Pregnancy Number 2 Update:
It's funny, I remember blogging with my first pregnancy and here I go again blogging with my second. I’ll start by saying that we planned for this pregnancy (on God’s timing of course). We knew we wanted to have another baby so when we found out we were pregnant we were super excited. Week five of this pregnancy is when this crazy journey started for us.
It started off with me feeling super nauseous all day long, it kind of felt like I was on the rockiest cruise ship. That same week the vomiting started. Which all are pretty normal pregnancy symptoms for me, but I had not experienced them that early during my first pregnancy. With Owen these symptoms started around week eight so for these symptoms to start on week five was really a huge surprise to me. I have heard that things tend to happen WAY faster with your second pregnancy, so I planned to just buckle up for what was to come. I had no idea it was going to be so bad. Week five was miserable but week six was far worse. I ended up going to the hospital for dehydration (which also happened with Owen), so once again this all seemed like what had happened in the past which literally sucked but I couldn't imagine it getting worse. The hospital diagnosed me at that time with Hyperemesis, but I had no idea what that was until time went on. Week six met week seven slowly but surely, I hadn’t been able to hold down food or drinks for two weeks at this point. Everything I put in, I vomited out and I mean EVERY SINGLE THING. At this point I was throwing up blood and bile constantly. It started to become really scary. I was so weak and losing weight at a rapid pace. I had tried multiple medications for the nausea and vomiting that my regular OB had prescribed, and they were not working.
I remembered being in the hospital and the Doctor talking to me about a home health team that could come out to our home and give me IV fluids and medication through a stomach pump. So, my husband and I called to see if that was something we could have set up. We were desperate, I felt like I was dying. The same day that I called the insurance company approved me, and the home health team came out to our house right away. THANK HEAVENS! They started me on Zofran through a needle that went into my stomach and an IV. Through all of this I kept feeling like something felt really wrong, this was NOT just normal "morning sickness”. So, I began my research on Hyperemesis and there was so many women talking about this on the internet, but I had never heard of it until I began to research my symptoms.
Every day felt more and more miserable, the nurse said the Zofran pump that was in my stomach would take time to start working, possibly 4-5 days to feel any relief. That week was thanksgiving and we missed thanksgiving with our family for the first time ever. The following day I returned to the hospital, I was really not doing well at all. I cried every day all day. I was miserably sick. Not only physically but mentally. I couldn't play with my sweet boy because I couldn't even leave my bed. He would lay with me and say, “mommy’s sick” and it would literally break my heart.
It was so crazy for all of this to be happening to us, for those that know me they know I am a woman who does what has to get done and waits on nothing; I always work hard. So, for this to happen to us at this time was truly breaking my heart. I had so many symptoms happening to me at once. I was taking all these meds, yet I was still weak, losing SO much weight and still not able to hold down food or fluids. The home health nurse would call every day and I would have the same news to present to her – “No change, still all the same.” I became depressed, I didn't want to talk, I shut everything out phone calls/text messages. I began going to sleep at 6pm so that I wouldn't feel any more physical pain or sadness. I prayed every night but still hadn’t had any change. Sean and I started to have the conversations that we never thought we would ever have. They were sad and very emotional. We cried together so many nights. I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't feel this way, so helpless, so sick all the time. I missed my husband and my son. We were all in the same house, but NOTHING felt the same. EVERYTHING was gloomy, my husband had to be a mom and a dad. He had to do everything for Owen, all the things I loved to do. Baths, prepare dinner, bring him to school, play with him. Imagine the sadness that can bring to a mother; all while trying to continue giving myself reasons to keep this baby. I never in a million years could understand abortion, I never in a million years would have ever thought of it, but I was literally feeling like I was dying inside. Every part of me wanted to just be a happy family again, just the three of us. My husband wanted the same. Every time we talked about what we were going to do, we cried and ended up just going to bed because we could never finish the conversation. It was too emotional, we WANTED this baby, but the way it was happening was NOT how we would have ever expected.
After multiple ER visits, changing OB’s to a high-risk OB (that had more experience in hyperemesis care) and receiving new medication that was still not working; I finally decided to stop everything. I was falling into a deep depression and it was WAY too overwhelming for me. I woke up a couple days before Christmas and said NO MORE. I removed my IV, stopped my stomach pump, stopped all medications and decided I was going to give my body a break. I had lost 26 pounds (in 2 months) and couldn't eat or drink still but really wanted to give my body a chance to see what it could do off of all medications. I couldn't figure out if it was all of the medication that I was on that was making me feel worse physically and mentally, so I needed that break in order to see what was really going on.
I will say ALL the glory goes to Jesus for the miracle that I am about to tell you all about. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I was able to leave my bed and sit with family. I was able to pick at some foods and keep them down without vomiting. It started a new direction for me in this pregnancy journey and I honestly couldn't explain how this was all happening other than God’s healing hand on me. All the prayer warriors that were praying and have been praying for me and my family I can’t thank you enough. I struggled hard with God’s timing in this, but I knew deep in my heart that his timing is never late but always on time. Even when we can’t see it. My husband constantly reminded me about our faith and what we believed in and I couldn't be more thankful for the way he has held our family down.
I am on week 16 now and able to eat small amounts every couple of hours. I am still nauseous in the afternoons and ALWAYS extremely exhausted, but any improvement is better than what I was experiencing in those first thirteen weeks. It’s still a process and I think mentally it is still extremely exhausting when I think about all we’ve been through lately, but I am so grateful for God, my husband and our families who have dropped everything just to be there for us and help take care of us during this time. Hyperemesis you are straight from the enemy. I’m convinced. You have made me waver from what I know is right and wrong, but I kept fighting because I know my God is bigger than the devil and his schemes to break my faith. My God is big. The biggest in fact. He loves me and my family. I know that everything is going to be okay because God says it will be. His word says “Do not worry...” countless times. I am growing a tiny human that is fighting to meet Daddy, Myself and Owen, so I will also keep fighting until we hold you in our arms. I heard this beautiful quote this morning and I thought it would be perfect to close out this blog, so I’ll leave you with this for now… “If we find the lesson in our pain, it doesn’t hurt, it becomes purposeful, all of our pain is purposeful”.
Love,
Erika