I won't hate myself to be loved by you. @ethan--blake - Tumblr Blog

Posts

On 22 Apr 2016 20:44, Conny Mezger wrote: > > > >

#bestfriendfrombefore

Recognise || Heithan

The way his arm slithered round her waist, holding her waist so that his forearm was set closely to the middle of her spine and its hand was gripping to the opposite hip while the opposite hand, his right hand, was caressing her face as if she were a delicate flower ready to break. It was all so familiar and recognisably, the touch and feel of his arm, was the sole thing that Heidi remembered most. Ethan would always wind his arm around her like a vine and hold her face so gently, as if she were the very moon in his hands. Despite this, it still stung to be touched. This was just a ruse. A trick her mind was playing on her. Even the words he had spoken prior, which were true to what Ethan would have said couldn’t sway her mind to believe that this really was him before her and not a figment of her imagination.

Then they were kissing. To say Heidi was taken aback would be an understatement and at first, she stood as still as a Bernini marble figure. But, even she couldn’t deny the familiar sense of home that the fluidity of his lips laced with hers gave. It was as if he were painting the stars in the night sky and elongating the rays of the sun to warm her very core. This kiss was waking her up, making her alive as she always felt with Ethan. Tears started to fall from her closed eyes and in reaction, her hands shot up and took hold of the thin but firm neck and forcing it closer to her. The fire inside her was burning bright and it was like being a man who had gotten stranded in a forest and had finally come home.

Heidi felt her knees threaten to give out from the inundating sensation clouding her interior. Her mind was a mess, and after weeks of being a dark void, it was giving her a slight headache. Unwillingly, she broke away from his lips and proximity, but still kept close. Hands traveled to the bony shoulders while her head fell to the crook between his shoulder and chest - and in that moment, hearing the heartbeat from his chest that was fluttering rapidly like a machine working overtime to get to its destination and the slight rasping of his breath leave his chest, Heidi knew it was Ethan. She didn’t know why she knew, she just did. Hands led her arms to wrap around his neck with her right hand caressing the curls at the crown of his head as she pulled him into her embrace, holding onto him as if he would deteriorate away into oblivion. Heidi still wasn’t sure if this were real or just one of her lucid dreams, but with each passing second, she held tighter and tighter, not uttering a single word.

ethan--blake

Like he knew she would, Heidi immediately froze under his touch. But slowly she finally gave in to the sensation that his lips gave hers and responded hungrily to his. Her small fingers found the back of his neck and pulled his face closer to her. Their lips layers and Ethan used his hands to press her body closer to his - even though there was no space in between them. His face pressing up against hers, he could feel the tears against her cheeks. A piece of him almost pulled his face away from her. Maybe she still didn't believe that he was there. He wasn't sure. She could have possibly believed that this was a dream. But Ethan felt her body weight shift from under his hold and he left his arms wrap around her tightly. Under his watch, she would not fall.

A few moments later, Heidi pulled her lips away from his and he couldn't help but allow a pout to fall onto his lips. Her face was kept close to his. But as her face moved away from his and to the crevasse in his shoulder and chest, her hands traveled to his shoulders. One hand stayed at the small of her back while the over ventured up in between her shoulder blades. Her head laid against his chest and he was instantly aware of his heart. He knew how much she loved the sound of his heart beat, but he knew that it was much more important this time than any other times. It was a sign of life. Proof of life. His heartbeat - unlike his eyes - was the window to his soul. He'd learn to live with his eyes and his face and his mouth, but he could never lie with his heart. His heart was his strength and his weakness all in the same breath.

He didn't want to break the silence. He could feel the way Heidi's body moved against his, holding on to him with all her strength. She held onto him like his life depended on it. Unlike the clique, Ethan knew that Heidi's life depended on Ethan. And his life depended on hers. His arms wrapped around her waist, Ethan just held her. He coddled her against his chest and refused to let her go.

#paraheidi

heidi-blake

Recognise || Heithan

heidi-blake

It’s not him.. They told me he was dead, he died in my arms.. “You died in my arms!” Heidi said with a mixture of agony and disbelief in her voice. There was a strange sound filling her ears and it took a moment before she realised that it was a sob that wasn’t coming out. Why would people lie to her? Why would they allow her to believe this? It was the cruelest, most demonic thing - and even Heidi knew she wouldn’t go to that length. Allowing one to believe their husband was dead. Shallow gasps started erupting from her throat and the blonde knew the waves of an panic attack were starting.

The words that came from the man’s mouth, with a voice that always used to both calm her and bring a rush of adrenaline, it was all too much. Those were his words, from the letter he had written to her explaining everything and nothing. Slowly, Heidi dropped the knife with her body falling right next to her. A delicate hand was held up as a motion to leave her be as she forced air into her lungs, attempting to control her heart rate. With her head falling over, Heidi was staring at the bearded man, taking in the entirety of him. This can’t be happening.. This can’t be fucking happening.. It can’t.. It fucking can’t.

