les effluves de rhum dans ta voix me font tourner la tête

ÉTIENNE DE LOS SANTOS. 22. SOUP ENTHUSIAST. My family calls me Ettie but Étienne probably makes me seem more adult-ish. My brother says I need that. I'm currently playing Lafayette and Thomas Jefferson in the musical Hamilton. You might've heard of it. It's pretty sweet. You should come see us. We'll blow you all away. “I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.”

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riversmacgyver

Rivers frowned as he grimaced. She didn’t mean to sound so rude. “I know…I know.” she whispered quietly as she continued playing in the water. She knew he wasn’t ready for this. She knew it, yet her own excitement was clouding her views.  She sighed  and leaned back, getting his towel ready for whenever he decided to get out. 

“No, I know we don’t.” She murmured, before rubbing at the back of her neck. “I know we don’t have to….I just. I don’t know.” she decided against explaining herself further, instead, standing up and sighing quietly. “Your fingers are pruning, come on.” she breathed shakily.

He just watched her, sighing softly. She was obvously excited, but she also seemed distraught. But then again, he kept expecting the excitement to turn into horror. Just like he was hoping the opposite would happen to him.

“I think I want to go to bed,” He murmured as he got up, wrapping the towel around his body. It was barely afternoon, but he felt shaky as soon as he left the bath. This was really happening. But of course, if it had to happen with anyone, he was glad it was happening with Rivers.

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riversmacgyver

Rivers stuck her tongue out. “A girl can dream,  Étienne. I would die for a little girl.” she murmured. “Stop calling the baby an it.” she scrunched her nose before kissing at his forehead one last time.

When he questioned her she shrugged. “I dunno. Do you think we’ll end up together?” she repeated herself as she played with her nails. “I mean your family loves me, and I don’t know…sorry. I should shut up. I’m stupid. That’s stupid. I um….is there anything else I can do you for?”

He grimaced as she told him off for using ‘it’. “Sorry.. still surreal, I guess,” He admitted. Truthfully, it didn’t feel right to call it anything but it right now. It would make it more than real than it already was; and he wasn’t sure he could handle that.

“Rivers,” He said, sighing softly. “We don’t have to get together,... or marry to raise this baby. There’s no right or wrong. It doesn’t matter how we decide to raise it, only that we do it well.”

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riversmacgyver

“Excuse me? How dare you. That is the ugliest name. She will obviously be Buttsucker69,  Étty.” she said, sticking her tongue out at him, before she lazily began washing his hair next, glad to see he was calming down, more and more. “Oh fuck I left the soup on, hold on.” she sang, as she wiped off her hands before running into the kitchen. She was happy to see nothing was on fire. She shut off the soup and put it to the side, before skipping back to the bathroom. “Do you think we’re going to end up together?”

“You’re very sure it’s a she,” He noted, tilting his head as he glanced at her; squinting his eyes playfully. “Very quick to assume gender... perhaps we should also name it Olivia and only allow her to wear pink,” He teased. Laughing softly as she ran off, he went back to relaxing; closing his eyes with a soft sigh. He had a feeling he’d be crying later but right now... he almost felt okay. 

It took several seconds for him to process what she had just said, and he slowly opened his eyes to look at her with a puzzled look. “What?”

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riversmacgyver

Rivers smiled as she saw him relax. She rubbed slowly at each and ever inch of his body, before pouring some bath water over him to clean off. Once the process was completely done she relaxed back again, dipping her fingers in the water lazily. 

“Mm, I know, but it isn’t all bad is it?” She asked, trying to imitate Tim Curry before she laughed some. All she wanted to do was make sure he stayed calm, and relaxed. That was her new job in the house. “Mm, I think I’ll deal with it. What the baby wants the baby gets.” she nodded, unable to hide her grin that time. “I know you’re scared still….and I cannot imagine the dysphoria that may come, but I will be here, and I will do my best to make sure you are as comfortable and become as excited as I am.” she sang, kissing his nose once again.

