schrodinger's sexuality @equalopportunityenby - Tumblr Blog

wittacism241253-deactivated2016

It’s essay writing season for tons of students!

After being a college writing tutor for over a year, I thought I would share my advice with all you awesome people on tumblr. This is how I write essays, but if you’ve got more tips, feel free to add them below.

Happy writing. You can do it!

englishmajorhumor

This is actually brilliant.

actuallyadhd

SLIDE 1:

How to write a kickass essay with ½ the stress A kickass ppt by wittacism

SLIDE 2:

Find out what your teacher wants

get the assignment prompt and break it down into its individual parts

this becomes your skeleton for your essay

spooky

SLIDE 3:

Don’t start with the introduction paragraph

seriously this is a great way of stumping yourself ten minutes into the writing process

you’re trying to write an intro for a paper that doesn’t exist yet???

start with the first body paragraph

SLIDE 4:

Your awesome body paragraphs

the cool thing about the essay is that you pretty much get to tell people what to think

don’t hold back

your name is already on the top of the page

so whatever you say

try to really mean it

SLIDE 5:

Conclusion paragraph

the conclusion is like the end of a 30 second commercial where they hold the product up at the end just in case you forgot you were watching a Hot Pockets commercial

hold up all your arguments for the audience one more time

just in case they forgot what they just read

SLIDE 6:

Introduction paragraph

now that you have some kickass body paragraphs and a conclusion, rewrite your conclusion in introduce your topic

notice how its 300x easier to introduce something AFTER you’ve written it

slap a badass thesis statement on the end of your intro

SLIDE 7:

Badass thesis statements

remember that skeleton we made in slide 2?

get it back out

make a single sentence that talks about all those points

it’s totally cool to write a sentence that says, “In this essay, I argue that…”

then just list those things

done

SLIDE 8:

Quotes

quotes are a great way to make yourself look credible and to add length to your paper

lets be honest, no one actually wants to write 2,000 words

you need to talk before and after a quote

tell people who you’re quoting

tell people why they should care

SLIDE 9:

Citations!

fun fact: Microsoft Word’s citation maker is literally the scum of the earth

never ever use it

use citationmachine.net instead

or make your own

(it takes about the same amount of time with a lil’ practice)

SLIDE 10:

Done

go get yourself a milkshake

because you have a rough draft, my friend

be proud of yourself

(Note: all text copied word-for-word, with errors intact.)

lolawashere-deactivated20240904

Never let them know your next move!

Please, you gotta watch Eddie Williams' audition on Australia's Got Talent 2019 until the end!

thewolfmanslayer

The way she stood up and said "What!?" I felt that. We all felt that.

brainstatic

A little advice from someone studying extremist groups: if you’re in a social media environment where the daily ubiquitous message is that you have no hope of any kind of future and you can’t possibly achieve anything without a violent overthrow of society, you’re being radicalized, and not in the good way.

embervoices

If the solution to your problems sounds like “we need a blank slate” it’s a lie. There are no blank slates, and the closest approximation people can generally imagine is “burn it all down and let God/fate/history sort it out”.

That’s not problem solving. It’s barely catharsis, in practice. It doesn’t just create more problems than it solves, it destroys more solutions than it creates.

Put the apocalypse down, and back away slowly.

Real solutions to complex, systemic problems are not so easily reduced to “us good, them evil; kill them.”

punkrorschach

flower-crow

[image transcript:

Voting as Fire Extinguisher

When the haunted house catches fire: a moment of indecision.

The house was, after all, built on bones, and blood, and bad intentions.

Everyone who enters the house feels that overwhelming dread, the evil that perhaps only fire can purge.

It’s tempting to just let it burn.

And then I remember:

there are children inside.

—Kyle Tran Myhre. end id]

anxiousangerball

I don't know who needs to hear this, but

YOU DO NOT NEED TO START A NEW HOBBY!

STEP AWAY FROM THE TEXTILES!

YOU DON'T NEED MORE YARN!

THAT FABRIC IS NOT CALLING TO YOU! LEAVE IT ALONE!

boyrot

boy it's me the textiles speaking to you inside your head. you need the yarn. you need thread. your soul hungers to participate in the act of creation. you must feed it. you must buy so many beads.

cozy2000

thank you doctor for doubling my testosterone. however i turn into a hound of some sorts late into the evenings. i am not complaining but i was not informed of this effect either way

cozy2000

no i think this will find the right audience somehow

thelatestkate

ephemeral-storyteller

"it's a foxgirl promise" means it's the most trustworthy thing in the whole wide world and you have to believe it 100%

"came back wrong" but it's food that you heated up in the microwave

abalidoth

OK SO

For anyone who hasn't heard my Microwave Rant:

Microwaves are designed to be used at a broad range of power levels. If you're getting bad results reheating your food, and you're doing everything on full blast, try a lower power setting! 50% power for twice the time, just give it a shot. It gives the heat time to spread evenly, and prevents overcooking of parts that are exposed to more radiation.

