a real blog

I hope you're no one I know in real life

[er-what]

thinking of starting a series where i write letters to people regarding my experience with them throughout these past 2 years. Not really going to send them, just personal thoughts that I’d like them to know but no balls to actually let them know

[er-what]

Casual Friday

The last day of Year 11 arrived and i walked into school with blue and white striped pyjamas because of course my costume was bananas in pyjamas. Today wasn't as emotional just a celebratory and chill kind of day. We took photos from left right to left. 

We entered the boarding house canteen and got turnt up. We sang to “Boyfriend” by Justin Bieber and HSM songs and as i got up in the middle of song to take pictures with Aida i started doing the dance and i forgot i was being watched so i heard this loud cheer and heads turned to look at me and thought i was going to perform. 

The atmosphere all in all was just amazing, everyone just came together danced and celebrated and completely removed the idea of segregated groups and instead formed one whole group; Year 11 2016. ANS GUESS THE FUCK WHAT, i know im not as obsessed with them as last year but ME izzati completed her life goal and took a picture with Mr Duckling. ME!!!!! Like i actually asked him, and I wasn't hiding behind someone. So he was like “Oh yeah great picture.”

We had dance battles where we would make a circle around an area and just pushed people into the circle for them to dance, it was incredible. We also even had the fortunate advantage of witnessing Joe getting his leg waxed, he cried omg. From then on, I wasn't in the circle just on edges contemplating whether i should get in or what. But the very last song came on and I just said fuck it. So i jumped inside the circle and danced to “See You Again” it worked because everyone knew the lyrics. The environment i was in was one that I've never been in before. It almost felt... haram. Because it was so packed and dense, there were literally sweaty bodies bobbing up and down in synchronised motion, like bodies were pressed up against mine. There was this one moment where everyone faced me because i was in the centre and I just belted out the lyrics while waving my teddy up in the air thinking of how funny it would look from the outside. Just a random teddy bear in a sea of bodies. 

i looked multiple times over at Ducky, and i would always see him smiling and i can't help but smile too, at our year group and all the lovely memories and friendships. Maybe they let us dance here and not at prom but i was okay with that, how do you dance in heels anyway?

Good Luck to all Year 11! Study well and kickass in those GCSE’s

[er-what]

Penultimate

Thursday was an emotional day. The last day of lessons and every subject i had that day was my last. Ive been so blessed to have been taught by the best set of igcse teachers and i can’t help but be attached to all the good memories and jokes each classroom brought.

What teared me up was the fact that i Probably won’t see Mr Lopez ever again. He left and flew back to the UK because from what i perfume is due to someones unfortunate death. What sucked is that he seemed like the type to do that, to just exit the building, he doesn’t seem to handle goodbyes well. I also haven’t been revising English because then who is there to impress? He’s gone and there was no proper “take care don’t be racist” goodbye party. I am only reminded of him through this random framed picture of a dwarf and a dog beside it, because it was a prize for getting full marks on section A. If you ever read this Mr Lopez, you are GREATLY missed and take care, live long and I’ll make sure to find a cure for your alzhiemers disease.

As for maths, it was different because he’s leaving JIS. And all the memories and jokes and insults we had are just too much to let go of. We had a unique teacher student relationship if i do say so myself, which consisted of the student being constantly bullied by the teacher. He pretends like he doesn’t care but in actual fact Sir, you care, a whole fucking lot. HE treated us 7 boxes of pizza and even brought vegetarian pizza because he knew Pragathi is vegetarian. And i don’t want him to go, not that Im taking maths next year, but we’ve created a bond that shouldn’t easily be broken and the thought of having no Mr Smith anymore just tears me up. Like how can he just fucking leave? Like why is he so selfish all of a sudden. Hong Kong? for personal reasons? Sir, you don’t fucking know what personal reasons we all have. What am i talking about, its his life. But whatever.

I may or may have not got choked up after the pizza party, so we gave him a cheeky card of a drawing of his leg contraption when he got his leg paralysed, and on the other side it said “Dear President Smith Head of Math Faculty woo fancy job title, Please treat the Hong Kong people as bad as you treated us. Good luck! Or should i say break a leg! From permanently scarred students”

so cheers to you Mr Lopez and Mr Smith for being the most badass teachers i could ever ask for.

[er-what]

Goodbyes

Year 11 is rearing to an end and I don’t know how to feel. A bittersweet ending as I kiss gcses goodbye and say hello to new opportunities and new people.

