α΄α΄Κα΄α΄ΚΚα΄ α΄Ι΄α΄ Κα΄Μ Κα΄ΚΙ΄α΄ΜΙ΄α΄ α΄α΄’-Ι’α΄Ι΄α΄’α΄ΜΚα΄α΄’ is a TWENTY8 year old comedian and actor. he is heterosexual and single. please note this is a sideblog to @eraoscar.
ROMANTIC CONNECTIONS.
partner:
unresolved:
friends with benefits:
past βwhat ifβ:
past fling: dua lipa ( @duaiipas )
past hook-up/mutual crush: sabrina carpenter ( @sabslynncarpenter )
exes on good terms:
exes on bad terms: madelyn cline ( @madelncline )
will they, won't they:
PLATONIC CONNECTIONS.
best friend:
found family:
ride or die: may calamawy ( @maycalera )
faux parent(s): jessica chastain ( @jchasera ), oscar isaac ( @eraoscar )
like siblings: donald glover ( @dglovera ), zoe kravitz ( @zoekravera )
friends that tease each other: tate mcrae ( @tctemcraes )
Since you're basically my in to the exclusive club that is SNL, how do I convince the higher ups to let me host? I think everyone in the industry is dying to do it and I'm obviously no exception. Help me. Finn's already holding it above my head and I refuse to let that man, or any man actually, get bragging rights like this. @eramarcello
dude, literally say less, i've already got a plan. we bring lorne to a yankees game and you spend the whole time proving how perfect of a host you'd be. but it doesn't stop there: here's our trick, okay? if the yankees win we'll be like damn, i guess sadie is a good luck charm... she should totally be on snl. now, if you're thinking "but marcello, what if they lose again?" well then don't worry, mama, i got a plan for that too. we take him out for post-game drinks to cheer him up and we'll go damn, sadie really cheered us up... she should totally be on snl.
you know, i had a thought the other day. remember that one snl skit we did where your character got that leg lengthening procedure and my character selflessly donated some of his so that you could be seven feet tall, even though it was completely useless? would you do the same? i need you to be honest, so i can assess our friendship accordingly. @eramarcello
uhh, okay first of all, i'm hurt that you're even asking me that: obviously i'd do that for you. but i'm also thinking, like... we should just make ouserlves even. we do the math, split the difference, and suddenly we're both like 5'9" or whatever. that's a win, man, that's growth... literally! at the end of the day, short kings gotta' stick together.
i still have a few of your things that i found around my house after i moved. not sure if any of it still holds any value, but do you want it back or do you want me to throw it out? either way, i'm not keeping it, because i don't need the ghost of ex-boyfriends past roaming around the house. ( @eramarcello )
nah, i don't think there's anything there that i need. just toss it, put the ghost of ex-boyfriends past to rest once and for all... but uh, thanks. for asking about it before just throwing it out. i appreciate it.
maybe a little busy? just a little! how would that not be an approriate use of my time? i'll always make time to sit down and watch shrek 2. is that one of your favorite movies? i need to make sure that you have taste. i feel like it might be hard to find time, but i vote that we try to make this happen.
alright, alright: a lot busy. i know you're killing it out there, sab. is it one of my favorite movies? uh, if i was responsible and organized enough to keep up with a letterboxd account, mamΓ‘, it'd be at the top. yeah, we can make it happen! you know i always have time for you.
here's the thing about that.. i know i'm an idol and all but i don't do high notes. i can do a sultry whisper and a bit of a raspy voice. give me a couple of beers though and i promise i'll turn into whatever live action disney princess you want me to be. no cap. i went home yesterday, so obviously i'm going to hold that against you for the longest time. so what are the chances you can make a trip to korea? none? ohkay.
no wait, don't be so hasty: let's think this through. a sultry whisper cover of part of your world would be a banger, dude. the people would love that, like it'd be spotify's number #1 within the first day it's out, trust. just credit me as inspiration or whatever.
agh, wow... you got me. damn, i guess you're in the major leagues now. super jealous that i'll never have one of those. you gonna get me in with papa lorne or do i have to do another embarrassing monologue? and what happened to the key you have to my house? sold it for your snl award? (please say sike, that was my only spare, beside's oscars)
hey, you know what? no one can have it all. not even the man who can do it all. and by that i mean me, but like, you too. uhh, if you think i have any actual pull with the old man, you've got another thing coming, bubba. so yeah, get that monologue ready. ...i lost it.
It's not often that you're caught without your phone on you, whether it's in your hand, pocket, or on your bedside table. So, we are now officially asking for your celebrity's password to get a better look into who they are through their phone.
Remember to read the meme rules before reblogging this post and keep in mind that you must send at least one ask to each participating muse. Please check back to this post periodically to see who's participating.
wait, are they together in your mind or actually together? because if it's the former, then i need you to stop writing fanfiction and come to brunch with me tomorrow, and make it happen. it's really simple: just introduce me, i'll do the rest. i'd do it for you, if i had a hot fake mom!
i mean, they're not like together together, but like in a lot of peoples' minds and hearts, they are... i know you're not gonna' give up on this, though, so yeah, okay, whatever. make it one of those bougie spots and you've got a deal. and you better remember that hot fake mom promise, too.
it's always "new year, new me" until we're halfway through the year and you realize there's been no change whatsoever. that said, i've decided to say better late than never and am starting my 2026 self-improvement journey today, starting with: what do you guys do to cope in uncomfortable situations? because i usually just laugh and it only makes things worse like, 99% of the time. @goldenerastarters
damn, you're right... i'd love to call him daddy. and i do need help: from a fourty-seven year old, guatemalan, who's a spider-man variant from earth 928-b. can't you do me a solid, just this once? i'll pay for our next brunch, c'monβ
as tempting as that is because you know i love a good brunch, that's fucking nasty, dude. that's literally-but-not-literally-just-hypothetically your dad. what do you think this'll do to our literally-but-not-literally-just-hypothetically mom?
so, you met my dad... when exactly am i gonna be able to meet your faux father? for completely normal networking purposes. like, what type of brother are you? i thought out of all your siblings, i was your favorite... or at least a close second. // @eramarcello
it's been a minute and i'm sure you're busy as hell, so i'm gonna' pretend this is an appropriate use of your time: i saw you say that shrek 2 is your favorite movie and i just need you to know that if i don't get to watch that with you one day, then i think i've wasted my life, genuinely. @sabslynncarpenter
it's kind of crazy that my summer vacation (adult ver.) is about to be over in a couple of days and you haven't even invited me over. like i've been in new york all this time, just waiting around for you to call and be like "marcello, my beloved son, come over" and now in two days i'll be in canada, so... time's ticking. or is this your way of telling me i've been disowned? did i get replaced by another fake son? i'll kick his ass if so, i'm so serious. @jchasera
did you see the video that's gone viral of the bad bunny concert in madrid ? it kind of reminded me of you and me. it could've been you and me i if you weren't so busy. you're kind of losing sympathy points here. anyway, let's get back to what really matters. i'd be ester in this scenario. and you'd be somewhere in the backround. but still rocking that "my ex is my biggest fan" shirt. i mean, at least that's something. / @eramarcello
why are you saying that like it's my fault? am i the one who tours and gets adored globally, like? i think you need to look in the mirror, mama. benito is my best friend, dude, so like... he's basically me. in that scenario, i'm bad bunny. but i'll still wear the "my ex is my biggest fan" shirt, though.
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