there was a sudden ache in her chest the moment the question left his lips. maybe if jude had asked her what had went down with jagger before this whole fiasco, she would have easily given him an answer but now that she knew of his feelings for her…well, it complicated everything. she no longer felt as though she could speak freely without causing him unnesesary pain. her lips parted to give an answer, but quickly shut again. how was she going to explain this? in what terms could she put it to make jude understand her reasonings behind finding comfort in the same person who caused her a lot of pain? it felt impossible, but rosie knew she had to try — if not for her, for him. “i…yes,” she murmured, her voice barely audible as her gaze averted toward the hem of his shirt. she couldn’t bare to look at him, not when she felt so ashamed for giving into something even she herself knew was wrong. “and i what??” she interjected, big brown eyes flicking up to meet his as if they would somehow give her an answer, “i what, jude? i let him? because i did — i do.” a soft scoff fell from her lips, head shaking slowly. bet he didn’t expect her to say that, but he asked for the truth and that was exactly what he was going to get. however, despite the distance she felt between them on this particular matter it didn’t stop her from keeping close. she refused to move like she had all the times before. rosie was always so quick to dismiss him, so easily annoyed to the point of walking away but she couldn’t this time. she wanted jude to touch her, to feel him in that way and the longer the two of them stood there wrapped up in the notion of ‘what could be’ the more inclined she felt to be completely open to the idea. “then don’t hurt me,” she whispered as his hand reached for her and pulled her forward. rosie’s gaze instantly fluttered shut, lips gravitating to his with such ease. she couldn’t quite describe the feeling. it was so new, so exciting, but most importantly, it was comforting. her hand reached up and found the back of his neck to keep him from pulling away and instead deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue between his parted lips to get a taste of what she had been missing all of these years.
if things hadn’t changed, jude wouldn’t have put all the pieces together. instead, he would’ve remained blissfully unaware. now, he wasn’t sure his ignorance was any better than the pain of knowing the truth. her words seared into his heart, a sudden ache forming. he felt confused, hurt, and angry all at once. he couldn’t, no, he wouldn’t understand her attraction and unbreakable connection with someone like jagger. she looked ashamed, but jude was unsure. the sex, although something he’d rather not picture, wasn’t what bothered him. hell, he slept around too. yet, the toxic nuances to their relationship was what made it almost unbearable. he shook his head, eyes closing for almost a moment. it wasn’t her fault. “no,” he rebutted, “you pick him. over and over again after everything he’s done to you. even when we went to prom, you picked him. why?”
it became apparent that neither were budging. maybe it was best to forget the whole thing, but jude couldn’t help himself. he got so wrapped up in the moment that he completely forgot his anger for the moment. it was so easy to forget everything and drift away when he was with her. the kiss was warranted, he knew she was waiting to see what move he’d take next. jude had always played it safe his whole life. always following the rules, doing what his parents said, putting on a charade for everyone ── it was natural. maybe his actions during college and most recently were all a terrible and misguided backlash from that. but this...this was different. for the first time in a while, it felt right.
as her tongue slipped between his lips, jude let his mesh with hers. they had kissed once before, and his mind wandered to that innocence from so long ago as his hand found the small of her back. both wanted to get it over with, but mostly jude. being rather awkward around the opposite sex, the last thing he wanted was to have never been kissed going into high school. rosie, on the other hand, would’ve had no problem finding multiple suitors. still, they chose each other. more importantly, she picked him. jude tried to convince himself that it could’ve meant anything, but he eventually narrowed it between pity on her part or a mutual feeling of comfort and trust. nonetheless, jude had always been hung up on that first kiss ( even if he didn’t want to admit it ). he pulled her closer, body pressing against body ── skin against skin. maybe a part of him was always hoping she’d choose him again.