Future Hearts @erneeest - Tumblr Blog

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I come back to Tumblr for approximately a couple of hours a month only to check my Drafts, add one or two lines, and then save them (still as drafts) before finally closing the tab.

Today I’m doing one more thing, which is writing this.

out-of-context-batfam

Injustice 2 #51

At 6 in the morning, right before I fall asleep, I search for you.

setsmaker

🌙🌺

at least now we know who cares enough to ask and does not care enough to mind, and who cares enough to judge but does not care enough to ask

blease-deactivated20190729

Vocabulary by Safia Elhillo

My June (and early July)

I lost access to my Twitter account for changing my birthday to my actual date of birth. Apparently, I made the account when I was only twelve years old, and the user agreement requires users to be at least thirteen.

A couple of weeks ago, I took and passed my retake of the ObliCon finals, and now I have to study for the oral exams. Technically, I haven’t finished my first year of law school. Why do I even have to memorize all these provisions when I can just refer to my copy of the Civil Code when I actually need them?

I’ve also gotten hooked on K-pop music, but I can’t get my head around the fact that the Korean idol industry is gruesome. But I just love Daisy from Momoland and wait till I do what I do hit you with that ddu du ddu du du. I also think BTS is overrated, and I write this statement with all honesty and with the intent to incite war against their fans who hate criticisms.

Today, I tried Iced Caramel Butterscotch, and it is now my official favorite beverage from Cafe de Lipa. This place is definitely better than the nearby Starbucks and CBTL. The lighting makes me feel 20% more gwapo. Highly recommended!

Okay! I think I have procrastinated enough. Time to get back to memorizing the Statute of Frauds.

#personal #hello am back bc i have no twitter and i want to rant

zechs

theblameisonme

can we talk about how “it was the best of times, the worst of crimes” in getaway car is a direct nod to charles dickens’ opening line in a tale of two cities: “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” but his quote continues “it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity…” and goes on with all these opposites and conflicting ideas (which are later reflected in the novel) and that’s exactly what getaway car does. she feels free but captive, happy but with a guilty conscious, and by the time you reach the end of the song she is both the heartbreaker and the heartbroken.

erneeest

taylor’s still got it, man

scientificphilosopher

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.

Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

“It’s only 5am.”

It has been a while since I last posted on Tumblr. There were various attempts, but most of them only ended up in my Drafts. I am sincerely hoping this post would not suffer the same fate, although I am pretty sure that even if I finish this, it would be lame, if not utterly nonsensical.

Today is actually a bit special. It is the first day of 2018. Just a few hours ago, bright lights filled the sky and noise engulfed the night. All that is left now are smoke and silence, and I had two options: to sleep or to write. For a change, I started typing.

I feel a little sadder than usual today. It started with the kind of sad from being upset over not being with someone today. Unfortunately, overthinking leads to one thing, then to another.

New Year itself is a social construct. Time is, actually. There is probably nothing more complicated (and complained about) than time. It is always easier to imagine time as linear, with the only actually existing point as the present. If only it was that easy to disconnect that point from the rest, I would not be writing this. For some reason, the beginning of a new year also entails a moment of reflection—revisiting old points, and wondering about subsequent ones. Voluntarily, and with a little trigger, I succumbed to a similar musing. I experienced arguably the best things and the worst moments by far in 2017. (Not the point). The years before that was not as good either. Nor was I. (This is.) I have hurt other people and, in some way, myself. Today is one of those days when I wonder if I could have done better under the same circumstances. I worry about the possibility that I would not feel alienated from my own old self if even for a second, I delayed a particular action, or if I acknowledged something a little earlier than I did when I could have.

Do not misinterpret. I am happy with my life, yet I wish I could have done better both for myself and for other people, then I would not have lost beautiful memories with them. Heck, I am not even using the dictionary definition of the word "memory" here.

Maybe there will always be that kind of happiness that exists only in the past, and the present is bound to long for it every now and then.

Mostly, I just miss high school.

#yuck i'm back to romanticizing shit

narutoshippuudenart

The Paradox of Choice, and Where I Am Right Now

The past couple of weeks has been tough. I have made some major decisions, and while I spend days—in some cases, even weeks—figuring out what to do, every time I make the choice, I start doubting myself all over again.

The ability to choose is an indication of autonomy both in the economic and sometimes the Kantian sense. Instinctively, being autonomous is ideal. It fundamentally determines the capacity of an individual to “live” in the broadest sense of the word. Individual choices hold a certain significance or value to the person. Inversely, the absence or lack of choices undermines an individual’s autonomy and personal sentiment. Needless to say, a sound mind is the most capable of making healthy choices. Some situations, however, impair rationality or moral sense. The extent of such effect is highly determined by the intensity of the situation, and the individual’s attitude towards external pressure. Put simply, an individual’s own perception of the situation influences the decision-making process.

