this wasn't supposed to be the nikki blog

mercury apologist. loen hater.

[estrogen-description]

i... yeah, that's the internet

[estrogen-description]

update: changed device, can't log back into my account of 5 years

[estrogen-description]

absolutely cannot STAND the love nikki music because my heart is clenching and i must save this girl

[eternallyfatedjadedspaded]

Went for a quick walk while listening to classical music before the storm

I actually smiled and giggled uncontrollably while thinking about how I fell into the nicheness of monk romance only to see how it had always been hiding right in front of me.

All my dynamics are giving "monk and friend who awakens", given that monk usually has a heretical streak as it is which makes the dynamic naturally occurring in that instant bond vibe, but… that's neither here nor there.

It's a beautiful thing, accepting who you are. It really is. To be thankful for what you love and how much you enjoy a thing instead of seeing it through other people's eyes, how you once had.

[donnatarttapologist]

my brain is just on a constant unending loop of [there was not exactly a word for boris and me][it was boris i missed][none of us ever find enough kindness in the world do we][i had to fight to get you up and drag you in the house][i might have cried if boris wasn’t there][and how could i treat you so badly when i wished you only well][shh potter is only me][lulled by his beery unwashed smell and his breath easy in my ear][sometimes in the night i woke up wailing][clutching each other like castaways or much younger children][it was something we both knew well enough][which was of course i love you][stay away from the ones you love too much those are the ones who will kill you]

[koda-le-mongrab]

You know what I did in college? Conversational russian

a long post about my thoughts on their first meeting after being apart

I don't believe Boris didn't have any nonverbal reaction to it. It's basically a love confession. What Theo says is i missed you so much and you mean so much to me i studied your language for a year and imagined you reading me the book aloud, i would remember the way you say things and feel nostalgic about certain situations we were in ("i had to bring you food, it was like Anne Frank"). I wanted so bad to learn your language but i couldn't.

And then Boris straight up ignores all that and changes subject. If i remember correctly in the film he looked sort of scared of what he heard, maybe sorry and guilty. And it looks right. Terribly guilty, terribly sorry, probably sad about not being able to actually enjoy spending more time with this one person?

They wanted to run away together, it was an impulsive decision but anyway. Boris didn't even care about taking Kotku with them. They were so important and helpful for each other, taking care of one another, splitting house chores (Boris did the laundry, Theo cooked), providing comfort, sharing feelings, laughing so much. If you think about it, even if it only lasted two years, their relationship worked better than any other. Other friends, love interests. I'm not counting parental figures bc it's different, here they are equal, both take some responsibilities. Pippa said she can't be with Theo because if one of them goes down, the other will follow and so they will basically destroy each other in their pain. Vegas kinda proved that it's not like that with boreo. Their pain is different, so it doesn't trigger them. When one of them felt bad the other one took care. It worked, they survived. Boris saved Theo's life several times. But after they parted they both had OD'd and felt lonely. It can be argued to what extent they are good for eo, considering that both of them are addicts that encourage eo using, but their relationship kinda works. They are a good team. They are worth each other.

Plus there are these romantic/sexual undertones that make them anxious. Boris immediately knowing what is Theo thinking about after mentioning "crazy things" they did together, as if he feels they have to discuss it too, as if it bothers him too, as if it means something for him too.

And keep in mind this is their first meeting after the kiss. After the untold "i love you". So yeah they are touchy and sensitive about certain subjects. And since they are so uncertain about what to do with it, they have issues addressing and discussing it. So yeah there's no way you couldn't tell by Boris's expression that he wasn't really "plainly unimpressed". Theo probably didn't want to see him being impressed because the confession itself made him feel vulnerable. Or, what is more likely, he just didn't notice that Boris felt something so strong he purposefully acted unimpressed. Anyway Theo sort of felt hurt by it, maybe even rejected, maybe he wanted to see some gratefulness or get some affection.

ALSO "comfy in nautica" mentioned in the very confession. I read interpretations of this songs on genius and well i find it interesting. So the way i see it it's the song about finding courage to act the way you want to without conforming. There's more to unpack, I'll probably make a post about this song and other songs mentioned in the book. But added in this context i think it means Theo is trying to be happy by saying what he really wants to say, finally. He wasn't able so say i love you during their farewell, but here he says it in such detail.

