My wife died during this exact time of year, two years ago, on December 11, 2020. there was snow on the ground just like there is today, and I found out about her death in this exact homeless shelter, that I'm living at now... So I've been having these terrible flashbacks to finding out the most devastating, soul-tearing news that my wife, my puzzle piece, the soulmate I had finally found, was not alive any more. That I was never gonna hear her laugh or touch her skin again, or smell her hair, or kiss her lips or see her pretty eyes, her adorable, radiant smile. Prior to this, she has made her presence known at LEAST three times since her death. I'm pretty sure she does it to remind me she's still here with me - waiting. That she didn't go away! It makes me really happy when she does something to demonstrate her presence, and she seems to know when I'm at my lowest points and need comforting, or reassurance. She always took care of me when I was in need... "Mama Bear" was one of my pet names for her because she was a little like a mom to me in that she was wiser and more level headed than I was. she guided me, steered me away from danger. I listened to her and abided by her advice or when she told me to do something, which is something I've never done with anyone else, not even my parents. I always trusted her, because she always had my wellbeing and best interest in mind. she loved me so much and knew I needed guidance and a firm directive every once in a while, one of the million reasons I love her. ANYHOOZLE, the first three visitations I'll recount at another time, what I'm about to describe is her best and most visceral appearance to happen thus far. Like I said, it's a rough time of year for me, was in the ER two nights ago due to feeling suicidal and was concerned by how much appeal the idea held. not wanting mom and sisters to go through what I'VE had to go through after Liz died. Basically changed my mind, and convinced myself to live, and left the hospital via a drunk cab driver (Im pretty sure, or throwed off some pills or something) who made transphobic remarks and almost got us in a wreck, which I was oblivious to until he proclaimed that we had almost just got in a wreck. Whatever. Weird ass drunk transphobic christian cab driver yapping in my ear about how he "isn't down with that". Oh yeah, forgot for a sec our society is fucked and the counter culture can't count, to quote the Late Eyedea.
Anyways then this black woman who looked a lot Liz - same height, same complexion, glasses - appeared out of nowhere while I was walking on East Wash and helped me pick up something I dropped and I said "sorry if this is weird but you look a lot like my wife who passed away." She said "I'm still around. You'll see me again." And I know that was Liz talking through her. Then she turned and walked away. A Christmas Eve miracle. ❤️