The “Paradox of Choice” is an interesting concept introduced by Barry Schwartz in his 2004 book of the same name. While this concept has been popularized in economics, its theoretical significance also touches the private sphere. As an upfront note, there have been many attempts to duplicate the results of the choice experiment in Schwartz book, yielding differing results.

The essential questions in the decision-making of consumers or individuals are when to decide, and how to make the decision. The when is easily identified by desire or necessity. The moment often just presents itself. The how, however, is tedious in many cases because of the variety of, sometimes contradictory, considerations. In many cases, what makes the choice difficult is when the only other option is inaction—also known as the Hobson’s choice.

One interesting thing about making a choice is that not choosing is still a choice. Jean Paul-Sartre, in his lecture Existentialism is Humanism explained:

[T]o say that it does not matter what you choose is not correct. In one sense choice is possible, but what is not possible is not to choose. I can always choose, but I must know that if I do not choose, that is still a choice.

Choosing not to choose something is a choice. Thus, the ability to choose entails the inability not to choose. Of course, the best way to address the confusion is by changing the claim that the translation of “I don’t have a choice” is “my only other option is not to do the only other available option.” It could also mean that any alternative has no bearing to or could only make worse the outcome. Making a choice is inevitable. The farthest anyone can try is to delay making that choice.

While I acknowledge the principle of single option aversion or the tendency not to pick the only option available regardless of its attractiveness in the absence of an alternative, I prefer to dedicate this text to the “Paradox of Choice,” the variety of choices that is presented and are available to individuals everyday, and my own personal situation in life.

It is important to understand that the choice thesis is a psychological phenomenon. How an individual processes the choices, or lack thereof, is reliant on both the brain and the conditions. Schwartz enumerated the likely reasons individuals suffer from making a decision.

Second-order decisions are decisions that already follow a rule, that is, deciding on following a particular rule already eliminates future choices that would violate that rule. For example, choosing to enter a relationship entails that the couple is to be loyal to each other, thus eliminating all the decisions involving non-platonic relationships with another person. Of course, the list of future decisions that deciding to enter into a relationship produces vary from couple to couple and may change over time following each other’s changes in preferences and adaptability. Problematically, turnarounds (arguably brought about by major decisions) can drastically change the dynamics of relationships. The dynamism of relationships shakes the foundation of second-order decisions. In this case, second-order decisions are only ever easy when the relationship is static.

Aren’t we all afraid of missed opportunities? This is one of the main issues of choice. A decision yields possibilities, and making a decision essentially eliminates other likely timelines. This is where the story of Jaco Van Dormael’s Mr. Nobody is drawn from. The plot focuses on Nemo Nobody. It tried to compress in the grandest way possible the many possibilities in Nemo’s life. 118-year-old Nemo knew what he was most fond of—spoiler alert—the best decision he has and could ever make is everything that leads him to his childhood sweetheart Anna. He knew because he has lived every possibility. Meanwhile, his 10-year-old self was making a decision: to run for his mother, or live with his father. He could only imagine everything. Whatever he chooses in that moment is what would dictate the rest of his life. He could not make the choice because he has not lived every possibility, and is unsure of what path to take.

The only way to know what the best decision is is to make every possible decision, and live every life—every parallel universe—that that decision creates. Paradoxically, there is no way to do that. No one can ever experience everything. Therefore, no one can ever know what the best choice is. It is what we give up when we make a choice that makes us suffer. The more choices we have, the greater the opportunity cost, and the more we have to lose.

Unfortunately, sometimes we make choices to eliminate what-ifs as if trying to live every possibility before finally making a huge decision. That, however, is a bad idea. Making a choice to eliminate what-ifs only creates more what-ifs.

Let us take the case of a breakup. When things go south, the major what-if is the thought of possibly having a better life without that person. To eliminate that, the likely decision is to break with and try living without her. However, living that possibility creates an entirely new what-if: ” What if I had not broken up with her?”

That is where I am right now. I tried to address a what-if only to create more of it.

Let us also note how individuals react when faced with unhappiness. According to Albert Hirschman, the options are to exit or protest. In markets, an exit typically resolves the issue. However, in interpersonal relations, individuals resort to voicing displeasure. I have always attempted to protest, and have openly criticized exit. Sadly, the exit was my choice this time.

I am stuck. I know I have to make a decision, which is inevitable, but I am delaying it because I do not know the rational thing to do. I do not know what my mind wants. I do not know if my heart even speaks.

I just had the worst birthday I could ever remember. My choice led me to this moment. While I want to believe that whatever happened to me is a result of the variety of choices that I have been presented with over the past few months—or years—I think that I could be overstretching it with that explanation. I do not want to undermine my own agency. That is why as much as I want to act towards my impulses, I am trying my best not to do anything seemingly stupid.

Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

Despite the urge to click that send button.

#paradox of choice