People complain about reheated pizza a lot -- that's bc overheating the crust makes it tough and chewy. I usually do pizza on 30% power for THREE times as long because it's especially vulnerable -- and my crust always comes out nice and tender.

I think there's a good metaphor for Came Back Wrong here too: if you actually take the time to do your necromantic ritual and/or unholy experiment right, and don't rush it at 100% power, you're likely to get better results.

bubblegum-gf

tumblr isn’t a social media it’s a farmers market and the people you follow are the vendors and your mutuals are regulars and sometimes a person I buy pumpkins from will start selling realistic models of sailboats and damn i’m not gonna buy any but I will come by and compliment you on your sailboats

fieldbears

Sometimes the bakery stall that's been selling top tier muffins and bread for years all of a sudden has an entire table dedicated to moss balls wearing little hats. and the correct response to that is "okay! happy for you!"

obligatorymorningfart

comic about girlfriends

carrion-throne

this invokes an unidentifiable emotion deep in my core that i am hoping with every fiber of my being is not lust

toastyglow

I read this and thought, “unfortunately I think I know exactly what they mean”

kittykatninja321

My hypothesis is that in like 10 years gen z is gonna have a big cult boom the way the boomers did in the 70s

chazymandias

It’s already happening on tik tok. There’s a fun new thing going round that’s citing common symptoms of depression and anxiety as signs you’re about to have your awakening and that you are actually an alien and the reason you don’t feel right is because you’re home sick for your own galaxy. So that’s fun.

aleatoryw

agreed, and i don't mean this in a "haha gen z is so dumb they're gonna join a tiktok cult lmao" i mean that conditions are perfect for the formation of cults right now.

high unemployment and a lot of underpaying, pointless jobs = people are looking for things to do with their life, a purpose

skyrocketing cost of living = most young people will not be able to live on their own, meaning some will end up in a group living situation with people interested in recruiting them

it's a time of great cultural and political upheaval, nothing feels real, people are desperate for meaning and human connection. cults promise that

there is a new wave of acceptance and understanding for ways of life outside the norm, which is great! ...except for when cult leaders tell you abusive and controlling practices are just their culture, their religion, their lifestyle, their beliefs, their tradition, and if you disrespect it you are the problem

social media influencers have already shown us how easy it is to build a cult of personality and attract people from anywhere in the world who are interested in the exact brand you are selling

spirtuality is having a boom, as are things like astrology, crystals, tarot, meditation, energy... those things aren't bad on their own but they are often used as tools of cult spaces

wellness. i think a lot of people are already in wellness cults. you can make people do a lot of things in the name of "wellness" and a big factor of maintaining a cult is keeping members in a state of decreased cognition..... like say, with regular fasting

i think people are just unaware in general of how cults function, especially because the satanic panic was a big stupid false alarm that convinced the youths that dungeons and dragons or doom were gateways to cults, which are scary evil child murdering, satan-worshipping gangs. people don't know how to spot them in real life.

queersatanic

[ID: Spongebob wrestling meme format. Buff Patrick labeled "predatory cult" flexes and growls in a wrestling ring at a stern, buff Spongebob labeled "my intelligence". In his corner Mr Crabs is labeled "my education". Final panel shows Patrick and whistling Spongebob walking out hand-in-hand, both labeled "rationalizing why this isn't really a cult" /ID]

(This is actually more relevant here than standalone.)

Our popular media has tended to portray people in cults as ignorant or as losers when that’s really not how they work. Cults don’t want dead weight they have to support; they want talented, clever, energetic people they can exploit to siphon wealth and labor out of.

Some are religious, but some are political. You find yourself moving into a house full of Maoist revolutionaries because capitalism really is that awful and ecological collapse is imminent—but for some reason, the leader of the self-crit sessions is also the person everyone else in the house is in a polyamorous relationship with, and they can’t see anyone else outside of the house without her approval. Or you need a little extra money and you get told you’d be so good at selling Keto products. You’re a natural, and after you get through these first tough months, the leg under you will be developed enough you only have to work if you wanna hit bigger goals. Etc.

Loneliness, a lack of purpose, and desperation all make you susceptible to cults no matter how smart you are. In fact, your very clever brain is also extremely capable of redirecting your thoughts away from realizing you’re being exploited and abused because, after all, you’re not some idiot, are you?

We’ve got a ton of very clever young people fully aware that they’re going to have to suffer through decisions of the selfish dead, and they’re going to crave salvation of all different kinds because the future is going to suck, and it won’t have been their fault, and they won’t be able to do anything to stop it.

queersatanic