Étienne nodded, a small smile on his lips. It was reassuring to have her react like this. He was terrified, sure, but at least she was right by his side. “Let it be known that I refuse to give birth unless we name the child Poe Dameron,” He said, matter-of-factly but with sparkling eyes; his attempt to feel more at ease about the whole thing.

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riversmacgyver

“You don’t have to. You just come to me. And now that we figured out what’s wrong, I expect full time cuddles again, and to never ever be kicked out of your bed again.” she teased him as she picked up his loofa and lazily began scrubbing at his legs for him. It may have been the most mundane  thing, but Rivers loved to do it. 

She pressed a kiss to his knee before rubbing at with the soap covered loofa and humming. “Who said I’m not already heartbroken, stud?” she joked, adding an awkward laugh afterwards. “We’re too good for that.” she nodded, gently scrubbing at his stomach next, being careful not to tickle, as she watched his eyes.

He rolled his eyes again at that. “I’m definitely going to need those cuddles,” He agreed, opening one eye as he flashed her a grin. It felt good to be taken care of, he felt as if piece by piece, his body was starting to truly untense. He barely remembered the last time he didn’t feel tense. Then again, this morning felt like a year ago.

“I guess we are. I don’t know. I also didn’t think we’d be in this situation,” He admitted truthfully. But then again, this was different. He’d been on T for years. Granted, he knew it was always a possibility but... it was so rare it hadn’t even crossed his mind. “But the heartbreak will probably be you refusing to buy my newest gross craving or something.”

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riversmacgyver:

Rivers smiled and helped him strip once she finished making up the bath, pressing a kiss to his cheek for every article she removed. “Yeah…because of the baby.” she nodded, rubbing at his side. “Plus I mean we have to get married now, right?” she teased him quietly. “Actually people who get pregnant are known to want to get a lil frisky….and plus sex helps induce labor.” she said, before sighing. “Sorry, it’s weird to talk about I just…you know, this is stuff I’ve been studying forever.”

She offered an apologetic kiss, before she led him to the bath, nodding for him to get in, as she smiled softly to him. Once he was settled she sat on the side of the bath, dipping her fingers in the water. “Maybe we’ll be like a bad romcom and fall in love.” she teased. She’d never admit how she actually felt about him however. She felt as though it was obvious he wanted nothing more.

“I’ll try to keep my urges in check,” He teased back, rolling his eyes with a smirk. Climbing into the bath, he felt out a content sigh. This really was just what he needed. He leaned his head against the side of the tub, eyes closed. “Yeah? Isn’t there a ton of heartbreak in the middle of those, though?”

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riversmacgyver

Rivers blushed at his words as well, letting out a soft chuckle even. “Mm, I think your mind is speaking for you, honey.” She teased him, leaning up onto her toes to kiss his forehead softly. She then took his hand and led him to the bathroom. She took the time filling the tub, and tossing in a bath bomb and some bubbles. “I um…I don’t want you to sleep with anyone else…” she said gently as she glanced back. “I mean you don’t have to date me…or anything…and I won’t sleep with  anyone either, I just…I don’t know. It’s weird.” she suggested, watching worriedly.

He followed her, leaning against the doorway as he watched her prepare his bath. No matter what, she was one of the few people he felt comfortable around - even naked. Not necessarily in a sexual manner but just casualy like this; him taking a bath with her around. It didn’t feel weird. He hadn’t even considered until her sudden suggestion.

He frowned, furrowing his eyebrows together. “What do you mean? Because of the baby?” He raised an eyebrow at her. He doubted he’d have time to find someone to hook up with inbetween shows and being pregnant. “I’m pretty sure sex won’t be a top priority for me for the next five months.”

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riversmacgyver

Rivers stroked his stomach for a moment longer, smiling against his lips, before she nodded to his question. “Yeah? I hope you’re excited. You know this is reserved for cute boys.” she reminded him. She was known from coming home drunk and bathing strange men. Sadly  Étienne had witnessed it more than a few times.  “Though maybe this one won’t end with me giving you a blowjob. Since it’s sorta how we got in this mess.”