I had my last physics and business lessons today and physics was a real bummer. He didn’t even bring food or any sweets to say goodbye instead we went through a fucking past paper. Not that it doesn’t help us in the exams, it will!  but I was hoping for an emotional farewell instead I shook his hand and stepped out of physics forever.

Next it was the last business lesson. Thankfully we did something remotely fun and also educational. At least she gave us lots of food you know. And it hit me as she made a short speech “I’ve watched you grow throughout the year” and I just feel so emotional so attached to this comfortable life I have right now and I’m not willing to give it up just yet

And in maths, it’s was our penultimate lesson. And we were discussing of getting pizza for the last lesson ever and I slightly teared. Just kidding hyperbole. So i think I overworked myself and was not in the mood and had a discussion with sir

“You’ve been normal for the past few weeks what happened?”

And I was like sir it’s called growth, that’s what gcses and stress does to you. You mature I told him that and as usual didn’t take me seriously. then we started talking about how white David’s genes were and if he had an Asian name. So I gave him one haploid fowler. And then I asked Feroza’s real name and she said and sir was like that’s just like sounds. We told him he was being racist and then I asked jasper what his real Chinese name is and he didn’t want to tell me. So I faced back to my table and said “what if it’s like Jas-pa” I said it in a really Asian accent. And they laughed and sir too and he told jasper I was being racist and if He’d like to report me to [email protected]   And I said no. Then I added “I actually run that account, it’s my email. I’m stay safe at jis” and Pragathi was like “Nooo no one would be safe Izzati” so then I laughed.

Then he asked if I was doing any work and I said ya and pulled the question booklet towards me and said “Ajmals not” and she snapped and said “No IZZATI YOU said oh Ajmal lets do some questions together” so then I got caught.

And then I started talking in a British accent and then we started talking abt the royal family and how the Queen lives for long, and I was like “Must be all the tea she drinks”  and sir was like “yeah bcs all Brits do is drink tea all you guys do is eat Nasi Katok”

[er-what]

My thoughts

Here are a list of Pro and Cons of both A-levels and IB to help me sort out my thoughts

A-levels

Pros

Less work for the same results

To an extent easier 

Also recognised by Universities

Able to specialise on a set of subjects

Depth over Breadth

No compulsory criteria such as the Core Studies in IB

Cons

Must choose less subjects, restricts choices of courses for Universities

Fairly common qualification

Will not improve my debating and speaking out skills 

Not out of my comfort Zone

IB

Pros

Will improve myself as person, make me more dynamic

More breadth

More time to realise what i do or do not want to do

Challenging

Cons

More work needed

if weak in one subject, it will pull down overall grade

To an extent harder

[er-what]

Decisively indecisive

I knew it was coming, but I didn't know it would arrive so soon: The time for me to make a choice

As you all know, the daunting week of mocks has finished but now is only the beginning of an even more daunting process. Sixth Form options. Indeed I am afraid, afraid of what either Ib and A-level can or cannot offer me. Afraid of choosing the wrong option. Afraid of missing out and not following my predestined path. Afraid of making decisions. Afraid of growing up. Afraid of the future. And mostly, afraid of change.

So you see, I am a very very very indecisive person, the only thing im decisive about is me being indecisive. I am abusively torn between IB and A-levels. Some evenings I find myself lured by the whole concept of IB and how it can make me an overall better person, other evenings I find myself absolutely scared shitless of doing the diploma and end up ranting about how easily I let the school’s IB propaganda get into my head. My mood changes from time to time, my heart says this, my brain says that, my parents say this, my brother says that. Everyone is telling me things in order to persuade me in choosing one option over the other and honestly I don't know what to believe.

At the beginning of it all, I was pro IB. I wanted to do IB over A-levels as a symbolic way of choosing breadth over width. I wanted to have a wide range of subjects that can leave my options open. I also loved the idea of not many Malay people doing it which therefore is in my favour of scoring myself a scholarship. I also like the sound of the core studies, which encourages (force) us as students to do other things outside our academic studies. As an introvert, my debating and speaking out skills aren't strong, and the thought that this program can help me develop life skills that will aid me into becoming a better person is very attractive. 

Feeling confident after the Options Evening, I was set for IB. I would take English Lit and Lang, Malay B, Geo, Environmental Societies, Maths and Visual Arts. I was happy, less anxious and just for a second I felt like i was in control of my life. But as the days passed, I got exposed to the truth about IB from people’s convincing perspectives. IB got described as a lot more of unnecessary work. Also, the idea of balancing all the work and social life, was terrifying (not that I have a social life), but sacrificing my free periods for more work? I don't know if I am up for that. I thought I was really unsure of what I wanted to do, and that was the main purpose of my choosing of IB, but I soon realised all the career options, in my heart I did know what to do. 

