Now that I’ve graduated I should probably update this, so here it goes:
The last class I had with him was last year, when he was a senior. I made my second update towards the beginning of the year but by the end I think, like most rude and obnoxious teenagers, he toned down a bit. Looking back, I’ve realized I also said some pretty stupid things when I was figuring myself out. I think most of what he said was purely to get a reaction, because I noticed he would act differently in different classes.
Because I didn’t have any friends in Spanish class, I had to sit with him and his friends and really depended on them for a lot of projects. One of his friends was actually really sweet and whenever we were partnered up he would listen earnestly while I explained conjugations instead of just asking to copy my work. The boy I called “homophobe” actually didn’t make any more rude jokes after pineapple gender, never used any slurs to my knowledge, and while I can’t say with certainty that he’s completely changed since math class I know what we say as teenagers isn’t indicative of our future progress. He helped me when I didn’t have anyone, and his group of friends was kind and accepting enough that I think he couldn’t wish for any better group to set him on the right path.
The last time I saw him was the last day of his senior year, when we were having a class party, and he thanked me for bringing pan dulce. I wish him the best in all his efforts, and I think it’s good to remember that he’s still young and inexperienced. I ask that you please not make any comments or judgements about this boy and simply appreciate the joke that he was sitting next to a gay person the entire time. Because that’s the point.
He didn’t know if I was gay or straight. He was hateful for the joke of it, because as soon as he saw that I was completely alone he and his friends took me in without giving a shit what I found attractive. That’s how kids are. They hear and see and learn things without understanding what it truly means, but once they see someone that needs help their true nature takes over.
When I was younger I thought seniors were practically adults. Many are legally adults. I’m sure many of the young impressionable people on this site have that same idea. But it’s simply not true. We can’t “cancel” someone who’s just getting started. Many teenagers haven’t even had their first job yet, or lived away from their parents. I can see now how unprepared you can be, even at 18. It’s scary, because now everyone expects you to be an adult and have opinions on things you never even cared about before. Many of us default to our parents, because that’s the opinion we trust most. Mom and dad are Democrats or Republicans, or Religious or Atheist, so that’s probably what I am too. Many don’t have the benefit of belonging to a minority that goes directly against those beliefs, so their self discovery is much more difficult. A person would have to reach out and get to know someone from the oppressed community, which is often discouraged, to realize what they’ve been told is wrong. If that boy had known I was gay—if I had told him on his last day of school that the person he shared multiple classes with and asked for homework help from had been listening to his nonsense for two years straight and was the exact opposite of what he thought I should be. If he knew that the exact qualities he helped me with, my timidness and lack of friends, went completely against the loud and obnoxious stereotype in his head, I wonder where he would be right now. I wonder what that would have done.
He “couldn’t stand being next to a gay person”, but he did. He did for two years. A gay person helped him in a math competition and gave him their prize candy (he liked the type, I didn’t). A gay person sat with his friends and taught him Spanish vocabulary. A gay person is now asking for kindness on his behalf because they made a mistake and judged him unfairly, and now people he doesn’t even know, people who don’t even know him, are casting their judgement.
I, gay as I am, and offended as I was at his comments, am vouching for him. Wish him love. Wish him success. And wish him the stability and security he needs to grow. He’s a good person. Give him the space to prove it.
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