Étienne let out a soft chuckle but rolled his eyes. “We’re already in the mess, so it wouldn’t matter much now...,” He said before swallowing hard, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I mean not that, I... y’know,” He said, trying to gesture with his hands when the words failed him. It seemed they had decided to continue on purely platonic; even despite the recent kiss. He didn’t want to mess that up, especially not now.

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riversmacgyver

Rivers watched him for a moment before she nodded. “Yes…I mean it’s all I’ve ever wanted, you know that.” she whispered as she gently rested a hand over his stomach, her lower lip shaking some.  “And I mean…I love you,  Étty. That’ll never change. This…this can only make it stronger, no?” she whispered, before she leaned up to gently kiss his lips. She wasn’t entirely sure whether or not it was to be romantic or not.

Étienne nodded too, swallowing hard as he felt her hand on his stomach. He knew she wished it was the other way around. He did too. Perhaps he’d feel more at ease, and a lot more excited if that was the case. He kissed back, only gently and more the ghost of a kiss than a proper one. But it relaxed him somewhat; he could feel his body untense. “I wouldn’t mind a bubble bath.”

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riversmacgyver

Rivers rubbed softly at his back, even pressing a gentle kiss to his collarbone which she could easily reach.  “I know….I know it’s much different than a stomach bug.” she murmured, glancing up to watch him. “I think you should take today off…and we should lie around, and relax. Okay?  You can think….we can talk. We can do whatever.” She nodded, pecking at his nose softly. 

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll even give you a famous bubble bath, hm? We can listen to French music and it’ll be magnificent. And you can just take your time, no one is rushing you.” she smiled softly, trying to show him it would be okay. After all, she knew it would be.

“Do you want it?” He finally said, glancing down at her. Friends could raise babies together, couldn’t they? Of course they could. She seemed a lot more excited than he felt, but perhaps she hadn’t realised the situation properly. After all, she was not the one with a growing human being in her belly.

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riversmacgyver

Rivers stilled for a moment, just finishing pulling on a pair of jeans. Her body moved to pull on a sweater, but her mind and her stare were still blank. “Pregnant.” she whispered quietly to herself. She wasn’t upset in the least, no, she loved babies. However she was confused, and worried for  Étienne. When she came back around she walked to him and pulled him into a second hug, squeezing tight, simply hiding her face against his chest.

“Are you okay? Have you figured out what you want to do? I…she’s mine right?” she asked quietly, glancing up again, a look of both excitement and fear on her face. “I um…I stand behind whatever you want to do.” she said, nodding quickly. “And…and this can change everything or nothing. I don’t want you to feel forced by anything. I’ll be here no matter what, you know that.” she rambled, sounding a bit like an excited puppy.

Étienne sighed deeply at the hug, burying his face in her hair. It felt good. Sharing. But it also made it so real. He nodded at her question. He hadn’t slept with anyone since their night, and besides, the date made it obvious who the other parent was. “I don’t know what I want to do,” He murmured. “I was expecting a bad stomach bug.”

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riversmacgyver

Rivers stayed cuddled up, listening to his weak answer. She even rolled her eyes some as she looked up at him. “That sounds fake, but okay.” She said, feigning pulling away. “I would like you a lot better if you were honest you know.” she said, nodding as she pulled away, moving back to the kitchen as she prepared to make soup for  Étty. “I mean I told you when I had herpes.” She joked, trying to lighten the mood for the other. She adjusted her robe some after she finally got the pot on the stove.

“If it’s an STD or something, it’s not from me. I have my papers, henny.” she said, a little worried he was about to tell her she had chlamydia. She would take it though. After all, it wasn’t his fault. He was always innocent in her eyes. Even if it was a little too romantic to say out loud. Once everything was set up she moved to her bedroom, continuing to talk as she lazily got dressed. “Do you have fleas?”