So then take A-levels you say?

If i do take A-levels, I would take, Geo, Business, Art and maybe Eng Lit. But something was missing, I felt like I needed more you know? But then again how would me taking maths and a science change my career path anyway? It’s not like i enjoy it. So what’s the problem?

I’ve realised that not am I only torn between IB and A-levels but I am also torn between money and dreams. I know money can’t buy happiness but I also know dreams can’t pay the bills. If i was ridiculously good at illustrating, of course I’d like to have a career in Graphic Designing or media or something, but  how many Bruneian Graphic Designers do you know are making $$. It may make me sound like a greedy money-obsessed person, but having the money to travel around and do what I want is really all I’ve ever longed for. But to fund my expeditions, I have to do a job that I cry about in between injections and suggesting medicine. The thing with IB, is that if plan A which is a creative career goes downhill, I have a Back-up plan which lets me get into a more scientific field where $$ is not a problem. But I just don’t know if I can score enough, If i am willing to organise myself just yet.

[er-what]

A good memory I’d like to remember

February 1st 2016

Today was good day, it started off in business really normal, light environment. She hovered over at our table and talked to the whole class at that position, and as she was just setting is a task, she grabbed the nearest textbook, which was mine.

And ok flashback: During the mock exams, I had extra water colour paper and I started to water colour Mr Lopez Smith and Roberts. And I didn't know where to keep them, so I put stowed them away  according to the lessons.

Back to the scene. She flipped through the pages and accidentally flipped to the back cover, which was where I stowed the drawing, in the pocket of the CD. So she stopped speechless, and was like "Izzati, who's this" I got very embarrassed and didn't say anything for a while until she realized it was her. So I said yeah and she said really?  And I assured bcs that day she just so happened to be wearing the same shirt she wore as in the drawing. So obviously it was her. She looked at it again, and asked if she could keep it. I couldn't say no! So I was like yeah sure okay. She made me sign it and then a stuck it up on her board.

Ok then lunch, I volunteered for this Junior Lunch club. I spent my lunch with kids I didn't know, and I think I'm really connecting with them on a personal level. I go up to them make an effort to really remember their names and personality in return they remember mine. And it works? I also pretend to be interested in what they're playing. I left this table that was playing snakes and ladders for another table. But one of the girls came up to me, like actually ran up to me and was like "Guess what! I won" so obviously I was like "Oooo yay" they love me so much. They laughed at all my jokes. And idk I feel like I can become like a primary school teacher.

Then after school, we started to make the cookies, and we made chan and Michael do all our washing in return for "discount" and we sand and baked together and it was just the most fun I had in a long time.

On the next day, as far as my memory goes, the only funny thing that happened was in Business. The whole class was talking about how every Bruneian is related to every Bruneian, and she went up to me and asked if Im related to Adele, to which i say duh. And a couple of guys heard and especially Jit suddenly focused. So I said “Yeah, she’s my Godmother” and Jit started freaking out he was like “what de” “OMG” and i though he was playing along so i played along too. Then i realized he wasn't playing along but i still played along. He asked me If i talk to her to which i reply that “Yeah I talk to her everyday, I FaceTime between lessons”

And surprised was he. He again started freaking out while Me and the girls plus B started to laugh, at how gullible he was. The lesson ended and he asked me if I was bout to FaceTime Adele, and i was like “Yeah, I need to get my phone and  some wifi” still starstruck. Unfortunately, he found out it was a hoax.

[er-what]

I secretly like school

Dear Blog, I forgot how much fun school is. I find myself laughing and enjoying almost every lesson and that's mainly because I was surrounded with the people who give off the kind of vibe that I love. Ok so I was super tired, in the morning my thighs were aching from circuit training, my throat dry despite drinking one whole bottle and then peeing afterwards and my pinky toe was bruised from kicking the wall yesterday. I was not in the mood to make effort and it was business first.

I dragged myself into business and just slopped down, And I thought I was normally like this I didn't think she'd notice. But she did, three times! The first was before she went out to get coffee and stopped halfway and asked if I was okay, then when we were doing work she asked me from her desk if I was okay again, if I was feeling well. Then again when she pointed a ruler at me and asked Hana instead what was wrong with me, to which I replied nothing! And we played Chinese whispers to demonstrate poor communication within a business but I apparently have hearing issues and messed up. The one business that's not suppose to have poor communication. And jasper laughed and spit into Arif's ear while whispering the message and that was funny.