After a couple minutes, Heidi no longer felt the rapid thumping of her heart in the ears and turned her body to face the body before her. Placing her palms on the floor, she crawled towards the man and sat on her feet as she hesitantly lifted a hand halfway to his face before bringing it back like it were poison. Heidi did this a few times before allowing her skin to make contact with his. A thump swiped across the cheekbones an over the line between the hollows of his cheeks. Her index slid over the slate of his nose before moving towards his lips. “E..” she muttered weakly, both as a question and a statement. It can’t..

ethan--blake

Ethan found himself nodding and wished that he hadn't. She was already hysterical. Did he really need to add to that. But he couldn't stop his mouth from moving - some things never change. "I did. Heidi. I did." That's all he could say. Paul and Ben had spared him the details about what had happened, but he knew for sure that he had died. He watched her small chest rise and fall rapidly and he knew that she was about to fall into a panic attack. That was until his words finally sunk in. She recognized them immediately. The knife tumbled from her hand again and she held them empty hand up to Ethan. It felt like the two of them were hovering in the silence for hours. But slowly, he watched Heidi catch her breath.

Pressing both of her palms to the floor, she crawled her way to Ethan before getting to her feet. She was hesitant. It was as if she was afraid of touching him. It was like - if she touched him - he would disappear and she would be left alone all over again. But she finally did it. Her hand touched his face gently - letting her index finger run over the hollowness of his face. Her finger grazed over the slant of his nose and then found the fullness of his lips. He couldn't help but smile. He was sure that she still didn't believe that he was there. Sure. She could feel the skin on his bones and he could hear the beating of his heart, but that wouldn't be enough. She would believe that this was a dream. He wasn't real to her. Not yet.

"Heidi Elizabeth." He had fought himself for so long, keeping his hands off of her body. But his defence was breaking. He wasn't sure how she would react to what he would do next, but he knew that he had to step up to the plate. "I told you I was going to Heaven. Where did you think that I meant? I'm not going anywhere without you." Taking a small step forward, Ethan's left arm wrapped around Heidi's waist and his right hand cupped her face - tilting it upwards so that his search for her lips was easy. He skipped any formalities that he usually would have taken when kissing her and, instead, kissed her with the longing he felt in his soul. He had been away from her for far too long and had only just realized the piece of him that was missing from his heart. His lips layered with and against her passionately and he used his arm to bring her as close to him as possible. There was no air and no room between the two of them, but he still wanted her closer. Closest just wasn't close enough anymore.

#paraheidi

heidi-blake

Recognise || Heithan

heidi-blake

Heidi felt her vision blur. Not by tears or her vision just being obscured by something in the air - they were blurring with disbelief. She felt her entire body go rigid, more stiff and heavy than a dead body. No.. He’s dead.. Ethan’s dead.. Immediately, she came off the man, feeling her blade slightly nick his throat in the process. As her feet padded back a couple steps, she looked at the person before her. The hair wasn’t the strong golden brown of Ethan’s, nor was his back. This wasn’t Ethan, he had died. Ethan was dead. Heidi knew because she had spent day in and night out repeating it to herself, muttering the words low enough that only she could hear and no one else.

Trembles began to overtake the petite blonde’s body and before she knew it, the blade had fallen from her grip. Heidi watched as frail hands set down her baby right beside her brother then slowly turn towards her. The face was hollowed in, both from possible malnutrition and the dark shadows that were cascading from the small fire in the corner. The bouncing flames gave the man a sinister look, but despite the way his pale skin hung against his bones and hair was growing into a small beard on his face, something stood out. The nose. Immediately, Heidi’s knees gave out under her and she stared up at the man.. Ethan, whomever it was. Sobs racked her chest as her head shook violently back and forth.

"No, no, no, no, no," Heidi repeatedly chanted, both anger and terror filling her system. It was Ethan, or at least, a mirage of him. Then, she remembered all the poems and stories she had read, the movies she had watched where a mourning widow saw the ghost of her deceased husband. "What is this.. Some kind of sick joke!?" Heidi shouted, her whole body seizing. "He’s dead! My love is dead!" she screeched, the tears pouring from her eyes like hot water pouring into a sink, "Get out!" With her small hand grabbing hold of the knife, she weakly lifted herself towards the man, aiming for his chest. "Out! Get out!"

ethan--blake

Even though her body was so much smaller than his, Ethan could feel Heidi tense up at the sound of his voice. She was going to go into shock. But shock for Heidi was different than everyone else. It usually involved screaming, kicking, hitting, and maiming. She pulled her body away from his and he felt the knife clip his neck. It wasn't enough to make him seriously bleed, but he could feel the slight warm run down his neck. With frail hands and a mess of nerves, Ethan slowly walked over to his children's crib and set Harlow down. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the knife Heidi had held in her hand fall to the floor.

After Harlow was safely next to her brother, Ethan slowly turned his body towards her. Like he knew she would, Heidi let her eyes scan over his entire body. There were a plot of things that had changed about him. Even though he was as healthy as a horse, his body still hadn't caught up in the process. He also had grown a beard from all the time he had spent in bed. Her eyes moved from his body to his face and he could see how her eyes widen. She was finally accepting that it really was him, or so he hoped. But as Heidi's legs gave out from underneath her, Ethan could help but feel a pang of guilt rack through his body. Maybe he should have let Paul and Ben tell Heidi that he was back.