Étienne sucked on his lower lip, just watching her as he spoke. It was easier as she moved towards her bedroom; he stood with his back towards her. He couldn’t see her, and for the first time since the doctor’s announcment, he felt some sort of relief. He realised, however, that she’d stopped talking several seconds ago; leaving a silence she had expected him to fill.

“No, it isn’t anything like that,” He said softly, scratching his wrinkled forehead in thought - a frown upon his face. “It’s... I’m pregnant.” The spoken words hit him like a sucker punch right in the gut; as if it made it truly real. Swallowing hard, he fought the urge to sprint back to the toilet. His hands were shaking as he kept his focus on the tea pot, hoping Rivers hadn’t actually heard him.

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riversmacgyver

Rivers finally stilled when he entered the room. They placed the pot down on the counter. “You look scared, why?” she whispered, rubbing her hands together. Now she was nervous. She and  Étienne had gotten along so well for so many years. It was the only reason the pair were still roommates. And as long as they’ve known one another, they hid nothing from one another.  She bit at her lower lip for a moment before she moved to the man, wrapping her arms around his middle.

“What did the doctor say?” She asked. “You know no matter what I’ll help you. I mean I’ve always put you before me. I don’t want you to think that I would ever change that.” she breathed. She felt herself starting to well up, and silently cursed what estrogen was doing to her. It wasn’t her fault, all she could think of was the worst. And if such a thing did happen, she knew she would quickly be the Juliet to his Romeo. After all who would she have if he was gone. She gently hid her face in his neck. “Tell me?”

Étienne just shrugged, uncertain how to proceed. He doubted she’d leave. But at the same time, he’d never ever thought he’d be in this position, so anything felt possible. The doctor had assured him that an abortion was still possible; he was around seventeen weeks pregnant. Twenty-four was the maximum before it would have to be some sort of emergency. But that thought made him just as ill. What if she wanted that? He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it. Would that mean they would part ways? He wasn’t sure he’d be able to go through that either.

“Uh, it’s just... a cold,” He said finally, trying to look as casual and honest as possible. “Apparently it’s a really bad one... I mean, there’s a bunch of people with small children at the show, so I probably got it that way. They tend to be the worst,” He said with a pale chuckle.

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riversmacgyver

Rivers had been noticing something up with Étienne lately. He would hardly cuddle without getting annoyed. He was throwing up often, and still gaining weight. She had tried her best to try and convince him to just visit a doctor, telling him it’s better to know that it’s nothing than not know it’s something. She was glad when he finally complied, even offering to join. She ended up staying at home with the cat however, sleeping well through her alarm. It didn’t matter much. She didn’t have a show until late that night anyway.She jumped a little when she heard the door open however. Lazily the woman got up, wrapped up in only her robe. She took a few minutes to feed the cat, wanting to give Étienne all the privacy he needed, that was until she heard all the vomiting. She rubbed at her tired face and moved to the bathroom, peeking her head in. “Hey…” she said, her voice still sleepy as she reached out to rub slowly at his back. “Do you need anything, honey?” she asked,  even leaning down to kiss at his head. “Tea, milk?” she asked. She hardly even noticed how unwanted she was, too worried about her baby.  "Maybe you should call off and get some rest, hm? We can watch those French movies I don’t understand.“ she offered more, before she finally stood tall again, leaning back and watching him. Rivers was worried to say the least. After all this was her best friend. She could hardly bare it when he had a sniffle, this was so much more. "Soup? How about soup?” she offered, before rushing off to search the cabinets for what they may have. “Fuck.” She grumbled quietly to herself after finding no ingredients. She automatically felt useless, but pushed on to try and figure out what she’d do, hardly noticing if Étienne had even spoken to her. She was too focused now, trying to do everything she could to help.