Also I was walking to English with AI and Anisha was nearby and B passed us she pointed at me while talking to Anisha asking her if I'm in her tutor, and to which I replied myself no. And then she mentioned that she saw a pic of me with my idol, and I instantly remembered the photo I let my tutor print out to put up on the board in one of the business classrooms. Idol Adele of course play on words and I was like "Ohhhh yeah it's real" and she was like "Shut up." And she said I'm funny hehehehhe. Nodding doesn't answer my question. This one's noisy

Idris funny sock debate

Which then reminds me of the time with Smithy. So as we all know the first three days  of this week were inspection week. And I was being my normal self by that I mean being overly excited, accidentally saying weird things and doing unusual strange stuff. And he had the audacity to warn me saying "ok Izzati keep it in and behave for a few days in case the inspector comes" and I was like okay and I repeated what he said to Ajmal to which he heard so he turned and said "Izzati!" At the end of the lesson he was like "ok good you behaved well, just a few more days and I'll give u chocolate if u continue this" and I'm like bitch do I look like a ducking 5 yr old. Then the next day I just couldn't help it okay, so I sneezed on Pragathi using my bottle twice and he was like "class decrease noise, Izzati increase normality" and he saw me fake sneeze so he warned me again saying "by that I mean other people kind of normal not yours" and I was like "yeah sir, sneezing is normal"

And I had Statistics mainly because I detest house sports. So I lanja Ajmal milo, and their milo was so sweet and I added water to it to make it dilute which I like. And I said "it's called a diet" and he was like "with milo? Why are they even selling it?" And David was like "it's healthy it contains calcium" and I bullshitted "yeah and Vitamin B." Then I made this stupid pun of Feroza that before she was Feroza she was a Ferozan embyro. Lol he also searched up Feroza on YouTube to find a dancing Indian woman. Then we did work, and he put on his techno dj remix shit that nobody but him likes, until one song came up and I instantly knew the lyrics too. But I forgot them now, the song just came naturally to me and he heard and was like "Izzati you know this song? How? Wow, you're actually cool" and I was like "sir I was always cool" and Feroza started telling him that I always sing in Art. Then I had to toilet, so I went to the back door and saw this paper plate which I took, and he saw and he was like "Izzati why are u bringing a plate to the toilet" and I was like "what plate and raised my right hand "your other hand" I dropped the plate onto the ground outside and raised both hands. "On the floor" and I bent down to pick up empty air to show him. And I was like "I think you need glasses Sir" So then I actually wanted to play my songs, and me and Ajmal planned to distract him so he would pause the music and I would secretly plug in my music. Instead Ajmal betrayed me and told him the whole plan. Then I played with bottle and I showed David that I used my powerful stapler to staple the broken handle together but what he didn't know was that I tricked him into getting sprayed. I did that to him and coco and then Feroza was like do it to Jorge so I was like "Jorge look I stapled my broken handle thing because my stapler is powerful but look here  It doesn't go through fully and-" then I sprayed it. And everyone laughed and even sir applauded me!

So yeah school was fun, but I cant help feeling that me and Lopez's relationship lacks a little bit but whatever that fact that my other relationships are booming makes up for that emptiness

That time, on the day of ptm, I was up to no good again. I started buckling my bag straps onto my skirt, wearing them as suspenders. He came over and was like "what is wrong with you?" And since I had the second strapped combined to my suspender, he pulled the second strap which then pulled me. So he was basically tugging me forward, and so I quickly unbuckled it. Then I was restless I put my legs up on the chair which then Audrey commented on my socks, which were tacos. So I lifted them onto the table to show everyone and then moved them over the back of chair and continued my work. He apparently saw and said "Izzati, do you know how to sit properly? Normal people don't sit with their legs over the back of the chairs"

[er-what]

Parent Teacher Evening

Realising you are one step closer to life. 

I attended my last ever PTM for the GCSE course and received mock results that deserved online shopping as a reward. I prayed so hard everyday and also put in the effort needed, this lead me to successful results which im very proud of.

So, my parents were arrived late, as expected. We’ve missed our call for Art but luckily my Art teacher was still free. So all was well, the typical, “Amazing her mock art exam was swoosh” and she even said that my last piece was more of an A level piece than it was a GCSE. That made me blush intensely. SHE EVEN asked for a peek of the what I got for my other subjects and congratulated me saying that i’ve gotten an outstanding set of results.

Then I rushed over to Maths, my favourite, and I arrived like seconds before my parents which was enough time for Mr Smith to say “How are you, you nutter” until my parents came, he adopted this new persona of a fake ass smile and handshake. Again the usual, STAR, he talked about statistics and I couldn't seem to make eye contact with him because i kept on looking at his too blue, very blue eyes, so i looked away and nodded politely. 

