that my favourite among those reasons are the faces my opponents make when I turn a shade as red as their bewildered expressions."
"Have you ever considered a beast Jiang-shi? Can't help but think that maybe a bear or Bakeneko might make for a better guard than Ms Yoshika."
You know what? I give up. Yes, this is an official forfeit on the Writer’s part. Because I dare, I thrice dare you, my dear readers, to try and tell me just how someone, anybody, could ever achieve the impossibly ridiculous feat of making such a base, primal sound as "pffffft" sound classy. Go on, the keyboard is right underneath your hands. I will be waiting for your contributions, while I go roll in a mixed pile of dictionaries and my own tears.
"Oh, if the possibility wasn’t so unlikely, I would be worrying for the incolumity of my sides. But I will spare at least this much of my good will and take your words in account, because beyond the risible suggestion that my irreplaceable Yoshika’s skills would fall short of those of a pet, you may be on to something. Yes, I could begin to consider employing a creature suitable to reconnaissance… second to none in flight, possessing hearing able to pick upon the faintest of sounds, and the abilities to salvage as much information as unhumanly possible. Now, if only I knew where to find something… or someone to fit this criteria. Would you happen to know, my dear reporter?”
"Would you switch philosophies if you found another that offered a better route to immortality, Honored Kaku. Immortality or endless vice or whatever it is you seek."
There are only so many ways to make a shrug appear overdone. To try and make it worth labeling as majestic is the sort of outrageously unnecessary behavior that Seiga had made into a standard, like she made sure to remind the intrusive reporter with a movement that, rather than being limited to her shoulders as it should have, expanded all the way to the very tip of her toes. It was a full body shrug, in a way that only she could have made sense of.
"I do not doubt that, had you asked me this exact same question a couple of millenniums ago, you would have received an answer to plentily satisfy your appetite. After all, attaining immortality is a step I took much earlier than the mere idea of your birth crossed the thoughts of your pitiable parents, my dear inquisitor."
GUESS WHO'S BACK
The words bounced back and forth among walls filled to the brim with unmistakable emptiness. They lingered around for as much time the strength behind their utterance let them, until finally the quiet atmosphere of the room overtook once anew. A brief respite: subtle at first, sound creeped its way inside with renown vitality, a faint hum slicing itself a spot within the silence not unlike the woman who'd done the same with part of the ground.
"Nyan nyan, you are correct! That would be me, your friendly neighborhood hermit Seiga Kaku, back from matters best left unsaid, unless you give little value to your moral fiber. Ah, it is time to tidy up a bit, isn't it? Very well, let us see just what this huge mound of letters ,conveniently piled atop my precious alchemical ingredients, are about."