Étienne just waved her off, still focused on the toilet beneath his face. But honestly, at this point, he was no longer embarrassed over her seeing him this way so much. It’d just become a thing like everything else. The doctor had said it was expected to pass soon, though. At that thought of that, he let out a choked laugh. Right now, he felt as if the morning sickness was the most harmless thing he’d be going through in the next few months. He’d be more than pleased if it could stay that way. Just some stubborn sickness.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, flushing the toilet before washing his hands. He washed them throughly, listening to Rivers rushing around the kitchen. How was he supposed to tell her this? They’d barely ever mentioned the hook up after the night it happened; and they were getting back to normal after some time not quite knowing how it’d changed their dynamic. And this was much more than a simple hook up. This, if anything, would change their dynamic. It’d change everything.

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iactuallyburncold:

Bold what applies to your muse.

(V: MAIN)

PLACE IN SOCIETY

Financial: Wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

Medical: Fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged

Class or caste: Upper / middle / working / slave / Unsure

Education: Qualified / unqualified / studying

Criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes  / no

FAMILY

Married - happily / Married - unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated

Has a child or children / has no children / wants children

Close with sibling(s) / Not close with sibling(s) / Has no siblings

Orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parents

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

Extroverted / Introverted / in between

Disorganised / Organised / in between

Close minded / Open minded  / in between

Calm / Anxious / in between

Disagreeable / Agreeable / in between

Cautious / Reckless / in between

Patient / impatient / in between

Outspoken / Reserved / in between

Leader / follower / in between

Empathetic / Unempathetic / in between

Optimistic / pessimistic / in between

Traditional / modern / in between

Hard working / lazy / in between

Cultured / un-cultured / in between / unknown

Loyal / disloyal / unknown 

Faithful / unfaithful / unknown

BELIEFS:

Monotheist / polytheist / atheist  / agnostic

Belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in an afterlife:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in reincarnation:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in aliens:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

Philosophical: yes / no

OPINIONS

Pro-suicide / anti-suicide / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-euthanasia / anti-euthanasia / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-choice / anti-abortion /  doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-marriage / anti-marriage / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-death penalty / anti-death penalty / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-drug legislation / anti-drug legislation / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-murder / anti-murder / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-cannibalism / anti-cannibalism / doesn’t know or on the fence

Left wing / right ring / middle / doesn’t know or on the fence 

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

Straight / Bisexual / Gay

Sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable

Romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable

Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

Potential sexual partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

Potential romantic partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

ABILITIES

Combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS

Drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Medicinal drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Indulgent food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

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knock, knock

For the last month or so, something had been... odd, almost wrong. He’d been sick a lot as a kid, his immune system had never really been that strong, so despite having his close friends insist it was doctor-worthy... Étienne had chosen to ignore it. He figured it was just one of those things. It didn’t happen as much as whe he was a kid, but it definitely wasn’t uncommon for him to be a bit under the weather. But as he started feeling bloated and his stomach was starting to show signs of being bloated... it was hard not to worry. It was new in a way that made him feel uncertain, like it was just more than a bad case of an autumn cold. But not having it checked out made him just as nervous; what if it was stomach cancer or something like that? It’d be better to have it looked at than let it show itself. By then, it might be too late.

The good part about being on Broadway was having no trouble at all booking an appointment during a time when most weren’t able to; because of normal work hours or such. The bad part was that he didn’t really have a choice about going on tonight, despite the appointment he’d just left. Not even the time it’d taken to get back home seemed to help the anxious pounding in his chest. Like the sickess he felt in stomach hadn’t been enough. He barely noticed his surroundings, drumming with his legs during the whole ride back from the doctor’s. Leavign the subway, he bumped into at least three people; but barely noticed it or their annoyed mutters.

But at least he could get rid of the sick feeling by shuffling into the bathroom as soon as he came home, emptying his belly of the little food he’d been able to eat. It wasn’t until he was on his knees, face hovering over the toilet as he realised there’d been no need to unlock the front door. That meant Rivers was home. The mere thought of having to face her right ow only made him heave once again. No, the anxiety was much harder to get rid of. And the worst part was that it wasn’t anything a nap could help. 

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