At this point I’ve missed out on Biology, an went straight to chem. Again, less praises this time, because Mr Krüger knows how to keep me level headed. He explained my performance and his concerns and my weaknesses, nothing that I didnt know really. At the end, he gave a warm smile and winked. 

Next was English, oh the fucking joy, he was taking his sweet time with Pragathi. I could, usually so, make eye contact with him, or at least look at his sideburns that was soon becoming a beard. Again, blah di blah di blah, bright girl. He explained about doing IB and A levels and heavily hinted on doing A levels. It was actually really, helpful because I’ve identified my weaknesses and he basically just made me realise them more. 

We missed Physics, so I went to Business and my dad was so nervous because  last year it was just him and Mrs Roberts which made him uncomfortable as fuck. So he said he’d get some coffee first, yeah sure. But I swear she started off the same way as she did last year with “uhhh....mmmm...errr” as if she didn't know what to say. Which she didn't, she said. Because what else is there to say, apart from keep working and you do you. She looked me in the eye and went “And if you need help on anything... and anything at all... you can come to me” lol Ms you said that last year too. The exact same thing. She also mentioned by split personality and how these two alternate ego can be married to each other after joining her Learn To Cook CCA. Where she said that in class I would be polite quiet and never talk to anyone and when i Joined i was like this whole other person. And she said that I had a loud, bubbly and funny personality and combined with exceptional grades, it was beautiful and she probably saw the smug look on my face to which she made a gesture of my head getting bigger. 

Then it was Geography, normal, McCluck, I actually genuinely enjoy geography and i definitely see myself doing some further studies on it. Didn't have a lot to say about me, again the usual, my strengths and weaknesses and how to improve.

Then it ended and I was in a happy mood, very pleased with my results. We headed off into the direction of the car as I parted ways to get my bag and since i was feeling so giddy I  took the stone garden path instead of the urbanised pavement. And as I was jumping from rock to rock I saw Farah with Bartlett doing her Business appointment, so i Jumped high enough for me to see her. she laughed AND i didn't think she would wave back but she did! probably in the middle of Barty talking to which he himself turned around and waved at me. And then later i got told he said I was a nice girl hehehehehe and that her dad was laughing so hard while her mom was like “talur kali”

And so my evening ended, while I hinted for a reward. Let’s just work to getting Straight A* on the real GCSE’s and not my disgusting success (alhamdullilah though) make me big headed. Aamiin

[er-what]

Before I forget...

Here is a list of things I did to achieve those grades and they might be altered to fit the whole of the syllabus instead of 3/4 of it.

3 week study schedule from 7am to 6pm

Might occasionally do past papers at night 

Friday and Sunday’s are rest days with minor revision

Highlight the hardest topic in each subject and start with those

After prioritising the harder subjects, revise over the rest of the subjects

remember to take appropriate breaks

Last week of study, do timed past papers. Mark them

Make a quick cheat sheet for each subject

How I actually Revise

I go over the notes i made, and if they're ugly or lacking i will redo them.

I will recall my notes and briefly test myself by recalling them or rewriting them on a scrap piece of paper.

I usually refer to the checklists

I read over past test papers and essays.

Quilt helps with quick factual things

Quotes were memorised by having them around my room.

I also do past papers and look at mark schemes to see how to gain the full marks.

[er-what]

My Internal Exam grades that I sacrificed the whole winter break for! God bless.

[er-what]

IT FINALLY CAME

Dear blog,

The haunting week of mocks flew by, the shortest week of my life, back to back exams. My heart fluttered as I hoped and hoped and hoped one of my favs would invigilate at least one of my exams. They did. And I could not concentrate, as I did my first math exam of the week Smithy was there and I had an instant flashback.

So me and Ajmal were spending the last 5 minutes of our revision class playing now a game and he caught us! WHILE Audrey and Prags were playing a game the WHOLE fucking lesson and they were right next to us. So he was like "Izzati, I'll have watching you struggle during the mock" and I'm like bitch.

So in the exam, fine okay I was stuck on the circle theorem question and I could see from the corner of my eye, he was standing there so I pretended to not look as if I didn't know what the angle ADC was and wrote some fake shit down, got there in the end though.