She looked up at him from the floor and began to repeatedly chant 'No'. Before he could fall to his knees next to her, Heidi scrambled to find the knife that she had dropped. Raising both of his hands at eye level, Ethan slowly backed away. "Heidi. Heidi. Look at me! It's me." He purposely kept his body far away from her as he scavenged his brain to remember what he wrote in Heidi's letter. "Listen to me. If there’s one thing I’ve always tried to do - other than keep my family safe - it’s that I always try to keep my promises. Have I ever broken a promise to you?" His eyes were wide with hope and adoration. There was also a small piece of him that worried that she would most definitely kill him from her delusions. However, Ethan silently prayed that something would strike a nerve and make her realize that he was really back.

#paraheidi

ethan--blake

Tent || Ben or Paul

paul-morgan-deactivated20130914

Heart palpitations.. Okay, that is entirely normal. That even happened to me! This is the longest you’ve stayed conscious, Ethan. I’m proud.

ethan--blake

Come here... Let me... hit you...

#chatpaul

heidi-blake

Recognise || Heithan

Black is modest and arrogant at the same time. Black is lazy and easy - but mysterious. But above all, black says this: “I don’t bother you - you don’t bother me.” It didn’t matter that each day, the darkness fulfilling every crevice in Heidi’s mind was growing thicker and more implanted than it had the day before - no. Not even the small cries from her children, howling for their mother - for her touch and sweet assurances as every mother should give their babies - could lighten the deepness that her thoughts were in. Like a dark well, like when Ethan was trying to awaken her from her drug-induced sleep when the Administration had taken her. Ethan.

Another booming curtain on thick, velvet blackness shot across her mind, leaving the blue eyes that used to run electric, to now run pale and lifeless. Like a corpse. Usually, one of the experienced mothers would come in, lift Heidi up and position the baby where it was meant to be so it could be fed - repeatedly encouraging her to take tighter hold of the baby with her dad nearby soothing its sibling after it had its meal. It was the same, it had been the same since Heidi’s mind had traveled to where it was now, and even as her father and the helping mother left the tent once the twins had fallen asleep, the thinning blonde would fall back into her coma-like state: alive, but unresponsive.

Open eyes stared unblinkingly at the rough canvas to the tent, the light outside dimming and twilight approaching the camp. There was a shuffle in the tent, but it didn’t register into Heidi’s mind - as nothing would register even if it were in front of her shouting in her face. Then she heard it. The rumble of a chest, a choked chuckle, and unfamiliar all the same. It was the first thing to spark something in her brain, and it wasn’t a good one - like a volcano making its first eruption. Before anything else registered, Heidi was on her feet, standing behind the bearded and thin man with a knife, one she had swiped, and held to his throat. She didn’t even recognise her own voice as she spoke, but it came out nonetheless. “You hurt her, I kill you.”

ethan--blake

As far as Ethan knew, for the first three weeks since he had been resurrected, no one but Ben and Paul knew he was alive. For three weeks, Ethan's body and mind were forced to heal and recover. He had been attached to several IV lines - all of which were feeding him the vitamins and minerals that his body needed to reconstruct his immune system and thought process. Slowly, Ethan's memories began to come back to him. Who he was. What he did. Who he loved. What he had spend all of three and a half years trying to do. But once he had the okay from Ben, Ethan knew the first place he would go. To Heidi.

He knew she wasn't far. His new abilities allowing him to remember practically every detail of the new camp. He had only seen it once, but he still remembered every single detail. He didn't feel the need to wear a winter jacket. One, because it was now March from what Paul had old him, and two, because he no longer felt affected by the cold. Within minutes, Ethan had found his was to Heidi's tent. Trying to make as little noise as possible, he looked to see his wife sleeping on the cot. Not wanting to startle her, Ethan immediately moved to the crib that he knew held his son and daughter. Bending over, his hands supported her head and bottom before bringing her to his chest and cradling her in his arm. It was like seeing her all over again. Ethan felt a few tears fall from the brims of his eyes and he let out a choked laugh.

A few seconds later, Ethan felt his head fly slightly backwards and a blade press to his Adam's apple. Immediately, he recognized the irony of the situation they were in. "My love, is it your turn to almost kill me? You know I'd never hurt Harlow - nor Ethan. Never in a million years." Paul and Ben hadn't told Ethan anything of Heidi's mental and physical state, but he could only assume the worse. He was right. She had climbed into a deep dark hole and it was sucking her in. This was the moment of truth. He would either get her back or he would die.

#paraheidi

ethan--blake

Tent || Ben or Paul

paul-morgan-deactivated20130914

Alive, thought your heart is still beating as it was when you were in your coma. Things might seem groggy, so don’t be scared by that. Let’s see.. On a level of one to ten, one being no pain, ten being agony, what are you?