In Millenimorium

vent blog so you shouldn’t follow me /srs

[eternalasphyxiation]

This is primarily a vent blog. I made this blog in 2022 when I was mentally going through it.

When I’m not going through it and actually use tumblr I do talk about my other interests here because in general I like talking. But otherwise, it is a vent blog so I would advise that you do not follow this blog in general if it’s too mentally draining. Please stay safe.

(If you know me from twitter, hi I’m paranoid. I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me.)

[eternalasphyxiation]

crktwt be normal about non-binary identities challenge FAILED

[eternalasphyxiation]

I genuinely can not enjoy anything on crktwt and it’s such a miserable experience because I don’t have a single friend who also has crk as their special interest and also gets me so I keep coming back to the stupid hellhole. The only “good” thing about it (not good) is that i can just. put all my negative feelings into shadow milk depictions I GUESS

[eternalasphyxiation]

shadow milk is the equivalent of someone who is super duper giga trying to be a vriska within their own narrative but in reality, they’re actually gamzee makara. but they probably would not like that answer if you told them that. Because they don’t want to be Gamzee; they want to be Vriska. lol. lmfao.

[hunterisnearme]

There's something I have to say about Cookie Run Kingdom's current plot and you're all not gonna like it

[evelynknightart]

Forgot to post it during Valentine’s Day 🫩

[eternalasphyxiation]

jonas gnosia rant:

genuinely I don’t see how Jonas perceives Kukrushka is purely familial that a few of his fans are insisting on when I reached the jonas backstory yap event where he talks about Arya and how he immediately fell in love with her and calls her his “femme fatale” (look up the definition of that word. That is in no way a word to describe someone you see in a familial way) and spent centuries looking for her and then he manages to “miraculously” stumble upon a doll that the game says looks like a 15 year old and Jonas says looks exactly like Arya. There’s more hints in the localization suggesting his fixation is incredibly weird and crosses the line for how you see a supposedly 15 year old doll than him seeing her as her daughter.

Anyways I’m so excited to rewatch episode 10 but as the dub version and have them drop part of that lore and have my friend even be MORE confused and judgmental at me for the fixation I started developing on Jonas a month ago YAY YAY YAY YAY

“Why did you even start having a fixation on Jonas” because he looks like a character I’ve been obsessed with for the past year who also has his own obsessive fixation that drives his character. They’re both mentally ill and not good people. There is an irony to me saying this but I won’t ever expand upon this.

the sha-ming slander is so real though. Fuck Sha-Ming man stop glazing him already I hate that he’s literally in 80% of recent official merch episode 10 did not need to frame him with that much sympathy. Ugh.

[eternalasphyxiation]

how do I stop her from hurting other people. how. How. How.

[eternalasphyxiation]

people trying to connect mafuyu’s relationship with her mom as covert/emotional incest made me realize why they keep emphasizing in the classes I’ve been taking that it’s actually important to take into consideration culture within people’s traumatic experiences. It always annoyed me because for my personal experience, a lot of the abuse I’ve dealt with from my mom was rooted in cultural values (I’m Asian American).

What Mafuyu’s mom wants for her daughter falls under those values too: high achievement (good grades, choosing doctor as a career over just nursing), respect and obedience towards elders (in this case parents), strict discipline (in this case, the restrictions mafuyu’s mom places on mafuyu), collectivism -> the expectation that you prioritize community (the family) over the individual

Even though I always emphasize heavily in my sentiment that abuse (or rather abusive behavior) is universal, I think it would be wrong for me to say that Mafuyu and her family were supposed to represent what a “traditional” family living in a collectivist society (Japan) looks like. “Traditional” in the sense that it reflects both the cultural norms and beliefs of the older generation and the harm that can come with parents trying to enforce those norms (like how Mafuyu’s mom guilt trips Mafuyu so Mafuyu will feel bad and will do her best to not disobey. How she restricts who she hangs out with because she wants Mafuyu to have the right networking and not be surrounded by people who will “distract” her from attaining her “goals” [that her mom placed on her and are thus not her own.]

It’s because of this that I disdain how definitively a few people are saying mafuyu’s relationship with her mom is indicative of emotional incest because from the evidence I’ve seen, they frame mafuyu’s mom’s actions in a way that disregards these cultural norms that are baked into her story. And because it’s being disregarded, it’s easier to distort that harm into a framing pushed as definitive that Mafuyu’s mom is placing expectations of emotional fulfillment onto Mafuyu akin to a romantic partner. In my opinion, the story has not placed Mafuyu in a situation where Mafuyu was forced to support Mafumom in her own personal struggles removed from a position as a parent. Mafumom’s abusive behavior centers around a parent trying to forcefully guide their child to a “good” future only to harm them, which is why most of her concerns are about Mafuyu’s status as a student: her grades, her career path, her future goals. Even Mafumom telling us her backstory in their initial confrontation is to convince Mafuyu that she should not turn out like her mom and focus on her studies.

Basically, I think cultural norms of how a child is supposed to grow up in a traditional family is what’s defining the abuse and not emotional/covert incest. I think it’s so intertwined that I believe in order to make an argument for covert incest, a person would have to lay out what characteristics of emotional incest can be defined separately from the cultural norms that shape how some parents raise their children, especially because those cultural norms still assume a parent-child framing of the relationship, as opposed to the dynamic of emotional incest being a violation of what a parent-child relationship is supposed to be defined as. I have not seen that in a single analysis I’ve tried to read.

A more harrowing question that I’d propose on a bad day is, “If supposedly Mafuyu and her mom’s relationship is indicative of emotional incest, then what exactly does that say about the culture they both are meant to represent?“

And its why I finally understood that even though I despise and curse the values that shaped me into the person I became today, being able to understand those values and how they influence and shape people and their relationships with each other is really important in analyzing abuse stories.

[huntershippings]

may i request more canari and gwynn please. your artstyle is so good..

thank u....... i appreciate it a lot... i made this silly doodle just for you

strength is power.. strength is justice 💪

[eternalasphyxiation]

wishing every person who nitpicks gnosia mechanic details that genuinely show they don’t understand anything a very “shut up forever” day

[huntershippings]

pretty cafe lady doodle

[eternalasphyxiation]

going to block every gnosia blog for my own piece of mind

[214c]

グノーシアに襲われたら

[cthelovely89]

an odd batch of cookies from Beast-Yeast

[eternalasphyxiation]

thinking about mikan tsumiki and proceeded to get upset (I love her very much and I will always be mad at kodaka for throwing in fanservice in game but). man she means so much to me

I actually got upset that someone thought she was annoying ahahhahahahahahahahah. bad because none of this is real I guess. but. dude…

[weird-hydrangea]

Happy new year guys 🎉🎊