But Lopez invigilated like 4 of my exams and he was there, shiny and bald. While Barty came in the second half of the Physics looking like piece of Hubba bubba compared to Mr Lopez. And then Mrs Roberto covered my 2nd math exam WHICH may I point out was a lot tougher than the first and you could tell I was struggling to find the Astronomical Unit for god knows what. While Ducky covered my Eng Lang exam and I had the advantage of being so close to him!! Like when he bent down to take the register I could just reach out and 'accidentally' touch his butt.  He did however annoyingly called out the register WHILE we were doing a ducking English exam which required us to read, and I was waiting 5 whole minutes for him to finish. He did call my name though and then I choked no biggie.

So yeah, mocks is over. Or so I thought. But guess what I have fucking Eng Lit unseen poetry and prose next week and Malay Paper 2. Oh the joy.

But in all honesty I thought I was going to be super ultra nervous but I wasn't! Thats how you know you're prepared, when you are the calm before the storm. I prayed so hard and revised the whole holiday hoping to get Straight A's and dare I say it... Even for Malay.

I also did some research on how to study for the real GCSE's and they said that I should probably start now, like slowly gradually building up a few hrs every day. Just recapping and as I each May/June the info will be fresh in my mind. So I'm thinking of printing out a monthly schedule but not sure if I am going to stick to it.

Oh yeah and also I've joined up to less CCA's this week and even thinking of dropping one. So last term I joined Learn To Cook and that was when roberto saw what I was really like outside of class. IT WAS PIVOTAL STAGE OF OUR TEACHER STUDENT RELATIONSHIP. Like I made ppl laugh. With accents. Lame jokes, adele songs and few dance moves. AND SHE SAID I WAS ONE OF HER FAV FUCKING STUDENTS!!!! Like oh the warmth, now I just have to wait for Mr Smith to say that to me because I've been in this business with him a lot longer than Roberto. He's a tough one, because he's kinda cheesy and makes jokes by being mean and so I return it the same way but idk he gets hurt easily you can tell because he blushes a bright red.

Over the past week we've been going over the our past papers and so far I've got pretty decent marks. Not to toot my own horn or anything but Alhamdulillah yknow. I may not be the highest but I did the exams to the highest of my ability and thats okay for me

[er-what]

MOCK EXAMS and the imminent future

In the midst of a stressful three week December holiday or so the school calls it that, i have been waking up no later than 7am everyday! Such productivity, I know. I semi stick to revision schedule and sometimes even do more later at night.

Wrapping my head around the differences between meiosis an mitosis, the advantages and disadvantages of a business using breakeven analysis and exploring how Steinbeck portrays disability in Of Mice and Men. Sometimes i find myself having real headaches and assume that I’m doing too much studying, truth is Ive only just touched the textbook and that my ponytail was on too tight, If you could see me now, 14 folders lay astray on my bedroom floor, hoping to be picked up in the next hour. Loose paper right and left, post it notes reminding me of my weak topics, the usual exam stuff. 

But what i was really going to talk about was the future, you see Mock Exams remind me of the real GCSE’s, Gcse’s remind me of A levels, A levels remind me of University and University reminds me of one step closer to achieving a financially stable life with tons of travelling. I am so impatient to go see the world, but school and real life ties me down. I frequently find myself dreaming about going shopping in London, having dinner in Venice, discovering the caves of Thailand. Everything! and so i decided that could be my motivation to study!

In the end who the fuck cares if you know and memorised by heart the Quadratic Formula? How is that going to get me in Venice having a romantic dinner with my former indie boy band guitarist but now Billionaire model of a husband? No, its not! I can't fucking negative indie to the power of boy band squared minus 2 multiplied by billionaire model. Doesnt work like that. So enough ranting heres a few of my bucket list.

1. Go to a concert (preferably Adele) or a music festival (preferably one that Adele will be performing at)

2. Pass my GCSE’s with flying colours

3. Do something public before I finish school e.g. Public speaking, performing

4. Send Mr. Lopez my watercolour drawing of him on his last day

5. Be kinder and compliment people on the smallest things.

[er-what]

UNREAL EVENTS!!!