ALSO funny thing - the only other people there being a "beautiful couple", man and woman, looking "unearthly pale", both with short dark hair. Man was nibbling and chewing????? the inner side of woman's wrist and Theo goes "Pippa😔" at that sight😭😭 Wtf man it made me laugh so hard, why does androgynous vampire couple make you think of Pippa? The guy is chewing her palm, thats a weird way to show attraction, kinda underlines Theo's unhealthy obsession with her rather than being in love. And why are they unearthly pale and have the same haircut? And mentioning them in this very scene with Boris? Kinda sus tbh

ALSO when they get back to Hobie's we are introduced to Mrs. DeFrees, whos relationship with Hobie is kinda blurry. Like. Theo goes "well i thought they are dating but turns out she has a husband so probably not but its weird because they live far from each other and yet they are together all the time and sometimes they spend the weekend together at her house in other place anyway I haven't figured it out so i think they are PROBABLY JUST GOOD FRIENDS". Good job Theo, you just described the confusion of a situation you two have

ALSO Theo went upset when Boris called Hobie his partner, but then few minutes after he himself said "he's my business partner ". Like DUDE that's exactly what he meant! You are obsessed with this homo stuff

ALSO i like to think that Popchyk represents Theo's inner child or st, mainly because Audrey called Theo puppy and because in many situations he acts the way i think Theo feels. And because in good literature every detail serves the purpose of telling the story, sometimes weather represents character's mood, sometimes an animal symbolizes character's feelings ☝️(Not saying this is 100% the case tho)

So Hobie points out that he has never seen an animal being as happy as Popper was seeing Boris. And it kinda applies to Theo too, i mean he lived all these years with Hobie more or less in comfort, but Boris's visit made him almost ecstatic to the point he literally confessed his feelings, which is, we know, very hard for him. We learn that Popchyk loves Boris exceptionally, he sleeps on his head like a fur hat but never does it with Theo. Another interesting thing - when Popper got back, he rushed to drink water and had been drinking for so long Theo thought about whether Boris gave him water at all or not. I guess it could mean that while Boris makes him happy he still forgets about some of his vital needs

[lions-lanternwood]

he is a bisexual punk commie terrorist in post 9/11 america and he hangs out with his racist sexist boyfriend and they say slurs together

[estrogen-description]

new rien items but at what cost 💔 where is my beautiful baby

[estrogen-description]

sharp edge → sleepless night

[khmoii]

what made rien your favourite 👀

everything about his personal story is so funny. hes the only straight up mean little cunt in the mainline story that ive met so far and the fact that he's been engaged in in psychological warfare with mercury over being adopted is like. ok. so imagine you get kidnapped to get experimented on and you're such a pain in the ass to the scientists that the guy who ordered this shows up to be like dude whats your problem. and then you break out to try and murder him. and then he adopts you as a power move. AND THEN you psychologically torture his weak little bitch assistant who is babysitting you for fun to piss him off more. and then he makes you his direct heir before vanishing into the abyss. No one is doing it like rien. he hates rich people so bad and then he got made into a rich person against his will. like whats even going on man

most characters of this archetype would have been dealt with in a very different way and the particular brand of subversion they did here entertains me immensely. i have not read past the end of volume 2 event BUT i am excited to find out what that freak gets up to next.

[pawnyouoff]

im bitches, i would crumble in this situation

[thrushcrossed]

lauradonna x byler, nettles

[gilserges]

"we need more hypersexuality rep"

"we need more imperfect victims in media"

"we need more characters who suck because of their trauma"

you could barely handle them bro sit your bitchass down 👎🏻

[hiveswap]

[Explaining something that changed my brain chemistry irrepairably] it sucks complete ass and you ahould never ever engage with it

[miwiheroes]

this is the edit of all time to me btw

[theonlycrowburnfan]

as a fandom, this scene is NOT talked about enough. I’m NEVER getting over the fact that El held Will’s hand in the void and spoke to him as if they already knew everything about each other. Mind you, El saved Will’s life without even KNOWING him. They always had this kind of connection without even speaking much ‘til s4.

they were the only ones who could truly understand each others’ trauma. I find it so interesting how they’re parallels of each other: two sides of the same coin. They’re similar, yet so different. They both went through SO MUCH at such a young age, yet they still remained kind and selfless. Oh wonder twins, the world has been so cruel to you.

[heyimcelery]

The concept of epilogue Will Byers still wearing his matching watch with Mike while on his gay bar date with Carlton

[heyimcelery]

You guys aren't imagining the fic potential with this enough.

Will always carrying around a physical connection to his bond with Mike. Contrast that with the idea of Carlton giving him a lock necklace. He wears both. Oh the drama!!

Carlton questioning him about the watch and Will being weirdly avoidant with it. Mike visiting and feeling smug about Will still wearing his watch. Carlton clocking that Mike also has one! Getting into a fight about it.

Will decide he's meant to be loyal to Carlton and taking the watch off. Big angsty moment ensues. Ends with Will instead putting the watch back on as a way of picking Mike over Carlton. Mike throws the necklace Will takes off into the bin. Happy ending ensues!!