Dear blog guess what guess the fuck what???!! Press A : to go to the technical more personal side of today Press B : to go to the fan girl side of today. If you have reached this section you have pressed A So my mind has been lifted up a bit, I've cleared some space from today's lunch declared meeting. So the plan for FrootStix is that unfortunately she has not bought a watermelon so we are producing the Popsicles tomorrow after school. I have to get the leaflet done by today and send to Nurin so she can send to Ms Green for her to print out with her printing credit, or we could send it out electronically with permission from Mr Piper of course. So on Tuesday I won't be able to come after school to put up the flyers since I have Cooking which may I mention are doing macaroons. But On Tuesday lunch we are trying to experiment with all the cardboard boxes we've collected and possibly make a prototype. (more on the story of collecting boxes Press B) On Wednesday we have the actual Lapathon, I'll be taking shifts for Pusat Ehsan in partnership with Borneo project. Also when I'm not on shift I'll be helping out to sell the Popsicles. $1 each pls. If you have travelled to this section you have decided to Press B or you have continued from A wanting to know more. So I had a choice between designing the leaflet and collecting the boxes and since I knew in my gut something was bound to happen if I collected the boxes. I decided boxes over leaflet. So we started in R block, raiding the whole school for unused cardboard boxes. I swear it was fun and I haven't gotten to the fun part yet. So I started talking in this Adele accent like a Cockney accent where you don't pronounce the 't' I don't know I spent my weekend with her Album and it was magical. I have converted to Adeleism just kidding Islam ftw. So first we went to Mrs blank and I was looking at the billboard outside her class and she happens to walk out so We asked her for some boxes and she has this thick Yorkshire accent that I simply adore. So I licked the empty unused box that she handed over to us, not when she was there though! That would've been weird. Next we went to the Humanities street, and Miss Parsons was there walking her ass off. So I was still doing my Adele accent and I was imitating myself asking her for any cardboard boxes, she was inside a class at this time, bcs I was pretending and she suddenly came out and in the middle of me talking to imaginary Parsons "Do u have any bo-" she cut me short, well I cut me short so I started beat boxing to replace the box sound. While she clearly heard me and laughed so I played it cool. You're not so bad after all Katie. We had a fair amount of boxes by now but we needed more in order for this business to succeed. Or that's what I thought. So Wendy had the most intelligent idea of trying Mr blanks office. And I was like what a ducking great idea. Fucking Great idea Wendy. So we approached and he came out as if by chance he was on his Samsung phone. So we asked him if he had any unused boxes, and him without any thought or care said "Um ask Miss Lai" I admit I was a little bit disappointed that he wasn't interested but he was on his way out so he must've had somewhere to go. So in turn I let him go. So Miss Lai pointed over to this huge stack of boxes of course filled with paper. She said we could take the boxes but restack the paper back. Mr came in as we started to unbox and he started laughing. And I was like "Cali kah?" Like a whisper to Wendy and Nurin of course. So we succeeded in unboxing and it was time to restack. Mind you, paper is heavy and after 10 piles my hurt was aching so I started to stretch after every few piles, it was a lot of paper okay. And he was like looking at me stretch, like what a fucking Perv but he grinned bcs it was funny I'm funny Yknow. And laughed. So he asked us what it was about and we told him the whole scheme "like are you just stealing boxes?" And we told him how we're making locker modifications with reusable material. And he was thoroughly impressed and praised us. Twice!! So as he headed back into his office I coughed saying "Polio points" and he stopped because he heard me and turned around and we all started laughing so then he asked us again "Is this for business or...?" So yet again we explained it to him that our product will ensure more effectiveness of locker use and if we win this competition we'll be sent to Korea to competed Internationally. Again he praised us. We were just about finish by then and we had tons of boxes so we packed up he was still watching us... More likely me as I stacked like 20 twenty boxes on each Wendy and Nurin while I carried two. He laughed again while Miss Lai went "That's not fair!" But ignored her and laughed along with Mr blank too. FIRST EVER FUCKING REAL CONVERSATION WITH MR BLANK AND AFTER WE WIN THIS AND COLLECT MONEY TO GO TO KOREA HOPEFULLY HE'LL NOTICE ME FOR THE CUTE FUNNY AND SMART PERSON THAT I TRULY AM. Aamin.

[er-what]

(PRE) PRE EXAM STRESS

Lately, I find myself looking into space more and more often these days. And I wonder if it’s me thinking about all the things I have to do before the year ends or if it’s me wanting to be in space and as far away from here as possible. I don't know.

Regrets: Signing up for three Extra Curricular Activities per week.

This leaves me Thursdays as my rest day, which is shit because House events happen on that day as well. I also have to result in doing my homework after I do the laundry which is also shit. Have I mentioned I’ve been amah-less for over  half a year now? And don't even get me started on my Mock Art Exam, I am already scared to my guts about the mock, what if i throw up in the real one. Maybe i can pass it off as my abstract piece of art? and I’ll call it “Vomit-inducing events that make up my life” A* for me. Anyway, yeah who would've though the most thinking you ever have to do in a subject is art? I chose art to just draw not think about what i draw. It’s just that Art is so broad, it can be a sculpture, can be graphite, can be digital, can have a meaning, can be simple, can be a series. I want to do all of them and I am an indecisive human being. MY current idea is of different emotions presented through book art sculptures. or playing cards in a series. I also forgot that I actually signed up to design the house art blackboard shit. mL

Secondly, I also have to think about my Business competition. I admit they want to commit but please just fucking communicate. They don't get it, we can't continue the fucking catering business if we want to take it overseas. Most of them only how how to make flimsy poopsicle sticks. That’s a waste of salary, too much people doing the same thing. I propose we delete Alya, Nabilah and Amelia to be honest. They don't do shit. We are on a time crunch right now too, with lapathon and I’ve clearly asked Nurin to GET THE FUCKING MONEY SO WENDY CAN COUNT IT to see if we have enough capital to start production of the locker mods. But noooooooooo. I also have to get my marketing campaign afloat. Thirdly, all of us have fucking mocks first day back Christmas Break. Like what fucking school does that? Thats like the worst way to ever start off a year. Fuck school. And do you even know how much revision we have to do???? If we all put it into perspective it’s like no. No i don't want to. But i have to. I want to get good grades and a scholarship to pursue my travels. I just need motivation. On top of all the homework and studying there’s always the fun concept of friendship drama. woo hoo. Girl fights are not as complicated as you guys think. It’s basically in one sentence where “One person ignores the other until they figure out what they did wrong”

The reason why we do this is the complicated part. I don't like to meddle between but I do like to listen and gossip about it and to also maybe have my own theories of it. Anywasy im writing this blog post whilst im procrastinating from making my revision timetable. IM NOT EVEN STUDYING YET! Making this timetable is my procrastination so Im like procrastinating my procrastination! Lots of work to do.

[er-what]

VOLUNTEERING

The first ever JIS x PUSAT EHSAN volunteering session occurred on Wednesday. I was scared, didn't have nay experience working with autistic children but i was also excited, eager to feel the feeling that everyone talks about. The feeling everyone gets when they’ve contributed to the society. I can gladly say that I, Izzati, have felt it.

We had a dance session, nothing complicated just following the dance moves from youtube from Just Dance.

Yet, it’s so amazing and heartfelt to observe how the littlest things can make them smile from left to right, and soon i forgot i even signed up for volunteering and found myself sincerely enjoying the session. And honestly I’d do it again.

feels good to know you're making a difference even if you are just a little speck of dust in the vast universe.

[er-what]

PUSAT EHSAN

I’ve decided to join this club not because I love kids with autism, not because I want to change lives and certainly not because I want to be a better person. I’ve joined this club with little knowledge of what or who it supports, I’ve joined this club just because it meant I didn’t have to do some other labourious service like the Beach Bunch, I’ve joined this club because I want to be a fucking yippee-de-doo-da JIS hero. Note the intense sarcasm

“Be Better” said the piper.

To be honest though, i don’t really mind this club. I don't see a passion developing, I see it as more of an activity to fill in my CCA space on Wednesdays and also a little something that would impress Universities when I hand in my CV or some shit.

We’ve been told that there might be chances of going to the actual physical Pusat Ehsan and doing some actual charity, I’m hoping to go just to take some thoughtful pictures of me. Kidding. But I do wonder of that feeling that everyone so highly talks about, that emotion and satisfaction you get after helping those in need. Out of curiosity I’d like to have a go at that feeling.

We’ve listed down possible ways of raising money for the Pusat Ehsan and one of them is coming up real soon during Peace Day. Last Wednesday we made awareness bracelets to sell on Peace Day for $1, they are made out of pink, purple and white thread. One of the student leaders spoke up asking the club for volunteers of doing the poster to advertise these bracelets.

As the introvert I am when it comes to charity I didn't bother, but I thought why not? I mentally sent a message to Piper saying “I am being better, Sir!” as I stepped forward... also dragging my two other friends into it. The poster was simple with dashes of purple, as purple did symbolise Autism. Let me tell you a story of me while I was editing this poster.

10 minutes before lunch ended, I sat looking down onto my iPad contemplating whether the purple banner should be bigger or smaller and as i saved my final touches I looked up suddenly aware of the heat that had filled the space infront of me. There, a face carved out of angels, looked at me then at the iPad, then at me, then the iPad. But all throughout I looked at him, seeing his mouth twitch with excitement as he read the poster “Show your support for AUTISM.” You could imagine how high up on his “Wow she’s such a heartfelt person” scale I was. He grinned and said “Wow I’d like to have a go at that!” further implying that he’d like to have a go at me!!!!!! YEs as you can tell I take English Lit so all these deep meanings come to me easily. 

I will never stop supporting Autism.

God bless.

I’ve attached the poster I made below.